I kind of want to be more than friends (with benefits) [2/2] [for nekowrites]

[hot7]

one | part two

What Jaebum has always found confusing about Jackson is that, despite being a compilation of all the things he would least want in any sort of romantic partner, when it comes to the younger, these things have a habit of becoming less irritating and more sickeningly endearing. Jackson himself is sickeningly endearing, but for some unknown reason-even to himself-Jaebum is obviously infatuated, not that he would admit it to anyone, most of all himself.

He often finds his gaze slipping to Jackson during practice, and finding himself endlessly confused that somehow, despite it being pretty disgusting, Jaebum finds Jackson the most attractive when his hair is slick with sweat and stuck to his forehead in thick, wet strands. He is most attractive when rivers of sweat wind their way down his forearms and his eyes are slightly closed in exhaustion because after practice, when everyone is collapsed on the floor in agony, the younger will turn to Jaebum, eyes twinkling in a way that no one’s eyes should after six hours of intensive exercise and a slightly lopsided smile stretched across his face.

‘I think I really nailed that one part I was having trouble with yesterday.’ Jaebum had no clue to which part the younger was referring to, but he never really did. In situations like this, he found it far more beneficial to simply nod and affirm Jackson’s beliefs.

‘Yeah, it was much better, I reckon.’ Jaebum hummed noncommittally, turning his head to stare up at the ceiling. Despite their current arrangement, anyone would feel awkward if they were stared at to the same degree that he stared at Jackson.

‘It’s definitely getting better. It would have been almost perfect if Jinyoungie hadn’t tripped over his own feet around the two minute mark.’ Jackson rose his voice to a stage whisper for the second sentence, sending an mischievous, teasing grin to Jinyoung, seated at the far end of the room, draped over Bambam.

‘Well that wouldn’t have happened, would it, if I wasn’t forced to move in order to not be decapitated by your flailing arms.' Jinyoung spat back, sending Jackson a scathing look.

'You see it's funny that every time you mess up it somehow comes back to me.' Jackson mused, pointing at Jinyoung in suspicion.

'That's because it was your fault.'

'How was it my fault?' Jackson's voice had got higher and higher as he got more and more wound up. Jinyoung gave one last look to the elder before dropping his head so that he was resting on BamBam's lap, legs lying on top of Mark's. The whole room was quiet for a moment, the members looking between the two to try and work out whether they were being serious in their argument this time.

‘Are you ignoring me?’ Jackson asked, eyebrow raised in confusion at the fact that they had found a way to argue over the smallest misstep in one out of countless takes. Jaebum felt much the same way, and so did the other members if their tired glances were anything to go by.

‘Until you apologize.’ Jinyoung muttered, and Jaebum couldn’t help but think that the younger wasn’t particularly angry with Jackson, just tired and wanting some time to himself after a particularly grueling practice.

‘You’re seriously not going to talk to me until then. That could be weeks from now!’ Jackson exclaimed, looking at Jinyoung like he couldn’t quite figure out whether they were bickering, like they seemed be ninety-five percent of the time, or whether this was an actual argument and the elder had managed to finally cause Jinyoung to snap. Jinyoung would blank him at least twice a month, and despite this being such a regular occurrence, Jackson would drive himself up the wall about it. Do you reckon he hates me, I think I’ve really done it now and I think maybe I should go apologise: the leader had heard them all. He would never tell Jackson, but he secretly savoured these moments because, despite the constant moaning, Jinyoung ignoring him directly impacted the amount of time Jackson spent with Jaebum, and for this he wasn’t going to complain.

‘You’ll be crawling back to me in apology by the end of the week.’ Jackson snorted at that, pulling himself up so that he could properly look at the younger.

‘Fat chance, Jinyoungie. Fat chance.’

~

Jackson had been odd all day. For someone who didn’t know him as well this wouldn’t be so obvious, but for the other members as soon as they had seen him earlier that morning it was obvious that something was wrong. Everyone had their off days, Jaebum included, but Jackson’s mood with particularly frustrating due to the fact that Jaebum was ninety percent sure it had everything to do with him.

At first he’d convinced himself that he was reading too much into the others behaviour. He was probably just feeling a little down or homesick. At least that was until around noon, at which point he’d convinced himself that Jackson had been ignoring him for the majority of the day.

