Fan(tastic) Baby [1/2] [for xfragments]
For: xfragments (surprise!)
Title: Fan(tastic) Baby
Pairing(s)/focus: Jackson/JB
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 12,887 words
Warnings: None
Summary: Jackson starts off as Jaebum’s fan and ends up as his lover.
part one | two
Ever since Jackson moved to South Korea three years ago, he’s encountered a number of social and cultural differences between Korea and his hometown of Hong Kong, the most significant one being the strict social hierarchy that defines the interactions of its fifty million citizens. Even now it still trips him up a bit, and he’s never quite gotten over having to refer to Mark as his ‘hyung’; even though his best friend is technically one year older than him, Jackson has never really thought of Mark as being ‘older’, but he’s had to in Korea.
Aside from all that, another interesting difference is the booming idol industry. Sure, idols exist in mainland China, but the demand for them is much smaller compared with Korea. He was a bit bemused the first time he saw a group of high school girls on their way to a concert, decked out in matching t-shirts and armed with light sticks, banners, and scarves with the letters ‘BTOB’ printed on them, calling themselves ‘Melodies’. At the time, Jackson never imagined he’d ever resemble them.
As much as Jackson would describe himself as someone who love music in general, hip-hop is his favourite genre by far, and it’s pretty well-known that idols and hip-hip don’t exactly mix well. Okay, maybe that’s not always true if his collection of B.A.P., Block B, and BTS-seriously, what is it with ‘B’ groups anyway?-albums is anything to go by. Still, he wouldn’t go so far as to describe himself as their fan, more like a casual listener. He never thought he’d ever get dazzled by the flash and sparkle of any idol group-but that was before he discovered J-Project. It was five months into their debut when Jackson first found out about them. He was bored and looking around for some new music to listen to when he stumbled upon a teaser for their imminent comeback.
Now, if you asked him then Jackson would say that he doesn’t believe in the concept of love at first sight, but that if he did believe in it then he would totally say that it happened with J-Project’s leader, Im Jaebum. Anyone with working eyes could see that the man is incredibly handsome, but it’s wasn’t just his look that had Jackson enraptured as he watched the other man fool around with a basketball on his laptop screen. Jackson, who was already leaning forward, sat up in shock and felt a rush of heat run through his body when Jaebum walked towards the camera and said, “Ey, you like me right?” Logically, Jackson knew that the other man didn’t even know he existed, but in that moment it really felt like he was being personally addressed.
After he thoroughly abused the replay button, Jackson then hopped over to Wikipedia to get some background information on the man in the clip. He was immediately intrigued by the story of how the group came about. J-Project was actually intended to be a duo called JJ project, but a third member with highly rated vocal abilities was added to the line-up shortly before their debut. Jackson wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he first clicked on the link to their debut MV, but he found himself jamming along to the beat-instantly hooked-even though it wasn’t his preferred genre. He went and downloaded the song off iTunes the second it finished playing. After that he looked up the other songs on the mini album, then he looked up clips of their previous interviews, music show performances, variety show appearances, the first season of their web show…it all just snowballed from there. His transformation from non-fan to fanboy happened so fast that even now Jackson’s a bit surprised at how much he loves them. He’s not the only one.
“Holy shit, dude, it looks like you bought enough of their albums to open up your own store!” Mark exclaims as he sifts through the stacks of CD cases in Jackson’s bedroom. “What are you even going to do with all of the extra ones? I doubt you could find enough people to re-sell even half of them.”
Jackson scoffs. “Of course I’m not going to sell them. I’m using them to make a banner for when I go to their fan meet next week,” he holds up the sign he’s currently working on, a mosaic of the three J-Project members with the Hong Kong flag in the upper right corner. “The shiny, reflective side of the CDs are very effective at attracting attention and what better way is there to show my love and dedication than to JP?”
Mark opens his mouth, his eyebrows rising, before he shuts it with a shake of his head. Good. Jackson doesn’t need him or anyone else to understand his love for J-Project, but he won’t abide ridicule (at least not to his face). He’d stop talking to Mark for like a whole day if he ever made fun of him for that. As he’s putting his banner back, his watch starts beeping.
“Oh, it’s almost time for JP’s interview,” Jackson says to himself as he sees the time. “You gonna watch it with me or what?” Jackson calls over his shoulder as he heads into the living room.
“Yeah, why not?” Mark nods as he follows him and throws himself onto Jackson’s sofa.
“I knew it! You like them too, don’t you? I’ll make a Pyjama of you yet, Mark Tuan,” Jackson grins as he plops down beside Mark.
Mark shakes his head with a slight grimace. “Not with that fan name you won’t,” he mutters under his breath as Jackson switches on the television.
“Hello, we are J-Project!” The group says in unison with a bow.
“I still think ‘JYJ’ would’ve been a better name for them than ‘J-Project’,” Mark mutters to himself.
“Pfft, what do you know?” Jackson scoffs without looking at him.
“Hello, I’m power vocal maknae, YJ,” Youngjae says a bit nervously, shifting in his seat, before he bows his head. Jackson grins to himself. Youngjae is only about three years younger than him, but his adorable awkwardness makes him seem a lot younger. He’ll probably grow out of it as he gets used to speaking on camera, but Jackson hopes that’s not for a while at least.
“Hello, I’m the gentlemanly sexy Jr.,” Jinyoung says with a wink and a nod. Jackson shakes his head with a slight chuckle. Personally, he thinks ‘cute’ and ‘playful’ would be more suitable adjectives, he wouldn’t really describe Jinyoung as being any kind of ‘sexy’- well except for his ass, that thing is juicy.
“Hello, I’m JB, the leader of J-Project,” Jaebum says solemnly with a bow. Jackson wraps his arms tightly around himself, sighing dreamily. Mark starts to snicker beside him, but Jackson pays him no mind. He loves J-Project as a group, and he likes all three members as individuals, but Im Jaebum is his absolute favourite. He’s so cool and chic-a man’s man-and if Jackson would pay actual money for the privilege of sucking his cock then that’s between him and God. Besides it’s not like Mark has any room to talk anyway; Jackson has seen him give Jaebum a second-and third-look that time he flashed his chest on their web show.
“What would you say is the difference between your debut song ‘Bounce’ and your new comeback song ‘A’?”
“‘Bounce’ was an energetic, rock-influenced pop song, while ‘A’ is more of a fresh and youthful R&B song,” Jaebum quickly reels off an answer.
“Also, I have parts!” Youngjae bounces in his seat, to fond laughter from Jinyoung and Jaebum. Jackson can’t help but giggle as well, and he sees Mark smiling in his peripheral vision.
“Ah, yes, because Youngjae had such a short training period, singing and dancing was difficult for him, but he’s improved a lot over the past six months,” Jaebum says with a proud smile at the youngest member, reaching over to ruffle his hair. Youngjae grins shyly and ducks his head, but doesn’t try to escape. Jackson is torn between finding the sight adorable and seething with jealousy.
“Awww don’t cry. You can ask JB to pet your hair when you go to their fan meet,” Mark simpers as he rubs Jackson’s arm in mock sympathy.
Jackson kicks him in the shin without moving his eyes from the television. Even if he’s recording it, he doesn’t want to miss a second of Jaebum doing his grandfather impression, Youngjae being pushed to do aegyo, and Jinyoung doing a montage of girl group dances.
“It’s come to our attention that J-Project apparently has a lot of male fans,” the interviewer says. Jackson sits up in his seat.
“I don’t know if I’d say that we have a lot, but the ones that we do have tend to be really passionate,” Jinyoung says pensively. “I’ve seen a couple of them in the audience when we perform at music shows and one in particular really stands out. He’s amazing; he’s come to all our recordings for our comeback so far.”
“Oh, you mean the one who always wears the hats with the same three numbers on it, right?” Youngjae speaks up. Jackson grabs Mark’s hands and squeezes them tightly, holding his breath, ignoring Mark’s pained gasps.
“Ah, him, yeah he’s something else,” Jaebum laughs helplessly, looking down while he rubs his neck. Jackson thrums with excitement in his seat as he shakes Mark, holding fast to his hands while the other man kicks at him, trying to pull away.
“He’s really friendly too. Jaebum-hyung, you missed it because you left the stage so soon, but at the last recording we did, he gave me a pack of herbal tea. When I asked what it was for he told me to tell you to drink it with lots of honey to soothe your sore throat. Hyung hadn’t even revealed that he was sick, the fan just noticed him rubbing his throat at an earlier recording,” Jinyoung says to mild laughter from the interviewer. Jaebum continues to laugh helplessly.
