Elvis appeared on the Ed Sullivan show on September 9, 1956. Radio waves transmitted that night have traveled roughly 316,747,584,000,000 miles into space. Elvis has so far reached 133 stars. Eventually, inevitably, Elvis will appear on the television screens of a distant alien world. The inhabitants of this world will communicate through movement ( Read more... )

There's a new Ninja Turtles movie coming out. These aren't my ninja turtles that I grew up with. These are Nickelodeon Ninja Turtles and I am outraged. The turtles I grew up with weren't the old mattel shit either, with their different colored masks and Michelangelo loves pizza and all that horse shit. I'm talking about authentic, comic book Ninja ( Read more... )

When I die, I'm going to immediately attack the biggest ghost I see, because what if it's like prison ( Read more... )

It's almost as if my baby knows that I would never punch him right in the face ( Read more... )

I bet a documentary called "Whooping Cough: The Silent Killer" would probably be pretty poorly researched ( Read more... )

Pro Tip: Drink vodka until you can't read. Click "Add to Cart" until total price is six digits. Complete purchase. #Santa4Grownups ( Read more... )

"Dreft makes babyhood special," might be the ballsiest claim ever made by a commercial ( Read more... )

Speaking as a musician who has had this exact experience: If you create a song and then find it on a foreign website, correctly attributed, with 300 some odd downloads, and that doesn't fill you with joy and gratitude, then there is something evil inside you that you must destroy.

A Zinger's not a Twinkie, quite ( Read more... )

Marita
Please find me.
I am almost 30.