tea lights (3/8)

[gotchick]

year 2, summer

the next time jackson hears the scuffling sound of sneakers on grass, he doesn't even bother to pause the swift rhythm of his routine to turn around. instead, he can feel mark's quiet gaze watching him from the doorway which he is leaning against with his arms folded, evaluating jackson's performance and assessing his form.

when he finally lets his arm fall limply to his side, sabre dangling from his hand, he looks up with some pride and a little bashfulness to finally face mark. even after so long, he still feels embarrassed for some reason when mark focuses his undivided attention on him, nervous and antsy. but relievingly, mark's eyes hold nothing but warm admiration as he applauds jackson silently and produces a bottle of cold water from behind his back.

jackson takes it and unscrews the top, taking a big swig. beads of sweat roll down his damp and glistening skin and mark laughs, noticing. "you're soaked through."

jackson smiles sheepishly, but mark takes his hand easily and leads him out of the dojo, his sabre dropping to the ground forgotten. mark drags him over the untrimmed grass of the field, back into the school compound and down the whitewashed granite corridors. they arrive at the row of taps behind the cafeteria, beside the boys' restroom that mark had given jackson his jacket on that night after the meteor shower nearly a year ago.

mark gestures to the burnished silver of the sink, eyes sparkling playfully. "wash up a little. you'll feel cooler."

the summer sun beats down on their backs, bringing out auburn highlights in mark's hair and glinting off the wet, polished metal as jackson lowers his head and presses down on the tap, letting the water gush over his hair and drip down his face. mark is right, it's surprisingly refreshing. mark laughs and looks tempted, eventually giving in and joining him.

there is something about the damp translucence of mark's filmy uniform shirt, coming untidily untucked and falling out of his creased pants, his hopelessly tousled hair, sticking up in wet and spiky tufts, and the water droplets glittering on his skin like dew that makes jackson push his thumb against the mouth of the faucet, blocking the flow and making the water start spraying around in all directions like a sprinkler.

mark yelps in surprise and indignation as it hits him, then laughs, immediately rising to the challenge. he cups his palms and fills them with water, then throws it at jackson's face. jackson shakes his hair like a wet dog, showering mark who dodges and runs away. they end up chasing each other around the sinks like a couple of preschool kids, dripping water and soaked like drowned rats.

later, mark shivers as they wring out their damp uniform shirts. jackson sneaks a concerned look at the flimsy white tank of his gym shirt which is quickly getting drenched through too and clinging to the contours of his wiry body, the ropy muscles of his upper arms. he doesn't bother to take off mark's jacket which he had draped over jackson's bare body immediately after jackson peeled off his shirt, averting his eyes shyly, because he knows mark will not take it back.

he's starting to get used to the feeling of wearing mark's school jacket, the lightweight material rustling against his skin, worn to comfortable softness by multiple washings. it smells faintly of vanilla and jasmine, like the ice cream they had eaten together and some kind of fragrant, scented shampoo. unlike most of jackson's clothes, he never detects the underlying tinge of drying sweat on mark's jacket when he offers it to him.

"you okay?" mark says, brow creased gently, nudging jackson out of his reverie. he tugs the sleeves of his jacket down over jackson's wrists. "cold?"

jackson realizes he had been running his fingers over the material of mark's jacket absently, looking like he was hugging himself. he quickly shakes his head, throat dry, but mark just smiles in concern and gets to his feet, ruffling jackson's hair. "come on."

jackson stumbles to his feet too and mutely follows him the few paces to the water cooler outside the boys' bathroom. mark ignores the usual fountain which spews ice water and instead flicks the lever which turns on the hot water spout. he places a finger under it gingerly to test the temperature, then looks satisfied.

"it's warm," he says, motioning to jackson to place his mouth underneath the flow. "drink some."

jackson looks doubtfully at the water cooler, but meekly obeys. mark finally looks satisfied after jackson has gulped down a few mouthfuls, taking a few quick swallows himself and wiping his mouth carelessly on the sleeve of his tank.

jackson is gingerly wiping the moisture from his lips with the cuffs of mark's jacket when mark's soft gasp of surprise makes him turn.

"jia-er, look!" mark whispers in hushed reverence, elbow nudging his. "it's a rainbow."

true enough, when jackson looks up to the distant sky at the horizon, a faint and ghostlike but definitely present rainbow is peeking from behind the clouds, looking like a bridge of watercolours.

jackson frowns, confused. "why is there one? it didn't even rain."

mark laughs and raps his head with a light knuckle. "it did, remember? this morning."

jackson furrows his brows and vaguely recalls that there had been a quick and unexpected shower early in the dawn, one of the light summer rains which were gone just as quickly as they came.

they both sink down onto the concrete ledge of the step beneath their feet without discussing it, and mark lets out a sigh of marvelment as they admire the rainbow. jackson bets that mark could tell him everything about rainbows he wants to know in a heartbeat, if he asks.

"you're such a dork," he giggles out loud, and mark spins around defensively.

"what? i didn't even say anything," he protests, but his guilty eyes betray the educational lecture that had been brewing in his throat.

finally, he dissolves into laughter too, unable to fight jackson's irresistible grin. "you know me too well," he grumbles under his breath, but there is no bite in his words.

as a cloud passes momentarily over the rainbow, mark pipes up. "is there anything bothering you?"

"w-what? why?" jackson turns to look at his side profile, perplexed.

mark leans back on his palms, raising his shoulders in a lazy shrug. "just asking. you seemed a little tense today."

so he had noticed. jackson feels his own shoulders crumple into a slouch, his chin dropping to his chest.

"hey, what is it?" mark's arm comes up around his hunched shoulders, his hand sliding into the hollow of jackson's left clavicle almost naturally.

"we got our report cards back today," jackson mumbles. "i barely scraped by a passing grade in two subjects."

mark takes this in in stoic silence, arm staying wrapped around jackson's shoulder.

after awhile, he squeezes it, fingers tightening briefly over the stiff muscles in jackson's upper arm.

"it's okay," he says, voice soft as a lullaby. "just work harder the next time. do you... want me to tutor you?"

"... you?" jackson's head snaps up, despondency pushed away temporarily by disbelief.

mark looks offended, hand falling from jackson's shoulder. "you don't think i'm smart enough to teach you?"