“Did you drink the tea?” The interviewer prompts.
“Yes, I did, and it really did help my throat. If that fan is watching right now, thank you for the gift,” Jaebum bows slightly. Jackson finally releases Mark’s hands as he scrambles up to the television with an eardrum-piercing squeal.
“To close is there a message that you’d like to leave with your fans?”
“Yes, I’d just like to say that we, J-Project, appreciate all the fans that we have-male or female, young or old. We’re a rookie group that still has a lot to learn, but we hope that you will continue to love and support us as we grow. Thank you,” Jaebum says before him and the rest of the group bow to the camera.
“This has been J-Project! Thank you very much.”
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Oh. My. God!” Jackson screams with his head thrown back before he collapses on the floor. Mark kicks him in the side as he passes by, grumbling about needing to get ice for his fingers, but Jackson hardly even feels it. Not only do the members of J-Project remember him, but Im Jaebum personally addressed him on television! It’s simultaneously the best and worst thing that happened to him all year.
“I’m going to their fan sign next week. How am I supposed to look them in the eyes when I know they’ll recognise me? Oh my God, what do I do?!” Jackson wails as he pounds his fists and kicks his feet against the floor.
“Not this,” Mark says sardonically, his hand making a sweeping gesture over Jackson’s body.
“Mark!” Jackson sits up, “I need you to come with me as moral support. I can’t face them alone,” Jackson whines as he attaches himself to Mark’s legs, burying his face in the other’s jeans.
“Hey, get off,” Mark fusses as he tries to shake Jackson off; Jackson simply clings tighter. “Alright, alright, I’ll come with and make sure you don’t humiliate yourself,” Mark concedes with a sigh.
“Ah, I knew I kept you around for a reason,” Jackson sighs in relief, letting go of Mark’s legs to jump up and pull his best friend into a hug.
“Yeah, yeah,” Mark says dryly, patting Jackson a bit too hard on the back.
Jackson pulls back, pushing out his lower lip and blinking his eyes. “Will you help me finish my banner?”
“As if,” Mark cackles.
“Some friend you are,” Jackson scoffs. Mark shoots him a sickeningly sweet smile.
On the actual day of the fan meet, Jackson checks and rechecks his hair, clothes, shoes, and accessories no less than ten times. He’s torn between his all-black-everything look and his high school jock look. From the way Mark’s tapping his feet with his lips pressed together, Jackson can tell he’s getting annoyed at having to wait so long for Jackson to come to a decision, but he can’t help it.
“Should I comb my bangs down or put them up under my hat? I think bangs up suits my current outfit more, but bangs down really brings out my eyes. What do you think?”
“I think I’m about to get up and walk out whether you’re ready to go or not,” Mark says in that even, measured tone he uses when he’s trying not to lose his temper.
“Alright, just one more outfit change and then I swear I’ll be ready,” Jackson says imploringly before he runs off to his wardrobe. He hears Mark sigh and knows he’ll stick around. What a guy. You can’t buy friends like Mark. “Aright, I’m ready now. How do I look? I think this look suits their new concept.” Jackson says as he turns around, modelling the white t-shirt and light blue bomber jacket with long, brown sleeves, worn with dark blue jeans, and Tims. “Oh shit, I just realised that they remember me for my hats but a hat doesn’t suit this outfit,” Jackson frets.
“Forget the hat. We’re going. Now,” Mark says as he grabs Jackson by his arms and frog-marches him out the door.
There are a more people at the venue than Jackson thought there would be, which means that he has to wait a lot longer in line when it’s time for fans to go up to the stage, allowing him even more time for his hands to get sweaty and clammy. Jackson sees a couple of other guys here and there, but they all seem to have come alone or with a group of female friends; he and Mark seem to be the only guys who came with another guy. Is that weird? Are they weird? Will J-Project think he’s weird? Will Jaebum think he’s weird?
“Dude, calm down, you look like you’re going to throw up,” Mark says as he soothingly rubs Jackson’s back. “Just take deep breaths, yeah?”
Right, deep breaths. Jackson does as he’s told and he must admit that he feels less nauseous, but the deep breathing just makes the sound of his own heartbeat ringing in his ears that much louder. One minute and two lifetimes simultaneously pass before they finally make it to the table and, despite the way he had been hyping himself up for days, Jackson still isn’t prepared.
Youngjae beams up at Jackson when their eyes meet. “Oh, it’s you! You’re the one who gave Jaebum-hyung the tea.” If being acknowledged on television felt like his heart stopping then being acknowledged in person feels like his soul leaving his body. “I see you brought a friend this time,” Youngjae says with a glance at Mark. Jackson nods dumbly. Mark pries away the album he has clutched in his hands and gives it to Youngjae to sign.
“Normally he’s so loud and chatty, it’s actually kind of freaky seeing him go so quiet. He might faint when he gets to talk to Jaebum,” Mark chuckles. Jackson would kick him if he could feel his legs.
“Well, it was nice meeting you. I’ll look out for you at our next recording. By the way, I like your banner. It must’ve taken a while to recreate that scene from our MV, and you did it so skilfully,” Youngjae grins, flashing the peace sign, and then they’re moving down the table to stand in front of Jinyoung. As they wait for him to finish signing a page from a magazine containing one of their photo shoots, Mark rubs Jackson’s back and shoulders, whispering in his ear for him to breathe.
“Oh, hi,” Jinyoung greets them when he’s finished, his eyes sparkling with recognition. “Hey, hyung, this is the male fan that brought the tea,” Jinyoung says as he taps Jaebum on the arm. Before Jackson can blink, Jaebum’s piercing brown eyes are staring up at him in consideration.
“Hi,” Jackson squeaks timidly.
“Hello and thank you,” Jaebum inclines his head, the corner of his lips curving to form a smile. Jackson wobbles a bit on his feet, but at least he doesn’t faint. As Mark takes back the album from Jinyoung and gives it to Jaebum to sign, Jackson opens and closes his mouth, trying to form words.
“Hyung, you’re the best. Your voice is so soulful that I’m touched whenever I hear it, your dancing is amazing and you take your responsibilities as leader so seriously. To me you’re an example not just of an idol but also a man and I’ll always be your fan,” Jackson pants slightly at the sudden spillage of the words out of his mouth.
Jaebum blinks a bit in surprise before a shy smile blooms on his face. “Oh wow, thank you for saying such kind words. What’s your name?” Jaebum asks as he signs Jackson’s album. Jackson soundlessly opens and closes his mouth.
“Jackson. His name is Jackson,” Mark supplies helpfully.
“Jackson, eh? With your ‘J’ name, you could be an unofficial member of J-Project,” Jaebum winks playfully. It takes all of Jackson’s strength of will to keep himself standing. “Well, Jackson, I hope to see you again at another event.” Jaebum holds his hand out to shake. Jackson blinks at in surprise before he latches onto it and shakes it with both of his hands.
“Come on, don’t wring his arm out of its socket. It’s time to go,” Mark takes hold of both of his shoulders and pulls him away. Jackson turns his head to see Jaebum wave at him. He keeps staring until Mark pulls him out of sight. “You know, with the way you go on about Jaebum, I half expected you to try to hump his leg. Congratulations on not doing anything too embarrassing,” Mark says with a playful hip check, his hands still gripping Jackson by the shoulders.
“He knows my name now. And we shook hands. Oh my God, I touched him,” Jackson says faintly while staring down at his hands. There’s a faint tingling just below the skin on his finger; he wiggles them. Mark pats him on the shoulder and continues to guide him away. Jackson thinks he’s leading them back to the bus stop, but he blinks when Mark pulls him inside a café and pushes him into a seat.
“You’ve got to come up some time and I’d rather it not be while we’re on public transportation,” Mark calls over his shoulder as he heads to the counter. When he comes back, he sets a latte and a slice of cake down in front of himself and a bottle of water in front of Jackson. Jackson blankly watches him tuck into his snack before a cold shiver racks his body.
“Holy shit, I just met J-Project!” Jackson jumps in his seat; his knees bump the table, jolting Mark’s cake and knocking his water bottle on its side. Mark picks it up and unscrews the cap before he hands the bottle back to Jackson. Jackson takes it and gulps down half its contents.
“Feeling better now?”
“Yeah, thanks, man. Wow, for a little while I actually breathed the same air as them. Amazing,” Jackson breathes and Mark gives him a thumb up that’s not completely sarcastic. Unbeknownst to him, he’ll get to do that and much more later on, but for now Jackson loses himself in the memory of Jaebum shaking his hand and smiling at him.
