holiday from real - part V
Title: Holiday From Real
Author: gluckspirat
Artist: loverstar
Fandom: CW RPF
Genre: Slash, AU.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following story is fiction and it never happened. I don't know nor own the characters.
Word count: 39,975
Summary: Jared's life finally seems to be on track: he's living with his friend Chad, studying what he loves, and now that he's working for his mother, he can afford both things. Even the introduction of Jensen Ackles to the picture doesn't appear to shake things up much - he's charming and hot and funny, and Jared feels an instant attraction, but it's just another crush on a straight guy and Jared's positive he'll get over it. That is, until Jensen starts flirting back and sending Jared mixed signs - which would be great, really, if it wasn't for the tiny little fact that Jensen's getting married, and that he's chosen Jared's mom's catering business to serve at his wedding.
If Jared's life were a movie - a quite long and boring one, if not slightly depressing - he figures this would be the time around which things start looking up for him. Nearing the end, where everything seems to have no solution, the main character is ankle deep in a steamy pile of shit and everyone has fucked him up despite his honorable intentions - okay, or maybe not - things make a complete turn and it all changes. Jared's life changes.
Except Jared's life is not a movie, and it's been weeks since he made the decision of walking out of Jensen's life for good and he's totally not over it. He might be even regretting things a little, which is stupid and ridiculous because Jared knows he made the right choice - if never seeing the person you love again even if it may kill you can be the right choice.
He doesn't think he can be blamed for just waiting for a solution to magically show up, like it does in the movies. He's already gone against his own judgement and made the decision his heart told him to, then did what was right according to his mind, feelings aside - and look where both things got him to.
So when Chad makes Jared promise him they'll go out that night, Jared agrees without putting much of a fight. He'll meet someone at the bar, or he'll get so drunk that he'll wash out all of his feelings for Jensen. Either way is fine by him. Besides, Chad's boyfriend - he's not my boyfriend, Jared, knock it off - will be playing, and it's time for Jared to meet him already, too.
The pub they go to is a little hole-in-the-wall kind of place, dark and suffocating, with a small stage and a crowded bar, and Jared is relieved when they sit at a table in a hidden corner because he's suddenly feeling all too intimidated and out of place in the middle of so many people.
Next to him, Chad starts jiggling his leg up and down, and his right hand runs through his hair obsessively a couple of times. It's weird and new to see his friend in this state, and it brings a smile to Jared's face.
"You're nervous?" he asks amused.
"What? No," Chad hurriedly says. "No way."
But Jared isn't buying it, specially when Chad starts nibbling on his bottom lip. "Dude, seriously."
"I don't know man," Chad tells him with a shrug, averting his eyes from Jared's. "You're my best friend, and he's really important to me. I just want you two idiots to get along."
Jared grins. "Aw, don't worry, you won't have to choose between us," he says teasingly.
Chad simply gives him a shove to the shoulder, then continues running his gaze over the crowd. Jared catches the moment in which his searching stops and a smile crawls to Chad's face, and he follows his friend's eyes to the other side of the bar.
A man with shoulder-length hair and broad shoulders is walking towards them, matching grin on his lips, and the moment he reaches the place where they sit, he leans down to kiss Chad firmly, as if he's been waiting for that moment for a long time. When he pulls back after a few seconds, grinning, Jared instantly likes him.
"Hey. Jared, right?"
Jared nods and shakes the offered hand. "Yeah. You must be Chris, nice to meet you."
"You too, man," Chris answers. He's constantly smiling and there's a laid-back aura around him that makes Jared feel comfortable with him, which doesn't happen too often with people he's just met. "Hey, I gotta rush, but I'll see you guys after the show, right?"
"You bet."
Chris presses a final kiss to Chad's lips and then merges with the crowd, reappearing a couple of seconds later at the side of the stage, where another guy is waiting for him. Jared watches how they both grab their things and climb up, and after receiving a warm welcome from the crowd, they start playing.
"So?"
Jared raises his eyebrows and looks at Chad. "So what?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"Of Chris?" Chad nods, his eyes showing both excitement and nervousness. Jared shrugs. "I don't know, man, I barely got to say hi to him."
Chad rolls his eyes. "How much more do you need to form an opinion about someone, though?"
The moment he sees Chad start gnawing on his lip again, Jared smiles. His friend doesn't need a deep fucking analysis, he just wants Jared to tell him he likes Chris so that he can relax and enjoy the rest of the night. So Jared does exactly that.
"He seems like a great guy, man."
Chad's face breaks into a grin. "And is he hot or what?" Jared's eyes unconsciously drift towards the stage, and Chad slaps the back of his head. "Dude, quit checking out my boyfriend."
Jared startles with a frown and rubs the back of his head, though he can't stop the chuckle that escapes his lips. "I thought he wasn't your boyfriend," he points out.
The flush that colors Chad's cheeks and neck is barely noticeable in the darkness of the bar. "Not until you approved of him, man," he says, and even though he shrugs at the end to try to give his words less importance, Jared appreciates the sentiment and pats Chad's leg.
He's glad he agreed to go out with Chad. This night's already ten times better than the ones he's spent locked up in his room or watching movies in the sofa, and meeting Chris and seeing Chad so happy has definitely improved Jared's mood. And the music is great - Chris and his friend are really talented, and have an amazing stage presence. Chad, of course, knows the words to almost every song, and once he's shared some shots with Jared and has had two beers, he starts yelling them instead of simply mouthing them, and before Jared can even realize it, he's breaking into laughter and can't stop for the next five minutes.
When the band's set is over, Chris joins them again, looking sweaty and exhausted and just overall happy, and seeing him like that after playing, as if music truly was his life, makes a few bells go off inside Jared's head. He feels like he's missing something, like there's an obvious fact he's been ignoring, something dangling in front of his face that he just can't see.
"Hey, I need to talk to you," Chris says to Chad, and only then does Jared see how Chris' expression has darkened slightly. "Let's... come with me for a sec."
"Huh? What's up?"
Chad's too dazed to react as fast as Chris was hoping him to, and out of nowhere, there's a hand falling over Chris' shoulder and squeezing, and two faces appear from between the crowd - one of them is slightly pale and freckled, green eyes widening almost the instant they meet Jared's.
My friend Chris is in a band. They're quite good, they play at some bars here and there. Chris refuses to live off anything else that isn't his music.
