Why is this.....

[greatblondelf]

Occasoinally, you can meet someone so gorgeous they make you weak in the knees, and then find out that they think they're plain and unappealing. It makes you wonder things, like "who told this person such a lie?" or perhaps more importantly, "what made them ever believe it

Comments

[giapet]

You know, to hear you talk about self-deprecation is kind of funny, mister "I am so fat." ;)

No one is allowed to say that they think they're attractive, and everyone is lambasted with images that say "you could be way more attractive (by buying our product)." There's more layers to it than that, of course, but there's a simplified version.

[greatblondelf]

Okay, I can totally buy that. So everyone gets the "you're not pretty enough" message for the majority of their life, or at least until they give up or the message changes to "now you can never be pretty enough, because you're too old, and you should concentrate on being dignified. Well, that sucks.....

Although I am still t3h pudge. I learned it from Men's Health..... :(

[ariata]

If that's the norm that you've lived by your entire life, why wouldn't you believe it? And what necessarily makes it a lie that was told if the people telling believed?

Destroying a person's confidence is a good way to brainwash and/or control, and if you're talking about the person I think you are, well, she grew up in a very religious environment.

It was really good seeing you this weekend :)

[ariata]

On a slightly different note, I wonder how much people believe in the deprecation that they say. I remember when I was younger... I had large self confidence issues. I would get to thinking I was neat, but then all those doubts would assail me, and I think part of it was that everyone is supposed to be 'humble' and play down their own attributes, or at least that's what I grew up around.

[greatblondelf]

I betcha I probably am, but the actual question was supposed to be more generic. :)

I suppose it wouldn't be a lie if the person saying it believed it. I'm not sure I'd give anyone quite that much credit though...

[greatblondelf]

It's been forever! I'm going to be sure to darken your doorstep more soon.. :)

[joyquality]

I think for me it was just that I had such abysmally low self-esteem in general. I don't remember anyone telling me I was ugly or unattractive, I just sort of assumed that it went with the territory. If anyone said anything nice about me, I felt like they were making fun of me. I feel better about my physical appearance these days, but it's sort of a side effect of my generally improved self-esteem.

(I've still got a ways to go, though)

[greatblondelf]

Hmm, okay. So the overall effect of low self esteem can make it seem like a greater part of the "comment continuum" is negative, overbalancing your perception of the world's opinion of you. I guess I do see what you mean, now that you mention it.

[erinthewanderer]

i like to think of myself as miraculously mediocre. i'm a shining example of "good enough." well, i may be slipping from that since i haven't been working out lately, but ah well.

[greatblondelf]

Want to do some triathlon training with me?

Although, if Adrienne likes you, you really can't be too far from great... :)

[qaexl]

There's another possible dynamic: supposing this person is a woman, and she's treated as plain by other women, and allows that to carry more weight.

If the person's beauty is unworldly --

-Q

[greatblondelf]

At least in the general sense, this may well be the case. I'm told that the female-cliques tend to rigorously (and often violently) enforce standards of beauty and behavior on their members, as related to me by my sister the therapist.