tea lights (2/8)
mark doesn't respond. not that jackson expects a response. but he also doesn't kick jackson off his bike, and that's something. jackson guesses he doesn't mind. he's starting to be able to read mark's silences -- till he met mark, jackson had always thought that there was only one kind of silence. now, he thinks that there's a whole dictionary of them. or maybe mark's resolutely clammed up lips have just driven him to lunacy.
when mark scuffs a sneaker over the asphalt and tightens his fingers over the newly-repaired brake outside jackson's house after a bumpy but admittedly prompt ride, jackson frowns as he clumsily climbs off. "how did you know where i live?"
mark's mouth falls open, colour creeping up his face. he clears his throat. "you told me."
jackson's frown deepens as he searches his memory. "i did? i don't remember doing that..."
mark swallows and looks down guiltily.
jackson nudges his foot with his shoe, making him look up. mark looks very uncomfortable.
"i glanced at your application form, okay?" he finally admits gruffly. jackson sees a defensive flash in his eyes and his lip twitches.
"oh," he just says. mark looks surprised, like he's expecting jackson to demand why or tease him sarcastically. which jackson expects himself to do too, because it's his usual style. he doesn't know why he backs off from probing the issue, but maybe it has something to do with taking pity on how uneasy mark looks at his actions being exposed. and the flattered glow of warmth jackson's feels swelling his heart at mark's interest.
"bye," jackson says brilliantly instead, shouldering his bag and ambling towards his house. mark doesn't reply and jackson resists the urge to turn back until he hears the by now familiar rattle of rusty bicycle chains and the rolling of wheels over granite fading into the distance. he sees mark's retreating back cycling down jackson's street, his hair windswept and his posture relaxed. jackson shifts his eyes away and pushes open his front gate.
the next day at school, jinyoung doesn't say anything about what happened the afternoon before and jackson doesn't broach the subject either, figuring that he doesn't want to talk about it and deciding to be tactful and sensitive for once. but on monday, jaebum doesn't turn up for korean lessons. jackson glances at the door occasionally, half-expecting jaebum to walk in but jinyoung doesn't remark on or even seem to notice his absence, presiding over the lesson with remarkable poise and authority, even if he smiles significantly less than usual.
bomi lingers after the lesson, approaching jinyoung as he's packing up his teaching materials. in a matter of months, the makeshift korean lessons have evolved into something that started for fun, more as a joke to a quality and structure that could rival actual legitimate lessons. jackson tells jinyoung that he has a gift for teaching and jinyoung blushes, waving his hand and laughing it off modestly. bomi chimes in her agreement.
it's not surprising for some of the girls and a few boys to hang back after the lessons, consulting jinyoung on certain korean phrases they want to know or just practicing their newly-learnt and babylike korean with each other. jackson and jinyoung both like bomi, not only because she's the hottest girl in the class but also because she has a sunny, fun and outgoing personality, and isn't haughty at all despite her good looks.
"is something the matter?" bomi's best friend, jimin asks with her trademark straightforwardness and jinyoung looks up with wide eyes, flustered. "w-what? why?"
jimin shrugs. "you kinda seemed out of it during today's lesson."
"yeah, and jaebum-oppa didn't come either," bomi adds. "you know that if there's anything bothering you, you can talk to us, right?" she winks at jackson. "you too."
"h-he's just busy!" jinyoung blurts out quickly. "he was just helping out temporarily, anyway. i don't expect him to come every week."
bomi and jimin exchange glances. "ookay..."
"but thanks for the offer," jinyoung says, face softening into a smile.
bomi beams back. "don't stand on ceremony! we're friends, right?"
"right," jackson says loudly, diffusing any remaining awkwardness, and they all laugh. "you can talk to us if you have any problems too," he tells them generously.
"we'll be sure to remember that," jimin smirks at them, and the bell rings, ending their conversation as the girls hustle to leave.
the next day, jackson waits for jinyoung after dismissal as he aligns his worksheets, meticulously sliding them into his file folder. jinyoung finally looks up at him, face grim. "you can go first."
"what?" jackson is confused. "aren't you coming?"
"maybe not today," jinyoung avoids his gaze. "i'm not feeling very well."
jackson sinks down onto the chair in front of his table. "are you okay? why didn't you say so earlier?"
jinyoung shuffles his papers nervously. "i'm fine. don't bother about me."
"but... but what if jaebum asks why?" jackson whines.
jinyoung slaps his file closed, voice surprisingly bitter as he replies, "you don't have to worry about that. he'll probably be happier."
"why do you say that?" jackson asks, hurt.
jinyoung swallows, shoving his file into his bag. "he probably doesn't want to see my face anymore."
jackson cocks an eyebrow at him. "probably?" he mimics. "who told you that? don't jump to conclusions and assume things by yourself."
"he said so himself the last time, that i shouldn't bother to turn up if i'm not serious."
"but you are! and he only said that out of anger. isn't that what you wanted? would you be happier if he didn't notice your absence?"
jinyoung grits his teeth, looking stressed and frustrated. "alright, it's me who can't face him, okay? i don't know what kind of face he'll make when he sees me and i don't want to find out."
