( a survery )

okay, about that last entry. im checking out a new therapist on monday and im on another new prescription. i did get sick in mr. lee's class today (that man must think i am the most sickly girl in thw world) but it passed by mod three. my cancer (the lump on my neck) has been there for over a week now. im keepin an eye on it. but i hope i get ( Read more... )

I want my own fucking friends. I want to go out with people who would much rather be with me than with nic. possibly dont even know him. Cause compared to him, i am a pile of dogshit. people dont choose dogshit over nick. everyone loves him everyone thinks hes so fucking gorgeous. i want friedns! i want to be able to not hang around him and that ( Read more... )

"Suprising that all that sex with meredith hasnt made you any better."

Hands running down fishnet legs
and platinum curls stiff as a rock.

legs spread.

eyes open and painted a rainbow
of oranges and red.

Stand still.

Be beautiful.

Stand still.

Be used.

Stand still.

Be a goddess in white silk
or satin.

As the lighting goes off all around.

You are immortal.

My mother thinks im a joke. "You wouldnt need a psychiatrist if you did what i told you to do." I think i do need help. I think i need alot of it. And right now i relly want to go to the dollar store. Buy a pack of carpet knives and slit my wrists. My mother makes me want to die. Because she makes me nothing. Thats how she treats me. This is all so ( Read more... )

"Her eyes are beautiful" i thought to myself as released my back and stirred my coffee. I don't know why i have this habit. Of stirring it all the time, i drink it black. Black and that is all. I sit and read in this place while the sun sets everyday ( Read more... )

I am dead. I am dying. There is nothing on the inside. I need someone to save me. and sadly i think i know the only person who can. Think about it a bit. Im doomed. This must be depression. This has to be it. I dont know why i am like this. And then i try to think why i should be like this, a reason, and it depresses me more. But what i think isnt ( Read more... )

so. he got it like an hour after i sent it. and i got no response. leave it to me to feel like an ass. like i dont matter. like i am nothing. i guess ill call him eventually. cause, i want to get it out of the way. it sits here in front of my head all the time. and i need to get everything straightened out. its awful. cause i miss him a whole lot ( Read more... )

Today i met a man who lives a greyscale life

who dreams in techinicolor

and thinks in black and white.

He dreams one day hell learn to fly

and see the world

fron such great heights,

but down here below

on this mound of ice,

he finds all thats true

is he is going to die.