J2 Big Bang - Gone In An Instant (Or Here Til The Bitter End) Jared/Jensen NC17 8/13
Back to Chapter 7
They settled into a routine of sorts, fitting time alone in between social time with both sets of friends on top of increasingly heavier course loads. End of term exams had come and gone, bringing forth Christmas and New Years as well as their four month anniversary. Neither Jensen nor Jared had ever been happier before, which of course was when things were bound to spiral out of control.
Chris and Steve were playing a gig at a newly opened bar just outside of town. Their music was picking up and over the break both men had sat down and decided to record their own EP to start selling at shows. Sandy, Mike and Tom had gone early to help set up and get ready while the rest of their group would be meeting them there.
It had been a long week, Jared had been feeling the crunch of the start of a new term and couldn’t wait to have a weekend off to relax and enjoy time with his boyfriend. Things had been tense for Jensen recently, knowing that he had a limited amount of time to find somewhere to do a placement this term and possibly get his foot in the door for after graduation opportunities. It was still over a year away, but a solid placement now meant potential apprentice and internship over the summer. He hadn’t found anywhere that he’d wanted to do placement at as of yet and was getting increasingly more frustrated. Jared had tried to talk to him, assure him that it would all work out but with each discussion they had things just got more awkward until finally Jared stopped talking about it.
It was just after six and they were supposed to be going out for dinner before heading over to the bar for nine. Genevieve, Danneel, Chad and Sophia were ready, all hanging around the living room watching TV as they waited on Jensen to arrive. Jared sent another text, aware that they were being read but had received no answer as of yet.
“Where is he?” Chad whined. “I’m hungry.”
“You’re always hungry,” Jared tried to keep his voice light. He caught Gen’s gaze, he jumped up from his position on the couch and went into the kitchen. “He’s probably on his way.”
Danneel followed him into the room with a warm smile on her face, her eyes apologetic. “I’m sorry,” she whispered softly as she hugged him from behind. Jared was standing in front of the back door, looking out into the darkness that had already fallen.
“Why are you sorry?”
She gave a shrug. “I don’t know, I just …feel responsible for him. And he’s been so stressed lately, and you’ve been amazing with him. You know just how to handle his moods and you’re so good for him.”
“I just…don’t know what to do lately. Everything I say gets him more frustrated. And it’s not like I don’t have my own shit going on...”
Their conversation was interrupted by Genevieve as she entered the kitchen. “I think we’re going to head to the restaurant. When you hear from him, or he shows up just come on over.”
Jared nodded, it was the best idea. “Yeah, I’ll stick around and wait.” He was surprised when Danneel also nodded and jumped up to sit on the counter.
“Me too.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but he’s my best friend too. And you shouldn’t have to wait by yourself.”
The group headed out, leaving Jared and Danneel in the kitchen to talk. When another twenty minutes passed Danneel told Jared to call. Jensen answered on the second ring.
“Where are you Jen? We’ve been waiting for you.”
Jensen sounded obviously irritated, his voice echoing through Jared’s iPhone so loudly that Danneel could hear him from where she sat. “Oh, I didn’t realize, what with the fifty texts you’ve sent me tonight.”
“Clearly you’ve been getting them. You couldn’t just text back to let us know what was up?” Jared was getting annoyed with Jensen’s moods and the fact he constantly took them out on him.
“Fuck, what are you, my mother?” Jensen was distracted by something on his end of the line. “If it’s too much fucking trouble to have waited for me, you should have just gone without me. I didn’t realize that I was on a timer.”
“No, I THOUGHT I was your boyfriend. You know, the guy you have a date with tonight. The date you’re almost a fucking hour late for.”
“Oh, because you’re never late,” Jensen laughed sarcastically.
“And you never fucking tell me off for being late. Real nice Jensen, really hypocritical of you.”
Jared could hear Jensen take a few deep breaths and he did the same.
“Fine. Go without me. I don’t feel like rushing any more since I’ve already disappointed you. I’ll see you at the bar.”
Jared pressed his fingers to the corners of his eyes and fought to keep his voice neutral. “Jen, don’t do this. Just come over, we’ll go for dinner and then go to the show. Please.”