"n-no, i just," jackson stammers, flustered. "i always see you copying jaebum's homework..." his voice trails off lamely as hurt creeps into mark's eyes.

"just because i'm lazy doesn't mean i'm stupid," mark tells him, voice even. "i'm in the same class as jaebum, aren't i?"

jackson swallows. "right..."

mark relaxes, eyes softening as his hand winds acquiescingly around jackson's waist again. jackson exhales in relief, not surprised that mark is the kind of person to forgive slights the moment they are over. "i'm barely scraping by passing grades myself," he admits, brow knit, and jackson remembers that this is mark's senior year. "but i'm sure i can cope with the second-year syllabus." there's a teasing note in his voice, and jackson's heart finally lightens a little.

"oh, look, it's back!" mark exclaims, eyes drawn forward again, and jackson's follows his gaze to see that the cloud has moved on and the rainbow is indeed entirely visible again, unobscured and shimmering with seemingly even more brilliance under the gentle illumination of the sun.

"you can lean on me for awhile, if you're tired," mark's voice drifts to him after a few heartbeats, and jackson doesn't dare to turn to look at his expression, the depth of his voice somehow making jackson's heart pound shallowly in his chest.

mark laughs, and jackson feels a hand coming up around the side of his head, callused pads of fingers grazing his ear like feathers, and mark's soft touch gently bringing jackson's head down to rest in the crook of his warm shoulder.

jaebum turns eighteen in january, and jackson's seventeenth birthday is approaching too. he still dreads change, but it is something that he can't escape. he can sense it imminent on the breeze, the riot of summer blossoms on the sycamore trees of the school courtyard, as brilliant as they are fleeting, the falling leaves littering the ground and dancing over the asphalt at the turn of the seasons. relievingly, with jinyoung and mark and jaebum beside him, he feels a little less afraid, slightly more equipped to deal with it.

with the new year comes saying farewell to the third-year members of the club, whom jackson has grown unobtrusively attached to, and welcoming new freshmen. it seems hardly possible that jackson had once been as young and impressionable as the two first-years who walk into their club one february afternoon, one baby-faced and grinning foolishly, the other sleepy-eyed and shy-smiled.

"hi, everyone!" the shorter boy exclaims cheerfully, in heavily-accented but comprehensible chinese. "nice to meet you. i'm bambam and this is my best friend, youqian. we're astronomy freaks."

youqian blushes, ducking his head under the weight of their scrutiny. he's tall and statuesque in a way that makes jackson draw up to his full height defensively, and looks twice as mature standing next to bambam, but the uncertain light in his eyes betrays his adolescence.

jaebum smiles, proferring a friendly hand and his vice-president smile. "welcome to the club."

bambam pumps his hand warmly and excitedly, and youqian stammers out a bashful hello too.

after awhile, the other members lose interest in the newbies and disperse to their own activities. jackson heads for his usual hangout with jinyoung, at the back of the room near jaebum's now-completed model, but jinyoung tugs at his arm and drags him to another corner of the class. since the end of the first year when jaebum had disregarded jinyoung's leaving to talk to bomi, their relationship had been strained and frosty, only interacting in clipped sentences when they had to.

oddly, jackson had kind of grown used to their push-pull, hot-cold relationship and stopped bothering to try to interfere and make them patch things up. he was pretty certain that like the last couple of times, they would make up soon and forget about their differences.

today, jinyoung resolutely ignores jaebum sitting at the teacher's desk and flipping through documents, and jaebum treats him equally as air. jackson sneaks a peek at mark perching on the teacher's desk, swinging his legs and laughing at something jaebum is saying. jackson wonders wistfully what the joke is. at that moment, mark looks up and catches his gaze. jackson hurriedly shifts his eyes down to his textbook, faking nonchalance.

jinyoung is opening his books with a businesslike air, instructing jackson to take out his biology homework for him to look over. he had taken jackson's grades with more gravity and grimness than jackson himself, swearing that he would personally take over jackson's tutoring till his test scores started looking up.

jackson is sighing in resignation, halfheartedly flipping open his textbook when eager footsteps bound up to them. they look up, wide-eyed, to see bambam's face shining with a megawatt smile, youqian looking slightly sheepish as he loiters a few paces behind him.

"yes?" jackson raises an eyebrow, and if bambam were a puppy, he looked like he would be wagging his tail right now.

"you're jackson and jinyoung-xuezhang, right?" he enthuses.

jinyoung blinks at him. "how do you know our names?"

"i'm in your korean club too!" bambam practically gushes. "didn't you notice me?"

"no," jackson replies flatly, but jinyoung cracks a smile, seeming unable to resist his zeal.

"no wonder you looked kind of familiar."

"your lessons are so fun! you're such a good teacher!" bambam raves enthusiastically. as expected, jinyoung looks flattered and bowled over, blushing with pleasure.

"bootlicker," jackson mutters under his breath, but bambam doesn't have the decency to look embarrassed. jinyoung kicks his leg under the table. be nice, he mouths at jackson, scowling.

"are you in the korean class too?" jinyoung smiles at youqian, including him in the conversation with his usual thoughtful diplomacy. jinyoung can't stand seeing people left out or feeling awkward.

youqian shakes his head, cheeks colouring pink again as they all swing their gazes on him.

bambam says stoutly, "don't worry, xuezhang. i'm trying to persuade him to come with me."

jinyoung laughs and smiles kindly at youqian. "you can just drop by for one lesson, to take a look. you don't have to join if it doesn't interest you."

youqian nods, looking relieved.

bambam swings himself nimbly onto jinyoung's table, chattering in rapidfire chinese like a bullet train, their homework forgotten, and youqian settles down with more restraint onto the chair in front of jackson's. his stoic silence reminds jackson of mark and he looks up to catch mark looking over at them this time, eyes curious and mildly envious as if he wants to be a part of their little group too.

in the course of the afternoon, jackson and jinyoung learn that bambam was born in thailand, but has been living in taiwan since he was barely nine. as he has some chinese relatives in his bloodline, his grasp of the language is pretty fluent but he still can't rid himself of that lingering inability to shape some tricky vowels and pronounce some particularly complex words. by the end of the class, he's going over tongue twisters with jinyoung, the two of them looking like best buddies. jackson feels a pang of jealousy. although jinyoung always calls him his best friend, he has so many other close friends that jackson can't help feeling insecure when he effortlessly makes another one.