Jared's stomach does a violent turn and he feels sick. Jensen looks amazing, as usual - and Jared hates it because he was expecting Jensen to somehow turn ugly and disgusting and an asshole so that he'd be easier to hate - and he has an arm wrapped around Danneel's waist. She's smiling widely, dressed up in a pair of tight jeans and a fancy shirt, and she looks so happy that Jared finds himself doubting if it had indeed been Danneel the person he'd run into at the door as he'd made his exit from Jensen's place.
There's no way she knows about him and Jensen and she's still so happy with him. Unless Jensen told her something to make her think there's nothing there...
"What a great show, Chris," Danneel says, breaking the awkward silence. Chris looks away from Chad's reproaching glare and looks at her, forcing a smile to his face.
"Yeah, I, uh... thanks, Dani."
She continues to smile, apparently oblivious to how Jensen's looking at anywhere but at Jared, at how Chad is glaring at Chris and the latter is trying to apologize with his eyes, or at how Jared's face is pale and he's about to throw up.
"Hey! Aren't you the guy from Padalecki Delight?" she asks.
Jared suddenly understands. She's pretending they don't know each other, acting as if Jensen didn't cheat on her. They're moving past it.
"Yeah," Jared finally manages to get out, his voice shaking. He turns to Chad, ignoring how Danneel is still smiling at him. Maybe she's just trying to be nice. Jared doubts it. "I'm gonna go."
"I'm coming with," Chad says quickly, and his hand wraps around Jared's arm in a protective way.
"Hey, wait, Jared, is it?" This can't be happening, this can't be happening. Jared's gaze meets Danneel's again. "Your mom told us you were studying photography, and we still haven't found anyone to take pictures at our wedding. It sounds crazy, I know, we're getting married in a couple of weeks, so I'm freaking out!" The smile never leaves her face as she rambles on, and only then Jared dares to glance at Jensen. Their eyes meet for a brief moment before Jensen looks away. "So we were wondering, maybe you wanted to cover the ceremony? We'd pay you as if you were pro, and I bet you could use the experience, right? What do you say?"
Jared is completely overwhelmed by the situation, and at this point he's just waiting to wake up - preferably before ever meeting Jensen to avoid all of this shit.
"I say, go fuck you both," Chad shoots at them, his hand still around Jared's arm. "Especially you, you fucking dick. I'd beat the shit out of you if your girl wasn't here, you ass."
Jensen doesn't look at all surprised at the way he's being treated, almost as if he knows he deserves it, and Jared knows Jensen deserves all those insults and more, but his heart still skips a beat when he catches the sadness in Jensen's eyes right before Chad starts dragging him away.
They take a cab home in silence. Chad's arm's draped over Jared's shoulders, and his face is tight, his jaw clenched. Jared, on the other hand, is still waiting for the emotions to kick in - he feels he should be crying, or burning in anger or jealousy or something. But he's numb. He hates to think that this whole thing with Jensen and all the times they've fucked up has made him immune to this kind of situations.
When they reach their apartment, Jared heads to his room without another word, while Chad stays back on the kitchen. He mutters something about calling Chris, and for a fleeting second, Jared wonders why Chris had never told Chad he knew Jensen - by the way Chad had been glaring at Chris, and how Chris had tried to warn Chad, it was clear that Chris was aware of Jared's situation - but then he finds he doesn't care.
Fuck Chris. Fuck Jensen, and Danneel, just fuck everyone. Fuck motherfucking Louisa for ever getting pregnant and for getting Jared into this mess. As he rolls over to his back and stares at the ceiling, however, with his shoes still on and his belt digging uncomfortably into his hip, Jared knows he's got nobody to blame but himself.
"So. You and Chad, huh?"
Chris looks at him with his eyebrows raised, the coldness in his eyes hitting Jensen in the chest like a ton of bricks. "Seriously? That's what you want to discuss about last night?"
Jensen sighs. "It's the only thing I'm ready to discuss," he says.
They stay silent as they wait for their coffees to be served. Chris is not looking at him, and Jensen believes maybe it's better that way - he's not sure he could deal with his friend's reproach and disappointment. He knows he fucked up, hell, he's fucked up so many times he's lost count. But the situation caught him off guard, and he didn't know how to react.
Doesn't make the emptiness in his chest go away, though.
They take a table by the window, and Chris takes out his phone before even taking so much as a sip from his drink. He's probably texting Chad, if the smile on his face is anything to go by.
"I can't believe Chad's the guy you've been talking about for the past months," Jensen tells him. Chris still doesn't look at him. "Is he mad at you for last night or what?"
At this, Chris shakes his head and leaves his phone over the table, beside his coffee. "He's pretty upset, but nothing that can't be fixed. He understands."
Jensen hums as they fall into silence once more. "So... this thing between you two, is it serious?"
"Pretty much," Chris answers. "Serious as in, I want to spend as much time with him as I can? Yeah."
The times when Jensen felt that way about Danneel feel like ages ago. Jensen does want to spend the rest of his life with someone, just that it's not the person he's marrying, but someone who probably despises him and wants nothing to do with him right now.
Trying to stop his mind before going down that road again, Jensen speaks up once more.
"Man, I have to ask. I know I've mentioned Chad a couple of times when talking about Jared, so why... why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell him you knew me? I'm sure he must've said my name at least once."
Chris nods and looks down. For some minutes, all he does is drink some more of his coffee and spin his phone over the table, and then he looks up again with a shrug. "I don't know, I just - him and Jared are close."
"You didn't want him to know you're friends with the guy he hates and the guy who fucked up his best friend's life?" Jensen asks with a bitter smile.
"To sum up, yeah."
Jensen nods his head. "I can't... man, I used to think I was a pretty likeable guy. I can't believe someone who barely knows me hates me so passionately already."
Chris looks at him, his eyes softening only slightly. "I've gotta say, if I didn't know you as much as I do," he makes a pause to shrug, "I'd probably hate you passionately, as well."
I'd hate myself to. Already do. Jensen nods and takes his cup of coffee up to his lips once more.
"Either way, it's over now."
Chris lets out a snort, and Jensen looks at him, surprised. "You don't really think this is over, do you?" When Jensen doesn't answer, Chris goes on. "You think that's it? You've ruined the kid's life and, what, you just walk away? Go, get married, let him believe for the rest of his life that he's not good enough?"
"I don't..." Jensen feels his chest tightening painfully. "I can't face him again."
"Well, man up and do it anyway, 'cause this isn't about you anymore."
It takes Jensen five days to gather up the courage to do what Chris told him and go and try to fix at least part of the problem he's created. He knows that, after that night at the bar in which he'd done nothing to defend Jared or to act as if he so much as knew him, whatever he does right now may be too little, too late. But, like Chris said, this isn't about him anymore, and Jared needs to understand that Jensen didn't choose him just because he doesn't have the balls to go after what he wants.