“I’ll see you at the bar Jared.” Jensen ended the call which left Jared standing in the middle of his kitchen in shock. When he regained his composure he calmly placed his phone on the table. What he wanted to do was throw it against the wall and break it into a thousand little pieces, but instead he put the phone down, avoided Danneel’s gaze and stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He slammed his bedroom door shut and sat down on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Fifteen minutes passed where he considered punching anything that wouldn’t punch back, his wall or his door or something else that would hurt so fucking much it would erase the hurt in his chest. Instead, he sat silently until there was a knock on his door. He had forgotten Danneel was there.
“I’m coming,” he said roughly. Before he could move the door opened and his boyfriend’s best friend stood before him with two pints of what looked like strong orange juice and vodkas.
“Here, I think we both are going to need this,” her voice was rough, as if she’d been yelling. He hadn’t heard her but it didn’t mean she hadn’t gone outside to call Jensen where he couldn’t overhear.
“What is wrong with me?” Jared asked as he downed half of the drink. It was as strong as he’d anticipated and he couldn’t help but cough at the overwhelming amount of vodka she’d put in the glass.
“Oh, that wasn’t you. You’ve been much more understanding than I would be if that were me. Now drink up, I’m going to buy you dinner and then we’re going to go to Chris and Steve’s show and maybe whatever is in Jen’s ass will have been removed by then.”
They were toasty by the time they had finished Danneel’s drinks and made it to the restaurant. A few more drinks and dinner later, the group headed over to the show.
They were a little later than expected since Jared and Danneel hadn’t gotten there until well after the group had finished eating but they still had time before their friends’ band was supposed to hit the stage.
They had been halfway through eating their meals when Chris’ first text had come through to Danneel. Jensen was already at the bar, alone and drunk. He wouldn’t say why he was alone or where anyone else was, only walked to the bar to order two bottles of beer before sitting down. She had received three texts since then, the last one urging her to get her ass to the bar immediately as Jensen had long since gotten tired of their company and had moved onto that of someone else, someone he didn’t know. Someone that Jensen shouldn’t be as close to or as friendly with, considering he was still with Jared.
Chris sent one last text to Danneel which read “Jenny IS still with Jared. Right?”
Before they entered the bar Danni turned to face Jared. “Ummm, you might want to not react until you find out...”
Jared’s face hardened as his smile dropped from his lips. “I read over your shoulder Danni. I already saw what Chris texted you.”
Her eyes widened and she looked at her phone with regret. “I…”
“Let’s just go inside.”
Jared had tried not to see what Chris had texted Danneel, but he couldn’t help it. She was too drunk to be careful when checking her messages and he could just feel it in his stomach that there was something very wrong happening. Hell, the fact that Chris was questioning it made Jared sick to his stomach. But the one thing he knew deep down was that he loved Jensen more than anything, and somewhere in Jensen’s heart he felt the same about him.
The bar was already at capacity. There was an electric current in the room and for the first time since the night went downhill, Jared was excited to see his friends perform. He’d only been to one show since he and Jensen had started dating, but he had thoroughly enjoyed himself and knew that this was just what he and Jensen needed to reconnect. Jared felt a surge of hope bloom in his chest and he headed to the table in the corner where his friends were all talking excitedly. The way all conversation ceased when he approached made him feel very self conscious but he wouldn’t let it deter him. Whatever this issue he and Jensen were having would be put behind them, he wasn’t going to let it come between them.
“What’s up?”
No one responded. No one would even look him in the eye except for Danneel. Genevieve’s voice startled him as she jumped up from the chair she was in and slammed her beer bottle on the table. “Fuck. You’re supposed to be his friends. You especially,” she sneered at Sandy before grabbing Jared’s hand and pulling him through the throngs of people towards the bar. Jared watched as Sandy bowed her head, her face flushed more from the alcohol she’d drank than Genevieve’s words.
“What was that about?” Jared asked when they had reached the bar. Genevieve ordered two shots of tequila and two beers. She handed him one shot while she took the other, they downed them both before draining half of their beer, a move they had done countless times.
“All of them are fucking assholes,” she growled angrily. “Especially that traitor Sandra. What a whore.”
Jared couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up at his best friend’s anger. He laughed so hard and so long that she began to laugh as well. “Jensen,” he said softly. Genevieve nodded.
“Apparently he came in, drunk as fuck and looking for a fight with anyone who mentioned yours or Danni’s name. Been in the corner for the past hour with some dude.”
Jared gave a nod and finished off his beer. He signaled for another, replacing both of their drinks. “I figured.” When Gen raised an eyebrow he admitted that Danni had gotten a few texts from Chris and he’d told her everything. He didn’t have to tell Genevieve how disappointed he was in Sandy for not at least letting him know, he was sure she understood. They both looked over to where their friend was currently giggling and laughing at something Chris was saying, oblivious to the pain Jared was in. Only Danneel watched them from her spot at the table, her face conflicted at the matter at hand.