youqian doesn't look bothered by bambam's flamboyant gregariousness, studying jaebum's galaxy model with unconcealed interest. "can i take a closer look?" he hesitantly consults jackson for permission, and jackson nods in amusement. "i guess."

youqian looks excited for the first time since he entered the club, his sleepy eyes widening. he approaches the model with awe, running careful fingers over the delicately wrought artwork and fragile structure. "this is so... incredibly detailed," he breathes. "it must've taken ages to build?" he looks questioningly at jackson, but before jackson can open his mouth he hears jinyoung's proud answer: "a year."

youqian nods, looking impressed. "who made it?" he asks both of them, and jinyoung stays silent this time, seeming embarrassed for accidentally talking about jaebum.

but when jackson replies, "jaebum-hyung," he doesn't miss the look jinyoung shoots him and the way he cringes. interesting, jackson thinks, hiding his smirk. although he's not korean, he had naturally adopted the honorific much like the girls in their korean class who called jaebum oppa. but before their latest disagreement, jinyoung had told him plainly that he didn't like jackson calling jaebum hyung because it was a term that only he could use. jaebum had laughed when he overheard, looking pleased by jinyoung's possessiveness.

the next week, they gather loosely in a sort of makeshift clique, comprising the four of them and another new first-year member named tzuyu. she's doll-like and pretty, but amusingly superstitious and obsessed with astrology and horoscopes and star signs. they've never seen her without her deck of tarot cards, eyes dark and serious as she predicts the future. jackson senses that bambam has an ill-disguised crush on her as he gazes at her with moony eyes and sighs, obviously more preoccupied with admiring her beauty and copping a feel than listening to his fortune as she reads his palm.

for kicks and because they're more than a little curious, jackson and jinyoung let her analyze their horoscopes for the month too. tzuyu informs jinyoung cryptically that he is languishing in the love department and jackson catches the glance he shoots jaebum, before he looks despondently down at his lap again. jackson is ready to take her advice with a healthy dose of skepticism but when she predicts "a new chapter of romance" entering his life he can't help whooping in glee. the racket draws mark's eyes towards them, and jackson turns to see his steady, unreadable gaze boring into him.

on valentine's day, jackson opens his locker to find that his horoscope had been accurate -- a large rabbit-shaped chocolate, wrapped in dark pink foil, lies nestled among his textbooks and files. jackson gasps and takes it out, caressing the smooth foil and grinning moronically.

"who do you think it's from?" jinyoung nudges him, looking thrilled on his behalf. at that moment, a senior from jackson's fencing team, hani, happens to walk past. the smile on her face as her eyes drop to the chocolate in his hand makes jackson's heart skip a beat. can it be...?

"oh my god," jinyoung hisses as she glides gracefully out of earshot. "who's that?"

jackson tells him, face aching from his idiotic grin.

"she's hot," jinyoung says emphatically, shaking his head. "what does she see in a loser like you?"

he muffles a yelp of pain as jackson jabs an elbow into his ribs.

at club that afternoon, jinyoung immediately broadcasts to the rest of the members that jackson had received chocolates, bragging about it as proudly as if he's the recipient. jackson blushes as the guys clap him on his back and the girls giggle and titter, whispering with each other. only tzuyu doesn't seem interested in the gossip, shuffling through her deck of cards in her usual seat. jackson catches sight of bambam trying tirelessly to subtly slip her a big heart-shaped box of ferrero roche and stifles his snort of amusement.

mark wanders over and sits down beside him, smiling mysteriously. "do you know who gave it to you?" he asks, and jackson hesitates before nodding, unable to hide his blush.

mark's eyes widen, and he blinks a few times but quickly recovers. jackson wonders why he's acting strangely, colour blooming on his cheekbones.

"did you get anything?" he asks, and mark looks startled, then slightly disappointed as he shakes his head.

"i should've given you something," jackson blurts out. when mark looks up at him, eyes stricken, he realizes his slip and quickly amends, "i mean, as friends."

mark looks at him, eyes softening. "you didn't have to," he says, that mysterious smile on his lips again. he ruffles jackson's hair, then stands up and walks off.

nearing the end of the meeting, jackson senses jinyoung staring at jaebum, and follows the direction of his gaze to see jaebum stuffing bite-sized cookies from a tin box into his mouth.

"did you give those to him?" jackson whispers in jinyoung's ear.

jinyoung shakes his head tightly. jackson gulps as jaebum continues tossing the cookies into his mouth and chewing with relish, unaware of jinyoung's accusatory gaze.

after club, they loiter behind. jackson makes some excuse to mark that he has to stay back in school to get some work done and that mark can leave first because he will take the bus home with jinyoung later. relievingly, mark doesn't protest too much and leaves without jackson obligingly, seeming to be eager to get away himself.

jinyoung walks over the to wastepaper basket where they had seen jaebum casually drop the empty tin can on his way out. there is a frilly pink card attached to the top and jackson can almost sense jinyoung's heartbeat quickening as he picks up the can and opens it.

sure enough, it's signed from bomi, and makes clear without a hint of doubt that she's interested in jaebum, in a romantic way. jinyoung crushes the card in his clenched fist, knuckles and face paling.

jackson places a helpless hand on his shoulder. "cheer up," he says lamely. "at least jaebum threw away the card. doesn't that mean something?"

"he ate the cookies," jinyoung growls, looking devastated.

jackson winces. "i'm sure he wouldn't have thrown away the box and card if it was from you," he says meaningfully, and slaps his forehead when jinyoung flees from the class, wailing, "that doesn't mean a thing!"

a month later, on the 13th of march, jinyoung goes shopping with jackson after school to pick out a white day gift for hani. they had discussed this for a month and finally decided that it would be only the basic form of courtesy to thank her for taking the initiative to express her interest in jackson. jackson wouldn't want any girl to feel embarrassed or rejected by him, much less someone as gorgeous as her.

