Closed Doors - Chapter 8/10
"Dude, you got the dogs in the car?"
Jensen’s voice reached Jared as soon as he had come back into the house. "Yeah!" he shouted back in the direction of the stairs where Jensen’s voice had come from. A second later his friend came down, holding Jared’s bag in one hand and the bag with the dog stuff in the other.
"Harley still doesn’t like the new travel boxes, but they’re safely in them now," Jared explained as Jensen handed over the two bags and turned around to his own room. "You got Harley’s medicine, just in case he gets sick again?"
Jensen nodded before he vanished inside his room and Jared brought the bags outside and put them into his car.
They were going to spend Christmas together. Or better, the Ackles family was going to spend Christmas at Jared’s home. Their mothers had come up with the idea, completely enthralled about bringing the families together, celebrating as one. And although the reason for this was why Jensen was hurting, Jared couldn’t be any happier about it. This was his very idea of a perfect Christmas. All his loved ones around him, a huge family gathering at home and almost two weeks of nothing better to do than eat and be together.
When he came back into the house the second time, Jensen was putting on his shoes and jacket, his own two bags (one with his clothes, one with all the presents for the family) next to the door.
"You’re ready?" Jared asked playfully, but really wanting to know if Jensen was able to face their families once again.
But to Jared’s surprise, Jensen smiled for real. "Our families together? Are you kidding? Megan and Mackenzie combined for two weeks and our mothers will feed us to death! I can’t wait."
Jared laughed at the image of both of their mothers swirling around in the kitchen, feeding their long-missed sons.
"Okay, Christmas can start, then." Jared locked the door behind them while Jensen was stowing away the last two bags in the backseats and one last time checking on the dogs who where sitting in their boxes in the trunk.
Just before both men were about to get in the car, a UPS van stopped in front of them. "Package for Jensen Ackles," the UPS guy announced, jumping out of the open door of the passengerseat, already holding a not too small package in his hands.
Jensen and Jared shared a look, but Jensen just went up to the guy, signed the ePad and took the package.
The delivery guy said his goodbye and he and the truck were gone in a second.
Jared watched Jensen looking at the carton and then shrugging his shoulders. "No sender."
"Let’s go, you can open it in the car," Jared suggested and seconds later, Jared was driving out of their driveway and heading for the airport.
"So what is it?" He asked his friend when Jensen had succeeded in opening it.
Watching the street, he just could hear his friend gasping and when Jared glanced over, he saw Jensen’s face was beet red and he was staring at the contents of his package.
Looking down on it, Jared couldn’t help but mirror his friend’s sound. The package was stuffed with ... sex toys and the spaces filled with red Christmas paper. Jared could see a Christmas card on top and ... holy shit ... was that a butt plug under the condoms?
Suddenly, Jensen was laughing out loud and when Jared glanced over this time, he could see his friend holding the card.
"What kind of sick joke is this?" Jared asked.
"It’s not a joke," Jensen answered silently and Jared could see his friend close his eyes and exhale loudly, making a sound of deep relief. "It’s just Mike’s way of apologizing. Of saying he’s been an ass and he’s accepting ... me."
Jared was speechless for a minute. Then he started to laugh as well. "Mike sent you sex toys?" he asked in between giggles. "For Christmas?"
Jensen shrugged but a smile was breaking across his face. "Apparently. He say’s he’s sorry, and that he hopes we’ll come see him at his New Year’s party in L.A. Oh, and he asked me to make sure that Chris won’t kill him in his sleep."
That only caused more laughter from Jared. "That guy is something else."
"Yeah, he is," Jensen agreed with an affectionate tone in his voice. Then he groaned and made an attempt to turn around in his seat and put the package in the back. "God, I have to put this away before I start crying over a dildo and a bottle of lube."
Jared’s smile deepened as he watched his friend. He hadn’t seen him this happy in weeks.