“Fuck, it’s like none of them even give a shit,” Jared whispered hoarsely. “It’s like HE doesn’t.” Jared had pinpointed Jensen’s whereabouts almost immediately upon entering the bar. His boyfriend was at a corner table sitting closely with someone Jared vaguely recognized but wasn’t sure who he was. The man was admittedly attractive, with short brown hair, a day or so worth of stubble and an alarmingly bewitching smile, if Jensen’s attention was anything to judge by. His boyfriend seemed more at ease and happier than he’d seen him in weeks, a point that was breaking Jared’s heart.
“Fuck them,” Genevieve spat.
Jared’s eyes were locked on Jensen, he couldn’t tear his gaze from how beautiful he was when he was at ease. He was startled when green eyes locked on his and their gazes met. Jensen looked stunned for a moment before nervously focusing his attention back on the man sitting beside him. Jared watched Jensen’s gaze flicker to him a few more times before he shifted so that Jared wasn’t in his line of sight.
“Oh shit,” Genevieve broke him out of his trance and Jared looked at where she was watching. Apparently Danneel had watched the entire interaction take place and she stood up to stalk across the room. In that instant, the lights dimmed and Chris and Steve walked out on the stage to introduce themselves and begin their set.
It was a fast paced song called The House Rules that Jared recognized from the CD Jensen had given him, one of his favourites but at that moment, all he could do was watch Danneel approach Jensen and begin speaking to him with heated movements and what looked like a lot of yelling. Jensen seemed to be yelling back while the man with him didn’t look phased by the conversation at all.
Jared considered leaving. It was clear that Jensen knew he was there and was busy with someone else, so much so that it was crushing him but he couldn’t go without at least speaking to his boyfriend. Genevieve, as if reading his mind, asked him if he wanted to go but he shook his head, relaying to her what he’d already decided in his head.
“What’s up bro?” Chad asked as he approached the bar to get a round of drinks.
“Fuck you Chad,” Genevieve answered.
“Hey, don’t get pissed at me because his boyfriend is being a dick,” Chad didn’t look even a little affected by what was obviously going on around them. Jared stared at his friend; it was as if he didn’t even know this man.
“Thanks for your sympathy man. Remind me to repay the favour when you break up with Soph for the fiftieth time and cry to me about it for weeks on end,” Jared pushed between his friends and heard Chad swear behind him. Before he got too far away he turned around. “And fuck you very much.”
When he turned around Sandy was behind him. “What?”
Her eyes widened and she wouldn’t look him in the eye. “Just… needed a …drink,” she stuttered. Jared rolled his eyes and fought not to scream. He moved to the side to let Sandy pass, refusing to let her touch him when she approached. Just as she opened her mouth to speak a new song started and Jared was frozen by the lyrics.
I’m not gonna try to stop you,
Doesn’t mean that I don’t want to;
If I know you, you’ve already made up your mind.
So go on and go if you're really leavin'
Put a million miles between us
He looked at Jensen who was watching him with tired eyes. There was defeat on his boyfriend’s face, in the way his shoulders were slumped and his head hung low. A solid lump was in his throat, his stomach churning sickly from the emotions swirling with the alcohol he had drank. Instead of taking him to Jensen, his legs walked him through the bar to the men’s room. Thankfully the stall was empty and he politely pushed through the men at the sink and the urinals to lock himself in the stall before his legs gave out on him. His breath came rapidly as the room swam before him and Jared fought not to empty his stomach in the bowl in front of him. Once he was sure he was okay, that the threat of tears had passed and he would be able to walk out of the bar at least somewhat steadily he opened the door. If he was worried that any of his or Jensen’s friends would have followed him in, it was for naught since he was alone in the restroom. The water was cool on his face as he splashed himself, wanting to regain some of the alertness the alcohol had robbed him of.
When he emerged from the bathroom Jared saw Genevieve and Danneel standing at the bar speaking to one another, their arms linked and heads together. Genevieve saw him emerge first and he knew she was going to approach, if not just to make sure he was okay, but Jared didn’t want to speak to anyone. The only person he did want to speak with was in no rush to return the sentiment, so he waved the two women off, ignored the table where up until an hour ago some of the closest people in his life sat and headed to the corner where Jensen sat.