He goes to Padalecki Delight because he knows Jared's routine by heart now, and that's where he is right now. Plus, he won't admit it to himself, he'd much rather not have to face Chad.
When he gets there, however, behind the counter that has taken a ridiculous significance in his life stands a woman around her thirties, blond hair pulled up in a ponytail and a huge smile on her face that is too fake to even try to match Jared's easy grin. Jensen feels his stomach sink.
"Hello, sir, how may I help you?"
Jensen frowns. "I'm, uh... I was looking for Jared. Padalecki."
The girl's smile stays in its place, unwavering. "Oh, he's not here right now. But could I help you with anything? I'm sure he's left everything written down, if there was any specific information you needed."
"No, I just wanted to talk to him, but... thanks anyway."
"No problem, sir."
She doesn't offer to take a message for Jared, and Jensen wonders if he no longer works there. Instead of being relieving as common sense says it should feel - no longer having Jared working with anything related to his wedding - it makes Jensen's stomach turn unpleasantly with the thought that he might have taken that away from Jared, that the awkward situation between them resulted in Jared leaving his job.
He heads over to Jared's apartment with his heart racing and his head swarming with thoughts, trying to find the right words to express what he's feeling - and what is he feeling exactly, anyway? Regret, mostly. Pain, shame, disappointment in himself. Ridiculously deep and unconditional love for Jared.
Jensen reaches a red light and his eyes fall close, and he rubs the bridge of his nose with one hand. He can almost hear a reproachful voice in the back of his head, maybe Chris', asking him What the hell are you doing? Giving up the best thing in your life because you're a pussy?
The door to Jared's apartment seems suddenly menacing and Jensen's terrified to knock. He tries to listen through it, see if he can make out any voices, try to figure out if Chad's there. There's nothing but silence, and Jensen takes a deep breath and forces himself to knock.
He waits with his heart in his throat for the longest time - fifteen minutes, actually - and maybe he didn't knock loud enough, or maybe Jared was in the bathroom and didn't hear him, so he tries again. But Jared isn't home. He's not there, and Jensen spends half an hour standing outside his door like a lunatic until a neighbour comes out to ask Jensen if there was anything he needed, and Jensen leaves before the old lady can ask him his name.
This is completely ridiculous and totally not part of Jensen's plan. Jared was supposed to be there, he was supposed to open the door, be surprised, he'd listen to Jensen's apology, and then he'd close the door in Jensen's face. For good. Except now Jensen's driving over the speed limit with his undelivered speech still turning inside his head, and that can't be safe with all those tears blurring his vision.
By the time Jensen reaches his house, his heart is aching so bad that it feels like it may rip his chest open in two. Danneel isn't there - a small note is stuck to the fridge, but Jensen can't bring himself to read it - so he sits down on his sofa and tilts his head back, suddenly wondering if it'd be totally wrong to call Chris or Misha and ask them what he's supposed to do now.
The solution comes to him so easily that he doesn't know why he didn't think of it before - except he does know why, and it's because it's a shit move and something worthy of a fucking coward, but Jensen's not better than that, anyway. The picture of Jared and him in the background of his screen makes him tear up again - fuck, Jensen, pull it together - and he tries not to give himself time to think as he scrolls down his numbers until he reaches the one that reads Jay, then presses the green call button.
Jared picks up, which only makes Jensen feel worse with himself, because of course Jared would pick up the fucking phone, the good-hearted, forgiving bastard. And he actually has the decency to sound worried, and it only helps to make Jensen break down even more, the fact that Jared believes Jensen would only call him if he has a problem.
"Jensen. Is everything okay?"
It isn't. Jared's voice sends shivers down his spine and Jensen feels his throat closing. His entire body aches to see Jared, to watch him grin and blush, to feel the warmth of his body close to him, to hold him between his arms and never let go.
Jensen's choking for air, and he says the first words that come to his mind. "I miss you."
He regrets it immediately. "Jensen." Jared sighs and Jensen wishes he knew where Jared is, so he could picture him, probably closing his eyes, his shoulders hunching. He wishes he could be there to make this the right way.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," he rushes to say. "Fuck. Just forget I said that."
Jared sighs again, breath coming out slightly unsteady. "Jesus, Jensen, why are you even calling?"
"I just - I know I don't deserve this from you, but just, I really need to say this. And I went looking for you at the shop, but you weren't there and there was this lady behind the counter, and then I went to your place and you weren't there either, and I - I thought about waiting around for you, but your neighbour thought I was a creepy ass stalker, so I had to leave."
He hears Jared chuckle on the other side, a breathy, barely there sound that makes Jensen's heart lighten up, and at the same time brings tears to his eyes. His throat starts painfully choking up again. Jensen never knew you could physically miss someone so much.
"Listen, just." He takes a deep breath. "You deserve so much better than me. And I know you know this, because you - Jared, you're the most amazing guy I've ever met, and you deserve being with someone who can live up to that, who can be with you and be amazing with you and who doesn't fuck up repeatedly because he's a coward and a dick."
Jensen makes a pause, giving Jared the chance to say something, but Jared doesn't. Jensen pulls the phone away from his ear to see if the call's still going, then realizes Jared probably doesn't have anything to add, anyway.
"Jay, I..." I love you. He can't say that, it's not fair to Jared. "I just wanted you to know that I... I go to sleep every night wishing I was a better man and that I'd had the guts to risk everything for you. And I'm sorry I'm not that man. I'm sorry I couldn't be that person for you."
Silence. Jensen deserves that, at least.
"Well, that's all I had to say. I..." Jensen makes a pause, even if there's nothing left to say, just because this is the last time he'll be talking to Jared, and it hurts like hell. It kills him. "I wish the best for you, Jared."
For the next ten seconds, there's nothing but silence, nothing but Jared's soft breathing in Jensen's ear, until there's a click, and Jensen's met with the dial tone indicating the call is over. That's it, that's the last he'll ever hear of Jared. He's just gone and finished the best thing that's happened to him.
Before he knows it, Jensen's curled up, his knees drawn up to his chest and his entire body shaking as he breaks down. He's still sobbing desperately and choking for air when, twenty minutes later, the front door opens and Danneel walks in. She's got a couple of bags hanging from her elbow, and her eyes land on Jensen, cool and unsurprised.
Slowly, Danneel leaves her bags over a chair and starts approaching him, then suddenly stops. Jensen sees the instant in which her eyes fall to his hand, the one that's clutching his phone to his chest, and she immediately gets the reason for Jensen's tears.