He’d been hanging all over Mark in the car on the way to an interview, whispering in the way people do when they want everyone nearby to know that they were talking about something, whilst also wanting to point out that they weren’t privy to hearing what they were sharing either. Jaebum had pointedly tried to ignore them; putting his headphones on and turning his music up high enough to completely drown out the noise of the other’s and their incessant whispering.

Jackson had been constantly hanging off all the other members all day, not that Jaebum had been looking out for it. The only person that Jackson hadn’t in fact been talking to other than Jaebum was Jinyoung, and even then that was because both Jackson and Jinyoung were stubborn as mules and didn’t like to admit to one another when they were wrong.

They found themselves sitting next to each other while they were waiting to begin dance practice for the day. After a few minutes, the silence coming from Jackson had well and truly unnerved Jaebum, his knee bouncing up and down in worry.

‘What’s up?’ Jaebum asked after he looked at the clock and saw that they had had sitting next to each other for five whole minutes and Jackson had made no move in order to even acknowledge Jaebum’s presence.

‘Nothing much.’ Jackson muttered, not even bothering to warrant Jaebum with eye contact.

‘Have I done something?’ He asked, peering around to have a look at Jackson’s face head on.

‘No, why would you think that.’ Jackson replied, though it was obvious to Jaebum that he was directly ignoring him.

‘Well you could try looking at me.’ Jackson looked up at that, staring Jaebum right in the eyes, a mocking smile stretched across his face.

‘Happy now.’

‘Jackson…’ Jaebum began. Jackson was the sort of person who very rarely lost his temper with anyone, choosing instead to worry on his own, not wanting to rely on others in order to get advice or help.

‘I’m not in the mood, Jaebum.’ Jackson replied shortly, picking up his IPod and scrolling through his playlists in an absent manner.

‘You could at least tell me what I’ve done.’ Jaebum pressed, knowing that he was probably pushing the younger too far and that it would be better to just leave him alone, curiosity unfortunately winning out.

‘This might be hard for you to understand Jaebum, but everything doesn’t revolve around you.’

‘I’m not saying that it does, just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll leave you alone.’ Jaebum got up, pacing to and fro in front of Jackson. At this point, the conversation that had filled the room with buzz had faded away into silence, everyone keeping their eyes worriedly at the two figures in the corner of the room.

‘Why should I have to tell you what’s wrong.’ Jackson stood up, meeting the elder eye to eye, a look in his eyes as if to dare Jaebum to say one more word, if only to face the consequences.

‘Because…’ Because what? Who was he to demand that Jackson had to tell him exactly what was on his mind. What if it really didn’t have anything to do with Jaebum at all and all he’d managed to do is make Jackson even more stressed than he was previously.

‘Forget it. Just forget it.’ He spat, glaring at Jackson before heading out. Jaebum could feel the pairs of eyes focused on him, watching him owlishly as he strode out of the studio and down the corridor, his mind whirring as he marched down to the bathroom, hoping more than anything that there was no one in there. The only thing he really wanted and needed and that point was time alone.

Jaebum was comfortable in his arrangement with Jackson. No feelings involved should have meant all the fun without the danger of questioning who liked the other the most. Jackson had brought about the arrangement initially and the leader had agreed pretty much immediately. It had seemed like the perfect plan. If either of the two of them were wound up and needed to let off steam, the other was there for them and it had worked for a while.

At least that was how it had worked until Jaebum had well and truly fucked that one up.

It was getting stupid with the amount of time Jaebum would spend talking himself out of his feelings for Jackson per day. Everything concerning Jackson would always be attached to a ‘but’, because, well, just because.

It was stupid of him to act like he wanted them to just be friends with benefits for the foreseeable future. He simply couldn’t keep on ignoring the fact that he spent more time thinking about Jackson than his own job those days, every piece of his day leading back to the younger. It didn’t help that they were in the same group, and that it was almost impossible to avoid Jackson on a day-to-day basis. It was physically painful to think that whilst Jaebum was flashing doe eyes at Jackson at every possible opportunity, Jackson was more than likely completely unaware of the elders affections towards him.

He turned on the sink, splashing his face a few times in the hopes that he would be able to face his members again after causing such a commotion without turning and running in the opposite direction.

It was a while before Jaebum had convinced himself to return to the studio, striding through the doors and trying to ignore the way that idle chitchat had fallen away into a deafening silence as soon as the others were alerted to his presence. A quick look around the studio showed that no one had even acknowledged the fact that he had walked in. Somehow this hurt more than if they had all burnt holes into the back of his head with the intensity of their stares. He sighed, heading over to grab his water bottle and sitting in a corner as far away from the others as he could possibly get, hoping more than anything that the practice would pass relatively quickly and painlessly.