“Jay,” Jensen said roughly. Jared took a closer look now that he was in front of the other man and saw the bags under his eyes, the way his usually bright green eyes were a dull grey. It was clear that Jensen, despite the portrayal he was trying to pull off, was not having that good of a time that night.
“This song is for my best friend and someone very special to him. Sometimes the ones we love are the ones we hurt the most,” Chris’ voice was loud on the microphone. “And sometimes in hurting them, we hurt more than we thought we were capable of.”
Well our love story reads like a book of lies
Good intentions, better alibis
No happy endings, no straight lines
No movin’ on, but no goodbyes
This bittersweet revelry, will be the death of me
“Hi, I’m Misha,” the man with Jensen smiled and held his hand out for Jared to shake. All Jared could do was give a mirthless laugh at the stranger before focusing on Jensen.
“You win.” Jared hadn’t at all thought about what he was going to say. He surprised himself with the words as much as he’d surprised Jensen.
We go round and round, tryin’ to work it out
And all I get is hell-bent and bound
Never far from right where we are
And you would think that we’d get enough
You know we’re goin’ to fuck it up
We’re holdin’ on and sinking down
Here we go round and round
“Win?”
Jared nodded. “Yeah, you win. I get it. I’m too demanding. I’m too much work. I’m whatever else has made you pull away from me and be here with…” He swallowed back a sob as he waved to where Misha sat. “I’m going.” With trembling hands Jared wiped the tears that were pooling in his eyes. His gaze never moved from Jensen’s, he needed him to know just how much he was hurting. Hiding it and getting mad wasn’t going to do anything but make things worse.
Making circles
Making circles
We both need to lead, while we dance alone
One more graceful spin, on who’s right or wrong
The same old words, the same old song
Maybe we’re right, where we belong
It can’t get much better, it sure can’t get worse
Well ether way you turn, it’s gonna hurt
“Jared, don’t do this.” Jensen was pleading but Jared couldn’t understand why. He hadn’t done anything; he wasn’t forcing Jensen’s hand into anything. He had to distance himself from everything before it broke him completely. It wasn’t until that moment, that song playing words that seemed to be truer than anything he’d heard that Jared realized how tired he was. How absolutely fucking exhausted he was.
“I’m not doing anything,” Jared admitted. “Maybe that’s the problem. But there’s nothing I can fucking do about it tonight, not in this state and not here. I need to leave Jen. I can’t be here right now, with your friends and this music that is breaking me wide a-fucking-part. And this…I can’t be here and watch THIS…” Again, Jared pointed to the space between Jensen and Misha. “I love you so fucking much, just try to remember that.”
You’d think that we had had enough
Be sick and tired of fuckin’ up
Holdin’ on, sinkin’ down
Here we go round and round
Jensen fumbled in his chair to stand up but Jared couldn’t only hold his hand out as if to halt him.
“You know where to find me. Just…” Jared blinked the tears out of his eyes. He didn’t even bother to wipe them away as he looked at Misha with sad eyes. He couldn’t even get mad at the other man; it really didn’t have anything to do with him. Jared was surprised to see the depth of emotion in his eyes, the troubled expression on his face, but at no time did he offer to leave them alone. At no time did Jensen request privacy. “…remember I didn’t want this. Whatever this is you’re doing. I never would have wanted this.”
Without looking back Jared walked through the bar and out into the cold January air. He saw a few taxi cabs sitting in the parking lot, most likely waiting for people to need to be taken back into city limits. He climbed into the first one that approached and rambled off his address. Before anyone could text him, he opened up a message and texted Genevieve and Danneel, letting them know he would be okay and he was heading home. He apologized for ruining their night but asked that they not follow him. He needed time alone, and having people around him, watching as his heart broke would be too much for him to bear. Especially people who seemed to not even care about the pain he was in but professed to be his best friends. Jared didn’t know what to think or where to turn, but he knew it was going to have to be alone.
After a hot, nearly scalding shower Jared changed the sheets in his bed and remade it with freshly laundered ones. Sheets that didn’t smell like Jensen, that wouldn’t make him feel even worse than he already did. Tank let out a soft howling whine when he crawled into bed with Jared, as though he sensed the mood his master was in. It was then that Jared let every single emotion he’d been fighting against rise to the surface. He cried long and hard, sobbing so violently that his body shook and he felt physically ill. By the time his roommates returned from the bar, he had fallen into a fitful sleep, aware of the emptiness not only in his heart but his bed.