"I thought we were supposed to be trying," she points out, her tone cold.
Jensen wants to explain that this is him trying, this is him giving everything up for her, but he can't get any words out, and Danneel soon walks to their room without saying anything else.
Jared doesn't get an invitation for Jensen's wedding. In a way, he sort of wishes he had - Jensen's last dick move, being an ass and inviting him so that Jared could see how lucky Danneel was and how lucky he'd never be. He had even imagined himself calling Jensen to reproach him for it, yelling at him through the phone and insulting him in every possible way.
But Jensen's a decent guy - no matter how much Chad insists the opposite - and so Jared doesn't get invited. He knows it's for the best. He certainly doesn't want to see Jensen marrying someone else, doesn't want to put on a suit and pretend everything's fine when it isn't.
Chad does get an invitation. Chris is Jensen's best man, and Chad is going as Chris' date - or, as Chad puts it, as an undercover agent with the sole mission of fucking Jensen's wedding up by beating Jensen to the ground, revealing his antics to his entire family, then running away with the cake.
Jared talks him out of it with a smile, because even if he appreciates the sentiment, the last thing he wants is to cause Jensen any more pain. Jensen chose to put an end to things between them and to get over Jared, to stop thinking about him, and Jared sort of respects that - he doesn't respect getting fucked over, doesn't respect being treated as a second in Jensen's life, but fuck, he did know all this the moment he decided to invite Jensen over to his house with the excuse of meeting his dogs.
He remembers that day clearly, yet it all seems so distant and Jared can't believe it was only four months ago - can't believe he fell for Jensen so hard in only four months.
"Are you sure you don't want me to go with the cake plan?" Chad asks, pulling him out of his thoughts. "A little piece tossed in the right direction..."
"Chad, no, forget it," Jared tells him with a smile. "Huh, you look good."
His friend's wearing a smart, black suit with a dark grey tie and a white shirt, and Jared's never seen him this cleaned up, which is a shame, because Chad does look good like this. And Jared would totally find him attractive had he not seen him at his worse an uncountable number of times.
"You actually sound surprised," Chad says, then tugs a bit at his sleeves. "I don't look stupid, right? I feel stupid."
"You don't. Chris will never want to let you go."
Chad flushes and rubs the back of his neck, the same reaction he gets every time Chris' feelings for him are mentioned in some way. "Shut up."
Of course, Chris is really impressed when he shows up to pick Chad up, him too looking surprisingly good in a suit. Jared doesn't miss the way Chad presses a kiss to Chris' neck and then sniffs in, making Chris chuckle and push him away gently with the excuse of being late - Jared knows he's just embarrassed, and honestly, he doubts there's anyone out there who's as perfect for Chad as Chris is.
"You sure you're okay?" Chad asks him one last time at the door. "No wrecking plans you want me to go through?"
Chris' eyebrows shoot up and he turns to look at Jared with a slight smirk. "Wrecking plans? Is there anything I should be worrying about?"
"Just don't let him throw cake at any of the guests and it'll be fine," he answers.
"Awesome," Chris says, and then he squeezes Jared's shoulder with one hand. "You know, I wouldn't say no to making Jensen choke with some cake."
And, again, Jared appreciates the sentiment, but he's not the victim here and Jensen certainly isn't the bad guy in this movie. Or not the only one to blame, at least. But Chris is just doing his job as Jared's best friend's boyfriend, so Jared simply pats him in the back twice and smiles.
"It's fine, really," he says. "Just keep me updated, Chad."
"Will do, man."
Once they leave, Jared prepares himself some cereal, though he only manages to get one spoonful down before his stomach starts turning violently and he feels like he's going to be sick, so he buries himself underneath his covers with his phone by his side, just waiting for Chad to send him something.
He smiles a bit at some texts, like on our way. chris is totally up for the cake plan and tiny cloud in the sky. lets hope its a sign for a huge ass storm, and his stomach churns at the ones Chad starts sending him from the church, because that means they're already there and the ceremony is going to start any minute now.
For a while, Chad sends him nothing, and Jared busies himself getting up and going to the kitchen, just to prepare another bowl of cereals which he won't eat. And then, after what seems like an eternity, Chad sends him another message: ceremony over. going 2 the party, cake plan in motion, and that's when Jared breaks down, because this means Jensen said yes.
He's surprised to see he was stupid enough to have hoped Jensen would say no, to have expected a text from Chad saying everything was called off. But of course, Jensen didn't end everything with Jared to leave Danneel as well - Jensen chose what was best for him, and Jared can't really argue with that.
Except, he knows Danneel will never love Jensen as much as he does, that she doesn't know him as well as she thinks she does. He knows Jensen has never opened so much with her as he has with Jared, and knows Jensen has never felt completely comfortable around her. And still, Jensen chose her.
Eventually, Jared stops crying and dozes off, only to wake up early in the morning when Chad gets home. His friend walks straight into Jared's bedroom and lays down on the bed next to him, his tie now undone and hanging around his neck, his shirt pulled out from his pants.
Jared stares at him for a while, his heart painfully remembering what has just happened.
"How did it go?"
Chad shrugs. "Alright. It was a normal wedding, nothing special to it."
Jared nods and looks down. "Where's Chris?"
At this, Chad scoots closer and tosses one arm around Jared's shoulders, pulling him closer until Jared's head is laying over his chest. Chad has never been a touchy kind of guy, he's always insisted Jared was enough of that for the both of them, and Jared can feel his eyes stupidly swimming again at Chad's display of affection.
"He doesn't need me to be there for him tonight."
Jared feels himself falling asleep again, his body's own defense mechanism against reality, and he struggles to stay awake enough to ask Chad the only thing that seems to matter right now.
"Did he look happy?"
He can feel Chad hesitate. "To be honest, I don't even know the guy that well, but..." he trails off, and then suddenly, he shifts and reaches to grab something from Jared's bedside table, then lays down again and pulls Jared a bit closer. "He didn't look as happy as this."
Jared looks up to see what Chad's holding. It's a picture, Jensen sitting on Jared's sofa, one hand patting Harley's head. There's a bashful expression on his face, but his grin is huge and bright, and his eyes are shining in the way Jared remembers falling for. It hurts, and Jared doesn't think much as he takes the photo in his hand and brings it close to his chest.
He falls asleep like that, the picture next to his heart and Chad's arm around him, and the determination in his mind that he'll get over Jensen. Tomorrow. For his own good, he'll leave everything behind and move on. It's the last thought on his mind that night, and it's enough to put him at peace, even if, deep down, Jared knows it's nothing but another promise he'll never get to fulfill.
