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gammods in glee_angst_meme

Prompt Post #7

Feb 01, 2012 09:29

Welcome to the Glee Angst Meme again! You know how these things work. You can come here and prompt your most angsty prompts, and write stories filling those angsty prompts to let our characters suffer.

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FTM!Blaine/Kurt – transgender, dysphoria – hurt/comfort anonymous June 1 2012, 23:42:27 UTC

So, because ftm!Blaine has gotten in my head now and won't go away, I just really want an ftm!Blaine fic, where Kurt finds out by accident (maybe Blaine was too scared to tell him, because of the bisexuality freakout?) but after the initial shock wears off, he turns out to be really supportive ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 9a/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 6 2012, 20:27:31 UTC

I'm back finally with the first part of chapter 4. Updates should be more frequent but shorter from now on, as I post the chapters in smaller chunks. Chapter 4 is four parts and the next part will be up on Monday.

Chapter 4
Look, I'm still around
(I'm trying hard to take it back)

Part one

I'm sorry. Please don't tell anyone.Kurt sat at the red light, staring blankly at his phone, the message from Blaine just a series of meaningless letters. When the light turned green, he threw the phone on the seat passenger seat next to him, keeping his eyes on the road as he drove. To an outsider he may have looked perfectly calm and content, but that was far from the case. Kurt's mind was spinning. He played the moment over and over in his head as though, if he just did it enough times, he would come to a different conclusion, and this wouldn't be his reality. Catching his boyfriend shirtless by accident would have been exciting rather than horrifying. Blaine wouldn't have lied to him through eight months of dating. Kurt wouldn't be this angry ( ... )

Re: Fill: Beautifully Wrong 9b/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophob ilovescarves89 September 6 2012, 20:28:20 UTC

If only Kurt had the slightest idea what to do next.

Because how was he even remotely equipped to handle something like this? He didn't know the first thing about gender identity issues, or what someone like Blaine might be feeling. Sure, people had always had issues with Kurt, making fun of him for being "girly", and he had been called "lady" more times than he cared to count. But those were their issues, and though the thought had crossed his mind once or twice when he was little, that things might be easier if he were a girl, Kurt had never truly questioned his gender. He was just informed enough that he knew what the "T" in LGBT stood for, and he vaguely knew that "FTM" and "MTF" stood for "female to male" and "male to female" respectively, but he had never dwelled on the topic for long, honestly finding the whole concept a bit difficult to comprehend. The idea of dating a transperson had never even occurred to him, but now it was there and he was just lost.

He wanted - needed - to talk to someone, but Blaine had asked Kurt ( ... )

Re: Fill: Beautifully Wrong 9c/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophob ilovescarves89 September 6 2012, 20:28:42 UTC

'Well, yes,' Trent agreed. 'And I'm not saying he is. All I know is that it's not something he wears on his sleeve, and he doesn't like to talk about it. There's a reason I'm the only one at Dalton who knows. Not even all the teachers knew about it. Don't get me wrong, you deserved to know, and I'm not saying he was right to keep it from you for so long. I guess, I'm just saying that it's difficult ( ... )

Re: Fill: Beautifully Wrong 9d/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophob ilovescarves89 September 6 2012, 20:29:43 UTC

Blaine finished talking, and for a long moment Kurt just watched him. Then he stood up and walked around the desk, moving to stand right in front of Blaine, who crossed his arms uncomfortably and didn't look at Kurt ( ... )

Re: Fill: Beautifully Wrong 9e/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophob ilovescarves89 September 6 2012, 20:30:08 UTC

He was sure he had made the right decision in staying with Blaine - his heart told him as much - and Kurt was going to do everything in his power to make things work. This was all so sudden though, and Kurt was a little - okay a lot - overwhelmed. He hadn't exactly been prepared for a situation like this, and if he was still a somewhat apprehensive about the situation, that was to be expected, right?

It wasn't the sex part of Blaine being transgender that worried Kurt the most. That might take some getting used to, but Kurt figured he could deal with it, because whatever he looked like, Blaine was still Blaine, and he was more than a set of body parts. What really worried Kurt was the hurt and the fear he thought he could trace in his boyfriend's eyes. It was clear that Blaine's gender identity came attached to issues and demons, that Kurt might never fully understand, and while he wanted to be the one to help Blaine, what if he just couldn't? Or if he made everything worse? And Kurt didn't have anyone to talk to about it, because ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 10a/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 10 2012, 19:49:07 UTC

(Chapter 4 continued)