"are you afraid?" jackson says, realization dawning on him. he's taken aback because the jinyoung that he knows, his best friend, isn't afraid of anything.
but jinyoung only nods quietly.
jackson is left to turn up for the meeting alone, taking the familiar path to the neighbouring building feeling oddly lonely without jinyoung chattering his ear off with his usual bubbly anticipation to meet jaebum. jinyoung refuses to be budged, and jackson finally backed off and didn't force him to do something he so obviously dreaded.
after some thought, he guesses that he can understand and empathize with jinyoung's feelings a little. he must be on tenterhooks not knowing what kind of expression jaebum will make when he sees him now -- irritation or impatience or annoyance, or worse still, outright dismissal? it must feel like dropping from the sky to the cold hard ground when jaebum used to smile at jinyoung like he was the eighth wonder of the world.
and jackson can't deny that he wants things to be right between them, not only for jinyoung but to ease his own guilt too. he had thought he was helping to advance their relationship, not considering the consequences before offering a mindless idea, and miscalculated.
as jinyoung predicted, jaebum doesn't say a word about his absence when jackson walks in. he doesn't even look up, so immersed and elbow-deep in his galaxy model and ignoring the rest of the world so resolutely that jackson thinks he wouldn't even have bothered showing up if it wasn't mandatory. being a far more responsible vice-president than mark is as president, he has never missed a single club meeting, even when he was sick or busy.
mark is sitting at the teacher's desk instead, holding some sort of lecture, or at least as much as he can with his barely audible mumbling and shyness in front of a sea of eyes focused on him. he looks up when jackson sidles in through the back door, looking relieved as he takes a seat near the back of the classroom and puts his bag down, letting mark's low murmur wash over him.
after the lecture, which turns out to be surprisingly informative on extraterrestrial beings and life on other planets, the other members disperse to their separate activities and jackson gets up to approach mark who is wiping the diagrams he drew earlier from the blackboard.
"need help?" he says from behind mark, and he jumps visibly, dropping the duster in his hand. chalk dust scatters onto his uniform, his fingers stained with it like powdered sugar. he bends to pick it up and turns, eyes reproachful when he sees jackson. "don't scare me like that."
"s-sorry," jackson stammers, thrown by the sudden tension in the air.
mark shakes his head, the reproach leaving his eyes. he tosses jackson another duster. "i can't reach the top." he points to the uppermost portion of the blackboard, poker-faced.
jackson looks at it, then at him. "are you trolling me right now?" he growls, narrowing his eyes.
a small, sly smirk tugs faintly at the end of mark's lips.
jackson throws the duster at him.
later, they walk out of school together, mark's hands shoved into his pockets. jackson hadn't spoken a word to jaebum all afternoon, and guesses that he isn't the only one who finds jaebum in a dark mood intimidating because none of the other members had either. he's surprised that the usually easygoing and approachable jaebum can have such a brooding side too. only mark had been brave enough to approach him, walking up after the session for a short exchange in low voices which jackson had strained but failed to hear.
mark looked up after they were done, not looking surprised to see jackson still in the classroom. although they haven't discussed it, it's become routine for jackson to wait for mark after club activities and leave together. they hadn't become chummy or anything. it's not like mark has started fetching him home every day after school.
but he does every tuesday.
mark chews boredly on a stick of gum as they make their way down the stairways and the deserted corridors towards the parking lot. jackson sneaks glances at him, trying to pluck up the courage to voice out the thoughts on his mind. because no one else knew about the situation and jackson couldn't discuss it with jinyoung or jaebum, the troubles had been bottled up inside him for a long time. mark is the only one who had witnessed all the events beside him, the only person he can count on to even remotely try to understand it.
just when he opens his mouth, mark forestalls him. "jaebum wanted to know if you said anything."
"anything?"
mark looks over at him. "about jinyoung."
jackson's heartbeat quickens. "he cares?" he says excitedly. "i mean..." he quickly amends, "he wants jinyoung to come?"
mark smiles, looking amused at jackson's fluster, and just nods.
jackson knits his brow. it doesn't sound right. somehow, he just can't imagine prideful jaebum asking mark if jackson had said anything about jinyoung. they hadn't looked like they were talking about this either.
"did he really ask you that?" he asks doubtfully, studying mark's face closely.
their gazes lock for a moment before mark moves his eyes away first.
he shakes his head. "but he wanted to know," he repeats, and jackson finally gets it.
"i have to fix this," he says decisively. "after all, i was the one who caused it."
mark gives him a lopsided, wry smile. "don't be too hard on yourself," he says quietly. "you were just trying to help."
so he had noticed and known what was going on. with his blank face, jackson had found it difficult to tell what he was thinking. he's starting to learn that mark is someone who doesn't reveal his emotions easily, who keeps his cards close to his chest. but not in a cunning or devious way or anything. he's just... not easy to read. and jackson finds it more intriguing than unsettling.
"what can i do, though?" he sighs, putting away these thoughts first to tackle the issue at hand. he's definitely not going to talk to jaebum and there's not much chance of communicating with jinyoung when he's clammed up like that too.
they arrive at the bicycle rack and mark crouches down to unlock his. he gets on and jackson swings his leg over the back, by now with much more ease than the first time. mark pushes down hard on the pedals, jolting the bicycle into motion as they travel out of school. he doesn't answer jackson's question and jackson thinks he's forgotten about it until they stop outside his front gate and he climbs off, slinging on his bag.
mark looks up at him. "maybe you can talk to jaebum... if there's a misunderstanding you want to explain."
jackson's eyes widen. "talk to him?"
mark laughs. jackson thinks it might be one of the first times he's ever heard it. "he's not that scary."
jackson gulps.
"i would do it for you, but... he wouldn't believe me."
"you... you would do it for me?" jackson gapes at mark.
mark smiles and ducks his head shyly. "if i could."
it's the simplicity of his answer that makes up jackson's mind. even mark, for whom talking is a challenge, is willing to help him repair the situation he created. why should he continue making jinyoung suffer because of his cowardice, if it's within his ability to resolve it?
"okay, i'll try," he says determinedly. mark looks surprised by his sudden resolution. maybe he doesn't know that jackson is a person who, once he has decided to do something, doesn't flinch or vacillate.
"thanks," he mumbles to mark, turning to walk to his house, but mark's hand on his elbow stops him. "jia-er."
jackson turns, blinking at mark's unexpected usage of his name.
