Today, I am formally postponing my old project indefinitely. Although I share no information with anyone, not even its existence, I have decided that my work on that piece has been far, far too slow. The problem is that the work seeks to answer the highest aspirations and longings of Man; it always has, and as I've grown over time, the project ( Read more... )

Cathcart wanted to talk with me. After a chat about Wagner, my snatching his book on Schopenhauer and the like, he offered me plenty of research projects. Not just research the way it's usually meant, but reading about Hitler Jugend to get him points for a paper of his ( Read more... )

I'm glad I'm a lot stronger now than I was when I was younger. I can honestly state that, in terms of my goals, my classes, my schedule, my interactions with other persons, and various other pressures, that this may be the most stressful time of my life. There really are no relaxing moments, there are only the times when I really enjoy my work, and ( Read more... )

This world is corrupt and broken. Aeons ago, we lived in a paradisal state as spirits, unrestrained by matter or causality as it is now understood in our world of dirty matter. It was the Paradise Dante saw, when in his poetic grandeur, he was bestowed an empyreal vision into being. Yet this realm of light and joy collapsed, for though it was of ( Read more... )

What am I working toward? Why am I the way I am, with all the thousand things within me I wish were no longer so? What can I change? What must I bear in life stoically ( Read more... )

I've already done enough work that none more would need to be done this weekend. Nevertheless, I read a fair number of pages yesterday, and have reviewed Latin and read more history today. In fact, the only break I had was exercycling while reviewing Latin flashcards ( Read more... )

I'm realizing, more and more as these days pass, that I need to focus better. Not just on a thing or two, but on everything. I need to better organize how I do things. I can't afford to waste a single moment anymore, where I'll lounge around on my bed with the TV on and feign exhaustion, or sit on the chair and idly look up my former geekish ( Read more... )

How ironic that a tempting, playful fire should now blaze away all my stony-heartedness!

Yes yes yes ( Read more... )

Let me sleep deeply, and when I awake tomorrow, find total renewal.