Brigits_Flame: April- Week 1

[ghostofagypsy]

The rain is beginning to fall in solid sheets.  My face pressed against the sliding glass door feels as if it's melting as one molecule at a time lands at my feet.  "All of these waterlogged nights are drowning me."  I say it like an offhand comment on the downpour in front of me.  Just a mere fact that will become meaningless in the morning when

Comments

[stars_in_return]

*hugs*

[ghostofagypsy]

*hugs*

This is my entry for that contest I mentioned. About to submit it now. *DEEP BREATH!*

[stars_in_return]

That's badass! I love how you described the tears, the soil, and the rainy storm and all of that.

[ghostofagypsy]

Thank you, love. We'll see how I do!

[farranger]

Don't hate me for this, OK?

A quick criticism: this may be more effective, I think, in the third person ("These memories refuse to leave her...", etc.)

Or perhaps--and this would change the form but not the meaning entirely--It'd be interesting to see something address this theme without the human element at all, paradoxical as that sounds. Too much "I", even in a piece of inward reflection, tends to deaden empathy in readers, I think. Write about the ground not having had a drop of water in years, not your skin. The ground IS your skin, but you have taken yourself out of it.

This is a beautiful piece and if you've submitted it, good. Those are just my thoughts, for whatever little they're worth.

[ghostofagypsy]

I appreciate when you give your opinion, I always take something away from it. And, that's not the first time I've gotten a comment about writing in first person. Haha.

However, I wrote the piece this way for a reason. For whatever reason my most emotional pieces always end up coming out in first person. I just think that way. Like, if I specifically want a piece like this to be third person I have to write it in first and then go back and change it. I wanted this piece to be organic. I wrote it, checked it for grammar and spelling mistakes, and submitted it.

I DO, however, really like the idea of taking me out of it and it being more symbolic. But, yes, I've already submitted it. I will play with that in the future, though.

As always, thank you for your input, Rob.

[farranger]

That's all perfectly natural, and like I said, the piece is very good. I was just in a pedantic, pompous mood. Forgive me. ;-)

[ghostofagypsy]

Oh, there's nothing at all to forgive! It's these kinds of comments that help me grow as a writer and I deeply appreciate them.

[ghostofagypsy]

Wow, thank you! It was a very real and emotional write for me, so to know it affected someone else is a wonderful feeling.

[terravayne]

This was beautiful -- the imagery, the present-tense, and that spectacular last line. Gorgeously written.

[ghostofagypsy]

Thank you so much. :)

[bluebirds_sing]

Emotional and beautifully worded. I really enjoyed it!
The line I liked the best: *These memories refuse to leave me and I've been cut so deep I forgot how to bleed.*
Thank you and good luck!
Tina

[ghostofagypsy]

Thank you so much for reading! :)