Sometimes life tricks you into learning the answer just when you get ballsy enough to say out loud the sentiment- “I don’t know what I’d ever do without you
( Read more... )
accountablitysomerledSeptember 17 2005, 17:44:15 UTC
All those "maybe" words are the quiet night home when you want to dance, the fear that keeps you from calling a girl you want to ask out. They make excuses, they disown your feelings, they deny the thing you were going to say was really all that. They judge you and find you wanting, they tell the world that you have no confidence in yourself or in the value of your experiences.
I use those words with extreme caution. I use them when I want the doubt to be poignant, when uncertainty is the very pith of what I am saying.
I also use them when I am writing bureaucratic doublespeak and specifically wish to avoid any responsibility for my claims and pronouncements... because accountablity, if you scratch the surface, is about defraying blame. When I write those things, I feel like a piece of a machine, not like a human.
Yes you did, didn't you? Coming from the girl who dislikes people who forget her birthday, my sincerest apologies. I have been too wrapped up with myself to even remind myself that September is your birthday month, as it has been to me for the past four years. And I have probably forgotten all four. But this doesn't mean I love you any less! On the contrary, it makes my heart hurt all the more.
I hastily hit the "post comment" button, meaning to add that I hope it was as fantastic as you are. My heart races and confusion sets in when I read your words. I do hope you are doing alright.
I’ve never been able to comprehend my attitude toward birthdays. I don't find anything particularly thrilling in "celebrating" the day, it's just another box on the calendar, and honestly I hate the fixed attention, you know? But then I go all day and through the following week not hearing a peep from some of my number one people [that I thought reciprocated] enough to remember and I suppose I start ‘disliking’ them as well.
Ah well, we all have our own very important, engrossing lives, yeah? I still love you. I actually wrote you a letter with a blue sharpie pen the other day. I can't decide if I want to include it with the Poe CD I'm sending you though. It’s kind of messy and it makes me feel a little bashful. Ay, the Virgo in me!
As for my words racing and confusing your heart, that bums me out. I hope I'm not spreading some type of negativity around that I’m being blind to. This post could actually just be valued as the, "Hell yeah, I don't feel needy and I'm no longer into spending my life drunk anymore" post.
Well, I'm one who should have reciprocated, and I didn't. And this is a shortcoming on my behalf that I am willing to admit but not willing to forget. It was thoughtless.
As for the letter, you best be sending it! You don't have to "correct" yourself for me-- sloppy handwriting, or whatever else. Your imperfections are unique exactly to you and I welcome them.
Don't think of it that way! The only thing that bums me out is when you seem bummed out/ confused/ listless/ lost/ etc. And please-- don't censor yourself because you think your feelings are negative; I want the truth, always. I just wish I had a better idea of what is going on and/or that I might be able to help.
Comments 20
This is good.
'self respect is a more gratifying feeling than ever being your whore again.'
and this is good
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
happy birthday
i want you to know that you shine
in every single angle I get to see you in
and you will forever do so
-amy
p.s. I fucking fancy you :)
Reply
Happy Birthday tomorrow, you delicious dame. <3
PS When can I call you my lover?
Reply
sometimes, maybe, partly... words I use with caution... accountability is a dangerous temptation, don't you think?
Reply
Reply
I use those words with extreme caution. I use them when I want the doubt to be poignant, when uncertainty is the very pith of what I am saying.
I also use them when I am writing bureaucratic doublespeak and specifically wish to avoid any responsibility for my claims and pronouncements... because accountablity, if you scratch the surface, is about defraying blame. When I write those things, I feel like a piece of a machine, not like a human.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Ah well, we all have our own very important, engrossing lives, yeah? I still love you. I actually wrote you a letter with a blue sharpie pen the other day. I can't decide if I want to include it with the Poe CD I'm sending you though. It’s kind of messy and it makes me feel a little bashful. Ay, the Virgo in me!
As for my words racing and confusing your heart, that bums me out. I hope I'm not spreading some type of negativity around that I’m being blind to. This post could actually just be valued as the, "Hell yeah, I don't feel needy and I'm no longer into spending my life drunk anymore" post.
<3
Reply
As for the letter, you best be sending it! You don't have to "correct" yourself for me-- sloppy handwriting, or whatever else. Your imperfections are unique exactly to you and I welcome them.
Don't think of it that way! The only thing that bums me out is when you seem bummed out/ confused/ listless/ lost/ etc. And please-- don't censor yourself because you think your feelings are negative; I want the truth, always. I just wish I had a better idea of what is going on and/or that I might be able to help.
:)
Reply
Leave a comment