Jackson wouldn’t ever describe himself as a Big Name Fan, but there is a fairly sizeable group of people that he chats with online about J-Project. It came about on a fan forum one day when he mentioned he was from Hong Kong. Initially they all were interested in hearing about why someone from Hong Kong would come to Korea to study and how someone-and a guy to boot-who wasn’t interested in idols became such a huge JP fan. From then on, they were curious as to what he thought about the songs on their mini albums, whether he liked the concept for their debut or comeback better, who he thinks is the best singer and so on. Jackson doesn’t really think his opinions are all that interesting, but it’s not like he’ll ever chase away anyone who wants to hear them.
When he mentioned that he worked as a barista, some of them mentioned how lucky they thought he was. As naïve teenagers who clearly have never worked in a coffee shop, they seemed to think of the job in a romantic light with the fantasy that one day someone famous or handsome, or handsome and famous could walk right through the door and that would be the start of a wonderful love story. Jackson simply said it wasn’t as great as that, biting back the stories of assholes who picked fights with him just because they knew he couldn’t say anything back to them, fussy customers who would demand to see the manager if the milk in their latte wasn’t steamed at exactly 70.5°C, and the occasional weirdo who asked him to put the coffee directly in their child’s baby bottle so they wouldn’t spill any while transferring it from the cup. It isn’t the worst job he’s ever had-no, that dubious honour goes to the four weeks he served as a camp counsellor in summer ‘09-but it’s certainly not the greatest job either. He never had any expectations of meeting anyone famous in the slightly dingy place he works at, his favourite celebrity least of all, but life can be very unpredictable.
“Could I have five double espressos and a mocha latte with extra whipped cream to go?”
He’s wearing huge sunglasses that cover up half his face, but Jackson could pick him out of a line-up based on nothing but his right eyebrow and of course he’d recognise that sweet, sultry voice anywhere.
“Hello?” Jaebum asks, sounding a bit impatient.
“Hi,” Jackson says meekly. Jaebum tilts his head before his mouth falls slightly open.
“It’s you, Jackson, right?” he asks and Jackson nearly wets himself.
“Yes, yes, it’s me. Oh my God, I can’t believe you remembered my name,” Jackson gushes.
“It’s an unusual name in this country. Plus, I had a bit of help,” Jaebum chuckles as he gestures to the hat sitting on top of Jackson’s head. To think Mark thought it was ridiculous of him to wear clothes with his own name printed on it. Suck it, Mark. “I hate to sound demanding, but we’re kind of on a tight schedule,” Jaebum says with a glance at his watch.
“Right, sorry. I’ll get right on it,” Jackson babbles before he throws himself at the espresso machine. “From your order, I’m guessing you’re going to be pulling an all-nighter tonight,” Jackson surprises himself by being able to talk to Jaebum and make his coffee at the same time.
“Hmmm,” Jaebum nods noncommittally.
“Must be difficult to be so busy,” Jackson says, biting his lip. As much as he enjoys seeing J-Project in shows as often as he can, he’s well aware that their resting time is the toll that is paid for their many activities.
“After enduring years of uncertainty of not knowing whether or not I’d debut and having no idea about what I’d do with myself if I failed, I don’t mind being busy until I’m dead.” Jackson blinks, that’s the most candid thing he’s ever heard Jaebum say. Jaebum seems to realise it too, because he turns away to look out the shop window. Jackson wants to kick himself for inadvertently making the other man uncomfortable, but he settles for remaining quiet and leaving Jaebum to his thoughts while he finishes with his order.
“Your five double espressos and a mocha latte with extra whipped cream are ready to go,” Jackson announces when he’s finished.
“How much is that?”
Jackson waves his hand. “Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house.” He mentally cringes at the thought of having to pick up the tab with his own wages, but he really wants Jaebum to leave without any lingering negative impressions about him.
“Really, how much is it?” Jackson can see just enough of his eyebrows to tell that they’re furrowed.
“You shouldn’t be wasting time with that. Didn’t you say you’re on a tight schedule?” Jaebum frowns before he takes out his wallet and pulls out a single note, plopping it down on the table before he grabs his coffees and makes for the door. “Hey, wait! This is too much,” Jackson calls after him, holding up the note.
“If you care that much then give me my change the next time you come to one of our events,” Jaebum says with a smirk before he’s out the door. Jackson gapes for a moment at the door, before he’s smiling so hard that is cheeks ache.
“Excuse me, could I have a refill?” Jackson snaps back into attention and turns to the woman in her mid twenties who’s been lounging in a corner booth with her shoes off.
“I could make you another mocaccino, but you would have to pay for it.”
“What kind of lousy coffee shop doesn’t give free refills? I’d like to speak to the manager,” she fumes. Jackson sighs as he heads into the back room, but it’s not long before his lips are quirking up again. Working in a coffee shop really isn’t all that bad.
“Mark, dude, you’ll never believe what happened at my shift today!” Jackson phones him the second he gets back to his flat.
“Did that weirdo in the green cat costume come back again?”
“What? No. It was something good, great even,” Jackson gushes as he throws himself onto his sofa. He’ll never guess what happened.
“Hmmm I dunno, did a celebrity stop by?” Mark asks, slowly chewing over the words before they leave his mouth.
“Uh, yeah,” Jackson says, still excited, but deflating a bit.
“Holy shit, was it a member of J-Project? Did JB stop by?”
“Hey, how’d you know?” Jackson pouts.
“Please, who else could make you this excited?” Mark scoffs. “So, what happened? Did you throw up on his shoes from shock?”
“Of course I didn’t,” Jackson scoffs back as if he didn’t almost soil himself when Jaebum called him by name. “We chatted a bit while I made his coffee, and I kind of said too much, but then he smiled at me when he was leaving and said I should come see him at another fan sign!” If experiencing it was odd, then recounting it is downright surreal.
“Oh wow, I’ll have to mention this when I make my best man speech at your wedding,” Mark chuckles.
“Don’t make me hang up on you, Mark Tuan,” Jackson warns with no real heat, too preoccupied with the thought of Jaebum in a white tuxedo holding his hand out for Jackson to take, a dazzling smile on his face.
“You’re imagining it, aren’t you?” Mark laughs hysterically. Jackson hangs up on him, tossing his phone aside. It takes about half a minute for it to ring.
“Are you done being a dickhead?”
“Nope,” Mark chirps with a voice full of mirth.
“Why do I even bother with you?” Jackson shakes his head.
“So when is the next event?”
“The next fan sign I can go to is in two weeks, but they’re going to be recording at Music Bank before that, so I’m going to try to go then as well.”
As it turns out, Jackson ends up spending the afternoon of the recording coughing and blowing his nose, feeling like a piece of used gum stuck to the bottom of someone’s shoe. If that wasn’t enough, he found out that he misread the due date of an important assignment and had to power through his flu to catch up with the required research required.
“This fucking sucks,” he wails to Mark, despairing at how nasally his voice sounds as he tries not to drip phlegm on his textbook.
“Hush, these things happen,” Mark says as he rests a tray with chicken soup, a glass of water and medication in front of Jackson. “Eat this, take these, and feel better.”
Jackson miserably wipes his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie, but does as he’s told. There’s no way he’s going to miss JP’s fan sign, and he’s not going to go there looking a gross, flu-y mess. Luckily, fortune seemed to have found favour with him again, because he recovers quickly and is in great condition as he dresses for the event.
“Do I still need to come with you? You seem to have done just fine talking to JB on your own,” Mark says as he plays a game on his phone while he waits for Jackson to finish accessorising.
“Of course you need to come, I might need you. Anyway, don’t try and act like you don’t want to go see them,” Jackson says dismissively while readjusting his hat.
“I don’t though. I like some of their songs, but I wouldn’t exactly call myself a fan.”
“Hey I already know everything/So why are you hiding/It’s written all over your face that you like JP,” Jackson sings as he skips up to Mark, finally satisfied with his appearance. It’s just a light grey hoodie worn over a white t-shirt, blue jeans and a light grey hat, but he likes it because it makes him look cute and approachable but still kinda tough and masculine at the same time.
“I’ve noticed your wardrobe palette gets a lot lighter when you dress for these things,” Mark comments as he looks over Jackson’s outfit.
“Notice all you like, but let’s get going,” Jackson says as he grabs his photo book and links his arm with Mark’s.