***
A day later, it was the first time both men had the house to themselves for what felt like weeks. The parents were gone to the city, making the last big grocery shop before Christmas, Jeff had stayed at his own home and wanted to spend his first own Christmas with his own little family. Josh, Aly and the kids were spending their Christmas with his wife’s family and the girls had taken Harley and Sadie for a long walk outside. So, Jared and Jensen got stuck with scrubbing at a pile of dirty pots and pans that looked like they had been used by an entire army battalion and were struggling with the gruelling task of trying to get them all cleaned by hand before the parents got home.
Jared felt like he was ten years old again and maybe so did Jensen because they both ended up splashing water on each other and trying to hit each other with the towels as hard as they could. Just like Jared and Megan had done when they were little.
"Dude, no! Forget it! No more sugar for you!" Jensen shook his head and shoved Jared away, his short-sleeved-shirt dripping from the water.
"Oh, come on, what’s the point of Christmas if you don’t get to have fun? Please?" Jared shamelessly used his best impression of puppy-dog-eyes to get Jensen to give in. His friend was leaning against the counter and the candy-stash was in the cupboard right above his head.
"No, Jay. The eyes are not working on me. And your mother asked me to make sure that you don’t eat all the candy before dinner. I’m just doin’ what your momma told me, dude."
Jared groaned. "My momma and you? I tell you that combination is more evil than Meg and Mac."
Jensen grinned at that, his best evil grin, and Jared used the moment of surprise and tackled his friend, started to tickle him until he would move away from the counter.
Jensen shrieked and fought back and Jared was as excited as a little kid to make his friend sound like that and totally saved the noises for mocking him later. Right now, there were more important things. Like getting Jensen away from the candy-stash.
"Dude, I will tattle on you to your momma!" Jensen threatened and then started to laugh even more at his words.
But Jared didn’t stop. He tickled him mercilessly and all the while got closer to Jensen until at one point there bodies were flush together and they were panting and laughing in each other’s faces.
This was when Jensen closed his eyes and just stopped and his body went stiff under Jared’s hands. "Jay, too much," Jensen said in a weak tone and Jared immediately drew back, but stayed close to his friend.
There was a flush on Jensen’s face that didn’t come from their fooling around and Jared heard himself speak before he couldn’t think over the words.
"God, Jen, I still can’t believe I can do this to you," he said with awe in voice. "That I can make you feel like this."
They were still very close, their knees touching and Jared’s left hand resting on the counter next to Jensen, just mere inches away from his skin. Jared could hear Jensen’s breath hitch when his friend opened his eyes and found Jared leaning slightly towards him and so close.
Jared just stared at him; took in his flushed cheeks and the freckles standing out and the colour of Jensen’s eyes, darker than usual and the pupils wider.
The truth was, Jared had stopped thinking the second Jensen had opened his eyes and looked at him because there was no logical explanation for why Jared did what he did next.
One hand still on the counter, he reached for Jensen’s left arm, letting his fingertips slide over bare flesh. From right under the sleeve where the skin stretched over the muscles underneath down to his wrist, soft hair tickling at his gentle caress as his fingertips left a trail of goosebumps behind.
"This is ... wow, this is amazing," he heard himself say and had no time to interprete his own words when another idea came to his mind.
A quick glance at his friend’s face told him that Jensen was staring at him, his whole face flushed now and his lips parted.
Jared didn’t let himself think about how this picture made him feel; he drew his hand back and moved it to Jensen’s hips, slipping his fingers under the hem of his shirt.
Jensen gasped and Jared shushed him, too preocupied with what he was doing. He let his fingertips glide over Jensen’s stomach, feeling the skin right above the waistband of his jeans. He was amazed by the way the muscles underneath tensed and released under his touch and how wildly Jensen’s body was moving under Jared’s fingers.
A sharp groan from Jensen made him look up this time, but his fingers continued their game.
"What are you doing, Jay?" Jensen asked, all breath, and heavy lidded eyes looked at him, pupils dilated.
Jared watched him and then he looked down, looked at Jensen’s crotch and could see the swell under the clothes and was still surprised and amazed and even proud that he had caused this.