"be nice," mark says in soft english, eyes smiling.
at break the next day, jackson slips away alone with a hasty excuse to jinyoung that he's going to the restroom and slinks down the stairs to the sophomores' classes.
when he finds mark and jaebum's class, the first thing he sees is mark sitting in his seat at the far corner of the classroom, earbuds plugged in and flipping through a manga. he seems to sense jackson's gaze at almost the same time, looking up. he looks startled at first, then comprehension dawns in his eyes and jackson follows them towards the right to find jaebum sitting alone too at his desk a few rows ahead, his glasses sliding down his nose as he scribbles seriously on a worksheet.
jackson shifts his eyes back to mark. mark raises one eyebrow, like he's asking whether jackson can handle it. jackson pauses before giving him a small nod, then takes a deep breath and walks into the noisy classroom.
when jackson is standing in front of jaebum, he still doesn't look up, so deeply caught up in his work. jackson knows that this time there is no other alternative than to completely come clean. he could try and goad jaebum into revealing his feelings by making sensational statements such as jinyoung wants to quit, but he suspects they would probably backfire instead and cause the web of misunderstandings to grow even more tangled.
he clears his throat. jaebum looks up, brows knit. his eyes widen when he sees jackson. "jackson-ah? what are you doing here?"
even though jaebum's laidback smile is absent, his voice is still as kind as it has always been. jackson wonders why he felt afraid at all to talk to jaebum when he knew jaebum would never be anything but polite and friendly to him.
"i... i just wanted to tell you that... when i said jinyoung went out with bomi the other day, i didn't mean as a date. they went out as friends. she's one of our friends."
jaebum finally focuses his undivided attention on him. he takes off his glasses. jackson thinks he catches a flash of relief in his eyes, but it might just be his imagination. after an awkward pause, he finally replies. "so? he still missed club, right?"
"yes, but --"
"jackson-ah." jaebum studies him thoughtfully. "why are you telling me this?"
jackson swallows hard, thrown by the unexpected question. he looks up at mark, who gives him an encouraging smile.
"can you... can you ask him to come back to the club?"
jaebum stares at him evenly. "why should i do that? it's his choice whether he wants to attend or not," he says impassively.
"because he thinks you don't want to see him! he's in pain!" jackson catches himself at the last word, realizing that he's slipping into his bad habit of exaggerating.
jaebum looks concerned at the in pain part, and a little confused. jackson bites his lip guiltily. he has a feeling he's just worsened the situation. "why would he think that?" jaebum asks gently.
"well, duh!" jackson nearly shouts. seriously, talking to jaebum is like slamming his head against a wall. for someone who's supposed to be smart he can be such a brick-head. "you ticked him off the last time!"
"ticked him off?" jaebum furrows his brow, and jackson's mouth drops open.
"i can't believe you forgot," he starts, getting agitated despite mark's admonition. out of the corner of his eye he sees mark getting out of his seat and moving towards them, like he's worried jackson is going to swing a punch or something.
but jaebum says placatingly, "i didn't forget. i'm sorry if i sounded harsh, but i was just letting him know one of the club's rules. if anyone isn't serious about committing to weekly meetings, they shouldn't bother to join."
jackson feels his frustration rising at jaebum's denseness. "okay," he says calmly, taking deep breaths. "okay. i just have one question for you --" he feels mark walk up behind him, not touching jackson's arm but just standing there and listening. jaebum's eyes are on his, waiting, revealing nothing. jackson tries to ignore mark's presence and continues, "do you seriously not care at all if you never see jinyoung again?"
at the words, something flickers across jaebum's eyes -- something like what jackson has been seeing in jinyoung's transparent ones for the past few days. and that's how jackson knows that he wasn't wrong about his hypothesis. jaebum shares the same feelings as jinyoung.
jaebum blinks and drops his eyes back to his textbooks, dismissing jackson. "did you come here just to ask me that?" he says in the same bland voice, but jackson hears the faintest, almost indetectable tremor.
"yes," he answers frankly, staring hard at the back of jaebum's bent head as he shuffles his papers. "and i hope you think about what i said."
on his way back to class, jackson finds himself thinking not about jaebum's mulish nonchalance but the way he had been so impassioned that he had forgotten mark was still standing behind him and bumped into him when he took a step back, treading on his shoe. he had heard a soft gasp of pain as his back pressed against a warm, solid body, and jackson hastily jumped back in alarm. mark leaped back too, and then they both looked down at jaebum to find him staring between both of them in bafflement.
jackson had quickly left the class and mark slunk back to his seat. on his way past the back door, jackson caught a glimpse of mark with his head lowered and earbuds shoved in his ear again, looking out of the window. he wondered if mark was still thinking about him and thought, probably not. he had most likely forgotten the awkward moment a second after it happened.
jackson spends the ensuing days on pins and needles. he half-expects jaebum to walk in eagerly at any moment, begging jinyoung to forgive him and come back to the club because he can't live without him -- although the logical part of him knows that this will never happen in this universe. but at least jaebum should find some way to convey to jinyoung that he doesn't hate jinyoung's guts the way jinyoung thinks. jackson's head snaps up eagerly at every pair of footsteps, but soon he grows tired of waiting and slowly loses hope that jaebum cares.
on monday, jinyoung is sitting on jackson's desk and discussing his plans for the coming lesson when jackson hears an approaching set of footsteps but doesn't bother looking up. it is the abrupt ceasing of jinyoung's chatter and his sharp intake of breath that alerts him. as jinyoung exhales shakily jackson whips his head up to see jaebum standing apprehensively in the doorway of their classroom, his head lowered. when he looks up to meet jinyoung's eyes, he looks stricken.
"jaebum-oppa! you're back!" he is quickly swarmed by a group of adoring girls from their korean class, blocked from their vision again. jackson hears jinyoung heave a sigh of relief and pokes his side. jinyoung looks down at him, his cheeks flushed and eyes dazed.
