This afternoon I burned off three tiny warts off of two fingers with Dr. Scholl's Freeze Away liquid death product. It hurts so bad, yet feels so good.

This morning I saw a commercial for Super Mario Baseball that showed King Koopa(Bowser?) at the plate with a baseball bat getting hit by pitches, then charging the mound only to tackle a pitching machine. At 6 a.m. this is the funniest thing in the world.

Carla's dog Barney ate my six year old pair of Chucks. They were some of the last ones made in the U.S.

Moldova has its own breakaway republic named Transnistria supported by Russian troops.

What's going to happen next, guys?

If anyone plays a Postal Service song at my funeral, or so much as listens to one on an iPod or in their car in the parking lot, I will come back to life and choke your ass to death. Let's hope the prospect of this happening anytime soon is dim, though.

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Palpitations are heartbeat sensations that feel like pounding or racing. You may simply have an unpleasant awareness of your own heartbeat. You may feel skipped or stopped beats. The heart's rhythm may be normal or abnormal. Palpitations can be felt in your chest, throat, or neck ( Read more... )

Dear Hipsters and emo kids ( Read more... )

Guess who's going to have no more problems cruising solo in the HOV lanes?


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It has just been confirmed by an inside source at City Hall that Ruthe Jackson has been moved from the basement to a golden observation tower somewhere in northern Grand Prairie that only she can see. This way she can watch over her dear city with the utmost privacy, and curse those who deride her blessed name. If you want her to come to your ( Read more... )

Anyone who has lived in Grand Prairie long enough has heard of Ruthe Jackson. A city councilwoman of 20 years and a cable access television host, Ruthe Jackson is one of those people who nobody really knows anything about, but just knows that she exists. Her television show pretty much consists of her having the boys and girls of the month from ( Read more... )