if it makes you less sad, i will die by your hand.
i hope you find out what you are,
i already know what i am.
and if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.
you can tell me how vile i already know that i am.

i'll grow old and start acting my age.
i'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
a crown of gold, a heart that's ( Read more... )

tomorrow is the day.

we will have a new president, i will see a new doctor, i will cry a river and drown the whoooooooole world.

- helen.

p.s.- you're purposefully fucking with me. i know it. i'm losing my head. obama is president YES. beckner is commissioner YES. amendment two passed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

i have an undeniable feeling that this is the week where everything is going to come to a head.

i'm so scared. i dread this week more than anything.

- helen.

my house is like a prison,
and i have the two best and worst jailers in the world.
seriously, being here upsets me so much. the farther away from home i am, the happier i am.

i've woken up to "the funeral" three times in a row and it makes me sad.

i'm on a mission to get thin. safely, of course.

so tired. not literally.

- helen.

oh let me lay down beside my dear friend
who has gone away.
cover me over with dirt and sod,
let me hasten my departure day,
for i long for that day when we'll be dancing on the stormclouds
to shake the rain from the sky onto our graves.
we'll all be waiting for that day.
well will whitmore mixed up some shine,
filled up the jug and met us walkin' ( Read more... )

every time i sing birdsong or butterfly or any music we really worked on at the retreat, i want to cry.

- helen.

i wish i could get my head out of the sand,
'cause i think we'd make a good team,
and you would keep my fingernails clean.
but that's just a stupid dream that i won't realize,
'cause i can't even look in your eyes
without shakin', and i ain't fakin',
i'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon.

i'm a lot like you so please
hello, i'm ( Read more... )

had a swell time at school and a good road test.

i found someone's phone in the circle drive today.
i'm giving it back to them tomorrow at school, 'cause i know how much it sucks to lose a phone.

not completely satisfied with everything, but i feel nice that i did a good deed for someone.

what goes around comes around, yes or no?

- helen.

today was actually a rather good day.
being at 125 pounds or so, 36 minute phone calls with guitar interludes, caring about my health, doritos in calculus, musical shenanigans with cody, and ddr are nice.

dad says no to little sugar or starch, or anything with ridiculous amounts of carbs, and i have to get my blood tested every other day (noooooo my ( Read more... )

i'm going to see dr. weintraub, my dad's doctor, very soon because apparently i'm in the early stages of type 2 diabetes.

fuck.

fuck.

- helen.