Jackson doesn’t know for sure, but there seems to be a bit more people at this fan sign than the last one. On the one hand, he’s happy that his favourite group are getting more popular-in fact, he’ll probably piss himself in excitement when they finally get a number one song-but he can’t help but be a tiny bit annoyed at how much longer he’s going to have to wait in line now, how much more difficult it will be to get into their events in future.
“Hey, man, how’s it going?” Jackson grins as Jinyoung greets him in English, holding his hand out. When Jackson takes it, Jinyoung pulls him in and briefly wraps his other arm around his back.
“I’m good, I’m good,” Jackson laughs as he hands Jinyoung his photo book to sign.
“Excellent!” Jackson giggles. “Where are you originally from anyway? Your Korean is good, but you still have an accent. Plus, you speak English so well,” Jinyoung says, switching back to Korean.
“I was born and raised in Hong Kong.”
“Oh, cool. I hope you like Korea,” Jinyoung waves.
“I definitely do,” Jackson nods before he moves down the table.
“Hello, again. How have you been since the last time we met?” Youngjae asks with a bright smile.
“I was actually sick earlier, but thankfully I recovered in time for this,” Jackson says as he opens his photo book to the page he had bookmarked for Youngjae to sign. Jackson grins to himself when he reads the message Youngjae writes above his signature, ‘The next time you feel unwell, listen to our songs and let my voice soothe you to health~’.
“Can you sign this? Please address it to ‘Mark’,” Mark says to Jinyoung as he pulls a copy of their latest album out of his pocket. A grin slowly spreads across Jackson’s face. Mark warningly wags his index finger in Jackson’s face. “Shut up. I may as well get it signed, since I’m here.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Jackson giggles. His laughter and his breath are sucked out of him as he stops in front of Jaebum.
“Hey,” the older man says with a lazy smile. “Did you bring my change?”
“Uh, yeah,” Jackson says before he rifles through his pockets and pulls out a handful of notes and coins. “I did, actually.”
“You even brought the receipt. You really are something else,” Jaebum chuckles, shaking his head. Jackson ducks his head to hide his grin and reddening cheeks and hands him his photo book to sign.
“Sorry I missed you at Music Bank by the way. We were running so late behind schedule that we couldn’t stay and chat with fans after rehearsal,” Jaebum says as he signs the picture of himself riding a skateboard in a tank top and a pair of ripped jeans. Jackson’s heart leaps into his throat, but he forces it back down because Jaebum didn’t mean it like that.
“It’s okay, I wasn’t there anyway. I wanted to go, but I caught a cold and had a paper to work on.”
“I’m sorry to hear that you got sick. You’re looking a lot better now. I mean, you look well. You know, like you’re not ill anymore.”
“Oh, thanks,” Jackson says, feeling his cheeks heating up even more. Again, he tells himself to being stupid; Jaebum isn’t hitting on him.
“What are you studying anyway?” Jaebum tilts his head.
“Sports physiotherapy; it’s pretty personal for me,” Jackson says a bit nervously, his hand unconsciously scratching at his right knee.
“You’re an athlete?” Jaebum asks with raised eyebrows.
“I was,” Jackson says plainly. Jaebum opens his mouth, but a coordinator is upon Jackson, telling him that he’s been there long enough and it’s time to move along out of the line. Jackson has only enough time to take his photo book back before he’s being led away.
Seeing Jaebum at the coffee shop was strange the first time, but it’s surprisingly even more bizarre seeing him the second time. He rushes up to the counter, skipping ahead of a couple of teenaged stoners with dyed hair who can’t decide what they want.
“Hey, I can’t stay long. Could I get a chocolate muffin to go?” Jackson quickly gets the muffin and puts it in a paper bag, blinking in surprise when Jaebum hands him a folded bit of paper along with money-too much, again-for the muffin.
“Later,” he grins as he runs out of the shop, his exit every bit as abrupt as his entrance. Jackson tilts his head and blinks down at the paper Jaebum slipped into his hand.
“Hey, we’re ready to order now.” Jackson looks up. “Yeah, we’d like two cheese sandwiches, four blueberry muffins and two cappuccinos,” the one with blue hair drawls lazily.
“Wait, I thought we were gonna get four cheese sandwiches and two blueberry muffins,” his tall, blond friend taps him on the arm.
“Did we? Sorry, man, it’s gonna take a little longer than I thought,” Blue scratches his head.
“Right, okay,” Jackson waves a hand at them before he turns his attention back to the paper, unfolding it to see ‘@d_soul’ neatly scribbled on the inside. It takes him a moment, but he soon realises that it’s a twitter handle. He’s confused for another moment because the J-Project members don’t have individual accounts-they send tweets to fans through the group’s official twitter account-but his pulse jumps when he realises that it must be Jaebum’s secret, personal twitter account. He clutches the paper to his chest for a few seconds before he quickly shoves it into his pocket.
“I don’t feel for a hot drink right now. I think I want an iced coffee,” Blond murmurs while scratching his chin.
“At this point, I don’t even know if I want coffee anymore,” Blue says wistfully. Jackson feels a vein jump in his neck.
“How about I order for you since you seem to be having trouble?” he asks with forced politeness.
“Oh, okay, man. You work here, so you should know the good stuff,” Blue chirps while Blond nods in agreement.
Jackson slaps together the two most half-hearted cups of coffee he’s ever made in his career as a barista and he sends them both on their way with four slices of carrot cake. Once they’re gone, he’s free to take out his phone and pull up the Twitter app. He searches for the handle that Jaebum gave him and sees that it’s a locked account. Jackson clicks the follow button and stares at the screen, as if that will decrease the time it will take for Jaebum to approve him as a follower. After about three minutes of staring, Jackson has to put his phone down to get some more carrot cake for Blue and Blond. Once he’s finished with them-hopefully for good-he checks his phone again and sees that he’s been approved to follow Jaebum. Any doubts Jackson might have had are obliterated when he reads the direct message from d_soul saying ‘The muffin was delicious.’ Jackson wants to reply but all he can do is jump up and down on the spot and squeal.
He’s got a long Exercise Physiology lecture to sit through before he can call it a day, but Jackson may as well have just gone home for all the focus can manage to drum up during class. He spends the entire two hour period staring at his phone and tapping his pen against his knee, trying to think up a good reply to Jaebum’s message. By the time he gets home, he’s written and re-written his reply a dozen times, but still hasn’t sent anything off yet. Should he continue with the muffin thing and say something like ‘i didn’t make it, but thanks’? Should he do the safe, boring thing and just ask Jaebum how his day went? Would it be weird if he goes for nonchalance and messages him back like they’re old friends? Jaebum give him his twitter handle because he wants to talk to him right? But not too much since he didn’t give his KakaoTalk or LINE? Maybe he’s just over thinking this…
Ping!
“Oh, shit!” Jackson jumps, nearly dropping his phone. It’s a message from Jaebum.
‘I’m at the studio waiting for my time to sing. I’m so tired but I can’t sleep ㅠㅠ what are you doing?’
‘just got home, wondering what to have for dinner. after that i need to go over my notes for an upcoming test.’ Jackson screws up his face, lamenting how mind-numbingly boring that message sounds. He wants to erase it and re-write it, but he’s unable to think up anything better than that and he doesn’t want to keep Jaebum waiting.
Jaebum’s reply comes quickly. ‘I remember you said you were studying sports physiotherapy. Is that right?’
Jackson blinks in surprise at the fact that Jaebum actually remembered that. He types out his reply with his heart thudding against his ribcage. ‘yeah, that’s right.’
‘And you said you used to be an athlete. Can I ask what happened?’ Jackson chews on his lip for a long moment as he stares at the screen. It’s been two years since he got his career-ending injury, so it’s not exactly a fresh wound, but it’s not been so long that the hurt has all but disappeared yet. ‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I was just curious…’
Jackson sucks in a breath and quickly types out his response. ‘no, it’s okay it’s just that it’s a difficult thing to talk about in 140 characters or less, you know?’
‘I understand. My line id is defjeffb, add me?’
“Oh my God!” Jackson jumps, his phone falling to the floor. He does about ten laps around his living room before he finally throws himself down on the sofa again and searches for Jaebum, sending him a friend request. About half a minute later, Jackson’s phone pings with the distinctive LINE notification noise.