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Author: gluckspirat
Artist: loverstar
Fandom: CW RPF
Genre: Slash, AU.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following story is fiction and it never happened. I don't know nor own the characters.
Word count: 39,975
Summary: Jared's life finally seems to be on track: he's living with his friend Chad, studying what he loves, and now that he's working for his mother, he can afford both things. Even the introduction of Jensen Ackles to the picture doesn't appear to shake things up much - he's charming and hot and funny, and Jared feels an instant attraction, but it's just another crush on a straight guy and Jared's positive he'll get over it. That is, until Jensen starts flirting back and sending Jared mixed signs - which would be great, really, if it wasn't for the tiny little fact that Jensen's getting married, and that he's chosen Jared's mom's catering business to serve at his wedding.
If Jared's life were a movie - a quite long and boring one, if not slightly depressing - he figures this would be the time around which things start looking up for him. Nearing the end, where everything seems to have no solution, the main character is ankle deep in a steamy pile of shit and everyone has fucked him up despite his honorable intentions - okay, or maybe not - things make a complete turn and it all changes. Jared's life changes.
Except Jared's life is not a movie, and it's been weeks since he made the decision of walking out of Jensen's life for good and he's totally not over it. He might be even regretting things a little, which is stupid and ridiculous because Jared knows he made the right choice - if never seeing the person you love again even if it may kill you can be the right choice.
He doesn't think he can be blamed for just waiting for a solution to magically show up, like it does in the movies. He's already gone against his own judgement and made the decision his heart told him to, then did what was right according to his mind, feelings aside - and look where both things got him to.
So when Chad makes Jared promise him they'll go out that night, Jared agrees without putting much of a fight. He'll meet someone at the bar, or he'll get so drunk that he'll wash out all of his feelings for Jensen. Either way is fine by him. Besides, Chad's boyfriend - he's not my boyfriend, Jared, knock it off - will be playing, and it's time for Jared to meet him already, too.
The pub they go to is a little hole-in-the-wall kind of place, dark and suffocating, with a small stage and a crowded bar, and Jared is relieved when they sit at a table in a hidden corner because he's suddenly feeling all too intimidated and out of place in the middle of so many people.
Next to him, Chad starts jiggling his leg up and down, and his right hand runs through his hair obsessively a couple of times. It's weird and new to see his friend in this state, and it brings a smile to Jared's face.
"You're nervous?" he asks amused.
"What? No," Chad hurriedly says. "No way."
But Jared isn't buying it, specially when Chad starts nibbling on his bottom lip. "Dude, seriously."
"I don't know man," Chad tells him with a shrug, averting his eyes from Jared's. "You're my best friend, and he's really important to me. I just want you two idiots to get along."
Jared grins. "Aw, don't worry, you won't have to choose between us," he says teasingly.
Chad simply gives him a shove to the shoulder, then continues running his gaze over the crowd. Jared catches the moment in which his searching stops and a smile crawls to Chad's face, and he follows his friend's eyes to the other side of the bar.
A man with shoulder-length hair and broad shoulders is walking towards them, matching grin on his lips, and the moment he reaches the place where they sit, he leans down to kiss Chad firmly, as if he's been waiting for that moment for a long time. When he pulls back after a few seconds, grinning, Jared instantly likes him.
"Hey. Jared, right?"
Jared nods and shakes the offered hand. "Yeah. You must be Chris, nice to meet you."
"You too, man," Chris answers. He's constantly smiling and there's a laid-back aura around him that makes Jared feel comfortable with him, which doesn't happen too often with people he's just met. "Hey, I gotta rush, but I'll see you guys after the show, right?"
"You bet."
Chris presses a final kiss to Chad's lips and then merges with the crowd, reappearing a couple of seconds later at the side of the stage, where another guy is waiting for him. Jared watches how they both grab their things and climb up, and after receiving a warm welcome from the crowd, they start playing.
"So?"
Jared raises his eyebrows and looks at Chad. "So what?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"Of Chris?" Chad nods, his eyes showing both excitement and nervousness. Jared shrugs. "I don't know, man, I barely got to say hi to him."
Chad rolls his eyes. "How much more do you need to form an opinion about someone, though?"
The moment he sees Chad start gnawing on his lip again, Jared smiles. His friend doesn't need a deep fucking analysis, he just wants Jared to tell him he likes Chris so that he can relax and enjoy the rest of the night. So Jared does exactly that.
"He seems like a great guy, man."
Chad's face breaks into a grin. "And is he hot or what?" Jared's eyes unconsciously drift towards the stage, and Chad slaps the back of his head. "Dude, quit checking out my boyfriend."
Jared startles with a frown and rubs the back of his head, though he can't stop the chuckle that escapes his lips. "I thought he wasn't your boyfriend," he points out.
The flush that colors Chad's cheeks and neck is barely noticeable in the darkness of the bar. "Not until you approved of him, man," he says, and even though he shrugs at the end to try to give his words less importance, Jared appreciates the sentiment and pats Chad's leg.
He's glad he agreed to go out with Chad. This night's already ten times better than the ones he's spent locked up in his room or watching movies in the sofa, and meeting Chris and seeing Chad so happy has definitely improved Jared's mood. And the music is great - Chris and his friend are really talented, and have an amazing stage presence. Chad, of course, knows the words to almost every song, and once he's shared some shots with Jared and has had two beers, he starts yelling them instead of simply mouthing them, and before Jared can even realize it, he's breaking into laughter and can't stop for the next five minutes.
When the band's set is over, Chris joins them again, looking sweaty and exhausted and just overall happy, and seeing him like that after playing, as if music truly was his life, makes a few bells go off inside Jared's head. He feels like he's missing something, like there's an obvious fact he's been ignoring, something dangling in front of his face that he just can't see.
"Hey, I need to talk to you," Chris says to Chad, and only then does Jared see how Chris' expression has darkened slightly. "Let's... come with me for a sec."
"Huh? What's up?"
Chad's too dazed to react as fast as Chris was hoping him to, and out of nowhere, there's a hand falling over Chris' shoulder and squeezing, and two faces appear from between the crowd - one of them is slightly pale and freckled, green eyes widening almost the instant they meet Jared's.
My friend Chris is in a band. They're quite good, they play at some bars here and there. Chris refuses to live off anything else that isn't his music.
Jared's stomach does a violent turn and he feels sick. Jensen looks amazing, as usual - and Jared hates it because he was expecting Jensen to somehow turn ugly and disgusting and an asshole so that he'd be easier to hate - and he has an arm wrapped around Danneel's waist. She's smiling widely, dressed up in a pair of tight jeans and a fancy shirt, and she looks so happy that Jared finds himself doubting if it had indeed been Danneel the person he'd run into at the door as he'd made his exit from Jensen's place.
