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Some nights, the small voice that asks me, "Why are you still bothering to try fixing yourself when the mess just seems to grow deeper with each passing week? You're hopelessly fucked, mate, may as well face it
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My situation feels frustrating because I'm an extrovert at heart, I just find people hard to deal with these days on my own, so I easily find "excuses" to not actually go out anywhere. There's a bus stop less than fifty feet from my complex, but even riding the bus seems more bothersome to me than it used to be. It's like I've become oversensitive to the energy of others or something.
Weird thing is, I don't actually have problems being friendly with others once they're actually in front of me. I just feel colossally awkward, although I've been told others don't see it.
I haven't been laid in roughly five-1/2 years, either, which doesn't help the tension any.
Wheeee!
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