(Untitled)

[geoffreywilimek]

Holy shit I am fucked up. I have no idea where I am right now. I am so out of touch. I feel deep waves of sadness. I dread thought... introspection. I am uncomfortable to be anywhere. Nothing is it, what I need. I am anxious. I am on the verge of tears. Nothing is home. Nothing is here with me. Helplessness is spinning her web around me. I am

Comments

[pinkheart]

Scary. I've felt that way before. You aren't alone.

The way out will appear when you're ready to allow it.

[pinkheart]

That last sentence doesn't do what I'm thinking justice, but nothing really does. It's ineffable, and the more I try to describe it the more my words just become part of the trap.

[geoffreywilimek]

Yeah totally. I was so fucking sad at that moment. And only the first words poured out.... the more I wrote the more I felt distanced from understanding

[pinkheart]

That's hard. That's really fucking hard. It's completely understandable that it's affecting you deeply. Of course it's devastating. No amount of preparation can prevent this kind of hurting.

I agree. Love does demand faith. Without it, there is no intimacy. And no, intimacy is not safe. It's a very scary thing for a lot of people because of what is at risk. Being intimate means being vulnerable to the kind of pain you're experiencing right now, and a lot of people do anything possible to avoid that kind of pain... even if it means not ever experiencing real intimacy. It's understandable, but still very tragic.

Please allow yourself to feel the pain as deeply as possible. Cry as much as you can. Feel as much as you can; think as little as possible. I've found that thinking during these times is what creates the "web" as you call it (I call it the whirlpool.)