For the last 20 minutes, The Woman Who Sits Next To Me At Work has been blasting (and I mean, buh-lasting) a Russian disco version of "Gonna Fly Now" (the theme from the Rocky movies) through her headphones.

I'm thinking about downloading "A Fifth of Beethoven" and starting an interoffice disco remix duel.

Like correctly guessing last night's lottery numbers, I always come up with Halloween costumes at the worst time. Like, a full year before Halloween.

I just came up with this costume idea today and can't wait to wear it in 11 months: next year for Halloween, I'm going to go as Guy Getting a Bowl Cut.

All I need is a pair of clippers like thisAnd ( Read more... )

My new thing is to tell an absolutely flat, purposefully unfunny joke and then follow it up with a dramatic fake laugh. The exaggerated fake laugh punctuates just how awful the joke was and ends up being the true punchline ( Read more... )

According to a Buffalo Wild Wings press release posted in the neighborhood blog section at The New York Times website today, the Wild Wings franchise up the street from me in Brooklyn has a 40-cent wings special on Tuesday nights ( Read more... )

I was invited to a pretty neat party last weekend and had fun for the short time I was there. What wasn't the best, though, was that everyone started singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall just as I arrived. I can appreciate the concept and the commitment and there really were 99 bottles of beer on the wall, but still ( Read more... )

This month's mix is called October 2009 Mix. It's kind of a timeless naming convention, so why mess with it?

Here's why the October 2009 Mix is right for you ( Read more... )

I was joined by an interesting woman while waiting for a bus last night. She was about 5'4" tall and, generously, 220 pounds. Perfectly round and dressed in a black-on-black sweatpants jump suit, she had to lean back to waddle briskly to the bus stop. The woman was sweating like a stutterer at a speed dating hookup and made it difficult for me to ( Read more... )

Avi decided that she wants to be a bumble bee for Halloween this year and that her sister, Lilly, should go as honey. I need to sit down for a minute. The overwhelming cuteness is making me light-headed.

I'd like to nominate the one where someone sarcastically points out that the fat ass at McDonald's just ordered one of everything on the menu, then added a Diet Coke as the most played out joke of all time. Any other contenders ( Read more... )

One of these days, I'm going to invent technicolor tinted glasses that make everything look like it's being captured on Kodachrome film. Everything will look 1950s romantic and well manicured. Everyone I see will always be well dressed in pressed shirts, pocket squares and pleated skirts (not all at once ( Read more... )