‘Hey! Look, it’s my turn to record so I’ve got to go, but message me and I’ll get back to you later, okay?’ Jaebum’s message reads, and then he sends a ‘See you later’ panda sticker for good measure. Jackson picks up a cushion and buries his face into it as he screams out in pure, unadulterated joy. Man, he has so much to tell Mark.
part one | two
Title: Fan(tastic) Baby
Pairing(s)/focus: Jackson/JB
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 12,887 words
Warnings: None
Summary: Jackson starts off as Jaebum’s fan and ends up as his lover.
part one | two
Ever since Jackson moved to South Korea three years ago, he’s encountered a number of social and cultural differences between Korea and his hometown of Hong Kong, the most significant one being the strict social hierarchy that defines the interactions of its fifty million citizens. Even now it still trips him up a bit, and he’s never quite gotten over having to refer to Mark as his ‘hyung’; even though his best friend is technically one year older than him, Jackson has never really thought of Mark as being ‘older’, but he’s had to in Korea.
Aside from all that, another interesting difference is the booming idol industry. Sure, idols exist in mainland China, but the demand for them is much smaller compared with Korea. He was a bit bemused the first time he saw a group of high school girls on their way to a concert, decked out in matching t-shirts and armed with light sticks, banners, and scarves with the letters ‘BTOB’ printed on them, calling themselves ‘Melodies’. At the time, Jackson never imagined he’d ever resemble them.
As much as Jackson would describe himself as someone who love music in general, hip-hop is his favourite genre by far, and it’s pretty well-known that idols and hip-hip don’t exactly mix well. Okay, maybe that’s not always true if his collection of B.A.P., Block B, and BTS-seriously, what is it with ‘B’ groups anyway?-albums is anything to go by. Still, he wouldn’t go so far as to describe himself as their fan, more like a casual listener. He never thought he’d ever get dazzled by the flash and sparkle of any idol group-but that was before he discovered J-Project. It was five months into their debut when Jackson first found out about them. He was bored and looking around for some new music to listen to when he stumbled upon a teaser for their imminent comeback.
Now, if you asked him then Jackson would say that he doesn’t believe in the concept of love at first sight, but that if he did believe in it then he would totally say that it happened with J-Project’s leader, Im Jaebum. Anyone with working eyes could see that the man is incredibly handsome, but it’s wasn’t just his look that had Jackson enraptured as he watched the other man fool around with a basketball on his laptop screen. Jackson, who was already leaning forward, sat up in shock and felt a rush of heat run through his body when Jaebum walked towards the camera and said, “Ey, you like me right?” Logically, Jackson knew that the other man didn’t even know he existed, but in that moment it really felt like he was being personally addressed.
After he thoroughly abused the replay button, Jackson then hopped over to Wikipedia to get some background information on the man in the clip. He was immediately intrigued by the story of how the group came about. J-Project was actually intended to be a duo called JJ project, but a third member with highly rated vocal abilities was added to the line-up shortly before their debut. Jackson wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he first clicked on the link to their debut MV, but he found himself jamming along to the beat-instantly hooked-even though it wasn’t his preferred genre. He went and downloaded the song off iTunes the second it finished playing. After that he looked up the other songs on the mini album, then he looked up clips of their previous interviews, music show performances, variety show appearances, the first season of their web show…it all just snowballed from there. His transformation from non-fan to fanboy happened so fast that even now Jackson’s a bit surprised at how much he loves them. He’s not the only one.
“Holy shit, dude, it looks like you bought enough of their albums to open up your own store!” Mark exclaims as he sifts through the stacks of CD cases in Jackson’s bedroom. “What are you even going to do with all of the extra ones? I doubt you could find enough people to re-sell even half of them.”
Jackson scoffs. “Of course I’m not going to sell them. I’m using them to make a banner for when I go to their fan meet next week,” he holds up the sign he’s currently working on, a mosaic of the three J-Project members with the Hong Kong flag in the upper right corner. “The shiny, reflective side of the CDs are very effective at attracting attention and what better way is there to show my love and dedication than to JP?”
Mark opens his mouth, his eyebrows rising, before he shuts it with a shake of his head. Good. Jackson doesn’t need him or anyone else to understand his love for J-Project, but he won’t abide ridicule (at least not to his face). He’d stop talking to Mark for like a whole day if he ever made fun of him for that. As he’s putting his banner back, his watch starts beeping.
“Oh, it’s almost time for JP’s interview,” Jackson says to himself as he sees the time. “You gonna watch it with me or what?” Jackson calls over his shoulder as he heads into the living room.
“Yeah, why not?” Mark nods as he follows him and throws himself onto Jackson’s sofa.
“I knew it! You like them too, don’t you? I’ll make a Pyjama of you yet, Mark Tuan,” Jackson grins as he plops down beside Mark.
Mark shakes his head with a slight grimace. “Not with that fan name you won’t,” he mutters under his breath as Jackson switches on the television.
“Hello, we are J-Project!” The group says in unison with a bow.
“I still think ‘JYJ’ would’ve been a better name for them than ‘J-Project’,” Mark mutters to himself.
“Pfft, what do you know?” Jackson scoffs without looking at him.
“Hello, I’m power vocal maknae, YJ,” Youngjae says a bit nervously, shifting in his seat, before he bows his head. Jackson grins to himself. Youngjae is only about three years younger than him, but his adorable awkwardness makes him seem a lot younger. He’ll probably grow out of it as he gets used to speaking on camera, but Jackson hopes that’s not for a while at least.
“Hello, I’m the gentlemanly sexy Jr.,” Jinyoung says with a wink and a nod. Jackson shakes his head with a slight chuckle. Personally, he thinks ‘cute’ and ‘playful’ would be more suitable adjectives, he wouldn’t really describe Jinyoung as being any kind of ‘sexy’- well except for his ass, that thing is juicy.
“Hello, I’m JB, the leader of J-Project,” Jaebum says solemnly with a bow. Jackson wraps his arms tightly around himself, sighing dreamily. Mark starts to snicker beside him, but Jackson pays him no mind. He loves J-Project as a group, and he likes all three members as individuals, but Im Jaebum is his absolute favourite. He’s so cool and chic-a man’s man-and if Jackson would pay actual money for the privilege of sucking his cock then that’s between him and God. Besides it’s not like Mark has any room to talk anyway; Jackson has seen him give Jaebum a second-and third-look that time he flashed his chest on their web show.
“What would you say is the difference between your debut song ‘Bounce’ and your new comeback song ‘A’?”
“‘Bounce’ was an energetic, rock-influenced pop song, while ‘A’ is more of a fresh and youthful R&B song,” Jaebum quickly reels off an answer.
“Also, I have parts!” Youngjae bounces in his seat, to fond laughter from Jinyoung and Jaebum. Jackson can’t help but giggle as well, and he sees Mark smiling in his peripheral vision.
“Ah, yes, because Youngjae had such a short training period, singing and dancing was difficult for him, but he’s improved a lot over the past six months,” Jaebum says with a proud smile at the youngest member, reaching over to ruffle his hair. Youngjae grins shyly and ducks his head, but doesn’t try to escape. Jackson is torn between finding the sight adorable and seething with jealousy.
“Awww don’t cry. You can ask JB to pet your hair when you go to their fan meet,” Mark simpers as he rubs Jackson’s arm in mock sympathy.
Jackson kicks him in the shin without moving his eyes from the television. Even if he’s recording it, he doesn’t want to miss a second of Jaebum doing his grandfather impression, Youngjae being pushed to do aegyo, and Jinyoung doing a montage of girl group dances.
“It’s come to our attention that J-Project apparently has a lot of male fans,” the interviewer says. Jackson sits up in his seat.
“I don’t know if I’d say that we have a lot, but the ones that we do have tend to be really passionate,” Jinyoung says pensively. “I’ve seen a couple of them in the audience when we perform at music shows and one in particular really stands out. He’s amazing; he’s come to all our recordings for our comeback so far.”
“Oh, you mean the one who always wears the hats with the same three numbers on it, right?” Youngjae speaks up. Jackson grabs Mark’s hands and squeezes them tightly, holding his breath, ignoring Mark’s pained gasps.
“Ah, him, yeah he’s something else,” Jaebum laughs helplessly, looking down while he rubs his neck. Jackson thrums with excitement in his seat as he shakes Mark, holding fast to his hands while the other man kicks at him, trying to pull away.
“He’s really friendly too. Jaebum-hyung, you missed it because you left the stage so soon, but at the last recording we did, he gave me a pack of herbal tea. When I asked what it was for he told me to tell you to drink it with lots of honey to soothe your sore throat. Hyung hadn’t even revealed that he was sick, the fan just noticed him rubbing his throat at an earlier recording,” Jinyoung says to mild laughter from the interviewer. Jaebum continues to laugh helplessly.
