"So there are two ways you can live: you can devote your life to staying in your comfort zone, or you can work on your freedom. In other words, you can devote your whole life to the process of making sure everything fits within your limited model, or you can devote your life to freeing yourself from the limits of your model ( Read more... )

So I've been thinking a lot about trusting of self. Lately, by lately I mean as long as I can remember, I've been relying on the opinions of others to define what is ultimately good or right for myself. I don't just mean friends and family because I recognize that their opinions of what is best for me is often laced with at least a little bit of ( Read more... )

I think stillness is my greatest fear. I think it's a lot of people's greatest fear actually. As I'm sitting here I want to move, run, get out of here, wiggle my foot, drink something, smoke. Anything but just be here, typing this shit. I want to move because I am uncomfortable in my body and want to remove myself from it. Every addiction I have ( Read more... )

So. I'm having a really hard time getting inspired, excited, happy... any positive emotion really. So sober 2013 is still going strong and has made me in to a moderately anti-social and bummed out version of myself. There are definitely a lot of fabulous things going on in my life, but they all just seem so trivial. I am falling in love with ( Read more... )

So after writing out what I was feeling yesterday during a therapy phone session I manage to delete what I had written. I had intended to post it here so that I would remember it later. So, I suppose posting now will have to do. Eating disorder is rearing it's very very ugly head again and has been for a couple months now. The difference between ( Read more... )

So my therapist has given me a little project to work on involving my Daddy issues and complete inability to form a lasting, healthy relationship with any guy. So I'm supposed to watch all these movies about male to female relationships. The first one was "When Harry Met Sally." So they keep meeting each other and hate each other then end up ( Read more... )

That moment when you walk outside after a run and have no idea why you ever stopped running in the first place. I tend to be obsessive. Just a little about most everything that crosses my path. Running has been no exception. I used to run casually. Then I decided hey I can totally do a 5K, which turned into a half marathon, which eventually lead me ( Read more... )

So I just got back from CO...well I suppose I got back this morning, but I am only just now at 5:30 pm feeling like a semi-functional person. Yet another reason why I seriously need to erase drinking from my life. The prospect of a completely sober year is overwhelming to say the least. I have been disappointed, but not entirely surprised by the ( Read more... )

What an absolutely perfect time for this assignment. Of course, it’s sad that I might not have otherwise written any of this down so as to actually remember it. Perfect timing because the 7 Po is completely applicable to the work I am doing on myself at the moment. As I look through the periods of one’s life that are outlined by the 7 Po, I was ( Read more... )

Interesting, I had completely forgotten that I had started writing again since moving to Boston. So here we are again. The Jay thing stuck, go me. Not true of everything else though. This past few months has been a little bit of a shit show. I seem to be sliding back in to my old ways. I have been getting wasted and hooking up with random people ( Read more... )