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[gnosticelf]

There's clearly something very very wrong when I find myself becoming maudlin when talking with a friend who's happy. I can feel the impulse to rejoice right along with them, but it quickly sinks beneath a poison wash of envy and regret

Comments

[eac]

We all have these moments when we are smaller people than we want to be.

It seems to me sometimes that you don't acknowledge when you ARE generous and brave, so the times that you fall short of who you think you should be loom larger than strictly true.

[gnosticelf]

*hugs

[joscobo]

Dude, get over it. Everybody more than they should or even want to has envy at other people doing well from time to time. It doesn't mean you aren't happy for them or you wish they would fail. Rather it means you wish you were as accomplished.Those aren't the same thing at all.

Everybody feels dim when someone shines a brighter light in their direction. . It may be a bit self centered, but it doesn't mean you are being ugly and sordid about it.

The worst thing we can do is to compare oneself to other people. No two people have the same circumstances. Who knows how things in life would have turned out for anyone had the butterfly beat it's wings in a different direction at some point?

I sort of feel my status as a loser is vital in the whole loser/ winner scheme. If everyone is a winner then no one is a winner. They need me. Without my lackluster status they are nothing.

By the way I know my pep talks suck. I wish mine were as good as other peoples.

[gnosticelf]

You are either blissfully unaware of the ironies contained in your reply, or you are actually a very very clever monkey when it comes to motivational psychology.

Dude, get over it.

I think I've heard this single phrase more often in the last ten years than in the entire thirty years prior to it. If I knew HOW to get over these things, if I knew how to shrug stuff off and not let it affect me so deeply, I really don't think I'd be in such a mess as I feel like I am these days. It's a conundrum of which I'm painfully aware.

It doesn't mean you aren't happy for them or you wish they would fail. Rather it means you wish you were as accomplished.Those aren't the same thing at all.

I hadn't thought to reframe it from that perspective. Thank you, that does help a bit. :-)

Everybody feels dim when someone shines a brighter light in their direction. It may be a bit self centered, but it doesn't mean you are being ugly and sordid about it. I think that's the rub right there--trying to come to grips with the fact I might actually be a lot

[dragons_wine]

I have that demon too. Probably most of us do.

[gnosticelf]

I think what annoys me most is that it actually pulls my mood into the sewers whenever it happens, which makes it difficult for me to feel genuinely celebratory. I don't quite know what to make of it, honestly, but it just doesn't feel like the sort of reaction a "good friend" would have.

And that bugs me because I really DO want to be a loving friend to others, and not a self-absorbed asshole like some folks say I am, but it's always been hard for me to really figure out what's truly right and wrong where others are concerned. I don't process sensory input like most folks seem to, particularly when it comes to social matters, and my life is filled with case examples where I've hurt someone completely without meaning to.

This "trying to figure myself out" business is a pain in the ass, considering I've only really just started trying. >.