i'm really painfully sick right now. i don't think i've ever physically hurt this much from a "cold". and on top of all that, i'm feeling really alone these days. in the way that it's possible to when you're surrounded by people. i can't seem to stop crying today.

things have changed. i'm no longer bartending or waitressing both at once. i'm a buyer for an interior design firm. it's pretty much been a whirlwind since i started, but i love it. and i have a normal schedule, not to mention some extra money. go me.

i've reached a new stalker status on myspace. i found several personal profiles for the cast of the office, and have befriended many of them. my new friends list includes: pam, kevin, toby, ryan the temp, darrel of the warehouse, roy, and angela. pam/jenna was first to accept, and she wrote me a message! cute ( Read more... )

Poem

I heard of a man
who says words so beautifully
that if he only speaks their name
women give themselves to him.

If I am dumb beside your body
while silence blossoms like tumors on our lips.
it is because I hear a man climb stairs and clear his throat outside the door.

-Leonard Cohen

this is quite the rollercoaster ride. this is something new for me, this degree of comfort. this is beyond any expectations i had for not only the end of 2006 & beginning of 2007 but for anytime ever.

it's strange, but i feel more at ease than i've maybe ever felt.

all of the jim & pam tributes on youtube melded into one, and i actually got a little sad watching some. the teapot secret santa thing just kills me! goddammit.

i feel like someone should punch me in the face, or i should punch someone in the face. later, i'll forget that i wrote this, but i'll still mean it. i'm not intoxicated, just a little sad.

i have to wear something costumey to work today.... so i've put on my pink minnie mouse ears with my name embroidered on the back. then, i'm going to see doubt at the civic with maya. it's only 8:30 yet, and i'm definitely feeling less than myself. i need a coffee, which is hard to say, having reduced my need for them up until i went to peet's ( Read more... )

so... i'm single again. we'll see how being alone treats me this time around. you know, it's funny- a lot of people have been asking why, how, etc. and trying to get me to say something bad about him. my answer is this: it is what it is, it's between us, and if you want to know so badly go ask him, because i'm not telling.