"what about this?" jinyoung says, studying a red rose at a florist, but jackson cringes at the corniness and drags him to the gift shop instead to pick out a cuddly teddy bear holding a heart.

as they are exiting the shop with his purchase, jinyoung stops dead in his tracks and jackson nearly bumps into him. "what's wr--" he starts, then falters to see jaebum in another shop a distance away, buying chocolates.

"i can't believe this," jinyoung seethes, voice alarmingly low. his hand tightens on the strap of his backpack and he abruptly pivots on his heel, as if unable to stand the sight any longer.

"come on, maybe he's not buying them for her!" jackson pants breathlessly, chasing him out of the shopping mall. "don't jump to conclusions before you find out the truth!"

jinyoung spins on him, eyes flaring in anger and hurt. "she's the one who gave him a valentine's day gift! who else could he be buying them for?" he demands, teeth gritted.

when jackson fails to come up with an answer, he turns on his heel and ditches him by the side of the road to go home alone.

ironically, the 14th of march falls on another tuesday. although jinyoung's relationship with jaebum had gone through its highs and lows, he had never once again skipped out on attending club meetings and jackson respected him for his responsibility. today, knowing how painful it must be for jinyoung to face jaebum, he vows to be the most loyal best friend in the world, having jinyoung's back till the end of the meeting.

but when they walk into the club room, both of them gasp out loud to see jaebum's left arm in a white bandage, the rest of the members gathered in concern around his usual seat at the teacher's desk.

jackson is perplexed. jaebum had seemed fine just the afternoon before when they saw him at the shopping mall. before he can stop jinyoung, he's already dashing in a blur of motion into the class, pushing through the bodies of the other members right up in front of jaebum.

he grabs jaebum's arm and jaebum flinches, making jinyoung quickly drop his hands, apologizing profusely. "what happened?" he demands urgently in anguish. "you looked fine when we saw you y--" he stops himself before he blurts out the word, and jaebum blinks at him in stupefaction.

"i'm fine!" he laughs shakily, waving his unhurt hand at the other members. "why are you guys overreacting? i just got a small burn, that's all."

"burn?" jinyoung whispers in shock. "how did you burn yourself?"

jaebum looks sheepish, avoiding jinyoung's eyes, but he finally reaches into his back pocket to fish out a clumsily-wrapped package of star-shaped cookies, tied with a fancy pink ribbon.

"i accidentally touched the hot oven while trying to bake these for someone," he says seriously, not specifying who because of the intent looks of the other members, but his eyes bore meaningfully into jinyoung's.

"homemade cookies? jaebum, that's so corny!" one of the senior members screeches, and the rest burst into good-natured teasing laughter, high-fiving each other.

jaebum blushes, but he doesn't drop his gaze from jinyoung, looking deeply into his eyes with utmost gravity. jinyoung seems unable to tear his own gaze away, his cheeks flushed hotly.

jackson rolls his eyes and bites his tongue to resist the urge to snidely say i told you so, but deep down inside he's relieved that jinyoung and jaebum have finally made up at long last.

"wait, what about the chocolates?" he hears jinyoung blurting out as he moves away discreetly to give them privacy.

"... how did you know i bought chocolates?" jaebum's low voice drifts to his ears. "i melted them and put them in. these are chocolate-chip cookies."

"hyung..." jackson hears in that babyish voice again, and resolutely shuts his ears at this point, quickening his footsteps towards the back of the class where mark is sitting in a flood of sunlight, watching the going-ons with a look of bemusement.

he looks up when jackson sits down next to him, gifting him with a warm, welcoming smile. jackson feels his hyperactive pace slowing just by being next to mark, as if mark's languid rhythm influences him and makes him pause to appreciate the little mundane moments.

but the measure of tranquil peace doesn't last long. soon, jinyoung, buoyed and once again restored to his usual extroverted and bubbly self by his reconciliation with jaebum, is going around the club announcing gleefully to everybody that jackson had given a white day gift to his crush.

he doesn't reveal her name despite how many people pester him to, winking broadly at jackson, but jackson groans, not appreciating his indiscretion.

"you bought a white day gift?" mark chimes up from beside him, raising his eyebrows and looking surprised.

jackson blushes, somehow feeling more embarrassed in front of mark than anybody else.

"y-yeah, i left it in her locker," he mumbles, averting his eyes and studying his hands in his lap.

"... her?" mark repeats after a few awkward, tense beats. there is something about his voice that makes jackson look up, wide-eyed. he is surprised to see mark's face looking pale, all traces of his smile faded. he suddenly looks very absorbed in copying jaebum's homework.

jackson doesn't know what has happened to change the mood so drastically, the air between them suddenly thick enough to be cut with a knife. he watches as mark scribbles vigorously and untidily until his pen runs out of ink, then scratches it viciously across the paper, leaving deep grooves and even tearing a few holes on his worksheet.

he jumps when mark curses, "fuck!" under his breath and wrenches open his pencilbox, grabbing a new one. he slams it closed with a bang that makes a few heads turn and hurls the spoiled pen on the floor. jackson has no idea why mark is so upset about a pen not working but doesn't dare to ask. it's the first time he's heard mark swear besides the morning after the meteor shower when jackson was sick and even then, mark hadn't looked as frightening as he does now.

in april, after jackson's birthday, a freshman they have never seen before walks into the club room one tuesday. he has shyly smiling eyes and a soft dulcet voice, and they all exchange puzzled glances because registrations for club membership are over. however, after he speaks to jaebum for a few minutes, it turns out that he's not here to join the astronomy club but to seek permission to use the old piano in this classroom.

"there's a piano here?" jackson gapes. jinyoung looks equally dumbfounded, but mark goes over to the front corner of the class by the window, beside the blackboard and pulls off the heavy, tasseled cloth draped over a hulking rectangular structure. since it had been there as far back as they could remember, jackson and jinyoung had never bothered to wonder what it hid. a few of the other third-year members also nod in agreement when bambam gasps, "i had no idea there was a piano under there!"

but the way the boy's eyes light up at the dusty old wooden piano, you'd have thought it was a steinway grand. he takes tentative steps towards it, running his fingers over the mahogany top dappled with sunlight and lifting the lid with respect. the ivory keys gleam dully under the afternoon sun, scattered dust motes displaced by the movement illuminated by the light pouring through the windows.