Jared, somewhere in his mind, knew that he had to stop.
But.he.just.couldn’t.
He moved his leg forward, just a bit so he was brushing against Jensen’s cock underneath his jeans and Jensen moaned and let his eyes fall close.
"No, Jay, no. Stop. No. We can’t." Jensen’s weak protest stayed almost completely unheard and he did nothing to stop Jared from what he was doing.
"Let me do this for you, Jen," Jared said, not sure if he was offering or begging. "Let me make you feel good just this once."
Jensen’s hands were clinging to the counter when Jared started adding pressure to his cock by rubbing slowly against it with his leg. His thumb under Jensen’s shirt was drawing little circles over his skin and Jared was hypnotized by the way Jensen’s face showed his pleasure.
Jensen’s breath was coming short and fast now, mirroring Jared’s movement against his cock and Jared was feeling a little out of breath himself.
This was amazing. His mind couldn’t come up with a better word to describe the way it made Jared feel to watch his friend losing it, thrusting against his leg now, all because of him, because of what he was doing.
"God, you’re so beautiful," Jared whispered and Jensen moaned in reply. Jared shifted closer, adding more friction and getting faster and Jensen started to make little keening noises and Jared could feel his own dick respond, could feel that it had started responding long before that.
Shit.
But this was for Jensen, he told himself, and it was only natural that he also reacted to that. He was young and the noises Jensen made, and the way his skin felt under his touch, and being so warm and smooth and being Jensen ... oh, fuck.
"Open your eyes," Jared demanded suddenly. "Come on, look at me."
He leaned forward, his hardened cock now brushing against Jensen’s hips and Jensen was groaning out loud and his hand came up and twisted in Jared’s shirt, trying to get him even closer.
Jared heard a moan and wasn’t quite sure if it had came out of his mouth this time.
"Open your eyes, man," Jared said again. "God, I wanna see. I wanna see you losing it for me."
Jensen hissed, opened his dark pooled eyes and bit down on his lower lip and Jared lost it.
Groaning loudly this time, Jared moved forward and all pretence that this was just for Jensen and that he didn’t want this for himself vanished as he pressed his lips to Jensen’s. Jensen’s mouth opened under him, let him in immediately and their tongues met; wet and hungry and ohsoperfect like they had been starving for it.
Jensen’s body responded just as fast when Jared grabbed his hips and heaved him up on the counter. Jensen’s legs wrapped around his waist, pulling Jared even closer, and their cocks brushed against each other, only seperated by thin fabric.
Both men groaned in their kiss. Jared had his hands on Jensen’s face now, cupping his cheeks and angling his head in all the right directions. Jensen’s were still buried in Jared’s shirt, still tugging, still drawing him closer.
They rocked and thrusted against each other in a wild rhythm, lost in too much lust to slow down.
And they never stopped kissing. They devoured each other’s mouths, biting, licking; one giving as much as the other.
It was messy and crazy and Jared could hear the pots on the counter rattle, but the panting and moaning and the slick, wet sound of their kisses were so much sweeter.
Jared felt himself go rigid, felt his own orgasm building up so very fast and he had to break the kiss, had to break away from Jensen’s mouth just to breathe and then he started biting and licking over the smooth skin on Jensen’s neck and he heard Jensen groan and moan in response and he thrust even faster, wanting to come, needing to come.
When the orgasm ripped through him, his body went still, but Jensen didn’t stop moving, using his legs around Jared’s waist to rock against him and Jared could only hold on, could only breathe and groan and say ‘Fuck, fuck’ before he came back to his senses just enough to watch Jensen, to see Jensen. And that was enough to lean forward again, to pull the other man back into a sloppy, wet, perfect kiss and right then it felt like heaven and Jared didn’t know how he would ever be able to stop kissing him.
Jensen’s movements grew faster, more desperate, and he was breathing Jared’s name into his mouth as he was jerking and shaking and shooting his own load into his pants.