~

If asked, Park Jinyoung would tell you that there was no greater pleasure in life than the feeling received when you have time to yourself to really delve into the intricacies of a good book. Unfortunately, considering his profession, this was becoming an increasingly scarce occurrence in his life. Jaebum and Jackson’s whatever-they-had-going-on had cut this time down even further, and it was through sheer willpower purely that Jinyoung managed to hold himself back from knocking the twos heads together.

Dance practice had been unpleasant that night, though it hadn’t really been all that great since Jackson and Jaebum had started acting oddly around one another. The air was thick as treacle and Jinyoung had spent the majority of his time when not dancing with his earphones stuffed as tightly in his ears as he could get them and his eyes glued to the clock, counting down the hours, minutes, seconds until he would finally be free. Free to escape the mess that Jaebum and Jackson, with their idiocy and general stubbornness, had inflicted on the group.

It wasn’t until he had sat down, mug of hot chocolate in hand and book propped up in prime reading angle in his lap that he realised that he had been too optimistic.

‘Jinyoung!’ The sound of Jackson’s voice rang through the door, stopping him in his tracks for a moment. Jackson seemed to be waiting for a reply before simply barging into Jinyoung’s room, a new development after the younger had blown his fuse at his band mate a few weeks prior after running into his room uninvited a few too many times.

For a moment Jinyoung found himself holding his breath, weighing up the pros and cons of acting like he wasn’t even in. Knowing Jackson, he would probably check to see if he was in there even if there was no response. Add to that the fact that Jackson had definitely seen Jinyoung slinking off to his room, hot chocolate in hand, not even 10 minutes before and it had began to seem less and less of an attractive aspect for Jinyoung. Not even a few hours silence with a book in hand could be worth the looks Jackson would shoot him the next morning if he knew he willingly got ignored in favour of a book.

‘Come in.’ Jinyoung whispered under his breath, half hoping for Jackson not to hear him so that he would have a valid excuse the next morning. Well, I did respond to you, Jackson, you must have not been listening well enough he would say, watching with glee as Jackson reached a roadblock with how to be angry with Jinyoung when technically, at least to the elder, he had done nothing wrong.

After living in the same dorm with Jackson for quite some time Jinyoung had had to come to the conclusion that Jackson had not only wizened to his tricks, but had taken to actively ignoring these with a little too much glee for his liking,

It had only took a moment for the elder to come barging in, collapsing on Jinyoung's bed next to the younger. Jinyoung sighed, closing his book and placing it back on the precarious pile he had next to his bed, staring wistfully at it from out of the corner of his eye. He was starting to have the worrying feeling that he'd never be left alone for long enough to even finish the first chapter of the book, never mind finish the whole thing. Jackson scooted closer to him, close enough that Jinyoung could feel his deep sighs on the side of his arm. Jackson had developed a multitude of different ways in which to get Jinyoung's attention over the years, the most effective being a series of deep sighs, so loud that Jinyoung would be able to hear them even if he was in BamBam and Yugyeom's room. The sighs weren't the normal kind, they were cries for attention, and Jinyoung would find himself time and time again giving him it, just to shut up Jackson and his incessant sighing.

‘What is it this time?’ He asked, looking down at Jackson.

‘I thought you were ignoring me.’ Jackson’s voice was partly muffled by the fact that he was technically speaking into Jinyoung’s arm but the younger still understood.

‘That was until you came into my room and did your best impression of Darth Vader.’ A smile flittered across Jackson’s face before he closed his eyes, curling up against Jinyoung’s side, arm thrown haphazardly over his lap. ‘Don’t want to talk?’

Jackson didn’t reply.

Jinyoung waited for a moment just in case Jackson chose to talk before picking up his book again. He’d be there if Jackson wanted to talk to him, but he wasn’t going to press matters. Besides, the soft sound of Jackson’s breathing was pretty calming and Jinyoung found him reading paragraphs over and over again until he came to the conclusion that he was too tired to even bother to read any longer because it was obvious that he wasn’t really taking in any of what he was looking at.

