i keep discovering and in that mix of confusion and the urge to perge the obscene i find myself sitting exactly where i've always been. Contemplating the same thoughts, making the same excuses and somehow having the same revelations. It's apparent to me that i'm living a life i've forgotten. It's time to move forward and build upon the foundation i ( Read more... )

sometimes i can't be satisfied with your words ( Read more... )

My life in a sense has shifted so greatly i dont even know what happened. Nor why i chose to do things the way i did. Wait. Yes i do know why. I have to be honest with myself and others, and apparently this personality trait will cause me emense pain and complicated problems. The trouble i'm having is deciding if it was all worth it. Closure was ( Read more... )

you claim you're online
available
but your face says you are away
a continuous state of away
a false sense of hope
says maybe you are there
screening
waiting for the right time
the right oppertunity
but your face says it all
-away-

seems like i shoudl be completely happy. Everything is going well i can't complain about school, its not terrible. Chrismas is comming and i need to do more shopping but so far i feel fabulous about the gifts i've gotten people. Slowly but surely getting all my college aps done. All of the loves of my life are talking to me and my friendships are ( Read more... )

things are looking up. He finally let me know that he as well as i existed, school doesn't seem so bad, everything is good with friends. On the downside i'm getting fatter. Must stop that immediately. Going to winter which is exciting but dont have a dress must go shopping tomarrow. Next big escapade= shopping for dresses/christmas presents. :) ( Read more... )

WTF!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?! i can't handle life everything is falling apart and every night it gets harder to live and harder to wake up in the morning and every night my world comes crashing down and it makes me physically sick. I dunno how much more i can take.

So this weekend was insane so good yet i was freaking out constantly worrying making myself sick over things i couldn't change. So i did something to try to cope, and it was totally out of character, but i'm not really ashamed, just i dunno...lets just say, people change to cope with things. I finally heard from him so now i feel better, releaved ( Read more... )

lets see this has been a sleepless week, dan has been staying with me, which has been so much fun i'm goign to miss him tonight. *sigh* seems like everything is happeninging without my knowing it but oh well. It happens like that sometimes, um lets see. OH i asked wyatt to winters which will be fun if he says yes cause i feel like he will actually ( Read more... )

You'd think it would be easier ( Read more... )