There's no way she knows about him and Jensen and she's still so happy with him. Unless Jensen told her something to make her think there's nothing there...
"What a great show, Chris," Danneel says, breaking the awkward silence. Chris looks away from Chad's reproaching glare and looks at her, forcing a smile to his face.
"Yeah, I, uh... thanks, Dani."
She continues to smile, apparently oblivious to how Jensen's looking at anywhere but at Jared, at how Chad is glaring at Chris and the latter is trying to apologize with his eyes, or at how Jared's face is pale and he's about to throw up.
"Hey! Aren't you the guy from Padalecki Delight?" she asks.
Jared suddenly understands. She's pretending they don't know each other, acting as if Jensen didn't cheat on her. They're moving past it.
"Yeah," Jared finally manages to get out, his voice shaking. He turns to Chad, ignoring how Danneel is still smiling at him. Maybe she's just trying to be nice. Jared doubts it. "I'm gonna go."
"I'm coming with," Chad says quickly, and his hand wraps around Jared's arm in a protective way.
"Hey, wait, Jared, is it?" This can't be happening, this can't be happening. Jared's gaze meets Danneel's again. "Your mom told us you were studying photography, and we still haven't found anyone to take pictures at our wedding. It sounds crazy, I know, we're getting married in a couple of weeks, so I'm freaking out!" The smile never leaves her face as she rambles on, and only then Jared dares to glance at Jensen. Their eyes meet for a brief moment before Jensen looks away. "So we were wondering, maybe you wanted to cover the ceremony? We'd pay you as if you were pro, and I bet you could use the experience, right? What do you say?"
Jared is completely overwhelmed by the situation, and at this point he's just waiting to wake up - preferably before ever meeting Jensen to avoid all of this shit.
"I say, go fuck you both," Chad shoots at them, his hand still around Jared's arm. "Especially you, you fucking dick. I'd beat the shit out of you if your girl wasn't here, you ass."
Jensen doesn't look at all surprised at the way he's being treated, almost as if he knows he deserves it, and Jared knows Jensen deserves all those insults and more, but his heart still skips a beat when he catches the sadness in Jensen's eyes right before Chad starts dragging him away.
They take a cab home in silence. Chad's arm's draped over Jared's shoulders, and his face is tight, his jaw clenched. Jared, on the other hand, is still waiting for the emotions to kick in - he feels he should be crying, or burning in anger or jealousy or something. But he's numb. He hates to think that this whole thing with Jensen and all the times they've fucked up has made him immune to this kind of situations.
When they reach their apartment, Jared heads to his room without another word, while Chad stays back on the kitchen. He mutters something about calling Chris, and for a fleeting second, Jared wonders why Chris had never told Chad he knew Jensen - by the way Chad had been glaring at Chris, and how Chris had tried to warn Chad, it was clear that Chris was aware of Jared's situation - but then he finds he doesn't care.
Fuck Chris. Fuck Jensen, and Danneel, just fuck everyone. Fuck motherfucking Louisa for ever getting pregnant and for getting Jared into this mess. As he rolls over to his back and stares at the ceiling, however, with his shoes still on and his belt digging uncomfortably into his hip, Jared knows he's got nobody to blame but himself.
"So. You and Chad, huh?"
Chris looks at him with his eyebrows raised, the coldness in his eyes hitting Jensen in the chest like a ton of bricks. "Seriously? That's what you want to discuss about last night?"
Jensen sighs. "It's the only thing I'm ready to discuss," he says.
They stay silent as they wait for their coffees to be served. Chris is not looking at him, and Jensen believes maybe it's better that way - he's not sure he could deal with his friend's reproach and disappointment. He knows he fucked up, hell, he's fucked up so many times he's lost count. But the situation caught him off guard, and he didn't know how to react.
Doesn't make the emptiness in his chest go away, though.
They take a table by the window, and Chris takes out his phone before even taking so much as a sip from his drink. He's probably texting Chad, if the smile on his face is anything to go by.
"I can't believe Chad's the guy you've been talking about for the past months," Jensen tells him. Chris still doesn't look at him. "Is he mad at you for last night or what?"
At this, Chris shakes his head and leaves his phone over the table, beside his coffee. "He's pretty upset, but nothing that can't be fixed. He understands."
Jensen hums as they fall into silence once more. "So... this thing between you two, is it serious?"
"Pretty much," Chris answers. "Serious as in, I want to spend as much time with him as I can? Yeah."
The times when Jensen felt that way about Danneel feel like ages ago. Jensen does want to spend the rest of his life with someone, just that it's not the person he's marrying, but someone who probably despises him and wants nothing to do with him right now.
Trying to stop his mind before going down that road again, Jensen speaks up once more.
"Man, I have to ask. I know I've mentioned Chad a couple of times when talking about Jared, so why... why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell him you knew me? I'm sure he must've said my name at least once."
Chris nods and looks down. For some minutes, all he does is drink some more of his coffee and spin his phone over the table, and then he looks up again with a shrug. "I don't know, I just - him and Jared are close."
"You didn't want him to know you're friends with the guy he hates and the guy who fucked up his best friend's life?" Jensen asks with a bitter smile.
"To sum up, yeah."
Jensen nods his head. "I can't... man, I used to think I was a pretty likeable guy. I can't believe someone who barely knows me hates me so passionately already."
Chris looks at him, his eyes softening only slightly. "I've gotta say, if I didn't know you as much as I do," he makes a pause to shrug, "I'd probably hate you passionately, as well."
I'd hate myself to. Already do. Jensen nods and takes his cup of coffee up to his lips once more.
"Either way, it's over now."
Chris lets out a snort, and Jensen looks at him, surprised. "You don't really think this is over, do you?" When Jensen doesn't answer, Chris goes on. "You think that's it? You've ruined the kid's life and, what, you just walk away? Go, get married, let him believe for the rest of his life that he's not good enough?"
"I don't..." Jensen feels his chest tightening painfully. "I can't face him again."
"Well, man up and do it anyway, 'cause this isn't about you anymore."
It takes Jensen five days to gather up the courage to do what Chris told him and go and try to fix at least part of the problem he's created. He knows that, after that night at the bar in which he'd done nothing to defend Jared or to act as if he so much as knew him, whatever he does right now may be too little, too late. But, like Chris said, this isn't about him anymore, and Jared needs to understand that Jensen didn't choose him just because he doesn't have the balls to go after what he wants.
