sometimes i feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. like im an oddity that doesnt belong. that just me trying to live my life conflicts with the basic order of things.

yeah so i am sitting here wondering whether or not i should sleep soon. huh? o well so nothings good on tv and thinking lots...i cant wait to hang out with some friends soon, maybe nicole tomorrow??? idk ooooo finding out my days off for this week tomorrow at work. i am so in love with matt its scary lol i cant wait for him to come home :)

yeah so got my new book today, Shadow Kiss. bout 80 pages in, pretty good. me and matthew hung out for the day. it was awesome. we saw "zach and miri make porno" which was hilarious and we ate an did a little shopping. we saw mom and that was cool too.

so today i am feeling better i guess. matt always makes me feel better. like i will always have a warm home waiting for me whenevr. god i love that man. sometimes i wonder if this is the path i am supposed to be on in life. but with matt its like i KNOW this is what i'm supposed to be doing. he is the only thing i am completely comfortable with, ( Read more... )

cant really say that life is all good these days but its not all bad either. me and matt r awesome, no change there. work is work. but sometimes i feel like i am not living my life for me. like i am constantly doing things to impress others and make them sleep better at night. i want to do more to make me happy.

i hate how i am such a huge IDIOT... people never want the same things as me. ever. its always, "gee nancy you sure are swell, but i dont want to be in a relationship right now" or "you're like a sister to me" or "i wicked am into you nancy, lets be together right now" or "lets just have sex" or "...". i hate how this always happens. someone always ( Read more... )

i feel empty, like there is a huge hole in me. i can feel a pain. i am sad and i dont want to feel this way. i dont know why i feel this way. i need help. i dont know what to change to feel good. i feel insignificant. i hav no purpose.

i just feel so replaceable...i feel mad and sad and angry and used and like people can be such morons. i hate friends who discard me, i hate family who discourage me, i hate people who say one thing and do another. why is it ok for u to do it but not me? why do i get punished and teased and broken down, but you can step over me and do the exact ( Read more... )

yeah so last night john broke up with me because he doesnt want a girlfriend right now and doesnt think that our relationship would last how it is right now. thats all good and well. i guess i'll just move on.

so december 3 was the last time i wrote in here...sometimes i think i just get bored of this shit. but then i get curious as to what other people are up to and read their journals, then decide to update my own ( Read more... )