On To Chapter 9
Masterpost
They settled into a routine of sorts, fitting time alone in between social time with both sets of friends on top of increasingly heavier course loads. End of term exams had come and gone, bringing forth Christmas and New Years as well as their four month anniversary. Neither Jensen nor Jared had ever been happier before, which of course was when things were bound to spiral out of control.
Chris and Steve were playing a gig at a newly opened bar just outside of town. Their music was picking up and over the break both men had sat down and decided to record their own EP to start selling at shows. Sandy, Mike and Tom had gone early to help set up and get ready while the rest of their group would be meeting them there.
It had been a long week, Jared had been feeling the crunch of the start of a new term and couldn’t wait to have a weekend off to relax and enjoy time with his boyfriend. Things had been tense for Jensen recently, knowing that he had a limited amount of time to find somewhere to do a placement this term and possibly get his foot in the door for after graduation opportunities. It was still over a year away, but a solid placement now meant potential apprentice and internship over the summer. He hadn’t found anywhere that he’d wanted to do placement at as of yet and was getting increasingly more frustrated. Jared had tried to talk to him, assure him that it would all work out but with each discussion they had things just got more awkward until finally Jared stopped talking about it.
It was just after six and they were supposed to be going out for dinner before heading over to the bar for nine. Genevieve, Danneel, Chad and Sophia were ready, all hanging around the living room watching TV as they waited on Jensen to arrive. Jared sent another text, aware that they were being read but had received no answer as of yet.
“Where is he?” Chad whined. “I’m hungry.”
“You’re always hungry,” Jared tried to keep his voice light. He caught Gen’s gaze, he jumped up from his position on the couch and went into the kitchen. “He’s probably on his way.”
Danneel followed him into the room with a warm smile on her face, her eyes apologetic. “I’m sorry,” she whispered softly as she hugged him from behind. Jared was standing in front of the back door, looking out into the darkness that had already fallen.
“Why are you sorry?”
She gave a shrug. “I don’t know, I just …feel responsible for him. And he’s been so stressed lately, and you’ve been amazing with him. You know just how to handle his moods and you’re so good for him.”
“I just…don’t know what to do lately. Everything I say gets him more frustrated. And it’s not like I don’t have my own shit going on...”
Their conversation was interrupted by Genevieve as she entered the kitchen. “I think we’re going to head to the restaurant. When you hear from him, or he shows up just come on over.”
Jared nodded, it was the best idea. “Yeah, I’ll stick around and wait.” He was surprised when Danneel also nodded and jumped up to sit on the counter.
“Me too.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but he’s my best friend too. And you shouldn’t have to wait by yourself.”
The group headed out, leaving Jared and Danneel in the kitchen to talk. When another twenty minutes passed Danneel told Jared to call. Jensen answered on the second ring.
“Where are you Jen? We’ve been waiting for you.”
Jensen sounded obviously irritated, his voice echoing through Jared’s iPhone so loudly that Danneel could hear him from where she sat. “Oh, I didn’t realize, what with the fifty texts you’ve sent me tonight.”
“Clearly you’ve been getting them. You couldn’t just text back to let us know what was up?” Jared was getting annoyed with Jensen’s moods and the fact he constantly took them out on him.
“Fuck, what are you, my mother?” Jensen was distracted by something on his end of the line. “If it’s too much fucking trouble to have waited for me, you should have just gone without me. I didn’t realize that I was on a timer.”
“No, I THOUGHT I was your boyfriend. You know, the guy you have a date with tonight. The date you’re almost a fucking hour late for.”
“Oh, because you’re never late,” Jensen laughed sarcastically.
“And you never fucking tell me off for being late. Real nice Jensen, really hypocritical of you.”
Jared could hear Jensen take a few deep breaths and he did the same.
“Fine. Go without me. I don’t feel like rushing any more since I’ve already disappointed you. I’ll see you at the bar.”
Jared pressed his fingers to the corners of his eyes and fought to keep his voice neutral. “Jen, don’t do this. Just come over, we’ll go for dinner and then go to the show. Please.”
“I’ll see you at the bar Jared.” Jensen ended the call which left Jared standing in the middle of his kitchen in shock. When he regained his composure he calmly placed his phone on the table. What he wanted to do was throw it against the wall and break it into a thousand little pieces, but instead he put the phone down, avoided Danneel’s gaze and stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He slammed his bedroom door shut and sat down on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Fifteen minutes passed where he considered punching anything that wouldn’t punch back, his wall or his door or something else that would hurt so fucking much it would erase the hurt in his chest. Instead, he sat silently until there was a knock on his door. He had forgotten Danneel was there.