He goes to Padalecki Delight because he knows Jared's routine by heart now, and that's where he is right now. Plus, he won't admit it to himself, he'd much rather not have to face Chad.
When he gets there, however, behind the counter that has taken a ridiculous significance in his life stands a woman around her thirties, blond hair pulled up in a ponytail and a huge smile on her face that is too fake to even try to match Jared's easy grin. Jensen feels his stomach sink.
"Hello, sir, how may I help you?"
Jensen frowns. "I'm, uh... I was looking for Jared. Padalecki."
The girl's smile stays in its place, unwavering. "Oh, he's not here right now. But could I help you with anything? I'm sure he's left everything written down, if there was any specific information you needed."
"No, I just wanted to talk to him, but... thanks anyway."
"No problem, sir."
She doesn't offer to take a message for Jared, and Jensen wonders if he no longer works there. Instead of being relieving as common sense says it should feel - no longer having Jared working with anything related to his wedding - it makes Jensen's stomach turn unpleasantly with the thought that he might have taken that away from Jared, that the awkward situation between them resulted in Jared leaving his job.
He heads over to Jared's apartment with his heart racing and his head swarming with thoughts, trying to find the right words to express what he's feeling - and what is he feeling exactly, anyway? Regret, mostly. Pain, shame, disappointment in himself. Ridiculously deep and unconditional love for Jared.
Jensen reaches a red light and his eyes fall close, and he rubs the bridge of his nose with one hand. He can almost hear a reproachful voice in the back of his head, maybe Chris', asking him What the hell are you doing? Giving up the best thing in your life because you're a pussy?
The door to Jared's apartment seems suddenly menacing and Jensen's terrified to knock. He tries to listen through it, see if he can make out any voices, try to figure out if Chad's there. There's nothing but silence, and Jensen takes a deep breath and forces himself to knock.
He waits with his heart in his throat for the longest time - fifteen minutes, actually - and maybe he didn't knock loud enough, or maybe Jared was in the bathroom and didn't hear him, so he tries again. But Jared isn't home. He's not there, and Jensen spends half an hour standing outside his door like a lunatic until a neighbour comes out to ask Jensen if there was anything he needed, and Jensen leaves before the old lady can ask him his name.
This is completely ridiculous and totally not part of Jensen's plan. Jared was supposed to be there, he was supposed to open the door, be surprised, he'd listen to Jensen's apology, and then he'd close the door in Jensen's face. For good. Except now Jensen's driving over the speed limit with his undelivered speech still turning inside his head, and that can't be safe with all those tears blurring his vision.
By the time Jensen reaches his house, his heart is aching so bad that it feels like it may rip his chest open in two. Danneel isn't there - a small note is stuck to the fridge, but Jensen can't bring himself to read it - so he sits down on his sofa and tilts his head back, suddenly wondering if it'd be totally wrong to call Chris or Misha and ask them what he's supposed to do now.
The solution comes to him so easily that he doesn't know why he didn't think of it before - except he does know why, and it's because it's a shit move and something worthy of a fucking coward, but Jensen's not better than that, anyway. The picture of Jared and him in the background of his screen makes him tear up again - fuck, Jensen, pull it together - and he tries not to give himself time to think as he scrolls down his numbers until he reaches the one that reads Jay, then presses the green call button.
Jared picks up, which only makes Jensen feel worse with himself, because of course Jared would pick up the fucking phone, the good-hearted, forgiving bastard. And he actually has the decency to sound worried, and it only helps to make Jensen break down even more, the fact that Jared believes Jensen would only call him if he has a problem.
"Jensen. Is everything okay?"
It isn't. Jared's voice sends shivers down his spine and Jensen feels his throat closing. His entire body aches to see Jared, to watch him grin and blush, to feel the warmth of his body close to him, to hold him between his arms and never let go.
Jensen's choking for air, and he says the first words that come to his mind. "I miss you."
He regrets it immediately. "Jensen." Jared sighs and Jensen wishes he knew where Jared is, so he could picture him, probably closing his eyes, his shoulders hunching. He wishes he could be there to make this the right way.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," he rushes to say. "Fuck. Just forget I said that."
Jared sighs again, breath coming out slightly unsteady. "Jesus, Jensen, why are you even calling?"
"I just - I know I don't deserve this from you, but just, I really need to say this. And I went looking for you at the shop, but you weren't there and there was this lady behind the counter, and then I went to your place and you weren't there either, and I - I thought about waiting around for you, but your neighbour thought I was a creepy ass stalker, so I had to leave."
He hears Jared chuckle on the other side, a breathy, barely there sound that makes Jensen's heart lighten up, and at the same time brings tears to his eyes. His throat starts painfully choking up again. Jensen never knew you could physically miss someone so much.
"Listen, just." He takes a deep breath. "You deserve so much better than me. And I know you know this, because you - Jared, you're the most amazing guy I've ever met, and you deserve being with someone who can live up to that, who can be with you and be amazing with you and who doesn't fuck up repeatedly because he's a coward and a dick."
Jensen makes a pause, giving Jared the chance to say something, but Jared doesn't. Jensen pulls the phone away from his ear to see if the call's still going, then realizes Jared probably doesn't have anything to add, anyway.
"Jay, I..." I love you. He can't say that, it's not fair to Jared. "I just wanted you to know that I... I go to sleep every night wishing I was a better man and that I'd had the guts to risk everything for you. And I'm sorry I'm not that man. I'm sorry I couldn't be that person for you."
Silence. Jensen deserves that, at least.
"Well, that's all I had to say. I..." Jensen makes a pause, even if there's nothing left to say, just because this is the last time he'll be talking to Jared, and it hurts like hell. It kills him. "I wish the best for you, Jared."
For the next ten seconds, there's nothing but silence, nothing but Jared's soft breathing in Jensen's ear, until there's a click, and Jensen's met with the dial tone indicating the call is over. That's it, that's the last he'll ever hear of Jared. He's just gone and finished the best thing that's happened to him.
Before he knows it, Jensen's curled up, his knees drawn up to his chest and his entire body shaking as he breaks down. He's still sobbing desperately and choking for air when, twenty minutes later, the front door opens and Danneel walks in. She's got a couple of bags hanging from her elbow, and her eyes land on Jensen, cool and unsurprised.
Slowly, Danneel leaves her bags over a chair and starts approaching him, then suddenly stops. Jensen sees the instant in which her eyes fall to his hand, the one that's clutching his phone to his chest, and she immediately gets the reason for Jensen's tears.