"stay cool," jackson mouths to him, and he bobs his head obediently.
jinyoung is drastically different from his self the previous week as he animatedly conducts the lesson. jaebum is smiling at him again, more guarded than before, but at least he's smiling and professional as he deftly assists jinyoung in his teaching. jackson resists the urge to put on his most smug, superior smirk, instead sliding his phone out of his pocket and snapping a quick picture of them on the pretext of checking it. jinyoung would kill him alive if he knew that jackson had done that, but he figured that one day in the future jinyoung would appreciate having this snapshot to remind him of their awkward puppy crush days. besides, it was the least he owed jackson.
he sends the picture to mark. his phone vibrates with a reply within a minute. the text just reads lol. it isn't even capitalized. jackson rolls his eyes. wtf? he texts back. mark doesn't even bother to reply.
but later as jinyoung is wrapping up the lesson with jaebum, beaming like christmas has come early, jackson's phone vibrates again. he opens mark's message eagerly. the subject line just says selca and the picture attached is of mark sitting at his desk, the slats of the aluminium classroom windows behind him, silhouetted by the pale blue afternoon sky. his chin propped up lazily on his knuckles, smiling.
"how do you know english?" jackson enquires conversationally one afternoon as mark is wheeling his bike out of school with jackson walking beside him at a leisurely pace. it's the height of summer and jackson enjoys the warmth of the sun shining into his eyes and bathing his face.
mark glances over at him. jackson wonders why it's taken him so long to ask, when it was something he had wondered from almost the very first day about mark.
"i was born in los angeles," mark answers.
jackson oogles him. "seriously? near hollywood?"
mark cracks a smile and nods.
"that's so cool! did you meet any celebrities?"
"a few times," mark says vaguely, sounding more bored than impressed. jackson isn't surprised. in the short time he's known mark, the only thing he's seen that can impress mark -- indeed, the only thing he doesn't find boring -- is stars. he doesn't seem to be much interested in real people, the real world.
"how about you?" mark asks in his soft-spoken voice, interrupting his train of thought.
jackson stammers, flustered. even after so long, he still can't contain the ridiculous spike of pleasure whenever mark displays the slightest bit of interest in him or his life.
"my mother is from hong kong," he explains simply, and mark nods thoughtfully as he takes this in.
"we should talk in english from now on, just to piss off jinyoung and jaebum," jackson babbles gleefully, partially meaning it and partially to hide his anxiety.
mark breaks into a rare, full-watted smile, his sharp canines peeking out for an instant. for some reason, the sight makes a bead of cold sweat roll down jackson's back.
mark's hand moves up to his face without warning, his thumb brushing across jackson's temple. "you're perspiring," he remarks, studying his damp fingertip. "are you very hot?"
"uh, um," jackson stammers, the innocuous comment somehow sounding twisted to his heat-addled ears. "i'm f--"
"do you feel faint?" mark's palm moves to rest lightly against his forehead, two delicate creases appearing on his own. "be careful not to get heatstroke."
jackson abruptly recalls the morning after the meteor shower, when mark was so solicituous and caring in this exact same way that it made jackson unbearably confused. he draws away, making mark look hurt.
he takes jackson's hand loosely. "come on," he just says, dragging jackson forward.
"wait, where are we going?" jackson protests halfheartedly.
mark eventually lets go of his hand to keep the bicycle steady, wheeling it down the sidewalk outside school, but not before turning to give jackson a look that says follow me like a good boy. jackson shuts his mouth and obeys.
he hears the distant tinkling of the bell before he sees the ice cream truck. it's just a makeshift roadside stall, parked by the lane, looking worn-out and nondescript. but mark's pace doesn't slow as he nears it with conviction.
the elderly, tired-looking ice cream man gives them a toothless but welcoming smile as they arrive. mark smiles back warmly.
"what flavour do you want?" he turns to jackson, already digging into his pocket for loose change.
"um..." jackson doubts they have fancy flavours like his favourite tiramisu here. "vanilla?" he mumbles hesitantly.
mark favours him with a brief approving smile. "two vanillas please, uncle."
jackson takes his proferred cone as mark slips a few dog-eared notes into the man's hand. when the man tries to give him a few coins in change, he refuses it gently but firmly. the man beams toothlessly at them and jackson turns away, feeling a pang of pity.
he takes a tentative lick of his cone as they walk away. his eyes widen at the fresh, sweet taste of vanilla.
mark's eyes glint with amusement as he glances over, taking a bite of his own cone. "taste better than it looks?"
"much," jackson confesses, wolfing down his ice cream. he should have gotten a double scoop.
mark laughs, high and silvery in the sleepy afternoon quiet. "you want more?" he offers, tilting his cone towards jackson.
it's tempting, but jackson shakes his head. he doesn't think he's quite ready for the intimacy of sharing food with mark yet.
after they finish their ice cream, wheeling the bicycle between them with their free hands, mark clambers aboard. the summer breeze tickles jackson's ears and ruffles his hair as he clings tightly to mark's waist and closes his eyes, letting the rhythm of the rickety old bicycle carry him home for what feels like the thousandth time.
by now, it's become part of their weekly routine, like clockwork -- traipsing to the opposite building after dismissal every tuesday and finding the other members gathering in the astronomy club room, but for some reason, every single time, jackson's eyes always seem to seek out mark and jaebum first. specifically, mark, then jaebum. it's like there's a magnetic force pulling his vision unerringly towards mark, an invisible radar built into him. jackson guesses that just like jinyoung, mark and jaebum have unobtrusively become his closest friends.
they faithfully take the same route every week at the same time, whether rain or shine. on sunny days jackson will most likely find mark basking in a shaft of sunlight like a contented house cat, while on rainy days he will almost unfailingly be clad in his school jacket with the sleeves pulled over his wrists, plugged into his ipod as he conscientiously listens to music.