“I’m coming,” he said roughly. Before he could move the door opened and his boyfriend’s best friend stood before him with two pints of what looked like strong orange juice and vodkas.
“Here, I think we both are going to need this,” her voice was rough, as if she’d been yelling. He hadn’t heard her but it didn’t mean she hadn’t gone outside to call Jensen where he couldn’t overhear.
“What is wrong with me?” Jared asked as he downed half of the drink. It was as strong as he’d anticipated and he couldn’t help but cough at the overwhelming amount of vodka she’d put in the glass.
“Oh, that wasn’t you. You’ve been much more understanding than I would be if that were me. Now drink up, I’m going to buy you dinner and then we’re going to go to Chris and Steve’s show and maybe whatever is in Jen’s ass will have been removed by then.”
They were toasty by the time they had finished Danneel’s drinks and made it to the restaurant. A few more drinks and dinner later, the group headed over to the show.
They were a little later than expected since Jared and Danneel hadn’t gotten there until well after the group had finished eating but they still had time before their friends’ band was supposed to hit the stage.
They had been halfway through eating their meals when Chris’ first text had come through to Danneel. Jensen was already at the bar, alone and drunk. He wouldn’t say why he was alone or where anyone else was, only walked to the bar to order two bottles of beer before sitting down. She had received three texts since then, the last one urging her to get her ass to the bar immediately as Jensen had long since gotten tired of their company and had moved onto that of someone else, someone he didn’t know. Someone that Jensen shouldn’t be as close to or as friendly with, considering he was still with Jared.
Chris sent one last text to Danneel which read “Jenny IS still with Jared. Right?”
Before they entered the bar Danni turned to face Jared. “Ummm, you might want to not react until you find out...”
Jared’s face hardened as his smile dropped from his lips. “I read over your shoulder Danni. I already saw what Chris texted you.”
Her eyes widened and she looked at her phone with regret. “I…”
“Let’s just go inside.”
Jared had tried not to see what Chris had texted Danneel, but he couldn’t help it. She was too drunk to be careful when checking her messages and he could just feel it in his stomach that there was something very wrong happening. Hell, the fact that Chris was questioning it made Jared sick to his stomach. But the one thing he knew deep down was that he loved Jensen more than anything, and somewhere in Jensen’s heart he felt the same about him.
The bar was already at capacity. There was an electric current in the room and for the first time since the night went downhill, Jared was excited to see his friends perform. He’d only been to one show since he and Jensen had started dating, but he had thoroughly enjoyed himself and knew that this was just what he and Jensen needed to reconnect. Jared felt a surge of hope bloom in his chest and he headed to the table in the corner where his friends were all talking excitedly. The way all conversation ceased when he approached made him feel very self conscious but he wouldn’t let it deter him. Whatever this issue he and Jensen were having would be put behind them, he wasn’t going to let it come between them.
“What’s up?”
No one responded. No one would even look him in the eye except for Danneel. Genevieve’s voice startled him as she jumped up from the chair she was in and slammed her beer bottle on the table. “Fuck. You’re supposed to be his friends. You especially,” she sneered at Sandy before grabbing Jared’s hand and pulling him through the throngs of people towards the bar. Jared watched as Sandy bowed her head, her face flushed more from the alcohol she’d drank than Genevieve’s words.
“What was that about?” Jared asked when they had reached the bar. Genevieve ordered two shots of tequila and two beers. She handed him one shot while she took the other, they downed them both before draining half of their beer, a move they had done countless times.
“All of them are fucking assholes,” she growled angrily. “Especially that traitor Sandra. What a whore.”
Jared couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up at his best friend’s anger. He laughed so hard and so long that she began to laugh as well. “Jensen,” he said softly. Genevieve nodded.
“Apparently he came in, drunk as fuck and looking for a fight with anyone who mentioned yours or Danni’s name. Been in the corner for the past hour with some dude.”
Jared gave a nod and finished off his beer. He signaled for another, replacing both of their drinks. “I figured.” When Gen raised an eyebrow he admitted that Danni had gotten a few texts from Chris and he’d told her everything. He didn’t have to tell Genevieve how disappointed he was in Sandy for not at least letting him know, he was sure she understood. They both looked over to where their friend was currently giggling and laughing at something Chris was saying, oblivious to the pain Jared was in. Only Danneel watched them from her spot at the table, her face conflicted at the matter at hand.
