My Solar Return is tomorrow, but there are some pleasant things I am noting about today. The Sun in Capricorn has been good to me this year, and I feel blessed with gifts, abundance, and enlivenment by it ( Read more... )

I have moments of relief to be alone, I'll admit. Like being out today buying stuff, and looking forward to hanging out with Corey. It's not a feeling of, "Good, he's gone." I still love him and look forward to seeing him. It's just healthy alone time. We touched base in the late afternoon as he was about to get in the car to go to Brunswick beach ( Read more... )

I'm glad to have spent the night with Adolpho. It was nice to ring in the new year with someone I love, even if I was being attached to that arbitrary threshold. This time of year is a bit fragile for me and I am grateful for things going differently this year ( Read more... )

I am feeling surges of suicidiality today and I know it's because of things that are being ignored or postponed within myself. It's that wire of insecurity, insufficiency and fear that likes to short circuit when I'm tired or being challenged ( Read more... )

It's past noon on Boxing Day and I'm still in bed. Feeling very reflective which has perhaps been needed more than I realized recently. Been so focused on my relationship and trying to not be alone this holiday season that I haven't been willing to turn inward enough. It's because there's a lot of grief in there ( Read more... )

I find myself feeling a lot of anxiety today... anxiety that arises when there is nothing happening, when there is nothing to fill the space with. I am driven to stay busy in order to tell myself that I'm OK. There is a fear to face the underlying emptiness that I am experiencing in my life. The fear stems from not really knowing what I'm doing in ( Read more... )

My trip down to Seattle with Adolpho was an unexpected intersection in my life that I decided to roll with. This wonderful yet unpredictable man who has entered my life is challenging most of my structures and preconceptions about every aspect of my life he touches -- and he is welcome. Something told me that the trip down was necessary, either for ( Read more... )

"If you can feel these things with the man we know as Will Riker, then accept them. Accept the love. - Troi to Crusher in "The Host ( Read more... )

The key to healthy relationships is turning insecure attachment styles into secure attachment styles. When you're insecure, something you need to survive becomes tied to the other person, or they may feel you have something they need to survive. In turn, they feel they owe you a relationship for getting that thing from you, or that they need to ( Read more... )

- the cyanide experiment: wanting to have an out so that I feel safe to live (it's actually about life, not suicide ( Read more... )