"what are you listening to?" jackson sits down beside him one day when jinyoung has wandered away to help jaebum with a particularly tricky step in the assembling of his model. he no longer hesitates or thinks twice before he approaches mark, knowing that the perennially plugged-in earphones are meant to discourage some people from talking to him, but also that the list of these people doesn't include jackson.
mark's bright answering grin confirms this. he beckons jackson to lean closer, easily pushing one of his earbuds into jackson's right ear. jackson is surprised to hear a chinese song, which after a few verses he identifies as silence.
"jay chou?" he can't help blurting, unable to hide his surprise.
mark smiles, eyes mischievous. "did you expect something else?"
jackson laughs. "yeah, i don't know. i expected heavy metal or angry rap music or something."
mark laughs out loud too, drowning out the music for a moment. "you're right, i mostly listen to eminem and drake and chris brown. but sometimes i'm just in the mood for ballads. like on rainy days."
jackson takes this in. it's true that there is something about the combination of the rain falling in the background and the soothing dulcet crooning of the love song that is magical. he shivers, and mark's smile immediately fades in concern.
"are you cold?" he leans closer, looking worried. before jackson can reply, he has already stripped off his jacket, his earbud falling out of his ear. he drapes it over jackson's shoulders clumsily. "don't catch a flu now."
jackson sniffles, his nose feeling sore and his sinuses making his eyes water. he doesn't know why something in the cavity of his chest aches miserably whenever mark acts like this.
mark picks up the earbud and fits it into his ear again, tilting his head towards jackson's so that the cord is long enough. he places his hands on top of each other on the table and slouches forward, resting his chin on the backs of them. his jacket slips on jackson's shoulders and he hastily pulls it up before it falls to the ground.
one afternoon, they dash breathlessly into club to find only jaebum present, absorbed in a game of wastepaper basketball with the other members. his model of the galaxy is in its finishing stages and he seems more relaxed nowadays, spending more time during club meetings on discussions and activities with the other members.
jackson tries to hide his disappointment as he shuffles into the classroom and drops his bag on his usual seat. he had been spoiled by mark's frequent attendance of late, forgetting that he used to be absent for most of the meetings. he had probably grown bored and couldn't be bothered dropping by anymore. jackson ignores the slightly hollow pit in his stomach and takes out his homework.
but jinyoung easily flounces up to jaebum and queries without hesitation, "where's mark-hyung?" jackson privately admires the way he had unassumingly broken through all of mark's barriers as if he didn't see them, immediately worming his way into mark's good graces, calling him mark-hyung in a wheedling voice that made jackson's hackles rise.
he can't imagine himself calling mark hyung. or ge. or anything, actually, except yi-en.
mark never calls him anything except jia-er either, unless there are other people around. in fact, he seldom addresses jackson.
not that jackson addresses him often either. there's something disquieting about the intimacy of the two syllables of mark's chinese name rolling off his tongue; the way mark's eyes look whenever he used it -- raw and exposed and vulnerable.
the way jackson feels when mark calls his name.
jaebum brightens visibly at the sight of jinyoung. he tears his attention away from the game for a moment and answers, "he's on the rooftop."
"oh." jinyoung beams back at him foolishly, and when jackson calls out mockingly, "get a room!" jaebum blushes beetroot and throws the paper ball in his hand furiously at his face.
on the pretext of escaping from jaebum's rage, jackson flees the classroom. but as soon as he's out of the members' sight, he immediately detours and makes for the rooftop. he knew their school had one, but he had never bothered to explore it, climbing up the dusty and grimy steps towards the faint rays of light creeping through the ajar door.
when jackson pushes it open, he finds mark lying on the slate grey granite of the rooftop, folding paper aeroplanes. a stack of white paper with squiggles of indecipherable words printed on them rests beside him.
mark's eyes flicker towards him when he hears jackson's footsteps. "oh, hey," he says casually. he no longer seems that nervous whenever jackson comes near him, but there's still a flicker of uneasiness in his eyes which he quickly tamps down but doesn't escape jackson's shrewd notice. he tries not to take it too personally, telling himself that if mark didn't like him, he wouldn't be friends with jackson. mark might not be good at expressing his feelings, but he isn't the type to hang out with people he doesn't like.
jackson sinks down onto his haunches beside him, feeling the warmth of the sun-baked granite seep through his uniform pants into his skin. "what's with the paper?"
mark sits up, dislodging a few paper planes. "we misprinted some documents for the club. jaebum was going to crumple up all of the wasted papers to play basketball, but i managed to save a bit."
jackson suppresses a chuckle. "how is this better than using it for basketball?" he gestures at the pile of clumsily folded planes around mark.
mark looks defensive. "i could fold other things like cranes, but i don't know how to. besides, i like airplanes."
jackson studies him, wondering why he's surprised. he had almost forgotten mark's fascination with all things to do with the sky.
"why do you like the sky so much?" he asks casually, leaning back on his enfolded palms. mark squints as he turns to look down at jackson's face, as if jackson's eyes are reflecting the sun's rays.
"i don't know," he answers seriously, voice dreamy. "i guess... it symbolizes freedom to me."
after that, their conversation lapses into silence. presently, jackson picks up a piece of paper and idly helps mark fold a paper plane, then another. he adds them to the growing pile. when the pile has accumulated into a small mountain and the stack of papers is half-diminished, mark stops him with light fingers on his hand. "i think that's enough. we should use the rest of the paper for something less wasteful."
jackson smiles, and grabs a handful of paper planes, standing up. mark scrambles to his feet, dusting off the back of his uniform. they exchange wordless conspiratorial smiles, before spending the next ten minutes hurling the paper airplanes down over the parapet of the rooftop, and ducking behind the wall when the people they land on crane their heads up to look, surprised and curious. but mostly the students -- even some teachers -- who find them look more amused than annoyed, some even unfolding the planes to check whether there's a message inside.