"may i?" he enquires hushedly, turning to jaebum, who nods quietly in assent. the boy smiles in soundless delight, and settles down on the seat, placing his fingers delicately on the keys.

the ensuing music that rings out through the room, first rustily and slightly out of tune, then finding its melody, makes jackson and the other members swivel their heads around in bafflement to check if there's a radio somewhere. it's simply unbelievable that such pure, haunting and pristine music could come from this humble-looking, unassuming boy and his flying fingers.

when he finishes playing, jackson is not the only one who applauds. in fact, he doesn't think there's anyone who doesn't automatically do so in a daze.

the boy blushes, ducking his head in embarrassment. "could i maybe... come here once a week to practice?" he asks jaebum timidly. "i'm in the music club, but there's only one piano in the studio and the other pianist jin always hogs it. i can't say anything because she's a girl, but..." he looks chagrined as he says her name, and there's obviously some competitive history between them.

jaebum looks apprehensive as he considers it. "i don't know if that's a good idea. it may be distracting for the members..."

but jinyoung quickly overrides him. "of course you can! it'll be a waste of a perfectly good piano if no one uses it anyway." he beams sunnily at the boy, who looks torn between excitement and gratefulness and fear that jaebum will put his foot down.

but predictably, jaebum can't say no to jinyoung. he sighs. "i guess it's alright. but we're only allowed to use this room every tuesday, so on the other days we're not in charge."

"that's fine! that's more than enough! thank you so much," the boy gushes, looking overjoyed, and jaebum finally cracks a smile at his earnest gratitude too.

"what's your name?" jackson hears a soft voice pipe up behind him, and turns in surprise to see youqian looking equally taken aback by his own question.

the boy's eyes find youqian's, and he smiles serenely. "i'm rongzai. nice to meet you."

and so rongzai is added to their club as a kind of honourary member, arriving every tuesday not to talk stars with them but provide the background music as they do. gradually, they grow used to seeing his slim body hunched over the piano in concentration, fingers picking out some exquisite melody that sounds too delicate to be created by bumbling human hands. rongzai's favourite artists to play are beethoven and mozart, and jackson thinks that their romantic odes and preludes are a fitting backdrop to their dreamy and ethereal discussions about the solar system.

among all the members, youqian seems to be particularly interested in his playing. "he likes music," bambam confides to them in a loud whisper, before he bounds off to bother tzuyu again. jackson and jinyoung laugh as they watch youqian with his chin propped on the back of his hands and his hands folded over the piano top, gazing dreamily at rongzai who is too absorbed in his playing to meet his eyes but occasionally looks up and sends him a distracted smile.

soon, youqian has been invited to sit beside rongzai, rongzai's tapered fingers gentle over his as he guides youqian's clumsy ones over the keys, playing a c major scale. youqian looks flushed with truimph when he finally manages to get it right. he's a remarkably quick learner and it's barely weeks before they are playing simple duets together, rongzai smiling encouragingly and helpfully waiting for youqian as he painstakingly finds the notes to complete their conjoined melody.

it turned out to be a good decision to let rongzai use the piano, jaebum admits. his playing elevates their club meetings to another level, giving them a classy, musical and light-hearted feeling instead of the usual dreary hum of monotonous conversation and after-school sounds. music is always a mood-lifter and rongzai's is definitely the best quality they could ask for. since he started teaching youqian, rongzai has also gradually seemed to lighten up, branching out from his usual classical pieces to more upbeat modern songs and cafe jazz, which gives their tuesday afternoons a pleasantly cozy atmosphere.

although jackson is allowed individual practice time for his fencing club activities, he can't ignore the fact that fencing is very much a team sport. on the rare occasions that he joins the rest of the members at the bigger, more well-facilitated dojo, he usually pairs up with hani as a sparring partner because her moves are swift, sharp and unflinching and her form is impressively athletic and lithe for a girl's. jackson doesn't feel the need to show mercy or be a gentleman because she's as equally competive and skilled an opponent as him.

one afternoon after he has exchanged a breathless "good game" hand clasp with hani and is taking off his mask, he sees a familiar shadow, made long by the afternoon angle of the sun and ventures the few steps out of the dojo to see mark leaning against the wall, hands thrust in his pockets and looking mildly uneasy in the unfamiliar surroundings.

"what are you doing here?" jackson gasps. he wasn't surprised when mark dropped by during his individual practices, but he had never come during group ones before.

"is that her?" mark asks instead, disregarding his question.

jackson is confused. "who?"

mark tilts his chin subtly towards hani, who is laughing with a few of the other girls from the club a distance away. "the one you like?"

"what? no," jackson hisses vehemently, blushing furiously as he takes mark's arm in a firm grip and escorts them out of the other members' earshot. it will be awkward to explain if any of them hears considering that jackson and hani's relationship had never progressed beyond friends since white day. she had never brought up the teddy bear to him and he was confused about what this meant but not thick-headed enough not to realize that she probably didn't want to start a romantic relationship right now.

anyway, jackson wasn't so sure that he had a crush on her anymore. he respected her as an outstanding fencer, admired her ability in sports, appreciated her aesthetically, that was true. but she didn't make his heart beat quickly the way...

"afraid she'll hear?" mark interrupts, the bitterness in his voice startling jackson.

his hands are clammy as he lets go of mark's arm outside the dojo. "i'm kind of busy now. maybe you should go first."

mark looks at him, injured, and jackson belatedly hears the callousness in his words.

he opens his mouth to say something, apologize maybe, but mark just says, "okay," shrugging and pushing his back off the wall. he leaves without a backward glance like jackson had asked him to but jackson doesn't know why his chest feels inexplicably hollow.

midway through the year, jinyoung springs an unexpected surprise on jackson.

"where are we going?" jackson yowls as he trips down the corridor after jinyoung who is dragging him along impatiently. "we're late for homeroom!"

"this," jinyoung says, turning around with a smug glint in his eyes, "is officially a kidnapping."

"what?!" jackson's screech is cut off as a hand clamps over his mouth from the back, strong arms wrapping firmly around his body. he struggles for a few moments, before he is enveloped by a strikingly familiar scent, his senses dulled and confused.