Turning off the light he lay back down on his bed, sighing when Jackson almost instantaneously threw a leg over his body, pulling him ever closer to the elder, yet making no move to wake the elder up. Jackson’s mouth was right next to his ear meaning that every time he so much as breathed, the air would flow straight into the younger’s ear, making him squirm from how uncomfortable he felt. Add to that the fact that Jackson was a human furnace and Jinyoung felt like he was physically cooking from the sheer heat of his leg draped over him. Despite all this, he couldn’t bring himself to wake the elder up, even if it meant that Jinyoung was going to find it exceedingly difficult to get any sleep at all.

He must have gotten some sleep, strangely enough, as he found out when he rose the next morning to an empty room. Jinyoung didn’t know exactly at what time Jackson left his room, whether he’d been simply pretending to sleep and had left instantly after the younger had finally managed to get a few winks or whether he simply had woken up earlier than Jinyoung and had not bothered to wake him up. All he knew is that when Bambam woke him up the next morning, Jackson was long gone, the bed covers tucked neatly on the other side of the bed as if he had never been there at all.

~

Jaebum exhaled, resting his elbows on the railing and burying his forehead within the palms of his entwined hands.

‘Do you know what I’m getting at?’ Jaebum asked, tilting his head to look to Jinyoung.

‘No, but I have a funny feeling you didn’t come to me to get advice anyway.’ Jinyoung smiled, using his strength to pull himself up so that he was perched on the edge of the railing, kicking his legs absentmindedly.

Jaebum liked to think that trying to get advice from Jinyoung was a good indicator of just how desperate he had become. Jinyoung would always listen to what he had to say, which Jaebum appreciated, but also had a habit of talking in such a way that Jaebum almost always felt more confused after talking to Jinyoung.

‘Advice would be a plus though.’ He huffed, keeping his eyes on the younger to make sure he didn’t fall off the balcony.

‘I’m not going to give you love advice, hyung.’

‘See, that’s it. Love.’ Jaebum said the word a few times in his head. ‘It just sounds so final.’

‘It only sounds final because you made it final.’ Jinyoung stated, looking down at Jaebum as if he had said something deeply profound. ‘I love you. You love me. Love’s pretty inclusive in that way.’

‘What we had was not supposed to be about love.’

‘That doesn’t mean it can’t be.’ Perhaps a lot of hesitation Jaebum had had about talking about it with Jinyoung had something to do with the fact that Jinyoung actual spoke a fair amount of sense. It was just that Jaebum didn’t really want to hear sense at that very moment. He wanted someone to sugarcoat it for him, and Jinyoung was the least likely person to ever do such a thing.

‘It was just a bit of fun, Jinyoung, but then I had to go and mess it all up.’ Jaebum moaned, pressing the pads of his index fingers against his forehead in the hope that it would calm down his headache. ‘It’s not so much fun when me and Jackson obviously have very different views on whatever we’ve got going on.’ He paused, taking a look at Jinyoung swaying his feet as he perched on the railing. ‘Why couldn’t it be you?’ At this, Jinyoung let out a chuckle, jumping off the railing, arm curling around Jaebum’s neck, pushing their head’s to within a hairbreadth of each other.

‘No offence, hyung, but I don’t think that would be particularly fruitful either.’

‘Can’t you just talk like a normal person for once?’ Jaebum groaned. All the books had been getting to Jinyoung’s head.

‘If you’re offering yourself as a prime example, then I don’t think I want to be ‘normal’’ Jinyoung muttered, standing up and stretching his arms above his head.

‘Wait, you’re leaving already? What about helping me?’ Jaebum stood up straight, turning to look at the younger in disbelief.

‘By the look on your face it seems like I’ve helped you enough’

‘You can’t just leave though.’ Jinyoung grinned in response, toeing the separator between the balcony and the hallway before taking a step into the hall, spinning on the doorframe to give the elder a parting wave.

‘I think I just did.’ He stated, and then he was gone.

‘Fine. Go!’ The elder moaned, raising his voice till he was sure that Jinyoung could hear him. ‘It’s obvious that five years mean nothing to you. I know where I stand. It’s books before Jaebum in Park Jinyoung’s life!’ All that greeted him was the sound of the latter’s chuckles reverberating down the corridor.

~

It was, even if you’re Im Jaebum, pretty difficult to get Jackson on his own. By the time Jaebum had managed to pull the younger aside and ask to talk to him he had been half way to completely giving up. Jinyoung wasn’t particularly helping things either, eyes trained on Jaebum throughout his struggle. It was almost like Jaebum was a form of entertainment for him, and he couldn’t physically tear his eyes away.