"I thought we were supposed to be trying," she points out, her tone cold.
Jensen wants to explain that this is him trying, this is him giving everything up for her, but he can't get any words out, and Danneel soon walks to their room without saying anything else.
Jared doesn't get an invitation for Jensen's wedding. In a way, he sort of wishes he had - Jensen's last dick move, being an ass and inviting him so that Jared could see how lucky Danneel was and how lucky he'd never be. He had even imagined himself calling Jensen to reproach him for it, yelling at him through the phone and insulting him in every possible way.
But Jensen's a decent guy - no matter how much Chad insists the opposite - and so Jared doesn't get invited. He knows it's for the best. He certainly doesn't want to see Jensen marrying someone else, doesn't want to put on a suit and pretend everything's fine when it isn't.
Chad does get an invitation. Chris is Jensen's best man, and Chad is going as Chris' date - or, as Chad puts it, as an undercover agent with the sole mission of fucking Jensen's wedding up by beating Jensen to the ground, revealing his antics to his entire family, then running away with the cake.
Jared talks him out of it with a smile, because even if he appreciates the sentiment, the last thing he wants is to cause Jensen any more pain. Jensen chose to put an end to things between them and to get over Jared, to stop thinking about him, and Jared sort of respects that - he doesn't respect getting fucked over, doesn't respect being treated as a second in Jensen's life, but fuck, he did know all this the moment he decided to invite Jensen over to his house with the excuse of meeting his dogs.
He remembers that day clearly, yet it all seems so distant and Jared can't believe it was only four months ago - can't believe he fell for Jensen so hard in only four months.
"Are you sure you don't want me to go with the cake plan?" Chad asks, pulling him out of his thoughts. "A little piece tossed in the right direction..."
"Chad, no, forget it," Jared tells him with a smile. "Huh, you look good."
His friend's wearing a smart, black suit with a dark grey tie and a white shirt, and Jared's never seen him this cleaned up, which is a shame, because Chad does look good like this. And Jared would totally find him attractive had he not seen him at his worse an uncountable number of times.
"You actually sound surprised," Chad says, then tugs a bit at his sleeves. "I don't look stupid, right? I feel stupid."
"You don't. Chris will never want to let you go."
Chad flushes and rubs the back of his neck, the same reaction he gets every time Chris' feelings for him are mentioned in some way. "Shut up."
Of course, Chris is really impressed when he shows up to pick Chad up, him too looking surprisingly good in a suit. Jared doesn't miss the way Chad presses a kiss to Chris' neck and then sniffs in, making Chris chuckle and push him away gently with the excuse of being late - Jared knows he's just embarrassed, and honestly, he doubts there's anyone out there who's as perfect for Chad as Chris is.
"You sure you're okay?" Chad asks him one last time at the door. "No wrecking plans you want me to go through?"
Chris' eyebrows shoot up and he turns to look at Jared with a slight smirk. "Wrecking plans? Is there anything I should be worrying about?"
"Just don't let him throw cake at any of the guests and it'll be fine," he answers.
"Awesome," Chris says, and then he squeezes Jared's shoulder with one hand. "You know, I wouldn't say no to making Jensen choke with some cake."
And, again, Jared appreciates the sentiment, but he's not the victim here and Jensen certainly isn't the bad guy in this movie. Or not the only one to blame, at least. But Chris is just doing his job as Jared's best friend's boyfriend, so Jared simply pats him in the back twice and smiles.
"It's fine, really," he says. "Just keep me updated, Chad."
"Will do, man."
Once they leave, Jared prepares himself some cereal, though he only manages to get one spoonful down before his stomach starts turning violently and he feels like he's going to be sick, so he buries himself underneath his covers with his phone by his side, just waiting for Chad to send him something.
He smiles a bit at some texts, like on our way. chris is totally up for the cake plan and tiny cloud in the sky. lets hope its a sign for a huge ass storm, and his stomach churns at the ones Chad starts sending him from the church, because that means they're already there and the ceremony is going to start any minute now.
For a while, Chad sends him nothing, and Jared busies himself getting up and going to the kitchen, just to prepare another bowl of cereals which he won't eat. And then, after what seems like an eternity, Chad sends him another message: ceremony over. going 2 the party, cake plan in motion, and that's when Jared breaks down, because this means Jensen said yes.
He's surprised to see he was stupid enough to have hoped Jensen would say no, to have expected a text from Chad saying everything was called off. But of course, Jensen didn't end everything with Jared to leave Danneel as well - Jensen chose what was best for him, and Jared can't really argue with that.
Except, he knows Danneel will never love Jensen as much as he does, that she doesn't know him as well as she thinks she does. He knows Jensen has never opened so much with her as he has with Jared, and knows Jensen has never felt completely comfortable around her. And still, Jensen chose her.
Eventually, Jared stops crying and dozes off, only to wake up early in the morning when Chad gets home. His friend walks straight into Jared's bedroom and lays down on the bed next to him, his tie now undone and hanging around his neck, his shirt pulled out from his pants.
Jared stares at him for a while, his heart painfully remembering what has just happened.
"How did it go?"
Chad shrugs. "Alright. It was a normal wedding, nothing special to it."
Jared nods and looks down. "Where's Chris?"
At this, Chad scoots closer and tosses one arm around Jared's shoulders, pulling him closer until Jared's head is laying over his chest. Chad has never been a touchy kind of guy, he's always insisted Jared was enough of that for the both of them, and Jared can feel his eyes stupidly swimming again at Chad's display of affection.
"He doesn't need me to be there for him tonight."
Jared feels himself falling asleep again, his body's own defense mechanism against reality, and he struggles to stay awake enough to ask Chad the only thing that seems to matter right now.
"Did he look happy?"
He can feel Chad hesitate. "To be honest, I don't even know the guy that well, but..." he trails off, and then suddenly, he shifts and reaches to grab something from Jared's bedside table, then lays down again and pulls Jared a bit closer. "He didn't look as happy as this."
Jared looks up to see what Chad's holding. It's a picture, Jensen sitting on Jared's sofa, one hand patting Harley's head. There's a bashful expression on his face, but his grin is huge and bright, and his eyes are shining in the way Jared remembers falling for. It hurts, and Jared doesn't think much as he takes the photo in his hand and brings it close to his chest.
He falls asleep like that, the picture next to his heart and Chad's arm around him, and the determination in his mind that he'll get over Jensen. Tomorrow. For his own good, he'll leave everything behind and move on. It's the last thought on his mind that night, and it's enough to put him at peace, even if, deep down, Jared knows it's nothing but another promise he'll never get to fulfill.
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