Jared had his hands on Jensen’s face again, kissing him more gently now, sweeter, as both men were still riding out the aftershocks of their orgasms.
"Jared," Jensen whispered, kissing Jared long and deep and touching the skin on Jared’s neck.
Suddenly, he took in a sharp breath, started panting again, but not from lust this time, and he shoved Jared away and jumped from the counter, swaying a little before he was standing on his own two feet.
Jensen looked terrified. "What have we ... ?" he started.
Jared looked at him, realization only coming back to him very slowly. What had he done?
"Oh god, oh god, oh god."
Jared could tell that Jensen was about to start shaking any moment now, the freak out and the panic hanging so low in the air he could taste it.
"Jen, listen," Jared took a step forward, a hand raised, trying to reach his friend.
"What part of no don’t you understand?!" Jensen yelled, his voice sounding loud and weak and angry and broken all at the same time. "Why are you doing this to me? After all you know?"
Jared couldn’t answer. He couldn’t even wrap his mind around what just had happened, didn’t know where to start thinking.
Jensen gave him one last, horrified look and staggered out of the kitchen but Jared didn’t follow.
Jared came back to life when he heard the dogs and their sisters on the doorstep of the front porch. He quickly made his way up to his room, locked the door and changed out of his now sticky clothes.
His heart was beating furiously in his chest. He had no idea where Jensen was, probably in his guest room at that moment, but it was like his presence was lingering everywhere in this house, suffocating him. The knowledge of what they’d done, what he had done; was weighing in him and he didn’t have time to process it all before his sister was knocking on his door.
"Jay! Open up!"
"Go away." Jared was pacing in his room. What the hell had just happened? Why hadn’t he stopped?
He was pretty sure he had been one hundred percent straight when he had woken up this morning.
Minutes ago he had gotten off with his best friend.
Jared had no clue what had happened in between.
"Jay! I mean it! Open up!" His sister’s voice was getting the tone his mom always used when she wanted to get through to him.
Jared made two steps, unlocked the door and ripped it open. "What!?"
Not reacting to his angry outburst, she gently pushed the dogs to the side and snuck into his room, closing the door behind herself again.
"So, what happened?"
Jared didn’t answer. The question unleashed something in his mind and he didn’t know if he was ready to face it just yet.
"We heard you guys shouting from outside. You okay?" She gave him a concerned look.
Jared froze. "What did you hear?"
"Just shouting," she answered, irritated. "Jay, what the hell happened between you two?"
Jared turned around and buried his face in his hands. "Meg, just leave it, okay? We had a fight. It’s nothing, okay?" The words came out harsher than he had inteded, but he was freaking out and he didn’t want his sister to know, too.
"Jay."
"Meg, please!" Jared was shouting now but his sister was not standing back.
"Momma and Dad are gonna be back soon and everyone will notice that something’s wrong. You can talk to me now and I will see what I can do or Momma’s gonna make you talk."
Jared looked down at his sister and knew she was serious. It was something the Padalecki children had always done. If one of them had a problem the others would cover it up and try to solve it before their parents got involved.
"I can’t, Meg," Jared replied weakly. He stopped pacing and let himself fall down on his old chair, too small now for his frame, but he couldn’t care less.
"I can’t tell you everything, Meg, please."
And this time it was like she was seeing something in his pleading eyes that made her nod and give in. "Okay. But Jay, ... whatever happened, please, fix this. There’s something between you, that’s ... . Just don’t let it get destroyed."
Jared forced himself to nod and it felt like one of the hardest things he had ever done.
***
Jared couldn’t tell if only minutes had passed or even an hour when the door opened again and Jensen walked in, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it. He looked exhausted and nervous, his eyes wandering through the room; something he normally did around strangers and TV cameras, not around Jared.
"Tell me what happened out there, Jay," Jensen whispered. "Because I have no idea."
Staring down at the floor, Jared stayed silent. He felt like if he looked up, if he finally saw Jensen, he would seal it, would make it real somehow, more real than he was maybe able to handle.