‘What is it?’ Jackson immediately asked, once Jaebum had lead him down the corridor to one of the side rooms that had long since been used as a studio and had slowly became a storage room.

Everything about Jackson posture reflected how little he wanted to be alone with Jaebum at that moment; it wasn’t hard for the leader to pick up on. Jackson had leant on the wall next to the closed door almost as soon as they had entered the room, arms crossed tightly across his chest, eyes trained on his shoes, not even bothering to look at the elder.

‘It’s about how I’ve been acting recently.’ Jackson refused to look up, stubbornly keeping his eyes glued to the ground.

‘And.’ He spat, glaring up at Jaebum in annoyance, succeeding in making the leader feel smaller than he had for a long time.

‘I’m just trying to apologise.’ Jaebum explained, getting steadily more and more irritated at the way Jackson seemed to be too set in his ways to even let Jaebum explain himself without snapping at him. ‘If you’re going to be like this I don’t know why I should even bother.’

‘You’re the one who started it.’ Jackson let out a bark of mocking laughter at that, looking at Jaebum as if he couldn’t quite believe the crap that he was spewing out of his mouth.

‘I started it.’ He smirked. ‘That’s the biggest joke I’ve ever heard.’

Jaebum stared at Jackson for a moment, before turning to look in the other direction, running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm himself down. ‘Maybe we should just stop this thing between us.’ He whispered, knowing that the other had heard him.

‘Is that what you want?’ Jackson asked, just as quiet as Jaebum had been.

‘I think it would be for the better.’ Jackson obviously had heard all that he needed, leaving before Jaebum had had a chance to even finish his sentence. Jaebum tried to ignore how his heart had plummeted at the sound of the storm slamming as the younger had left, or the muttered fine which continued to replay on a loop in Jaebum’s head for the remainder of the day.

~

‘Tell Jackson that he left his favourite hat in my room last week.’ Jinyoung had clearly picked the short straw. After a whole day trapped in the dance studio with both Jackson and Jaebum, Mark had made a beeline for the smaller van as soon as he saw it, the three youngest members climbing in quick succession after him. This left Jinyoung with possibly the most uncomfortable car ride he had ever experienced, sitting directly in between two people who barely wanted to look at each other, let alone spend any period of time in very close proximity to one another.

Jinyoung scowled at Jaebum, but nonetheless turned to look at Jackson, raising an eyebrow at him, prompting him for an answer. There was no way he was repeating Jaebum’s words. No way. Jackson had heard loud and clear, if the look on his face was anything to go by. Though technically there was no discernable reason for Jackson to not have heard the leader. At the volume Jaebum had said it, Jackson could have had his headphones on full blast and would have probably still been able to work out what Jaebum was saying.

‘Well…tell Jaebum that he can just put it in my room himself.’ Seriously? He hoped the others were having a great time in the other van because they’d be regretting they even subjected him to this torture by the time they got back to the dorm.

‘Tell Jackson to stop being so lazy and come collect it himself if he wants it so much.’ One of Jinyoung’s eyelids twitched and he gritted his teeth together, not even bothering to look at the two, who seemed to be using him as some sort of barrier so that they didn’t have to look at each other while they argued.

‘Tell Jaebum that he can stop being a pretentious asshole now. He could have given me the hat when he first saw it.’ Jackson paused. ‘Ask him who pissed in his cereal this morning too, I’ve been dying to know.’

‘Well tell Jackson that…’

‘That’s it. I’ve just about had it with both of you.’ Jinyoung interjected, almost shaking with anger as he looked down at his watch to check just how much longer he’d be forced to spend next to his band mates. ‘There’s only two more minutes left before we get back. You two had better head straight into one of your rooms and settle your differences before tomorrow or you don’t even want to know what I’ll do.’ Jaebum opened his mouth to interrupt, before quickly shutting it again; seemingly reconsidering the reaction Jinyoung would have to what he had to say. ‘I don’t even want to see either of your faces again unless you’re half draped over each other and feeding each others egos with an overload of cheesy compliments.’

With that, Jinyoung made sure to send the two some of the most deadly glares he had ever given someone, before flicking through the book in his hand to a page somewhere near the middle, tilting his head back and promptly, without a second glance to the other people in the car, placed it in his face.

If that didn’t get across the idea that he’d like to be left alone, nothing would.

