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Suicide
I went for a walk about an hour ago. It was raining when I was coming home. I realy did'nt mind though. I love walking in the rain. I'm not realy sure why.
I only ate 282 cals today. It was about 160 more then what I had intended but still not too bad.
I'm begining to feel slightly emotionaly better, or atleast for them momment.
I was ( Read more... ) -
Work
I've realy been feeling numb lately.
I cutt. Im realy ashamed of it,so don't hate, I do enough of that on my own.
Anyway.... I cut my self a little too deap yesterday, and I didn't realy feel anything. It did'nt hurt and i'm begining to wounder if my nervous system is messed up. After I cut myself yesterday I decided i'm not going ( Read more... ) -
Depressed bc of ED?- Or have an ED bc i'm depressed?
I've been so depressed latly. I guss I have since I stoped being a gymnast, but it's realy starting to get to me.
I don't know where i'll be a yr from now.
I've been having major thoughts about smoking. I'm even begining to think about drinking. I will never drink more then once bc it has too many calories, but I still think about it.
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Forced to eat again.
My diet did'nt go the way I had hoped.
I was able to resist food all day. I only ate a s salad for lunch-(30), and black coffee & water all day.
Then my mom makes this new recipie and forces me to eat it. It's almost like she knows when i'm doing good on my diet, bc those are the days she makes me eat the most at night.
I did find ( Read more... ) -
My Diet:
Breakfast: 7:00AM
1/2 an apple; 2c coffee; 2c water. (65 cals; 0g fat)
Lunch: 1:00PM
salad; 3c water; 2c coffee (30cals; 0g fat)
Snack: 2-6:00pm
6c water; 4c coffee (0cals; 0g fat)
Dinner: 6:00pm
salad; 2c water; 1c coffee (30cals; 0g fat)
TOTAL: 125cals; 0g fat.
I'll eat like this for about 3-4 days, then i'll ( Read more... ) -
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I got up this morning and my left leg hurts. I don't know why. It's like I have this tingling sensation running through my leg only it hurts.
I hate waking up in the morning, it's when I feel the most numb. All day (unless I cut myself) I feel like i'm not real, if that makes scenes.
I don't know, you know.
I awoke at 6:00am because my ( Read more... ) -
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I think i'm going to go for a drive and find a trail my parents have never seen b4 so they wont be able to find me.
I'll find some quit place on a bench and then study for my math test in 2 weeks.
I have to get out of this house! I hate it here. Nothing good has ever happend in this house. It doesn't feel like a home.
Living ( Read more... ) -
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I apsolutly love LJ! I feel so much emotionaly better after i've bloged.
this is like the second time i've posted today so sorry about my rambaling.
My parents are finaly out of the house so I don't have to worrie about them finding me on here.
I have to use my moms computer bc my pc is out of wack. I got a vires on my pc and I don't know why ( Read more... ) -
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I wish I had the house all to myself. I almost never get to be alone, unless i'm sick and have to miss church. I wish I could cry and not have to worrie about anyone hearing me.
It sucks having my life!
I wiish I could run away! But what I realy want is to stay with someone for the week are just the weekend ( Read more... ) -
My diet!
I was reading this one girls post (don't remember her name). And she lost 15lbs in a little over a week. Totaly awsome!!
I asked her how she did it, and she was like, "I eat only 200 cals per day, for a week; then I go an a 2 week fast".
I'm so doing what she's doing! I ate 100cals for breakfast, which was 35cals more then ( Read more... )