Jensen waited patiently for an answer. "I’m sorry, I yelled at you," he said after several minutes had passed and Jared had given no explenation.
Jared looked up and met his friend’s eyes.
Nothing was like it had been before. Jared’s world had changed in a blink of an eye. He could still feel Jensen’s lips on his, still recall the exact feeling of Jensen’s skin against his tongue. And he looked.so.good. He looked like home, like warmth, like everything Jared could ever even imagine to want.
He wasn’t aware of the tears at first, his own tears, streaming down his face, until he could feel the lump in his throat and the burning in his chest. Because it was all too much to process at once.
"Shit, Jay," Jensen started, and made two steps towards him. "It wasn’t fair to yell at you. God, I’m sorry, man. I can’t even ... , I don’t know ... ." He sighed deeply, running one hand through his short hair, lost for words.
"I’m not strong enough for this, Jay," he admitted in a serious tone. "You can’t ... play games, man. My selfcontrol ends somewhere, Jay. And I can’t let this thing get between us. I can’t lose you, okay? I’m not strong en... ."
"I love you, Jensen."
Both men stared; Jensen at Jared and Jared at nothing but empty space right in front of him. There was no mistaking Jared’s words, the weight of the confession still hanging in the air.
"Jay?" It was a question and an automatic response of pure shock at the same time.
"And you know what the worst part is?" Jared asked, fighting back more tears. "I have been for awhile."
Jensen’s eyes grew even wider.
"But my mind kept telling me that it was a good thing that I didn’t love you, because then I could still touch you, could still be close to you." Jared’s voice had dropped lower and sounded wrecked, trying to speak around the tightness in his chest, pressing the words out of his throat. "And all this time I didn’t recognize it for what it was: that I was already in too deep. I already loved you too much so my mind kept telling me all these lies so I wouldn’t lose you."
The two men stared at each other finally, strong emotions evident on their faces. It looked like Jensen was struggling to keep standing.
"I don’t know what I’m doing, Jen."
He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to get out of this chair and pull Jensen into his arms and not think about who or where they were and just.take.
What he wanted. What Jensen wanted.
But he stayed in his chair, unable to make that step, just staring at Jensen.
"What are we gonna do?" Jared asked, still crying and he didn’t feel ashamed about this; just a side note in this mess, and his body was trembling with exhaustion.
But Jensen didn’t answer, didn’t move at all, until a sudden jolt seemed to travel through him. He sucked in a sharp breath and shook his head, sad and anxious. "I don’t know what to do, Jay. I can’t ... can’t do this."
When Jensen left the room and left him alone, Jared knew everything. He could understand the panic Jensen had gone through when he had learned he loved someone he shouldn’t. He could imagine the exact pain that was tearing him up inside; not knowing what hurt more: being around him or staying away. He could feel what it meant to love someone you could never have.
Because now Jared stood exactly where Jensen was standing.
***
"And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away"
Jensen just walked, ignoring the dogs and everything else around him. Mackenzie shot him a confused look as he brushed past her and Harley barked loudly when Jensen ran down the stairs and out the door.
He was out of the house and down the street in no time, walking off like a maniac, a distant voice inside his head hoping that no one had noticed.
It wasn’t exactly cold outside, but the sky was cloudy and with no jacket, Jensen started to get cold. He knew he had to get back into the house soon.
The house with Jared in it.
Jared loved him.
Jensen really tried to convince himself that it didn’t change a thing. They couldn’t be together before, when Jensen had thought the feelings weren’t mutual, and they couldn’t be together now. Jensen had never expected or hoped to have Jared in any other way than just as a friend. He’d never considered it, never had allowed himself to dwell on the what-ifs and maybes so there could be nothing that was taken away from him now.
And now it felt exactly like something was taken from him.
It felt like Jensen was offered his whole world on a plate, and the second he wanted to reach out, to take it, someone took it away again. Not out of sight, but so far out of reach that Jensen could still smell, still almost taste it on his tongue.
