I come back! Bearing fic, no less!

[ginzai]

Short fic. Ficlet fic. Prompt response to comment_fic fic, but fic none the less!

Title: (Because I'm Such A) Selfish Man
Author: ginzai
Genre: Gen, John POV, hurt!Dean, protective!Sam
Timeline: S1, about a month after Faith. Just pretend they went north, okay?
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bit of salty language. These are the Winchesters, after all.
Word Count:

Comments

[saberivojo]

John is such a complicated guy. I usually think of him on the rough edge of parenting. But not for once do I think he never loved the boys.

I love the thought of John fireman carrying Dean to the truck. I like too that John thinks about his past experiences with the boys and how it weighs on his mind.

It probably bothers him, but I don't know if he would change it. John is kind of tough that way.

Good job!

[ginzai]

Thank you for your comment! And especially thanks for pointing out some things that you liked - I always love hearing things like that. :)

I think John's a man of many talents, but demonstrating the softer sides of fatherhood isn't one of them. I think you're right that it bothers him, but I also think you're right that he probably wouldn't change. Unfortunately, for poor Sam and Dean!

[ginzai]

Thanks! I do think that John loves his boys, he's just very (VERY) bad at expressing that.

As for a Sam POV, I think that any attempt on my part wouldn't do it justice. For what it's worth, during the timeframe of his voicemails, he goes from weary to worried to frantic, before finally sliding to epically pissed off after Jim calls to let him know where Dean is at and that Dean is expected to make a full recovery. It's Winchester miscommunication at its finest. :)

[ann_tara]

You definitely have a better opinion of John than I, but I do really like this glimpse of him working behind the scenes, as it were. If only we knew that for certain canonically, it would make his lack of concern in episodes like Faith more tolerable.

It makes sense too that he'd be mostly gruff and pissy in his concern for the scrapes his sons get themselves into. More his style, for sure.

I love hurt!Dean and concerned!Sam. :)

[ginzai]

LOL! I don't think John was haunting the boys' footsteps or even that he went by to check up on them unless it was a major emergency. We do know that he checked up on them at least twice, in Home and in Shadows. Once he made his presence known and the other time he kept hidden, but between that and his willingness to actually die for Dean (even if I expect that was somewhat in the heat of the moment and because of what the YED did in his body), I've no doubt that John loved both of his kids. He might have slipped into thinking of them more as tools than people more than once, and he was so unaffectionate that it became more likely that he was possessed than that he actually express pride in them to their faces, but he did love his boys.

Mind, he couldn't express that love and I think he had no idea the full extent of the damage he did or how poor his behavior was. It took YED exposing what Dean really thought about his place in the family for him to start to get an inkling and I still don't think he fully understood it. One of

[alexandra_08]

I’m not into crossovers, so I’m glad you failed to notice that part of the prompt! I enjoyed it. I like the progression marked with Sam’s phone calls which get more and more tense.

I don’t know how far John thought things through about his sons, but I agree that his actions did not reflect what he felt. And you capture that well, by showing him loving, but also unfaltering, no matter how it affects his sons. Ending the piece with that message from Sam just underlines how uncaring he appeared to be, and how damageable his actions could be, and certainly were, especially to Dean.

Now, how about part 2 of “For the Grace”, hum? ^_^

[ginzai]

Ack, my apologies for the delay! Thanks for letting me know your thoughts. I had fun with poor Sam and his terrible out-of-the-loop-edness.

I get the impression that John flew by the seat of his pants more often than he'd like. He couldn't let himself think things through too much or he'd start to tally up the cost of his actions and that? Man, that would end him. Look how quickly he crumpled in 2x01 after the YED rubbed his face in exactly how sucktastic of a father he'd been - once his eyes were opened, he was absolutely devastated. I think he cared much more than he let on, but ultimately, he was a selfish man with a LOT of issues. Not selfish in his own right, but he put his quest above his family repeatedly, and Sam and Dean were both perfectly aware of where they stood in relation to the need to hunt down the thing that had killed Mary

[lavinialavender]

Oh, man. This fic is heartbreaking and so chilling. What John does to himself and Sam, dude. That awful progression of voicemails. The desperation, blind hopefulness, to further desperation and then pretty much hatred. Wow. I really don't like John's character, but I can't deny he'd do this.

[ginzai]

You gave me the most awesome present ever this morning when I woke up and found that you'd commented on three of my stories, btw. Thank you so much for that!!

John near kills me, I swear. He's got so many issues and he never fails to make things harder on himself then they've got to me. I really think that a lot of his problems with Sam were instigated by things like this - John thinking that they didn't need to know something and that being taken by his boys as him not caring. I like him a lot, but I think about how much better adjusted Sam and Dean would have been if John had opened up a bit more, and yeah. It's not exactly his shining moment.

[lavinialavender]

Well, discovering your fic has been a much bigger and exciting present for me, so I'm glad to return some part of the joy. :)

Sigh, yeah. He is largely responsible for their very needy and dependent relationship on each other.