Another party ruined. It happens all the time. And I still subject myself to it. Each new family event. I die a little bit more. Maybe I'm being too dramatic. Maybe I create the problems myself. Maybe I just want to have control over the situation. But I'll never have control. I have to let go of that! I could have let go and had more fun ( Read more... )

I am not given enough credit. I am only a puppet on a string that everyone's trying to get to walk the most easy road for them! Like I don't know that the only reason my father called tonight to "apologize" in such a fake and unfeeling way only two weeks after I poured my heart out to my sister about them! Who's pulling that string?! How many ( Read more... )

Awesome 2

As worried as I was before, I am more than better now... I was able to see him after all the chaos went down. I was able to comfort him. I was able to help him feel a little better, I hope! It really affected me also, though. His pain became my pain. I wanted to surgically find a way to take on his pain as my own so that he didn't have to ( Read more... )

I don't really know what to think right now. I mean it's all happening right now about 30 minutes away. Whatever it is is happening right now. And I am not a part of it. I don't know if I'd want to be a part of it, but letting my mind wonder about all that can be happening right now just makes me worry. If I were there, then I wouldn't have to ( Read more... )

I have a conversation on my mind right now. It was more of an intervention really. I hope I said the right things. It felt like my heart was melting for him though I knew that most of what he was promising was an attempt to regain control. Also I know that if it was hurtful to him, it may only be in the capacity of not wanting things to change ( Read more... )

I didn't think I would feel it, but I guess it's somewhat impossible to avoid. Especially in this type of relationship. Still it's making me uneasy as this feeling often does. I'm probably just being a baby. Giving this feeling more power than it deserves. Maybe it's a fleeting emotion likes it's been in the past. I will find out. I just ( Read more... )

Why is it that for some reason I fall too hard for people that I shouldn't? And doubt can overwhelm me with my feelings for people that I know will treat me well. Situations as they can be... Everything can change in an instant. I knew for a good couple weeks that I could trust Tommy, but then the anxiety set in and all I could feel was the ( Read more... )

Who's you ( Read more... )

I don't know what I am dancing for ( Read more... )