He is fading away. He is slipping away from us all slowly.
He can no longer stand up on his own and he is starting to hallucinate again. His body is breaking down, bit by bit.
It looks like he has not much time left on this earth.
I actually dared to think that he would make it to Christmas but right now it feels like years until then and he is not ( Read more... )

I can't take much more. I really can't. I have never felt like this before. There is so much weight on my shoulders now and it feels like I'm treading water. It feels like I'm supposed to hold everyone up; my mum, my dad, my sisters. My mum cause she can't handle anything alone it seems. She needs help with almost everything around the house and ( Read more... )

There is no God. There is no God. If there is he or she is one cruel bastard. 
I refuse to believe in anyone who can inflict so much pain and suffering.

We got the news today; there isn't much more they can do for my dad.
It has spread to other parts of his brain now and for the first time the doctor seemed worried and little chocked when she met my ( Read more... )

I'm so tired of this now. I wish I could close my eyes and just sleep for months. But I can't.
I feel like I'm slowly falling apart. Like someone is peeling away pieces of me and it hurts a little every time.
I'm tired of crying and I hate myself every time I cry.

He is getting worse. Each day is a battle. I talked to him on the phone today. His ( Read more... )

My big sister came home this weekend. She hasn't been home since my mum's birthday party. It felt good to see her.
She came alone this time, without her boyfriend.
I went home on Friday as I have done now for the past three weeks and I stayed until Sunday.
I try to spend more time with my dad now.
I wish I could say that things are getting better, ( Read more... )

So I finally got my wish, I have had a wonderful three weeks. The weather hasn't been the greatest but at least I got one week with just sun all the time. I got a nice looking tan. I'm not actually looking like a red pig that I normally do after spending time in the sun.
Almost all last week I spend at my parents house preparing for my mums big ( Read more... )

It's only two working days left until I get three weeks off. I can't wait. My whole body is screaming for rest now. When I sleep I dream these weird dreams so I wake feeling that I never slept anything. 
Everyone I know is going way for the summer or at least doing something fun. I can't do that.
I will spend time with my mum and dad. It's not that ( Read more... )

What I hate most in the world is when you can't trust a person. My sister says that I shouldn't judge people as fast as I do but when a person prove over and over again that I can't trust them well then they are kind of dead to me. Maybe it's a weakness of mine but I can't help it.
My mum is kind of such a person. She doesn't know how to listen so I ( Read more... )

I don't know what to write anymore. There is less and less positive things to write about. I wish I could do this long, long entry about some awesome movie or tv-show but whenever I see one I find that it doesn't really matter anymore.

We have about a year. One year. We met with my dad's doctor today and she said that there is not much more they ( Read more... )

I truly thought that I would make it through this day without feeling that familiar pain in my heart. And I almost made it.
But then I called my dad. They started his chemo today. I talked to him for only ten minutes or so but afterward I felt sick to my stomach. I had this lump in my throat and I stood there at the bus stop and I thought I would ( Read more... )