Part two'So...' Blaine looked up at Kurt. As they had agreed, Kurt had gone home with Blaine after glee rehearsal, and they were now sitting cross-legged face to face on Blaine's bed. 'What do you want to know ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 10b/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 10 2012, 19:49:31 UTC

'Back then? Not horrible, I guess, because I managed to convince myself that what I was feeling was normal. I only had my own experience to compare to, so I didn't know any different. And you know me, I'm not exactly hyper-masculine, so it wasn't all bad, I guess. But I still always felt apart from the other girls. It's difficult to explain and I don't know if it makes any sense, but I just had this innate feeling that I wasn't like them, I just didn't know how or why. It didn't occur to me that there was such a thing as transgender ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 10c/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 10 2012, 19:49:56 UTC

Blaine was still speaking about Dalton ten minutes later when they made their way back upstairs, Kurt clutching a plate of warm, freshly-baked cookies, and as he went on his stories became less and less about his life as a transboy and more about his life just as a boy. Even though Kurt had heard some of the stories previously, hearing them now made him smile more than he ever had before. Kurt couldn't help feeling like he was getting to know his boyfriend all over again. He wasn't a different person obviously. All these new pieces of information still added up to the same wonderful Blaine, only more so somehow. Kurt wasn't sure that made any sense, but it was the only way he could describe what he was feeling ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 10d/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 10 2012, 19:50:24 UTC

'You weren't to know,' Blaine said simply, waving the matter off. 'Anyway, to answer your question. It's not necessarily about other people. I pass pretty perfectly like this. Even if I went out wearing a dress and heels, people would still think “man in a dress”. Rationally I know that, but unfortunately that's not how dysphoria works, and if you're having a particularly bad day, it just helps to know that those parts of yourself are hidden as far away as possible ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 10e/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 10 2012, 19:50:54 UTC

'Dad? You had something to say?' Blaine asked coolly, and Mr. Anderson seemed to snap out of his reverie ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 11a/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 14 2012, 09:56:25 UTC

Chapter 4 continued

Part threeAs preparations for Sectionals got more and more intense - what with Blaine's brother riding them all harder and harder and with the number of rehearsal hours doubling - Kurt and Blaine didn't get many moments just to themselves for the rest of the week. Their time together seemed to be made up of brief talks during lunch and between classes, half-conversations as they struggled through their homework at night and the time they spent with the rest of the glee club in rehearsal ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 11b/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 14 2012, 09:57:15 UTC

Luckily, Mr. Schue had overruled Cooper when the latter had suggested that they set up extra rehearsal time during the weekend, which meant that they had the weekend off, although they were all still expected to practice by themselves. As Kurt and Blaine walked into the Lima Bean on Saturday morning, Blaine was telling Kurt how he had barely managed to escape the house half an hour earlier, Cooper having insisted on rehearsing one-on-one with Blaine ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 11c/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 14 2012, 09:57:40 UTC

Kurt wondered sometimes where it came from. He knew that, even though Blaine wasn't exactly rich, his father did come from respectable money, and had disappointed his family by marrying “beneath” him and choosing a middle-of-the-road job. Before Kurt had met Cooper, he had thought that Blaine's behavior was the result of a strict upbringing. However, the more he learned about Blaine and his family and the more he thought about it, Kurt realized that it was simply in Blaine's nature to be as unfailingly polite and proper as possible. And if he thought about it a bit longer, it occurred to him that the way Blaine was always so perfect and eager to please, constantly striving to do and be better, might be him seeking approval from the parents to whom he was so certain that he was a disappointment. The idea made him sad, and Kurt thought that if anyone had a right to be disappointed it was Blaine ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 11d/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 14 2012, 09:58:08 UTC

Blaine shrugged. 'Probably, yeah ( ... )

Fill: Beautifully Wrong 12a/? – ftm!Blaine/Kurt, Andersons – dysphoria, transphobia, homophobia ilovescarves89 September 16 2012, 02:53:30 UTC

Last part of chapter 4. Chapter 5 will begin posting next weekend.

Part four

When Finn announced on Friday after glee rehearsal that he wanted to drive to Kentucky and convince Sam Evans to come back to Lima and rejoin New Directions, he said that they needed star power, and he wasn't lying per se. Sam was an excellent performer, and they did desperately need members for the club, but the real reason Finn brought him up was that, as the club's acting captain, he felt like he should be contributing something, other than following Cooper Anderson's every order. Not that Cooper wasn't helping them, and it was awesome that he was doing it all for free, but Finn was still captain and he couldn't be seen to not be pulling his weight.

And besides, why did Cooper have to be Blaine's older brother ( ... )

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