"yi-en?" he whispers tentatively, and his suspicions are confirmed by that inimitable squeaky laugh. jackson is overwhelmingly confused but he stops struggling, knowing that mark would never do anything to hurt him.

he obediently trails at their heels, noticing that mark's book bag is slung over his shoulder and jinyoung is carrying both his backpack and jackson's bag too. they cut across the school courtyard, moving rapidly and ducking beneath the carpark barrier. he hears them finally heave a sigh of relief that they had escaped undetected when they breach the school gates.

he also hears something that sounds like bambam's giggle, and whirls around to see him, youqian and rongzai looking flushed like kids caught stealing cookies and jaebum looking like their stern father as he stands behind them. all of them are carrying their bags. apparently jackson is the only one who was kept in the dark.

"you guys...?!" jackson muffles his gasp.

"we're playing hooky!" bambam informs him importantly in a stage-whisper, bouncing on the balls of his feet. he looks like it's the best day of his life, which, considering how pathetic his existence is, probably is true. bambam stomps hard on his foot when jackson tells him this and he lets loose a few profanities in an angry whisper.

mark shakes his head and laughs at their antics, and jackson forgets about tormenting bambam for a moment. he's relieved that the awkward tension that had developed between them since he had blown mark off outside the fencing dojo seems to have ebbed away.

"jaebum and mark-hyung have been really stressed about studying for their college entrance examinations lately, so i planned something to lift their spirits," jinyoung explains as they troop down the sidewalk, trying not to look like delinquents playing truant.

"why didn't you tell me?" jackson demands indignantly. "i would've gone along with it."

jinyoung just laughs. "we weren't sure if you'd be willing. have you ever played hooky before?"

jackson gapes at him and huffs. "well, no, but..."

jinyoung shrugs playfully and raises his hands in a there you are gesture. jackson can't believe that jinyoung is patronizing him like this.

"don't worry, we'll get back in time for physics," jinyoung raises his voice on this sentence, and jackson bats his arm, outraged. is jinyoung determined not to stop before he ruins jackson's reputation today? bambam is the first to titter obligingly and youqian and rongzai quickly hide their laughs behind coughs. mark looks over, raising a bemused eyebrow.

as jinyoung promised, they don't travel far, the sheer effort of cutting school during lessons seeming to have already drained them. besides, they might rouse suspicious looks if they walked around in the city in their uniforms in broad daylight. instead, jaebum leads the way through a shortcut along the road to a deserted field with two abandoned goalposts, weeds growing high. it looks like an old and unused soccer field.

"i used to come here and play soccer alone during junior high, when i wanted to relieve stress," he explains.

"i know," jinyoung blurts out thoughtlessly, and jaebum gives him a weird look. "how --"

jackson clears his throat loudly, cutting him off. he hears jinyoung heave a sigh of anxious relief beside him and rolls his eyes at his carelessness. "where's the ball, though?" jackson quickly demands.

jaebum is successfully distracted, putting down his backpack and unzipping it. from inside he takes out a flaccid and grimy but otherwise sturdy black and white soccer ball and an air pump. mark crouches down beside him to help him inflate the ball.

"but how do we form teams?" bambam chimes in. "we're an uneven number."

jackson hears himself saying, "i'll sit the first match out."

they all turn to look at him with wide eyes, seeming as surprised as he feels. jackson never expected he would be the one to sit out any game, or take initiative to be considerate towards others. but maybe... mark looks at him, and his smile is quietly proud and unsurprised. like he knew all along that jackson was that kind of person.

they play rock paper scissors to decide the leaders, which turn out to be jaebum and mark. jaebum recruits jinyoung and youqian to his team, intelligently judging that his long legs will be useful. mark picks bambam because he keeps pestering him and rongzai, who will later turn out to be a hidden ace and make all their jaws drop as he zigzags around the field like a dynamo, weaving between their defenses and scoring goals with effortless precision.

"why didn't you mention that you played junior league soccer back in your hometown?!" jinyoung trills again as they lie back in the grass, trying to catch their breath and tipping the last drops of water from their drained bottles into their mouths.

rongzai blushes, rubbing the back of his neck. "i forgot," he mumbles with his usual humility and aversion to attention.

jackson feels the light touch of a callused finger, and turns to find mark lying next to him, tracing the shape of a star into his palm. he looks at jackson significantly, then moves his eyes up to the sheer lapis lazuli of the sky, and jackson knows what he is thinking wordlessly. do you know that they're still up there, even though we can't see them?

he thinks of the four of them -- no, the seven of them, because somewhere along the way, bambam, youqian and rongzai have embedded themselves as deeply in their group of friends as jinyoung, mark and jaebum -- like solitary satellites travelling through the boundless night sky, in their own lonely orbits. but somehow, the unpredictable winds of fate had led their individual trajectories to intersect, miraculously, at the exact same time.

they would only be together for a maximum of one year. after that, mark and jaebum will be graduating, and they would all go their separate ways. like comets in a supernova explosion, only meeting and colliding for a brief and fleeting and yet devastating instant.

jackson thinks of eternity and relativity and how sometimes light years can seem like just an instant. a heartbeat, really.

mark is smiling sideways at him, that achingly caring smile, and jackson digs his fingernails into his palm and grips the invisible star tighter.

"hey, jackson. you're going home with mark, right?" jaebum's voice stops him on his way out of astronomy club. jinyoung peers questioningly at jackson from his perch on jaebum's table.

jackson nods, startled. mark had told him to go ahead to wait at his bicycle first because he had to run to the opposite building to get something from his locker.

jaebum beckons him over. "he left his ipod behind. can you pass it to him?"

jackson doubles back to take it, leaving the two of them to enjoy their quiet alone time they always linger over after club meetings.

as he ambles down the corridor at a leisurely pace, jackson fingers mark's ipod absently. it's his trusty old music player and jackson can tell from how worn out the grooves of the metal are that it is well-used and treasured.

bored, he lifts it up and unlocks the screen, intending to scroll through mark's playlist to see if there are any new songs he downloaded lately. it's not like he wants to pry -- if it were mark's phone, he definitely would respect his privacy. but to say that jackson is stunned when he sees mark's wallpaper is an understatement.

because the wallpaper of mark's ipod is the selca they had taken the second day they met, at the bus stop -- mark's silver hair and his small face in the background, dwarved by jackson's goofy grin at the front.

jackson swallows hard, a lump in his throat.

when mark comes dashing up, panting with his hands on his knees, out of breath, he stops short when he sees the ipod in jackson's hand.