“Fuck, it’s like none of them even give a shit,” Jared whispered hoarsely. “It’s like HE doesn’t.” Jared had pinpointed Jensen’s whereabouts almost immediately upon entering the bar. His boyfriend was at a corner table sitting closely with someone Jared vaguely recognized but wasn’t sure who he was. The man was admittedly attractive, with short brown hair, a day or so worth of stubble and an alarmingly bewitching smile, if Jensen’s attention was anything to judge by. His boyfriend seemed more at ease and happier than he’d seen him in weeks, a point that was breaking Jared’s heart.
“Fuck them,” Genevieve spat.
Jared’s eyes were locked on Jensen, he couldn’t tear his gaze from how beautiful he was when he was at ease. He was startled when green eyes locked on his and their gazes met. Jensen looked stunned for a moment before nervously focusing his attention back on the man sitting beside him. Jared watched Jensen’s gaze flicker to him a few more times before he shifted so that Jared wasn’t in his line of sight.
“Oh shit,” Genevieve broke him out of his trance and Jared looked at where she was watching. Apparently Danneel had watched the entire interaction take place and she stood up to stalk across the room. In that instant, the lights dimmed and Chris and Steve walked out on the stage to introduce themselves and begin their set.
It was a fast paced song called The House Rules that Jared recognized from the CD Jensen had given him, one of his favourites but at that moment, all he could do was watch Danneel approach Jensen and begin speaking to him with heated movements and what looked like a lot of yelling. Jensen seemed to be yelling back while the man with him didn’t look phased by the conversation at all.
Jared considered leaving. It was clear that Jensen knew he was there and was busy with someone else, so much so that it was crushing him but he couldn’t go without at least speaking to his boyfriend. Genevieve, as if reading his mind, asked him if he wanted to go but he shook his head, relaying to her what he’d already decided in his head.
“What’s up bro?” Chad asked as he approached the bar to get a round of drinks.
“Fuck you Chad,” Genevieve answered.
“Hey, don’t get pissed at me because his boyfriend is being a dick,” Chad didn’t look even a little affected by what was obviously going on around them. Jared stared at his friend; it was as if he didn’t even know this man.
“Thanks for your sympathy man. Remind me to repay the favour when you break up with Soph for the fiftieth time and cry to me about it for weeks on end,” Jared pushed between his friends and heard Chad swear behind him. Before he got too far away he turned around. “And fuck you very much.”
When he turned around Sandy was behind him. “What?”
Her eyes widened and she wouldn’t look him in the eye. “Just… needed a …drink,” she stuttered. Jared rolled his eyes and fought not to scream. He moved to the side to let Sandy pass, refusing to let her touch him when she approached. Just as she opened her mouth to speak a new song started and Jared was frozen by the lyrics.
I’m not gonna try to stop you,
Doesn’t mean that I don’t want to;
If I know you, you’ve already made up your mind.
So go on and go if you're really leavin'
Put a million miles between us
He looked at Jensen who was watching him with tired eyes. There was defeat on his boyfriend’s face, in the way his shoulders were slumped and his head hung low. A solid lump was in his throat, his stomach churning sickly from the emotions swirling with the alcohol he had drank. Instead of taking him to Jensen, his legs walked him through the bar to the men’s room. Thankfully the stall was empty and he politely pushed through the men at the sink and the urinals to lock himself in the stall before his legs gave out on him. His breath came rapidly as the room swam before him and Jared fought not to empty his stomach in the bowl in front of him. Once he was sure he was okay, that the threat of tears had passed and he would be able to walk out of the bar at least somewhat steadily he opened the door. If he was worried that any of his or Jensen’s friends would have followed him in, it was for naught since he was alone in the restroom. The water was cool on his face as he splashed himself, wanting to regain some of the alertness the alcohol had robbed him of.
When he emerged from the bathroom Jared saw Genevieve and Danneel standing at the bar speaking to one another, their arms linked and heads together. Genevieve saw him emerge first and he knew she was going to approach, if not just to make sure he was okay, but Jared didn’t want to speak to anyone. The only person he did want to speak with was in no rush to return the sentiment, so he waved the two women off, ignored the table where up until an hour ago some of the closest people in his life sat and headed to the corner where Jensen sat.