“Did you drink the tea?” The interviewer prompts.
“Yes, I did, and it really did help my throat. If that fan is watching right now, thank you for the gift,” Jaebum bows slightly. Jackson finally releases Mark’s hands as he scrambles up to the television with an eardrum-piercing squeal.
“To close is there a message that you’d like to leave with your fans?”
“Yes, I’d just like to say that we, J-Project, appreciate all the fans that we have-male or female, young or old. We’re a rookie group that still has a lot to learn, but we hope that you will continue to love and support us as we grow. Thank you,” Jaebum says before him and the rest of the group bow to the camera.
“This has been J-Project! Thank you very much.”
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Oh. My. God!” Jackson screams with his head thrown back before he collapses on the floor. Mark kicks him in the side as he passes by, grumbling about needing to get ice for his fingers, but Jackson hardly even feels it. Not only do the members of J-Project remember him, but Im Jaebum personally addressed him on television! It’s simultaneously the best and worst thing that happened to him all year.
“I’m going to their fan sign next week. How am I supposed to look them in the eyes when I know they’ll recognise me? Oh my God, what do I do?!” Jackson wails as he pounds his fists and kicks his feet against the floor.
“Not this,” Mark says sardonically, his hand making a sweeping gesture over Jackson’s body.
“Mark!” Jackson sits up, “I need you to come with me as moral support. I can’t face them alone,” Jackson whines as he attaches himself to Mark’s legs, burying his face in the other’s jeans.
“Hey, get off,” Mark fusses as he tries to shake Jackson off; Jackson simply clings tighter. “Alright, alright, I’ll come with and make sure you don’t humiliate yourself,” Mark concedes with a sigh.
“Ah, I knew I kept you around for a reason,” Jackson sighs in relief, letting go of Mark’s legs to jump up and pull his best friend into a hug.
“Yeah, yeah,” Mark says dryly, patting Jackson a bit too hard on the back.
Jackson pulls back, pushing out his lower lip and blinking his eyes. “Will you help me finish my banner?”
“As if,” Mark cackles.
“Some friend you are,” Jackson scoffs. Mark shoots him a sickeningly sweet smile.
On the actual day of the fan meet, Jackson checks and rechecks his hair, clothes, shoes, and accessories no less than ten times. He’s torn between his all-black-everything look and his high school jock look. From the way Mark’s tapping his feet with his lips pressed together, Jackson can tell he’s getting annoyed at having to wait so long for Jackson to come to a decision, but he can’t help it.
“Should I comb my bangs down or put them up under my hat? I think bangs up suits my current outfit more, but bangs down really brings out my eyes. What do you think?”
“I think I’m about to get up and walk out whether you’re ready to go or not,” Mark says in that even, measured tone he uses when he’s trying not to lose his temper.
“Alright, just one more outfit change and then I swear I’ll be ready,” Jackson says imploringly before he runs off to his wardrobe. He hears Mark sigh and knows he’ll stick around. What a guy. You can’t buy friends like Mark. “Aright, I’m ready now. How do I look? I think this look suits their new concept.” Jackson says as he turns around, modelling the white t-shirt and light blue bomber jacket with long, brown sleeves, worn with dark blue jeans, and Tims. “Oh shit, I just realised that they remember me for my hats but a hat doesn’t suit this outfit,” Jackson frets.
“Forget the hat. We’re going. Now,” Mark says as he grabs Jackson by his arms and frog-marches him out the door.
There are a more people at the venue than Jackson thought there would be, which means that he has to wait a lot longer in line when it’s time for fans to go up to the stage, allowing him even more time for his hands to get sweaty and clammy. Jackson sees a couple of other guys here and there, but they all seem to have come alone or with a group of female friends; he and Mark seem to be the only guys who came with another guy. Is that weird? Are they weird? Will J-Project think he’s weird? Will Jaebum think he’s weird?
“Dude, calm down, you look like you’re going to throw up,” Mark says as he soothingly rubs Jackson’s back. “Just take deep breaths, yeah?”
Right, deep breaths. Jackson does as he’s told and he must admit that he feels less nauseous, but the deep breathing just makes the sound of his own heartbeat ringing in his ears that much louder. One minute and two lifetimes simultaneously pass before they finally make it to the table and, despite the way he had been hyping himself up for days, Jackson still isn’t prepared.
Youngjae beams up at Jackson when their eyes meet. “Oh, it’s you! You’re the one who gave Jaebum-hyung the tea.” If being acknowledged on television felt like his heart stopping then being acknowledged in person feels like his soul leaving his body. “I see you brought a friend this time,” Youngjae says with a glance at Mark. Jackson nods dumbly. Mark pries away the album he has clutched in his hands and gives it to Youngjae to sign.
“Normally he’s so loud and chatty, it’s actually kind of freaky seeing him go so quiet. He might faint when he gets to talk to Jaebum,” Mark chuckles. Jackson would kick him if he could feel his legs.
“Well, it was nice meeting you. I’ll look out for you at our next recording. By the way, I like your banner. It must’ve taken a while to recreate that scene from our MV, and you did it so skilfully,” Youngjae grins, flashing the peace sign, and then they’re moving down the table to stand in front of Jinyoung. As they wait for him to finish signing a page from a magazine containing one of their photo shoots, Mark rubs Jackson’s back and shoulders, whispering in his ear for him to breathe.
“Oh, hi,” Jinyoung greets them when he’s finished, his eyes sparkling with recognition. “Hey, hyung, this is the male fan that brought the tea,” Jinyoung says as he taps Jaebum on the arm. Before Jackson can blink, Jaebum’s piercing brown eyes are staring up at him in consideration.
“Hi,” Jackson squeaks timidly.
“Hello and thank you,” Jaebum inclines his head, the corner of his lips curving to form a smile. Jackson wobbles a bit on his feet, but at least he doesn’t faint. As Mark takes back the album from Jinyoung and gives it to Jaebum to sign, Jackson opens and closes his mouth, trying to form words.
“Hyung, you’re the best. Your voice is so soulful that I’m touched whenever I hear it, your dancing is amazing and you take your responsibilities as leader so seriously. To me you’re an example not just of an idol but also a man and I’ll always be your fan,” Jackson pants slightly at the sudden spillage of the words out of his mouth.
Jaebum blinks a bit in surprise before a shy smile blooms on his face. “Oh wow, thank you for saying such kind words. What’s your name?” Jaebum asks as he signs Jackson’s album. Jackson soundlessly opens and closes his mouth.
“Jackson. His name is Jackson,” Mark supplies helpfully.
“Jackson, eh? With your ‘J’ name, you could be an unofficial member of J-Project,” Jaebum winks playfully. It takes all of Jackson’s strength of will to keep himself standing. “Well, Jackson, I hope to see you again at another event.” Jaebum holds his hand out to shake. Jackson blinks at in surprise before he latches onto it and shakes it with both of his hands.
“Come on, don’t wring his arm out of its socket. It’s time to go,” Mark takes hold of both of his shoulders and pulls him away. Jackson turns his head to see Jaebum wave at him. He keeps staring until Mark pulls him out of sight. “You know, with the way you go on about Jaebum, I half expected you to try to hump his leg. Congratulations on not doing anything too embarrassing,” Mark says with a playful hip check, his hands still gripping Jackson by the shoulders.
“He knows my name now. And we shook hands. Oh my God, I touched him,” Jackson says faintly while staring down at his hands. There’s a faint tingling just below the skin on his finger; he wiggles them. Mark pats him on the shoulder and continues to guide him away. Jackson thinks he’s leading them back to the bus stop, but he blinks when Mark pulls him inside a café and pushes him into a seat.
“You’ve got to come up some time and I’d rather it not be while we’re on public transportation,” Mark calls over his shoulder as he heads to the counter. When he comes back, he sets a latte and a slice of cake down in front of himself and a bottle of water in front of Jackson. Jackson blankly watches him tuck into his snack before a cold shiver racks his body.
“Holy shit, I just met J-Project!” Jackson jumps in his seat; his knees bump the table, jolting Mark’s cake and knocking his water bottle on its side. Mark picks it up and unscrews the cap before he hands the bottle back to Jackson. Jackson takes it and gulps down half its contents.
“Feeling better now?”
“Yeah, thanks, man. Wow, for a little while I actually breathed the same air as them. Amazing,” Jackson breathes and Mark gives him a thumb up that’s not completely sarcastic. Unbeknownst to him, he’ll get to do that and much more later on, but for now Jackson loses himself in the memory of Jaebum shaking his hand and smiling at him.