"maybe we should write something," jackson suggests, after the fifth person who checks looks disappointed to find only a blank page filled with nonsensical printings.
mark hesitates for a beat before reluctantly agreeing. "it'll take a while," he warns, but jackson only wiggles his eyebrows and grins encouragingly.
"we have all afternoon," he spreads his arms outwards, and mark suppresses his answering grin.
jackson digs into his pocket and thankfully finds a couple of pens among the odds and ends, and hands one to mark. they start unfolding the planes rapidly and scrawling messages inside. jackson mostly goes for cheesy, motivational stock ones like you're beautiful or you're just right, while mark's simply say hello, smile! or just a haphazardly drawn smiley face.
when they are done, they refold the planes quickly and resume their mission. this time, they don't bother to duck down when the people look up, because almost all the faces that do are smiling in warm amusement, or laughing so loudly that they can hear them from three storys up. some even wave up or flash them thumbs up. jackson feels a huge stupid grin aching on his face, and when he looks over he sees it reflected on mark's flushed cheeks, so giddy that it's hard to catch his breath for a moment.
when they have finally exhausted their supplies, jackson collapses back onto the ground. the sun has set enough in the sky that it's dimmed enough for him to stare at it without squinting. mark lies back beside him with a sigh.
"do you know that they're still up there, even though we can't see them?" he says softly, his drowsy, mellifluous voice drifting into jackson's ear.
"the stars?" jackson guesses easily, smiling fondly as he looks over.
mark's lips quirk in assent. "and the moon."
"i know. they're there all the time. but it's only because the sun is too bright in the day, that it eclipses them."
"they shine the brightest in the dark," mark whispers. "that's what i love about them."
jackson can count on his fingers the days till the end of the sunny season. for the rest of the afternoon, they lie on the rooftop, soaking up the last rays of summer. when jackson gets home and changes out of his uniform, he finds a single paper plane in his pocket. it must have fallen in by accident.
when he opens it, it's one of mark's and reads i always preferred the stars to the sun, until i saw your smile.
on the last day of summer, jaebum enlists the three of them to go along with him on an excursion to buy the last remaining supplies he needs to complete his model. jaebum entrusts the group meeting to the treasurer of the club and they troop out after school. jackson feels oddly unfamiliar but excited as he is jostled between mark and jinyoung on the sidewalk as the four of them try to walk in a single line on the narrow strip of concrete. like gentlemen, mark and jaebum are standing on the outer edge, with jackson and jinyoung sandwiched protectively between them.
jinyoung tugs jaebum a little closer as a car whizzes by at breakneck speed, curling his arm anxiously into the crook of jaebum's. jaebum laughs and pats his hand. because of the proximity, jackson's knuckles brush against mark's occasionally. in the end, they decide to split into pairs -- jaebum and jinyoung in front and mark and jackson bringing up the rear. jackson exhales a little in relief, setting a comfortable space between him and mark.
as they watch jinyoung and jaebum flirting bashfully up ahead, jackson sneaks a quick glance at mark. he looks lost in rumination as usual, in his own private world. jackson fumbles for a conversation topic for awhile before giving up, letting the silence that has settled between them like fine dust steal over them, not uncomfortably.
when they arrive at the train station to take the trip downtown, it's surprisingly crowded. the mass of commuters are packed into the carriages like sardines in a can and jackson is jostled rudely as they attempt to shove their way inside. mark steadies him in time before he loses his balance.
in the carriage, jackson finds himself cramped into a sandwich between a schoolgirl about their age and a salaryman. he's pressed up against the window, trying to breathe, when mark pushes his way between them, physically wedging his body between jackson and the other people. he braces his hands against the window as the train lurches, and jackson finds himself imprisoned awkwardly between mark's arms. he's never noticed before but mark's upper arms are wiry and sinuous, muscles rippling beneath the skin.
they're about the same height but mark's body blocks him completely from the invasion of others into his personal space, his breath warm and slightly damp on jackson's bare neck. jackson feels a tingle beneath the surface of his skin and resists the urge to recoil.
jaebum and jinyoung have disappeared somewhere into the horde of people until they arrive at their destination and mark and jackson tumble gracelessly out of the train, heaving audible sighs of relief.
"this is why i need my bicycle," mark grumbles under his breath as he undoes his top button and loosens his tie and collar, flapping his shirt. jackson makes a noise of agreement, hoping mark will attribute the hot flush on his cheeks to the crowded journey.
they look up at the sound of their names to see jaebum and jinyoung rushing towards them, looking equally harassed but relieved. "stick close to mark and don't get lost," jaebum admonishes jackson sternly like he's a father and jackson's his kid.
jinyoung tugs on jaebum's sleeve. "hyung, i'm thirsty," he whines in a babyish voice jackson has never heard before. but jaebum doesn't look unfamiliar with it as his face softens instantly.
"aww, just bear with it for a minute, we'll go get drinks right away, okay?" he practically coos, wiping away jinyoung's sweat from his matted bangs gently.
"are my ears playing tricks on me or did jaebum just say aww?" jackson mutters in a low voice to mark.