There were a far number of moments in life where Jinyoung was glad he was a book reader. After all, books had so many uses. They were great for making him look well-informed on topics he knew little about, they had, more often than not, became an accessory on the level of his extensive collection of clutch bags and, perhaps most importantly of all, had become the perfect way for him to have an excuse not to talk to everyone without being called out for being antisocial.

Jinyoung had employed the last tactic multiple times over the years since he started avidly reading. In a way it had become his ‘ostrich strategy’. However, instead of burying his head in the sand, Jinyoung would find himself more and more often burying his nose in his books in order to divert attention away from himself.

That’s the thing with books. They were brilliant conversation-enders.

~

The room was awash with an icy silence for a moment, the two not even wanting to look at one another, never mind have an actual conversation. Despite how quiet he could tell the other members were being, Jaebum could still hear them walking about outside the door. At the time there was nothing he longed for more than to be outside with the others, joking about menial things that had happened to them earlier that day instead of stuck in a room with Jackson, the latter doing his best to burn a hole in the wall just above Jaebum’s right ear. If it were physically possible for the younger to actually expel steam, he would be doing so.

On second thought, there was nothing Jaebum longed for more than for Jackson to not be angry with him in the first place.

He’d messed up, that much was clear. It was clear by the way the rest of the members had been looking at him all day, a weird mix as pity and exasperation, as if they wanted nothing more than to give him a hug and then instantly knock his head into the nearest solid object in a futile attempt to knock some sense into him.

He’d messed up, it was clear by the way Jinyoung had looked at him throughout the whole day, like he was judging every move the older man had made, every decision he made, as if he had lost every right to his decisions being respected by the younger.

He’d messed up, if Jackson’s current demeanor was anything to go by. You didn’t have to be a genius in body language to read Jackson like a book as he stood on the other side of the room, like he couldn’t bare to be in the same vicinity of Jaebum, breathe in the same air as him. The younger was hunched over arms crossed and pulled tight across his torso, as if he was highlighting just how mad he was with Jaebum, a mirror image of earlier on that week.

He’d messed up. He’d really messed up.

‘I messed up.’ He hadn’t meant to say that. In fact, at the time the most appealing plan had been to stay deadly silent until either Jackson initiated a conversation or left the room in utter despair at Jaebum’s absolutely abysmal conversational skills.

‘I messed up.’ Jackson mocked, punctuated with a snorted full stop. ‘You don’t say.’

He looked down at the floor for a moment as if plucking up the courage to actually talk to Jaebum instead of walking out of the room and forgetting that this thing between them had ever happened.

‘Do you want to know what’s the most frustrating thing about you, Jaebum?’ Jaebum really didn’t want to know, but saying this probably wouldn’t positively aid him in his quest to patch things up with Jackson. The younger took a deep breath at the brief look of panic flashing across the elders face. ‘You always overthink things so much that it builds inside you like a volcano. Eventually it’ll have to erupt. And when it gets too much for you, you take it out on everyone else.’

‘You know, if you wanted to break off this thing we’ve been doing these last few months, I’m fine with that.’ Jackson muttered, looking up to meet Jaebum’s eyes, eyebrows furrowed as if he was confused as to exactly how they got themselves in this situation in the first place. ‘It was only supposed to be a bit of fun.’

‘What if I don’t want to break it off? What if I want us to be more than we are at the moment?’ Jaebum blurted out, sick to his stomach as he struggled to look at Jackson.

‘Oh.’ It hadn’t taken much to send Jackson into a deep silence; eyes wide as he stared at the elder as if that was dead last on the metaphorical list of possible directions the conversation could go in.

‘Yeah.’ Jaebum sighed, crossing and uncrossing his legs. It seemed to no matter how he sat, the situation itself was too awkward for him to grasp any semblance of comfort from his surroundings.

‘Yeah.’ Jackson reiterated looking down at the floor in thin veiled wonder.

‘I feel like I’m suffocating in here, you’re obviously not too comfortable either.’ Jaebum gave a nervous chuckle, in a futile attempt to lighten up the mood in the room, but instead proceeding to make it, at least for him, ten times worse. ‘Maybe I should go.’ He got to his feet slowly, legs the consistency of jelly and about as useful when it came to holding his body up steadily.

‘So you’re just going to leave after dropping a bomb like that.’ Jaebum stopped, turning around to face Jackson, cursing Jinyoung with every bone in his body for forcing him into a room with the one person he desperately didn’t want to be left in the same room with, who also seemed to be a sadistic and wouldn’t let Jaebum escape this pit of burning embarrassment until he had well and truly laid into the elder.

