I just realized how much I love my family.

On any normal day, the idea of tolerating a round-table discussion about the Blue Collar Comedy Tour would be enough to make me think about piercing my own ear drums with knitting needles. On Memorial Day, it makes me realize just what I'm missing sometimes...

Ever been drunk enough to talk to your own skeleton? How about drunk enough to eat a goldfish? How about drunk enough to talk to your own skeleton about what to do when you have just eaten your goldfish? As Jeff just put it: "Dat's CRUNK!" No...last night's adventures had nothing to do with the horrible death of an orange fish, but I will say ( Read more... )

Okay, so here's a bit of a love story. Well, would-be love story...okay, I just thought I'd offer a little history of the last few weeks of my "dating life". (And by "dating life", I mean, "a series of experiences that make me want to be fridgid".) I realized today at work, (yes, sometimes I AM allowed to think at work), that not all of you have ( Read more... )

Time for more sweeping generalizations ( Read more... )

Hooray for the in-tar-web! Well, hooray for JEFF'S intarweb. I'm currently ignoring two people while I update...at someone else's home... Woo-hoo for suckitude ( Read more... )

Have you ever really thought about the girls actually taking part in the Girls Gone Wild videos? How many of them will end up in porn? How many of them will get caught when their dads order it? How many of those dads will just keep on masturbating even when they see who's in it ( Read more... )

I'm going to pull a Rich D. here, and briefly relay a conversation I had with a customer today ( Read more... )

By the way...I just added a picture (I think...?) to my journal from one of the cutest, coolest sites on the web called "Zombiepinups.com". Adorable pin-up art with links to all kinds of amazing, creepy art. I <3 pin-ups, (I wouldn't mind being one), and zombies + pin-ups = LOVE.

Somehow, VH1 has recently made me want a genuine Tom Sellack mustache ride. Really...what? Why? And why have I been examining words like "boobies" and how I feel about those words? I love boobies - I don't know many people who don't - but why am I dissecting their labels to figure out how the labels themselves have affected my own self-esteem ( Read more... )

Dear Holiday Shopper ( Read more... )