"i heard that, dumbass," jinyoung snaps sharply, voice losing every hint of babyishness.
but mark laughs his weird squeaky laugh and mouths yes at jackson, ducking from jinyoung's outraged whack, and jackson feels himself melting.
unable to resist jinyoung's complaints of hunger and thirst, jaebum gives in to his wheedling and decides to fill their stomachs first. they wander out of the station into pleasantly sunlit but cool weather with a tinge of apple blossoms on the breeze. before long, they happen upon one of the ubiquitous taiwanese street food stalls littered every few steps along the road in taichung.
jinyoung orders braised meat rice and green onion pancakes, and jaebum obligingly whips out his wallet to pay. jinyoung doesn't even seem ashamed to make jaebum buy him food, instead digging in with relish and a breezy thanks, hyung!
mark tilts his head towards the food, looking questioningly at jackson. "do you want anything?"
jackson hesitates, about to refuse, then changes his mind at the sight of piping hot skewers of deep-fried dumplings fresh from the fryer, still dripping with oil. his mouth waters.
mark laughs and orders two sticks. he takes out his own wallet and pays automatically, without even glancing at jackson. jackson swallows, feeling slightly uncomfortable, but he knows mark will push away his money if he attempts to pay him back.
he watches mark sideways as they chew on the dumplings. his mouth is full, cheeks filled with food, looking like a hamster hoarding sunflower seeds. jackson looks away and obnoxiously barges between jaebum and jinyoung, stealing a bite of jinyoung's pancake.
feeling parched after eating the greasy food, they enter a bubble tea shop and order big cups. jinyoung chooses peach-flavoured red tea, which jackson didn't even know existed. they keep coming up with new flavours, too fast for him to try all of them. jaebum orders taro milk tea, jackson chocolate and mark honey. jackson finds the discovery of mark's sweet tooth amusing.
they noisily suck up the pearls through their oversized straws as they leave the shop. jinyoung rubs his belly in contentment and jackson sighs in satiated bliss too. jaebum checks his watch and reminds them that it's about time to head for the hardware and art supplies shops before they close. they troop down the street, huddling together and in the midst of the melody of their rowdy intertwined voices and raucous mixture of their laughter weaving together, jackson realizes that he can't remember being so happy in a long time.
jackson jerks awake to the disembodied intercom voice announcing that they have arrived at the end of the line and all passengers should disembark. he wipes a thread of drool from the corner of his mouth and blinks through sleep-heavy eyelids, registering mark's sheepish face.
"you're awake," he says gently.
jackson swivels his head towards the station map in befuddlement. "we missed our stops? why didn't you wake me?"
mark rubs the back of his neck. "you seemed tired," he just says.
"but you should have --" jackson is nearly frantic, his pulse racing. the train is empty and outside the station, he can see pitch black night. mark grabs his hand and tugs him to his feet, taking control of the situation.
"let's get off first," he coaxes soothingly.
"i'm sorry," jackson says, close to tears tears as they stand outside the gates of the closed station, staring morosely at the starless sky.
"it's okay," mark repeats, his deep, calm voice strangely hypnotic.
"how are we going to get home now?" jackson wails in dismay.
mark fishes out his tattered wallet and thumbs through the few notes inside. "we can take a cab," he says without conviction.
"no," jackson interrupts firmly. "you already paid for my food. i'm not letting you pay for my cab fare too. if we take a cab, i'm paying for it."
"jackson, please," mark snorts incredulously. "the food was like, two dollars."
jackson tries to ignore the way his name sounds in mark's slurred, drawling english for the first time.
"i'm paying," he repeats resolutely, catching himself in time before he stomps his foot on the ground like a petulant child.
mark throws up his hands in exasperation. "if you must," he relents. "but only half, at most."
jackson opens his mouth to protest, but mark is already hailing an empty cab cruising down the dark road.
the taxi rolls to a stop and he opens the door for jackson. jackson shakes his head and gets in, and mark squeezes in beside him.
they anxiously peer at the taxi's rising meter as it seems to chug at an incredibly slow pace down the car-less roads. as it is nearing the midnight peak hour, the prices are highly jacked-up and seem to multiply by two with every progressing minute. they seem to hit every red light along the way and the minutes drag by interminably waiting for them to turn green.
mark glances over at him, face pale in the neon glow of the dashboard and jackson knows that even with the two of their cash combined, they might not have enough to pay for the full trip.
eventually, when the meter reaches fifteen dollars, which is all jackson has in his wallet, he asks the driver to pull up along the road shoulder. he's definitely not eating into mark's share. fortunately, they are almost nearing his house, and the distance is walkable. the street is well-lit and his neighbourhood isn't dangerous, jackson reassures mark as he pays the driver and gets out.
he has walked a short distance when he hears the sound of footsteps behind him and jumps, whirling around. he muffles his quiet gasp to see mark striding briskly towards him.
"see? you are scared to walk home alone," mark just says, voice soft, when he's finally in front of jackson.
jackson glares at him in annoyance. "why did you get off? how are you going to get home later? you won't be able to find another cab here at this hour."
his voice is shrill and breathless and urgent, but mark only shrugs unperturbedly and says, "let me walk you home."
jackson pushes him, feeling like an idiot and precariously on the verge of tears again. mark stumbles back, his face looking wounded even in the shadows. "this is all your fault," jackson fumes. "if you woke me up in the train, none of this would have happened."
"jia-er," mark says, voice infuriatingly calm. "it's not a big deal. honestly. i can find my way home after that. you don't have to be so upset."
"don't patronize me," jackson snaps coldly, and enjoys the way he grimaces.
but when they finally arrive outside jackson's house after a journey on foot of about ten minutes which jackson spent the whole of silently fuming, he's the one who tugs at mark's sleeve beseechingly just as he turns away.
mark turns back to look at him, searching eyes illuminated momentarily by the puddle of orange light thrown by the overhead streetlamp.
he's the one who tightens his grip on the fistful of mark's uniform shirt and whispers, "stay the night. you can go home in the morning."
in the first bracing days of the onset of autumn, after they got back from their trip downtown to buy supplies, jackson has noticed a subtle but definite change in the air between jinyoung and jaebum. previously, it had been awkward and tense, but now it seems to smoulder quietly with an electricity that confounds and mystefies jackson.