‘We can’t just sit here going round and round in circles for eternity.’ Jaebum huffed, opening the door and stepping through it, pulling in close with quite a bit more vigor than he originally intended.

‘Ow!’ At least, he would have pulled it close if there wasn’t a particular set of toes currently jammed in the space between the doorframe and the door itself. Upon realizing just what he had done Jaebum instantly pulled the door back open, faced with Jackson hunched over in pain.

‘First you say you like me and then you try to physically hurt me.’ Jackson moaned, leaning against the wall next to Jaebum’s room so that he could rub at his foot in an effort to alleviate at least some of the pain throbbing throughout his foot at regular intervals. ‘Do you do this for everyone you like Jaebum?’

‘That was your fault, don’t even try and blame this on me.’

‘You shut my foot in the door. What am I supposed to say?’ Jackson mocked. ‘What a pleasure to have you almost forcibly remove my toes.’

A snort of laughter from down the corridor brought the five figures sitting in the main room to their attention. There was a moment of silence, the seven staring at each other in slight bemusement, before Bambam rose of the sofa, pulling Yugyeom with him as he left the room with startling swiftness, the other three trailing behind, Mark still with a big grin on his face, looking at the two as if he couldn’t quite believe such idiots still existed.

~

If Jinyoung had told him that thirty minutes after entering his room to finally talk it out with Jackson he would be seated on the sofa, said member’s bruised and swollen toes rested on his lap, whilst he pressed a pack of frozen peas to Jackson’s foot, he would never have let the younger member talk him into it in the first place. This was the last time he listened to Jinyoung’s advice-that was for sure.

‘Sorry.’ He whispered when Jackson let out a hiss at him pressing the peas against his little toe. To tell you truth, the elder couldn’t help but feel that Jackson was taking advantage of his injury a little in order to keep Jaebum in a state of intense embarrassment for as long as possible but there was really nothing he could say about it.

‘You’ve been a dick lately.’ Jackson stated, and Jaebum couldn’t really work out whether Jackson wanted him to reply or not. Though, looking back on it, it was staying silent that had gotten him into this mess in the first place.

‘I know.’ He sighed, looking at Jackson, the younger meeting his gaze straight on. ‘I was scared, I guess.’

‘I sleep next to you most nights these days. I know the way you always run your hand through your hair the moment you wake. I know that you keep borrowing Jinyoung’s books because, although you’d never admit it, you really want him to continue to look up to you like he did when he was younger.’ Jackson paused there before a he let out a small chuckle. ‘I know that you keep up purposely giving me the smallest towels even when there’s a whole pile of clean towels that I could use. And the way you keep staring at me. You must think I’m absolutely idiotic that I wouldn’t notice the way you seem to be always staring at me.’

‘Sorry about that.’ Jaebum muttered. ‘Probably creeped you out.’

‘You’re doing it again.’ Jackson murmured, leaning forward so that he was sitting up straight.

‘Sorry.’ Jaebum didn’t really know what he was sorry about this time, but quickly found that this was trivial when Jackson leant forward, capturing his lips in a firm kiss. In fact, his mind had gone pretty blank actually.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t kissed before, but considering how Jackson had been doing his best to pretend that Jaebum didn’t exist for at the least the previous two days Jaebum considered this an accomplishment. For the time being Jackson’s had climbed into his lap, arms circled around Jaebum’s neck, and the elder thought that maybe, just maybe, it was better to go with the flow sometimes, instead of constantly overthinking everything.

‘You know, if you just asked me out like a normal human being I would have said yes.’ Jackson pointed out once they’d separated, looking down at Jaebum with this funny half-smile on his face.

‘Why didn’t you ask me out then?’ Jaebum asked, circling his arms around Jackson’s lower back in order to pull him ever closer, cuddling his face into Jackson’s chest.

‘I was going to.’ Jackson whined. ‘You haven’t exactly been the most easily approachable person recently.’ This, Jaebum had to agree with.

‘Do you know?’ Jackson whispered into Jaebum’s ear. ‘I kind of messed up as well. I was so stressed out and you weren’t helping so I took a lot of it out on you.’

Jaebum nodded, silently accepting the apology, though he found the more he dwelled on it the less he really cared about what stupid reasons they had found to fight over in the first place.