Jackson wouldn’t ever describe himself as a Big Name Fan, but there is a fairly sizeable group of people that he chats with online about J-Project. It came about on a fan forum one day when he mentioned he was from Hong Kong. Initially they all were interested in hearing about why someone from Hong Kong would come to Korea to study and how someone-and a guy to boot-who wasn’t interested in idols became such a huge JP fan. From then on, they were curious as to what he thought about the songs on their mini albums, whether he liked the concept for their debut or comeback better, who he thinks is the best singer and so on. Jackson doesn’t really think his opinions are all that interesting, but it’s not like he’ll ever chase away anyone who wants to hear them.
When he mentioned that he worked as a barista, some of them mentioned how lucky they thought he was. As naïve teenagers who clearly have never worked in a coffee shop, they seemed to think of the job in a romantic light with the fantasy that one day someone famous or handsome, or handsome and famous could walk right through the door and that would be the start of a wonderful love story. Jackson simply said it wasn’t as great as that, biting back the stories of assholes who picked fights with him just because they knew he couldn’t say anything back to them, fussy customers who would demand to see the manager if the milk in their latte wasn’t steamed at exactly 70.5°C, and the occasional weirdo who asked him to put the coffee directly in their child’s baby bottle so they wouldn’t spill any while transferring it from the cup. It isn’t the worst job he’s ever had-no, that dubious honour goes to the four weeks he served as a camp counsellor in summer ‘09-but it’s certainly not the greatest job either. He never had any expectations of meeting anyone famous in the slightly dingy place he works at, his favourite celebrity least of all, but life can be very unpredictable.
“Could I have five double espressos and a mocha latte with extra whipped cream to go?”
He’s wearing huge sunglasses that cover up half his face, but Jackson could pick him out of a line-up based on nothing but his right eyebrow and of course he’d recognise that sweet, sultry voice anywhere.
“Hello?” Jaebum asks, sounding a bit impatient.
“Hi,” Jackson says meekly. Jaebum tilts his head before his mouth falls slightly open.
“It’s you, Jackson, right?” he asks and Jackson nearly wets himself.
“Yes, yes, it’s me. Oh my God, I can’t believe you remembered my name,” Jackson gushes.
“It’s an unusual name in this country. Plus, I had a bit of help,” Jaebum chuckles as he gestures to the hat sitting on top of Jackson’s head. To think Mark thought it was ridiculous of him to wear clothes with his own name printed on it. Suck it, Mark. “I hate to sound demanding, but we’re kind of on a tight schedule,” Jaebum says with a glance at his watch.
“Right, sorry. I’ll get right on it,” Jackson babbles before he throws himself at the espresso machine. “From your order, I’m guessing you’re going to be pulling an all-nighter tonight,” Jackson surprises himself by being able to talk to Jaebum and make his coffee at the same time.
“Hmmm,” Jaebum nods noncommittally.
“Must be difficult to be so busy,” Jackson says, biting his lip. As much as he enjoys seeing J-Project in shows as often as he can, he’s well aware that their resting time is the toll that is paid for their many activities.
“After enduring years of uncertainty of not knowing whether or not I’d debut and having no idea about what I’d do with myself if I failed, I don’t mind being busy until I’m dead.” Jackson blinks, that’s the most candid thing he’s ever heard Jaebum say. Jaebum seems to realise it too, because he turns away to look out the shop window. Jackson wants to kick himself for inadvertently making the other man uncomfortable, but he settles for remaining quiet and leaving Jaebum to his thoughts while he finishes with his order.
“Your five double espressos and a mocha latte with extra whipped cream are ready to go,” Jackson announces when he’s finished.
“How much is that?”
Jackson waves his hand. “Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house.” He mentally cringes at the thought of having to pick up the tab with his own wages, but he really wants Jaebum to leave without any lingering negative impressions about him.
“Really, how much is it?” Jackson can see just enough of his eyebrows to tell that they’re furrowed.
“You shouldn’t be wasting time with that. Didn’t you say you’re on a tight schedule?” Jaebum frowns before he takes out his wallet and pulls out a single note, plopping it down on the table before he grabs his coffees and makes for the door. “Hey, wait! This is too much,” Jackson calls after him, holding up the note.
“If you care that much then give me my change the next time you come to one of our events,” Jaebum says with a smirk before he’s out the door. Jackson gapes for a moment at the door, before he’s smiling so hard that is cheeks ache.
“Excuse me, could I have a refill?” Jackson snaps back into attention and turns to the woman in her mid twenties who’s been lounging in a corner booth with her shoes off.
“I could make you another mocaccino, but you would have to pay for it.”
“What kind of lousy coffee shop doesn’t give free refills? I’d like to speak to the manager,” she fumes. Jackson sighs as he heads into the back room, but it’s not long before his lips are quirking up again. Working in a coffee shop really isn’t all that bad.
“Mark, dude, you’ll never believe what happened at my shift today!” Jackson phones him the second he gets back to his flat.
“Did that weirdo in the green cat costume come back again?”
“What? No. It was something good, great even,” Jackson gushes as he throws himself onto his sofa. He’ll never guess what happened.
“Hmmm I dunno, did a celebrity stop by?” Mark asks, slowly chewing over the words before they leave his mouth.
“Uh, yeah,” Jackson says, still excited, but deflating a bit.
“Holy shit, was it a member of J-Project? Did JB stop by?”
“Hey, how’d you know?” Jackson pouts.
“Please, who else could make you this excited?” Mark scoffs. “So, what happened? Did you throw up on his shoes from shock?”
“Of course I didn’t,” Jackson scoffs back as if he didn’t almost soil himself when Jaebum called him by name. “We chatted a bit while I made his coffee, and I kind of said too much, but then he smiled at me when he was leaving and said I should come see him at another fan sign!” If experiencing it was odd, then recounting it is downright surreal.
“Oh wow, I’ll have to mention this when I make my best man speech at your wedding,” Mark chuckles.
“Don’t make me hang up on you, Mark Tuan,” Jackson warns with no real heat, too preoccupied with the thought of Jaebum in a white tuxedo holding his hand out for Jackson to take, a dazzling smile on his face.
“You’re imagining it, aren’t you?” Mark laughs hysterically. Jackson hangs up on him, tossing his phone aside. It takes about half a minute for it to ring.
“Are you done being a dickhead?”
“Nope,” Mark chirps with a voice full of mirth.
“Why do I even bother with you?” Jackson shakes his head.
“So when is the next event?”
“The next fan sign I can go to is in two weeks, but they’re going to be recording at Music Bank before that, so I’m going to try to go then as well.”
As it turns out, Jackson ends up spending the afternoon of the recording coughing and blowing his nose, feeling like a piece of used gum stuck to the bottom of someone’s shoe. If that wasn’t enough, he found out that he misread the due date of an important assignment and had to power through his flu to catch up with the required research required.
“This fucking sucks,” he wails to Mark, despairing at how nasally his voice sounds as he tries not to drip phlegm on his textbook.
“Hush, these things happen,” Mark says as he rests a tray with chicken soup, a glass of water and medication in front of Jackson. “Eat this, take these, and feel better.”
Jackson miserably wipes his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie, but does as he’s told. There’s no way he’s going to miss JP’s fan sign, and he’s not going to go there looking a gross, flu-y mess. Luckily, fortune seemed to have found favour with him again, because he recovers quickly and is in great condition as he dresses for the event.
“Do I still need to come with you? You seem to have done just fine talking to JB on your own,” Mark says as he plays a game on his phone while he waits for Jackson to finish accessorising.
“Of course you need to come, I might need you. Anyway, don’t try and act like you don’t want to go see them,” Jackson says dismissively while readjusting his hat.
“I don’t though. I like some of their songs, but I wouldn’t exactly call myself a fan.”
“Hey I already know everything/So why are you hiding/It’s written all over your face that you like JP,” Jackson sings as he skips up to Mark, finally satisfied with his appearance. It’s just a light grey hoodie worn over a white t-shirt, blue jeans and a light grey hat, but he likes it because it makes him look cute and approachable but still kinda tough and masculine at the same time.
“I’ve noticed your wardrobe palette gets a lot lighter when you dress for these things,” Mark comments as he looks over Jackson’s outfit.
“Notice all you like, but let’s get going,” Jackson says as he grabs his photo book and links his arm with Mark’s.
