I thought about you last night, praying before I tried to sleep. I don't remember what brought - oh wait. Yes, I do. It was the lack of sleep, the indulgence of old habits; to fantasize some scenario until i fell asleep. But drawing you into the light of my thoughts gave you a spotlight which you're no longer worthy of and by extension, kept me up ( Read more... )

1. 3rd period English class and I’m taking the word of a classmate that the new dude is chill. I am skeptical, but i do remember thinking he was hella cute. Might not be so bad after all.
2. I’m working on school work right now (or trying) and my cleavage looks fantastic. We both have so much to do but all i want to is get cross-faded, clean up in the ( Read more... )

I got way more high than i meant to be, even though that was kinda the point.

steam, dark, quiet.

spiral down (quick) into self-loathing

hate

those things are the opposite of what I know to be true of God

and I think I learned that anything that was not what He was, was of the Devil

and as such,

could be ignored.

But what is rebuke

and what is ( Read more... )

I should not (I do not) think of you

but i hope that you think of me.

I hope that your memories of me

(honey in the sunshine) burn

twist, like a knife in the gut.

But I hope you are warm.

The Tortured Artist should write about the things which torture

(it’s in the title)

But thinking writing typing mulling-over

You

is like staring into the abyss ( Read more... )

The thing is, somewhere along the line something as simple as a kiss-that-isnt-hello-or-goodbye ceased to exist. Sure, there were the preludes to sex or for goodnight, but they weren’t the slowburn that kisses used to be when you and I hadn’t had alone time in what seemed like hours because classes and friends and living so far apart, so the moment ( Read more... )

A holiday meant to mark the things we’re grateful for, but what about the things you aren’t? I suppose one can be thankful for those things, too, since they do teach a lesson, but man, they can be hard.
The elephant in the room was him, of course, but we all moved around his shade [glanced at the places he would have sat, listened for the opinion he ( Read more... )

This playlist has me thinking about bonfires on a cold Pacific beach, something we never did, but a part of me wants. I have so much ambition and longing for simple easy things that may never be for one reason or another. You or me, practical natures notwithstanding.

I don’t even think we know people that would host or attend a bonfire like that. ( Read more... )

Can core memories be places? Streetlights and white lines, curbs and easements; the view from that one neighborhood on the hill. Sandwich shops and taqueras, coffee spots and bodegas. A well-stocked (but fallen-on-hard-times) 7-11 and the bar that just looked like it had seen some stuff.

Is a place like that core memory the way a grandfather ( Read more... )

I have done a myriad of things, most of them the hindsight equivalent of BASE jumping.

There was a period when I really wanted to BASE jump. I confessed the desire to summit El Cap and when the words left my mouth, I realized I was only trying to tie him to me tighter. To his credit, he didn’t believe me. Was I the one let go loosely? Was I the ( Read more... )

A core memory for me:

Showing up at a random hangar right up on the flight line and attending a briefing about what my role would be (along with others) during this exercise. Words like  cargo and  pax and logmod are thrown around. I didn’t know what I didn’t know at that early point, but I did know that I wanted to have the kind of influence that ( Read more... )