~

Jaebum and Jackson were, to Jinyoung, two of the most transparent people that he had ever happened to meet. Which, considering the doe eyes they had been sending each other for the last two days, meant that everything had resolved itself. No one was happier with this piece of information than Jinyoung himself.

The group had arrived back from their schedules earlier than they expected, and whilst the younger three had gone out to spend their precious free time in a worthwhile manner, the eldest had decided to stay put. Mark had trudged into Jinyoung’s room a few minutes after they’d returned back with a pillow and had somehow entertained himself with absentmindedly running his fingers through the youngers hair whilst staring at the ceiling as if he’d find something there other than the fine crack right above their heads, a direct result of Jackson not knowing his own strength and chucking one of his weights with a little too much vigor.

‘If you find the meaning of life up there, be sure to tell me.’ Jinyoung sighed, tilting his head ever so slightly in the direction of Mark’s fingers. With this, the elder retracted his hands, only to place them on Jinyoung’s shoulders instead, applying more pressure now, the pads of his fingers pressing into his flesh, melting away the toils of the day. Jinyoung would be blatantly lying if he said he didn’t find it relaxing, in fact, his eyes were finding it difficult to concentrate on the pages in front of him. Eventually, he gave up, placing the book down to his side, reclining back against Mark’s chest.

‘I think they’re okay now.’ Mark stated, the sound reverberating through Jinyoung’s body. The two others had disappeared into Jackson’s room over an hour ago and had yet to show their faces since, leaving the two to think it was safe to say that the two had sorted everything out.

‘Yeah, I reckon they’re okay.’ Jinyoung smiled.

~

The next day found Jaebum herded into the same van as Jinyoung and Jackson yet again, this time the youngest making an instant beeline for the window seat, not particularly wanting the sit between the other two for wildly different reasons than he had had the night before.

Jaebum didn’t mind, even though it wasn’t like Jackson and him could have taken advantage of sitting next to each other, what with the staff sitting in the front, trained eyes focused on them at all times.

Jinyoung instantly put his earphones in, though Jaebum had reason to believe that he wasn’t actually playing any music through them, and slumped over, resting his head against the cold glass pane, fogging up the glass with every little breath he emitted.

Soon after belting up, there was a light touch to his hand and he looked down to see Jackson’s pinky wrapped around his. It’s a little gesture, and a quick glance at Jackson affirms that the younger is looking defiantly out of the window, though he makes no move to untangle his finger from the leaders.

It’s almost childish in nature, but Jaebum’s stomach is churning again, and at this point it seems as if he has to admit that this is just the effect Jackson has on him. It’s ridiculous to him that after all they’ve done its linked pinkies that make Jaebum more elated than he has ever felt around Jackson. Jaebum’s sure that the last time he felt so nervous at simply having hand contact with someone was when he was six and the girl who sat right in front of him with the cherry headband had paraded him around their classroom for a week under the claims that they were married.

Even so, despite how silly he felt about it, Jaebum couldn’t help but grin when Jackson grabbed Jaebum’s wrist, flipping his hand over and dragging his fingertips over his palm in nonsensical patterns.

‘Jinyoung drank my six-pack of Coke yesterday.’ Jackson stated, peering around Jaebum’s head to glare at Jinyoung, who pointedly chose to ignore him, either because he couldn’t hear him or he was trying to ignore him in the hope that Jackson would forget about it. Jaebum highly suspected it was the latter.

‘Something tells me you’re not getting those back.’ Jaebum grinned. The day where Jackson and Jinyoung didn’t bicker would truly be the day of the apocalypse. In the corner of his peripheral vision he could vaguely see Jackson getting closer and closer to him.

‘Buy me another pack and I’ll give you a blowjob.’ Jackson whispered, challenge in his eyes as he reclined back in his chair.

‘Really.’ Jaebum leaned in himself, so close that a few of Jackson’s hairs brushed against his nose. ‘Why would I do that when you’d do it for free?’

Jackson couldn’t deny that it seemed, yawning and settling his head on Jaebum’s shoulder, fingers still circling the palm of his hand. Jaebum grinned, slipping down in his seat so that Jackson could rest his head more comfortably, Jackson’s finger slowing as he let out an even larger yawn, reverberating throughout his body. With a curl of his fingers he managed to catch Jackson’s finger, interlocking their fingers. It may have been childish to be so happy at such little gestures, but Jaebum found that he honestly couldn’t find the energy to care.

one | part two

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