I feel like a shadow.
Not important.
Not cherished.
Alone.

Things get better, and then, they are the same.

I'm going to call the real estate agent today and list the house. If it sells I'm going to sell everything I own and leave. Just disappear.

I hardly think anyone will notice.

I keep feeling fucking gutted. I can't stop thinking about how traped and frustrated I am, how I came all the way to this point and everything seems pulled out from underneath me. I am so fucking frustrated I want to scream, to pull trees up by the roots and just howl.
I feel so fucking overlooked, so diminished, so meaningless. Even if I need to ( Read more... )

Wrote the doctor today begging for different meds to treat RSD. I'm drowning here fuck

Switched meds today to 200mg Provigil in the morning with my other meds, 30 minutes later I drank one 12oz redbull. 2 hours after dose, I took a 2 hour nap, after which I felt somewhat more rested and less hazy, although not comparable to the alertness and focus of the previous medication. This level of attentiveness is sufficient for work, though ( Read more... )

Stop drinking caffeine it's not good for ykjf brain anymore bruh

This period of my life feels important in a way that hasn't before. My experience feels important. Life and connection feel real and important. I was hurt today and I moved through it, and after, my heart swelled with empathy and compassion and the need to connect with the person that triggered that hurt, and that feels new and important. I mended ( Read more... )

Had a close call with unchecked emotional dysphoria today.
Began as restlessness after losing sleep, and escalated over a few hours. I had taken a dose of medication about 4 hours prior, and went on some errands. A few minor inconveniences, a disappointing situation, and a bit of guilt flipped a switch and I began to cascade into lots of doubt and ( Read more... )

I have to start over, from the beginning. An article I read today said adults with ADHD have trouble adjusting to medication, because they discover they must learn "to structure their lives around their strengths and not their weaknesses". That resonates very strongly with me. I feel like I've put so much of my life into perseverance and tenacity ( Read more... )

I'm not a doctor and I have no idea how to medicate myself correctly, so I'm just doing the best I can. I took another dose of medication pretty close to one before it, maybe 2 hours, because I felt a lot of anxiety or nagging hesitation, but I can tell it was a bit too much. Now I think I feel incredibly restless, which is eased when I do things ( Read more... )

Today I learned that even with medication, some days are gonna be harder than others. Healthy sleep matters, healthy diet matters, hobbies and projects and goals matter. Today it was still hard to not take more meds than I needed to feel ok, because I didn't feel up to tackling the world... But I can see that's totally ok! J still made dinner with ( Read more... )