His momma had tought him many important things, but one always stayed in his conscious mind. Don’t you ever deny who you are or what you want. You might not be able to have everything, but denial is like hiding a part of yourself, taking away something that defines you.
Jensen had always been proud to be able to follow that advice. But that day he knew he had reached a time when he couldn’t do it any longer.
It wouldn’t be enough to admit his feelings to himself. It wouldn’t be enough just to admit them and not do anything because he knew he couldn’t have this. He had to deny how much he wanted Jared, how much he didn’t care that he might be his cousin, that he was this close to take what he wanted and stop caring about everything else but them. He had to deny and if it would mean that he was throwing himself away, piece by piece, until he had disapeared completely.
***
By dinnertime, Jared had calmed down and made his way downstairs to join the rest of the family. Harley and Sadie were the first to notice him; they met him halfway down the stairs, greeting their daddy like they hadn’t seen him in years.
"Hey, you two." Jared bent down briefly to rub both of their bellys and then went into the kitchen where his and Jensen’s mom where preparing dinner and chatting.
"Hey, honey, you okay?" His mother went over to him quickly, feeling his forehead with her warm hand and Jared sighed deeply. One touch from his mother and he wanted to cry and tell her everything that was on his mind. But not this time. He bit down on his tongue, trying to get his selfcontrol back.
"The girls said you’re not feeling well. Has your headache gone? You don’t have a fever, yet, huh?"
"I don’t know," Jared answered vaguely and as close to the truth as he could manage. Silently, he thanked the girls for lying for him.
"Hope you’re not getting sick, Jared." Donna made a concerned face. "First Jensen at Thanksgiving and now you at Christmas." She shook her head. "You guys work too much, really. As soon as you’re home and have time to relax, your body feels it and takes back what it needs, forcing you to lie down and rest."
"Maybe you’re right," Jared answered weakly but his smile for her was real. Jensen’s mom was just like his own, always wanting the best for her children, always concerned about their well-being.
"Where are the others?" he asked as casually as possible.
"The kids are in the living room, watching some Christmas movie and your dad and Alan are outside, setting the last Christmas lights up," Jared’s mom explained. She had turned around and continued slicing the onions at a speed that would have made a professional cook sweat.
Jared smiled at the term ‘kids’ for the four grown men and women in the other room and felt a little weight lift from his heart. "You need some help in here?" he asked the two woman who looked surprisingly well choreographed, walking around each other in the kitchen, slicing and mixing and cooking, like they were doing it together all the time.
"Nah, honey. You go sit down in the living room and rest. We’ll call when we need help setting the table."
Jared nodded and left the two women in the kitchen.
***
Sitting with his brother, sister, Jensen and his siblings in the living room, watching TV, was a nightmare, dinner after that a disaster.
Jared was ready to burst out of his skin. He couldn’t sit still, could barely keep control. He wanted to scream, kick and punch around himself like he was a little, angry kid. But his whole world felt like it was falling apart right in front of his eyes and he was being forced to sit at a dinner table and pretend everything was fine.
He just couldn’t deal with it. He had fallen in love with his best friend, that much he knew. It was like a light had been switched on and he could finally see what had been hidden inside him for quite a while now. He was in love with Jensen, and the fact that he was a guy and his friend, would have been enough to tilt his world on its axis, but he would have been able to figure that out, to deal with it and make it work, somehow, because there was no doubt that Jared wanted Jensen. In all ways possible.
But then he glanced over to his friend and saw the well hidden pain in Jensen’s eyes and he remembered that they didn’t have a shot at this. Watching Jensen suffer because of this, day after day, Jared knew that, even if he himself didn’t care if they were related or not, Jensen would never allow this to happen and that, even now, he didn’t know if Jensen could ever forgive him for what he had done, how far he had let it go or if they could ever return to being friends again.
Jared felt so lost and his heart was breaking all over again when he thought about the fact that Jensen had been going through all of this for weeks.
He soon excused himself from the table, telling the others he had a headache again, and stayed in his room for the rest of the night.
