Figured I'd add this baby to my routine, seeing how I could do with some creative writing practice and this emotions landfill seems a good enough place to flex my digits.

Just thinking about having a routine is fucking bizaaaaaarre. I haven't had more than "wake up, don't die" as a routine my entire life, outside the military (a routine of which I ( Read more... )

The fallout from years of myself have left me a stranger to myself.
I've lost so much that I love, and for what, I do not know. I cannot know what I need until I know who I am. I take this pill, I feel mountains lifted from my shoulders, the stings of pain and anxiety abate, I just exist and it is quiet. I feel the voices creep back in, the hurt ( Read more... )

Haven't felt like writing anything. Haven't felt like doing anything. I feel exhausted by everything the last few days. I did manage to record some stuff and it's sort of exciting I guess.

Without checking, I think it's been 2 or 3 days since I felt present fully. It's very strange trying to track my focus, because, at least for now, I remember most of the events of the past two days, but they still seem lost. Part of it has to do with work, I'm sure, and also just doing what I must without letting myself decide if it's what I should ( Read more... )

Worked, slept, became fixated on likely ADHD diagnosis, and then lost track of most of the day.
Stepped up to double my dose of medication, and now I feel very unstable. Unintentionally triggering bouts of jealousy or anxiety or FOMO. Will likely just sleep when I get home and try to let it go

Something comes, everyone is killed. I'm alone. Keys that open doors. Find strange creature in room. It grows to be a friend, trusted, i love them. Time passes, we grow together, find others. Form bonds between each other. Some new join but they seem evil, wrong. Then people come for us. They pull us out of the windows. Hang my friends and gauge ( Read more... )

I don't know how to healthily communicate mental health stuff. I need to stop talking about me, especially since I am not looking for comfort I'm often looking for confirmation of my mistakes. I am not being down on myself I'm being honest and I think it ends up appearing like I'm making excuses. I'm doing unhealthy things, I don't want to, I'm not ( Read more... )

Swinging back into uselessness. Can feel it. Had help with animals. Pigs have food and hay, vajorrs skin looks ok, someone is coming to take Kitty, Doma had his ear cleaned and he has an appt at 2pm. Need to ask for help to get him there on time. I'm sad and feel disgusting. Avoiding all the bills right now, one thing at a time... Which is an ( Read more... )

Inadequacy and inability to provide the care and attention I perceive others need and desire almost always lead to me withdrawing and placating others, while deflecting their actual requests, in an attempt to protect them from me abusing their support. Which, obviously, abuses their support.
I realize my distance and isolation and unresponsive ( Read more... )

Tangible record of my mental health for the use in tracking executive function, presence, effects of medication, and progress on maintaining healthy tether to body and mind ( Read more... )