“Jay,” Jensen said roughly. Jared took a closer look now that he was in front of the other man and saw the bags under his eyes, the way his usually bright green eyes were a dull grey. It was clear that Jensen, despite the portrayal he was trying to pull off, was not having that good of a time that night.
“This song is for my best friend and someone very special to him. Sometimes the ones we love are the ones we hurt the most,” Chris’ voice was loud on the microphone. “And sometimes in hurting them, we hurt more than we thought we were capable of.”
Well our love story reads like a book of lies
Good intentions, better alibis
No happy endings, no straight lines
No movin’ on, but no goodbyes
This bittersweet revelry, will be the death of me
“Hi, I’m Misha,” the man with Jensen smiled and held his hand out for Jared to shake. All Jared could do was give a mirthless laugh at the stranger before focusing on Jensen.
“You win.” Jared hadn’t at all thought about what he was going to say. He surprised himself with the words as much as he’d surprised Jensen.
We go round and round, tryin’ to work it out
And all I get is hell-bent and bound
Never far from right where we are
And you would think that we’d get enough
You know we’re goin’ to fuck it up
We’re holdin’ on and sinking down
Here we go round and round
“Win?”
Jared nodded. “Yeah, you win. I get it. I’m too demanding. I’m too much work. I’m whatever else has made you pull away from me and be here with…” He swallowed back a sob as he waved to where Misha sat. “I’m going.” With trembling hands Jared wiped the tears that were pooling in his eyes. His gaze never moved from Jensen’s, he needed him to know just how much he was hurting. Hiding it and getting mad wasn’t going to do anything but make things worse.
Making circles
Making circles
We both need to lead, while we dance alone
One more graceful spin, on who’s right or wrong
The same old words, the same old song
Maybe we’re right, where we belong
It can’t get much better, it sure can’t get worse
Well ether way you turn, it’s gonna hurt
“Jared, don’t do this.” Jensen was pleading but Jared couldn’t understand why. He hadn’t done anything; he wasn’t forcing Jensen’s hand into anything. He had to distance himself from everything before it broke him completely. It wasn’t until that moment, that song playing words that seemed to be truer than anything he’d heard that Jared realized how tired he was. How absolutely fucking exhausted he was.
“I’m not doing anything,” Jared admitted. “Maybe that’s the problem. But there’s nothing I can fucking do about it tonight, not in this state and not here. I need to leave Jen. I can’t be here right now, with your friends and this music that is breaking me wide a-fucking-part. And this…I can’t be here and watch THIS…” Again, Jared pointed to the space between Jensen and Misha. “I love you so fucking much, just try to remember that.”
You’d think that we had had enough
Be sick and tired of fuckin’ up
Holdin’ on, sinkin’ down
Here we go round and round
Jensen fumbled in his chair to stand up but Jared couldn’t only hold his hand out as if to halt him.
“You know where to find me. Just…” Jared blinked the tears out of his eyes. He didn’t even bother to wipe them away as he looked at Misha with sad eyes. He couldn’t even get mad at the other man; it really didn’t have anything to do with him. Jared was surprised to see the depth of emotion in his eyes, the troubled expression on his face, but at no time did he offer to leave them alone. At no time did Jensen request privacy. “…remember I didn’t want this. Whatever this is you’re doing. I never would have wanted this.”
Without looking back Jared walked through the bar and out into the cold January air. He saw a few taxi cabs sitting in the parking lot, most likely waiting for people to need to be taken back into city limits. He climbed into the first one that approached and rambled off his address. Before anyone could text him, he opened up a message and texted Genevieve and Danneel, letting them know he would be okay and he was heading home. He apologized for ruining their night but asked that they not follow him. He needed time alone, and having people around him, watching as his heart broke would be too much for him to bear. Especially people who seemed to not even care about the pain he was in but professed to be his best friends. Jared didn’t know what to think or where to turn, but he knew it was going to have to be alone.
After a hot, nearly scalding shower Jared changed the sheets in his bed and remade it with freshly laundered ones. Sheets that didn’t smell like Jensen, that wouldn’t make him feel even worse than he already did. Tank let out a soft howling whine when he crawled into bed with Jared, as though he sensed the mood his master was in. It was then that Jared let every single emotion he’d been fighting against rise to the surface. He cried long and hard, sobbing so violently that his body shook and he felt physically ill. By the time his roommates returned from the bar, he had fallen into a fitful sleep, aware of the emptiness not only in his heart but his bed.
On To Chapter 9
Masterpost