"why do you have my...?" jackson notices how his face pales just a shade, a bead of sweat running down his temple. his eyes search jackson's face closely and jackson tries to keep his expression inscrutable.

"you forgot it at the club. jaebum asked me to pass it to you," he says calmly.

"oh." mark's shoulders seem to sag in relief as he finds no signs of anything amiss in jackson's blank expression. he reaches over to take it, and jackson slips it into his hand, their fingertips grazing. mark quickly draws his hand back and shoves the ipod into his pocket, then clambers onto his bicycle, waiting for jackson to get on.

jackson places a deliberate hand on mark's shoulder, applying pressure with his fingertips. he feels how the muscles of mark's shoulderblades tense up underneath his touch, knotting tightly.

"why is your wallpaper our picture?" the words spill from his lips, unable to be held back. jackson has never been good at keeping the things he wants to say pressed beneath his tongue, and he inwardly curses this trait now.

mark turns around slowly, eyes darkening with something like dread.

"you looked at my ipod?"

jackson tries not to flinch at the sharpness of his voice. by now, he regrets asking an awkward question and wishes he had just kept his mouth shut.

"i'm sorry," he mumbles. "i didn't know it was private..."

he attempts to sweep the issue under the rug, raising his leg to clamber on behind mark, but mark is still staring straight at him unsmilingly with that irritated look, like jackson has invaded his privacy.

"it doesn't mean anything," he says, not letting jackson end the conversation. "i just accidentally set it as that and didn't know how to change it to something else."

"accidentally?" jackson echoes, his stomach sinking strangely. "oh... i see."

"yeah," mark replies shortly, turning back to face the front. he doesn't turn around again to look at jackson as he says, voice impassive, "get on."

after the incident, something unidentifiable seems to change between them. there is no longer the easy camaraderie, the effortless naturalness. overnight, jackson has become hyperaware of mark's every movement whenever they're within a radius of one kilometre. he finds himself thinking of mark at odd and inexplicable hours of the day, his name just floating up to the surface of jackson's mind, disturbing the other thoughts: yi-en. yi-en. yi-en.

jackson doesn't know what's happening to him. he doesn't know why mark makes him so damn nervous, how he has managed to get under jackson's skin. for the first time, he resents mark for making him feel so out of control, so panicked and powerless just because of one stupid accidental mistake. in all of his seventeen years, nobody -- nobody in the world -- has ever managed to shake jackson up like this before. it's kind of terrifying and god knows jackson is a flight risk if there ever was one.

so jackson does the only thing he can think of: he starts avoiding mark. he doesn't make it obvious by skipping club, because that would ring the alarm bells in all their friends' heads and make them poke their noses into the situation, but jackson studiedly keeps out of mark's way whenever they're in the same room, pretending to be busy and absorbed in whatever he's doing or whoever he's talking to.

he makes sure he always has an escape route, a lifebuoy in the form of a friend standing nearby he can pretend to be deeply in conversation with or a textbook to bury himself in.

to be fair, it helps that mark seems to be going out of his way to avoid jackson too. jackson doesn't puzzle too much about it because when he does, a sharp, breathtaking pang of pain jabs in the general area of his chest.

so they go on for a few agonizing weeks, avoiding each other while trying to hide the increasing awkwardness from their friends.

jackson thinks that he is being pretty good at this stealth thing. so when jinyoung bluntly asks him one tuesday, "what's up with you and mark?" jackson nearly chokes on the carton of banana milk he is sipping.

"wait, you can tell?" he coughs, struggling to catch the breath stuck in his throat.

jinyoung rolls his eyes. "you might be able to hide it from others, but i'm your best friend, jackson-ah. what gives?" jinyoung looks hurt that jackson hadn't confided his problems in him, and jackson hurriedly starts to reassure him.

at this moment, he senses mark approaching from somewhere behind him. not sees -- he actually senses it. this is what jackson means by the crazy fact that he seems to have developed a mark radar, the way an antenna detects signals and a radio detects stations. the hairs on his arm stand up and a tingle runs down his spine. he immediately turns desperate eyes on jinyoung, who looks at him pityingly. jackson tries to sound unflappably calm and laidback, without a care in the world as he changes the subject and starts rambling about something inane to jinyoung, pretending not to notice or hear mark's footsteps are nearing at all.

"hey, mark-hyung," jinyoung raises a careless hand, sound much more casual than jackson could ever manage to in five lifetimes. his voice turns strangled as he continues resolutely talking at jinyoung and ignoring mark stubbornly.

mark is saying something, but it is only until he taps jackson gingerly on the shoulder, as if jackson is fire and he's afraid to be scalded, that jackson realizes it's his name.

"jia-er," mark is saying, looking bewildered and trying to keep the flicker of hurt out of his eyes at jackson's rudeness.

the flow of jackson's words halts abruptly, midsentence. jinyoung looks at him incredulously. "y-yes?" jackson stammers, his face flaming.

jinyoung turns to go, and jackson clutches at his hand in a death grip. he shakes off jackson's grasp and gives him a look. jackson shoots him a drowning glare but jinyoung doesn't look back as he mercilessly walks away. behind his calm exterior, jackson is mentally scolding him all the swear words he knows in chinese and english and korean.

he is left alone with mark, both of them staring at the floor as if there's something fascinating written there.

mark clears his throat. "i..." he reaches into his pocket and digs out two crumpled squares of paper. "jaebum bought two tickets to the planetarium but jinyoung wasn't free. he gave them to me. do you..."