"did something happen between you and jaebum?" he comes right out and asks jinyoung.
jinyoung colours magenta, but to his credit answers with equal honesty. "jaebum-hyung... kissed me on the way home that day," he whispers, so inaudibly that jackson almost doesn't catch it.
"holy shit." he gapes at jinyoung, lost for words. "how... what... how was it?"
jinyoung's blush deepens to the roots of his hair. "it was... weird... scary... amazing. jackson-ah, i really do like him. i wasn't sure before, but i have no doubt now." he clutches jackson's hands in a bone-crushing grip.
"holy shit," jackson repeats dumbly, still shell-shocked. jinyoung has been nursing his colossal crush for so long -- nearly a year, that jackson had stopped expecting it to be reciprocated in reality. although he reassured jinyoung that his chances were high, deep inside, he had never really believed that jaebum -- model student, stickler for rules, ex-head prefect jaebum -- would sacrifice propriety and break all the laws to be with jinyoung. he was ashamed of his cynicism, but he couldn't help it.
"no wonder..." jackson muses darkly, the words slipping from his mouth before he can think them through.
jinyoung looks puzzled. "no wonder what?"
jackson shakes his head and laughs drily. "no wonder he looks at you like he wants to eat you right up."
there should be a new shade of red invented to describe the colour of jinyoung's new default face, jackson thinks idly, because crimson doesn't even begin to cover it.
he studies them covertly during the next korean lesson, abruptly catching on to details he had missed before. it all makes sense now, the way jaebum's hand moves almost naturally to rest possessively on the small of jinyoung's back; the way the backs of their hands and fingers graze more times than possible to be accidental; the way jaebum smiles dazzlingly at jinyoung, like he's the only person in the room.
it's kind of digusting, actually.
jackson resists the urge to gag and concentrates on his binder of korean notes. in the span of less than a year, the class has expanded to nearly thirty students and jinyoung and jaebum have actually gotten permission to register it as an actual extracurricular club. they offered jackson the role of vice-president but he declined, promising that he would always be there to back them up despite that.
after class, the usual group of female and a handful of male groupies hang back to ply both of them with questions. jackson chuckles under his breath with amusement as he slides his books into his bag and waits for jinyoung and jaebum to finish up so they can head home together.
today, bomi perches daringly on the teacher's desk, laughing loudly about some inside joke with jinyoung. in the past few months, she and jimin have grown to be two of jackson and jinyoung's closest friends in the class. jaebum now knows her by face and name, but he has never expressed any of the hostility he did on the first day he heard that jinyoung went out with her, always speaking to her cordially and answering her questions with an agreeable smile.
today, however, jackson notices that something is different as jaebum takes a seat next to jinyoung and says something to her, literally snatching her attention away entirely. bomi laughs so loudly jackson can hear it across the room, tossing her hair in a flirtatious, coy manner that jackson is pretty sure he hasn't seen before. in front of him and jinyoung, she always acts like one of the guys, revealing her tomboyish side. but now jackson spots jinyoung's equally incredulous look as she blushes and lowers her lashes, looking feminine and shy.
almost immediately, jaebum seems to have effortlessly monopolized her attention. jackson's not surprised -- he knows that jaebum can be commanding when he chooses to, nothing short of dripping with charm if he applies himself. he's just never seen jaebum flirting with girls, or even displaying any interest in them before. the only person he's ever seen jaebum flirting with is jinyoung.
-- who jackson realizes is getting to his feet this very moment with a clatter. the grating sound of the chair legs scraping across the ground doesn't even seem to make jaebum look up, so absorbed in his conversation with bomi is he. jinyoung shoots both of them one last scathing look, his jaw clenched, before hugging his files to his chest and taking large, angry strides towards jackson.
"let's go," he says, voice strung tight as a rubber band.
"but what about..." jackson falters, the words dying on his tongue as he realizes their stupidity and insensitiveness.
jinyoung breathes a brittle laugh. "don't worry, i'm pretty sure he won't notice or care."
true to his words, jaebum doesn't even look up or glance over as they pack up and leave the classroom.
unofficially, thursday afternoons have come to mean solitary time for jackson -- two hours when it's just him and his sabre, the serenity of the afternoon only broken by the neat and clean swishes of metal slicing through air and the languid meandering of his random thoughts. mino, the senior who had scouted him, had successfully managed to wrangle him an exclusive time slot for individual practice, and he's considered one of the star members of the team because of the medal he had won in junior high.
this thursday, the thoughts that float on the surface of his mind are concern for jinyoung's predicament and a gnawing stress about his upcoming final examinations. but still, it doesn't keep him from enjoying the solitude and the measure of peace that fencing always brings him like no other sport.
suddenly, the hush is broken by a rustle outside in the field, and jackson lowers his sabre, frowning. when he swings the door open and ventures out, he finds mark leaning against the outer wall of the dojo, looking sheepish and embarrassed at being caught.
"what are you doing here?" jackson gasps, abruptly aware of his racing heart and breathless pants.
mark shrugs, lowering his eyes. "watching you."
jackson narrows his eyes at him, scrutinizing. "how many times have you been here?" he demands, and mark's silence betrays his guilt.
jackson groans. he can't believe that mark had been watching him practicing alone, probably looking like a fool, more than once. sometimes he even made unattractive grunting noises when he was particularly into it.
"i'm sorry," mark hastily apologizes, looking genuinely contrite. "i can leave if you want to be alone."
"n-no!" jackson's raised voice surprises himself. mark turns around slowly, eyes quizzical.
jackson stutters. "stay."
+ i want to thank psycho_d68, darkensunrise, wufanied and gwhappiness for their amazing suggestions and ideas which were really helpful to me in plotting and improving this chapter!!! as usual, suggestions/ideas for the next one are welcome :)
part 3