***
Twelve minutes after two a.m., Jared gave up on trying to get some sleep and decided that maybe it was safe for him to go down to the kitchen and find himself something to eat. He wasn’t really hungry, but he figured it might help with the insomnia.
Carefully, he walked down the hall and the stairs, only switching on a light when he had reached the kitchen.
Jared was staying in his old room during the holidays. Megan and Mackenzie were sleeping together again in Megan’s room. Donna and Alan were sleeping in the guestrooms; Jensen had taken Jeff’s old room. So, unlike their stay at the Ackles’ home, no one was sleeping in the living room and Jared was thankful for that. Other than Harley and Sadie who were looking up at him briefly and turning back to sleep, no one noticed his night-time trip downstairs. The dogs had stayed with the others when Jared had locked himself in his room; he hadn’t wanted them to stay in a small room with their daddy all sad and quiet.
Jared went over to the fridge and found some cold chicken leftovers he could eat.
He had been in the kitchen for ten minutes and finished half the chicken on his plate when he heard someone else coming down.
A heartbeat later, Jensen was standing right in front of him, looking like he hadn’t slept at all.
"From the first day I met you I was afraid I would fall in love with you," Jensen said with a low voice and like he was continuing a conversation that had never ended. "But I never thought I would fear that you could love me back."
"Too late," Jared told him after a long silence.
Jensen took a deep breath, his eyes cast to the side and he was slowly shaking his head again. "I don’t know ... I don’t even know what to think, Jay."
"I know what you mean," Jared reassured him but Jensen kept on talking, like the words were hurting, trapped inside his chest and he had to get them out.
"This has never been an option, I never thought I could have ... . You loving me was never an option and now?"
"I know, Jen."
Jared felt a sudden calmness floating through his veins, easing all the pain. It was like a reaction to Jensen’s nervousness; like whenever one of them was going into one direction, the other one naturally became the counterpart. When one of them got weak, the other one had to be strong.
They had always worked this way. They had fit like this from the very beginning.
"I know I should draw a line here, I know."
Jared had gotten up from the table and walked over to Jensen, taking his steps slowly.
"This cannot happen, I know that, we’re related."
"We don’t know for sure, yet," Jared whispered as he stood right in front of his friend, taking in the color of his eyes as he looked up to him and he didn’t remember what had made him come over in the first place.
"It doesn’t matter, Jay. We might be. We might, that should be enough." Jensen inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a brief moment. "I know that I should really go now. But I wanna kiss you so bad."
Jared was surprised how his heart suddenly fluttered and his knees felt weak under him. "Yeah, me too," he heard himself say next and then he didn’t know who had made the final step, who had leaned forward first.
He felt Jensen’s soft lips against his own, and with a sigh, he leaned into the kiss and let himself take what he wanted.
The kiss was tender and careful, every bit as a first kiss should have been. They were taking their time to learn each other; Jensen nibbling on Jared’s lower lip, Jared’s tongue teasing Jensen, asking for permission.
Jared’s hands were slowly finding their way into Jensen’s hair; one playing with the soft strands, the other rubbing gently against the dip of his neck.
When Jensen finally let him in, Jared made a low moan and took a deep breath through his nose, inhaling Jensen’s unique sent; musky and hints of aftershave and soap, and he was already addicted to the mix of smells and tastes and feelings.
Their tongues met in the wet, soft heat and started a gentle caress. No fighting for dominance, no pushing, just like they wanted to learn every inch of each other; like they were trying to save this, knowing, they couldn’t keep it.
When the lights in the living room were turned on, both men jumped, stepped away from each other and gasped in shock.
"Why are you both up so late?" Mackenzie asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes like a little girl. She passed the boys with lazy steps and went over to the fridge, obviously not aware of what had just happened right in this kitchen a minute ago.
"Guys, you should sleep, really. Our parents are going to make us all go get the tree tomorrow at the ass-crack of dawn. And then half the state will be here for family dinner. Trust me, you’ll need sleep."
Both men just managed a nod and went back up the stairs.
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