"... do i what?" jackson prompts, when mark doesn't seem to be able to continue.

mark's throat works as he swallows hard, forcing the remainder of his sentence out. "do you want to go with me?" he says in a near whisper.

when jackson musters the courage to look up and meet mark's eyes, it's the plea in them that breaks him. mark looks like jackson has already rejected him, disappointment scrawled plainly across his eyes. jackson feels a physical ache at the desolation on mark's face.

on impulse, he says, "sure."

the moment the word is out of his mouth, he closes his eyes in abject regret and panic. what the hell is he thinking? he has been avoiding mark for nearly a month and now, what is he doing agreeing to spending an hour, maybe more alone with him?

jackson feels like an insane wreck, but when he opens his eyes, mark is staring at him, lips parted slightly in surprise, relief shining from his flushed face and genuine happiness in his eyes. he looks ridiculously like jackson has just singlehandedly made his entire day just by agreeing to go to the planetarium with him.

and just for that look on his face, the foolish thought pops up into jackson's mind that everything is worth it.

that night, it is with an inseparable mixture of consternation, dread and excitement that jackson makes his way to the entrance of the planetarium where they have arranged to meet. he is decked out in a long-sleeved shirt and a thick cashmere sweater over it. mark had warned him to dress warmly and jackson wanted to prevent any awkward moments if he started shivering and mark would feel obligated to offer him his jacket again.

autumn is deepening and his breath fogs up diaphanous clouds in the chilly night air as he exhales and looks around him for a familiar slight figure rushing up with light footfalls. when his pricked-up ears picks up their approach from behind, he carefully schools his face into a nonchalant, bored expression and is prepared to face mark with a deep bracing breath.

but what he's not prepared for is seeing mark, hair adorably disheveled in a beanie, looking handsome and casually breathtaking in street clothes, face flushed red by with exertion and eyes bright with adrenaline. he's holding out a paper cup emitting clouds of warm steam and a deliciously chocolatey fragrance, and jackson can't resist inhaling appreciatively.

mark laughs and hands him the cup gently. "it's hot chocolate. careful not to burn yourself."

jackson wants to yell at mark, to tell him never to use the word careful to jackson again because it makes him misunderstand and so painfully confused. why does mark care whether he's careful or not? jackson wants to be careless, reckless just so that he can tell mark and his gentle admonitions and misleading caring voice to go screw themselves.

but instead, he just bites his tongue and take a sip of the drink. it's satisfyingly hot, sliding down his throat and warming his chest up, and cloyingly sweet, just the way he likes his chocolate.

"didn't you buy one for yourself?" he asks mark as he shoves his hands into his pockets and they set off at an easy pace towards the entrance of the planetarium.

mark doesn't glance at him, but his ears turn red, the same way they had on the first day jackson had met him at the school gates. it's weirdly adorable.

"i figured... we could share, but if you don't want to, it's okay..."

his words dredge up jackson's memory of the afternoon last year he had offered jackson ice cream but jackson had declined because it felt too intimate. now, he swallows, but passes the cup to mark after a beat, licking his lips.

mark looks up, looking pleased and surprise. without any hint of squeamishness, he takes the cup from jackson and places his lips exactly where jackson's were just a minute ago, throat working gracefully as he swallows. jackson stares, stomach churning as mark licks his own lips.

mark hands their tickets to the guard at the entrance, and pushes the ticket stubs he receives back into his pocket. jackson bites back the urge to ask if he can keep his. mark tosses the empty cup into a bin they pass, not stopping his purposeful strides as he leads jackson through the maze of the dimly lit planetarium, up more than ten stories in an elevator with authority. he seems to have been here before.

"where are we going?" jackson enquires curiously, casting longing glances at the various exhibits they pass and wanting to stop but mark doesn't slow his steps.

"just follow me," he throws over his shoulder, smile like a promise and eyes bright with impatience as if he wants to show jackson something exciting.

when mark finally stops outside a dark, nondescript door, jackson is confused. all the sign tacked to the outside reads is viewing room fourteen but mark pushes it open easily, seeming to know it's not locked.

jackson steps in, his eyes adjusting to the dark to see that it's just a normal room, plushly carpeted and sparely furnished with a couple of beanbag chairs and a huge, obviously top-of-the-range professional telescope at the floor-length window taking up one wall. then he notices the ceiling and gasps.

because there's no ceiling -- only open sky. or so it looks. the ceiling is an entirely transparent layer, glass so crystal clear that it's almost invisible to the naked eye. up here, the sky looks impossibly close, as if they are lying on a cloud and gazing at it up close.

"neat, isn't it?" mark breathes a laugh, seeming pleased by jackson's impressed awe, and jackson is so overwhelmed he doesn't even bother to tease mark about using the word neat.

god, mark is the hugest dork jackson has ever met -- but why is he so... so ridiculously cool? jackson feels like the ground is falling out from under his feet, dizzy and dazed.

"is this... some sort of private room?" he flounders, looking around curiously, and mark laughs sheepishly. he nods. "jaebum comes here to work part-time during summer vacation, so they give him access to this room whenever he wants."

after that, mark suggests that they don't waste any more time and start stargazing, so they drag one of the beanbag chairs to the center of the room and recline on their backs on the plush carpet, their heads touching and bangs catching together with static whenever they turn to face each other. mark traces the constellations with his fingertips and jackson watches his elegant fingers describing the w of cassieopeia, losing himself in the depth of mark's gravelly voice.

"do you know what my second favourite chinese word is?" mark asks quietly after a few moments of silence.

jackson shakes his head, touching mark's again.

out of the corner of his eye, he sees mark's lips stretch into a dreamy smile.

"it's yŭzhōu."

"universe?" jackson translates in english.

mark nods. "i just think it sounds so pretty. it used to be my favourite."

jackson opens his mouth to rejoin, but mark interrupts him.

"do you have any idea... how far two stars have to travel, just to reach each other?"

jackson is suddenly, subliminally aware that there might be two conversations happening here, alongside each other; one literal, the other unspoken.

"i --" he starts, not knowing how to say the fragile next words that he senses will change everything.

instead, he whispers, turning on his side to face mark, "what's your favourite chinese word now?"

mark turns to face him too so they are lying on their sides, staring straight at each other. his smile is tranquil and his eyes are breathtakingly dark.

"jia-er," he breathes, in answer, in question, and then his lips are on jackson's, hungry and hot.

+ i'm sorry i had to make yugyeom and youngjae (youqian and rongzai) chinese in this fic because i just realized it would be weird if they were korean too since this fic is set in a chinese school ;;
+ the jackson leaning on mark's shoulder scene is specially for cass because she requested it! :P

part 4