Brigit's Flame April Week 2 Entry

[ghostofagypsy]

This one is doing double duty as both my NaPoWriMo poem for today (11/30) and my week 2 Brigit's Flame entry.

November Sunflower
Palms stretched out like horizons
absorbing the mid-day sun-
granules of hope settling into the creases.
There is no more fertile soil than her skin,

Her mother swallowed too many sunflower seeds
purchased in convenience store

Comments

[terravayne]

Because by November, she was holding the child-
a bloom out of season.

And she's always been this way- a bit too late.

These are my favorite lines. With so few words, you were able to create so many images. Very well done!

[ghostofagypsy]

Thank you! :) I had a few of these images in my mind from a while back, but wasn't really planning on submitting a poem this week. But, when I finished I just decided to go for it.

[transitiongodin]

Good. Really good.
I like the imagery. I like how it represents seeds in more than one way.

-Leander

[ghostofagypsy]

Thank you for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

[bluebirds_sing]

A bloom out of season who grows in hope… a fascinating way to portray this baby’s birth and her grown-up personality. I really enjoyed it. :)
Tina

[ghostofagypsy]

Thanks so much for reading.

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[transitiongodin]

This is very powerful and beautiful.
I especially liked:
just after the blood red of the sunset
sinks behind the falling leaves of the maple trees.

And in other things, I also really love your journal layout.
:)

-Leander

ps

[transitiongodin]

the above comment was meant as a p.s. by the way, because when I commented before I forgot to mention that, and the journal thing.
lol.
:)

Re: ps

[ghostofagypsy]

Hahaha. Oh, I see.

I'll admit, I was a bit baffled before. Glad you cleared that up!

And, thank you so much. :)

[ghostofagypsy]

Thanks! The compliment on my journal layout really makes me happy. Because I'm a dope at html and it took me nearly 14 hours and a hell of a lot of help from a patient friend to get this thing right. Haha.

Editing

[cedarwolfsinger]

Hello, I am one of your editors for this week. Please note - I go stanza by stanza because that makes sense to me. Also - all my “changes” are merely suggestions. Take from them whatever makes sense to you and disregard whatever does not suit you

Re: Editing

[ghostofagypsy]

Thank you so much for your time and edits!

As far as the subject of the poem...you're right, it is confusing. I think that's largely because I originally wrote it in first person and then suddenly decided to change it. I think I probably would have been better off leaving it as it was. But yes, the subject of the poem was the child. Her mother is only mentioned in the second stanza and there are only two women in the poem.

I think sometimes as a writer, we're so familiar with our own work than when we reread something, we may miss that it could be confusing to someone else. I know I do that all the time. I tend to think if it makes sense in my convoluted brain, it must work for everyone. ;)

Again, thank you for your help. I'll correct all of the grammatical errors you pointed out.