Jackson doesn’t know for sure, but there seems to be a bit more people at this fan sign than the last one. On the one hand, he’s happy that his favourite group are getting more popular-in fact, he’ll probably piss himself in excitement when they finally get a number one song-but he can’t help but be a tiny bit annoyed at how much longer he’s going to have to wait in line now, how much more difficult it will be to get into their events in future.
“Hey, man, how’s it going?” Jackson grins as Jinyoung greets him in English, holding his hand out. When Jackson takes it, Jinyoung pulls him in and briefly wraps his other arm around his back.
“I’m good, I’m good,” Jackson laughs as he hands Jinyoung his photo book to sign.
“Excellent!” Jackson giggles. “Where are you originally from anyway? Your Korean is good, but you still have an accent. Plus, you speak English so well,” Jinyoung says, switching back to Korean.
“I was born and raised in Hong Kong.”
“Oh, cool. I hope you like Korea,” Jinyoung waves.
“I definitely do,” Jackson nods before he moves down the table.
“Hello, again. How have you been since the last time we met?” Youngjae asks with a bright smile.
“I was actually sick earlier, but thankfully I recovered in time for this,” Jackson says as he opens his photo book to the page he had bookmarked for Youngjae to sign. Jackson grins to himself when he reads the message Youngjae writes above his signature, ‘The next time you feel unwell, listen to our songs and let my voice soothe you to health~’.
“Can you sign this? Please address it to ‘Mark’,” Mark says to Jinyoung as he pulls a copy of their latest album out of his pocket. A grin slowly spreads across Jackson’s face. Mark warningly wags his index finger in Jackson’s face. “Shut up. I may as well get it signed, since I’m here.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Jackson giggles. His laughter and his breath are sucked out of him as he stops in front of Jaebum.
“Hey,” the older man says with a lazy smile. “Did you bring my change?”
“Uh, yeah,” Jackson says before he rifles through his pockets and pulls out a handful of notes and coins. “I did, actually.”
“You even brought the receipt. You really are something else,” Jaebum chuckles, shaking his head. Jackson ducks his head to hide his grin and reddening cheeks and hands him his photo book to sign.
“Sorry I missed you at Music Bank by the way. We were running so late behind schedule that we couldn’t stay and chat with fans after rehearsal,” Jaebum says as he signs the picture of himself riding a skateboard in a tank top and a pair of ripped jeans. Jackson’s heart leaps into his throat, but he forces it back down because Jaebum didn’t mean it like that.
“It’s okay, I wasn’t there anyway. I wanted to go, but I caught a cold and had a paper to work on.”
“I’m sorry to hear that you got sick. You’re looking a lot better now. I mean, you look well. You know, like you’re not ill anymore.”
“Oh, thanks,” Jackson says, feeling his cheeks heating up even more. Again, he tells himself to being stupid; Jaebum isn’t hitting on him.
“What are you studying anyway?” Jaebum tilts his head.
“Sports physiotherapy; it’s pretty personal for me,” Jackson says a bit nervously, his hand unconsciously scratching at his right knee.
“You’re an athlete?” Jaebum asks with raised eyebrows.
“I was,” Jackson says plainly. Jaebum opens his mouth, but a coordinator is upon Jackson, telling him that he’s been there long enough and it’s time to move along out of the line. Jackson has only enough time to take his photo book back before he’s being led away.
Seeing Jaebum at the coffee shop was strange the first time, but it’s surprisingly even more bizarre seeing him the second time. He rushes up to the counter, skipping ahead of a couple of teenaged stoners with dyed hair who can’t decide what they want.
“Hey, I can’t stay long. Could I get a chocolate muffin to go?” Jackson quickly gets the muffin and puts it in a paper bag, blinking in surprise when Jaebum hands him a folded bit of paper along with money-too much, again-for the muffin.
“Later,” he grins as he runs out of the shop, his exit every bit as abrupt as his entrance. Jackson tilts his head and blinks down at the paper Jaebum slipped into his hand.
“Hey, we’re ready to order now.” Jackson looks up. “Yeah, we’d like two cheese sandwiches, four blueberry muffins and two cappuccinos,” the one with blue hair drawls lazily.
“Wait, I thought we were gonna get four cheese sandwiches and two blueberry muffins,” his tall, blond friend taps him on the arm.
“Did we? Sorry, man, it’s gonna take a little longer than I thought,” Blue scratches his head.
“Right, okay,” Jackson waves a hand at them before he turns his attention back to the paper, unfolding it to see ‘@d_soul’ neatly scribbled on the inside. It takes him a moment, but he soon realises that it’s a twitter handle. He’s confused for another moment because the J-Project members don’t have individual accounts-they send tweets to fans through the group’s official twitter account-but his pulse jumps when he realises that it must be Jaebum’s secret, personal twitter account. He clutches the paper to his chest for a few seconds before he quickly shoves it into his pocket.
“I don’t feel for a hot drink right now. I think I want an iced coffee,” Blond murmurs while scratching his chin.
“At this point, I don’t even know if I want coffee anymore,” Blue says wistfully. Jackson feels a vein jump in his neck.
“How about I order for you since you seem to be having trouble?” he asks with forced politeness.
“Oh, okay, man. You work here, so you should know the good stuff,” Blue chirps while Blond nods in agreement.
Jackson slaps together the two most half-hearted cups of coffee he’s ever made in his career as a barista and he sends them both on their way with four slices of carrot cake. Once they’re gone, he’s free to take out his phone and pull up the Twitter app. He searches for the handle that Jaebum gave him and sees that it’s a locked account. Jackson clicks the follow button and stares at the screen, as if that will decrease the time it will take for Jaebum to approve him as a follower. After about three minutes of staring, Jackson has to put his phone down to get some more carrot cake for Blue and Blond. Once he’s finished with them-hopefully for good-he checks his phone again and sees that he’s been approved to follow Jaebum. Any doubts Jackson might have had are obliterated when he reads the direct message from d_soul saying ‘The muffin was delicious.’ Jackson wants to reply but all he can do is jump up and down on the spot and squeal.
He’s got a long Exercise Physiology lecture to sit through before he can call it a day, but Jackson may as well have just gone home for all the focus can manage to drum up during class. He spends the entire two hour period staring at his phone and tapping his pen against his knee, trying to think up a good reply to Jaebum’s message. By the time he gets home, he’s written and re-written his reply a dozen times, but still hasn’t sent anything off yet. Should he continue with the muffin thing and say something like ‘i didn’t make it, but thanks’? Should he do the safe, boring thing and just ask Jaebum how his day went? Would it be weird if he goes for nonchalance and messages him back like they’re old friends? Jaebum give him his twitter handle because he wants to talk to him right? But not too much since he didn’t give his KakaoTalk or LINE? Maybe he’s just over thinking this…
Ping!
“Oh, shit!” Jackson jumps, nearly dropping his phone. It’s a message from Jaebum.
‘I’m at the studio waiting for my time to sing. I’m so tired but I can’t sleep ㅠㅠ what are you doing?’
‘just got home, wondering what to have for dinner. after that i need to go over my notes for an upcoming test.’ Jackson screws up his face, lamenting how mind-numbingly boring that message sounds. He wants to erase it and re-write it, but he’s unable to think up anything better than that and he doesn’t want to keep Jaebum waiting.
Jaebum’s reply comes quickly. ‘I remember you said you were studying sports physiotherapy. Is that right?’
Jackson blinks in surprise at the fact that Jaebum actually remembered that. He types out his reply with his heart thudding against his ribcage. ‘yeah, that’s right.’
‘And you said you used to be an athlete. Can I ask what happened?’ Jackson chews on his lip for a long moment as he stares at the screen. It’s been two years since he got his career-ending injury, so it’s not exactly a fresh wound, but it’s not been so long that the hurt has all but disappeared yet. ‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I was just curious…’
Jackson sucks in a breath and quickly types out his response. ‘no, it’s okay it’s just that it’s a difficult thing to talk about in 140 characters or less, you know?’
‘I understand. My line id is defjeffb, add me?’
“Oh my God!” Jackson jumps, his phone falling to the floor. He does about ten laps around his living room before he finally throws himself down on the sofa again and searches for Jaebum, sending him a friend request. About half a minute later, Jackson’s phone pings with the distinctive LINE notification noise.
‘Hey! Look, it’s my turn to record so I’ve got to go, but message me and I’ll get back to you later, okay?’ Jaebum’s message reads, and then he sends a ‘See you later’ panda sticker for good measure. Jackson picks up a cushion and buries his face into it as he screams out in pure, unadulterated joy. Man, he has so much to tell Mark.
part one | two