Kamen /// Another Feeling /// Oneshot - Part II
banner by naomi0211 ♥♥♥
Title: Kamen //Can you look right through me?// - Another Feeling -
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: Romance. Angst, Fluff
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: Feelings are like masks we put on to convey our inner depth. But sometimes it turns out we use those masks to hide our real feelings... How well can Jin read Kazuya's feelings; and in return, how much does Kazuya really understand Jin? After being together for so long, things start to change, and feelings start to disappear behind masks...
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I've been living in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
Okay, so here it is. The sequel to Kamen.
I debatted whether I should write this or not for a while, actually. Since the announcement for YamaNade came at the end of November, it didn't actually fit the storyline of the fanfiction. End of November was sometime during chapter 7?
So, I decided I would make use of my right as a writer of Fanfiction and say: In this, the announcement for the drama comes in early January, shortly after Kazuya and Jin have made up.
So, how is Jin going to take it that Kazuya and Uchi will work together...? And how will Kazuya handle being together with Uchi that much? Is Uchi still up to something?
Have fun reading and enjoy the drama :)
I wish all of you guys a very merry Christmas time. Enjoy the holidays!!!
AN#2: I guess you need to have read the multichap to this to understand the storyline of this Oneshot.
Okay, sorry, I'll let you read now m(_ _)m
Another Feeling
- CONTINUES FROM HERE -
Frowning, Jin stopped dialling Kazuya’s number in.
Throughout the day, he had tried to reach Kazuya over and over again, but the younger one didn’t answer his calls anymore.
When he came home that night, Kazuya wasn’t there and he didn’t come the whole night. He just stayed away and Jin wondered what was wrong.
Had he done something wrong? He had answered the phone normally, hadn’t he?
Figuring, Kazuya was probably just busy, he abandoned the thought and went to bed; didn’t think about it anymore as he woke up in the morning.
In the morning news he saw an interview, growled as he saw Kazuya fooling around with Tegoshi; Uchi giving them happy looks, touching Kazuya’s shoulder.
He was so obviously affectionate towards Kazuya; much more than he was towards the others. And there would have been reasons for Uchi to care more about Tegoshi.
Jin turned off the program, as he saw Kazuya’s forced smiles.
He looked tired and nervous, but most likely it was due to his busy schedule. Filming a drama was always nerve-wracking and Jin knew he’d better leave Kazuya in peace and waited until he would make a step towards Jin.
But as a week went by and he didn’t hear anything from Kazuya, Jin realized that something was odd.
He had been given off the evening and decided that by now it really was time, he’d see Kazuya. Something about him not even calling Jin was odd and the older one figured, he’d better find out what was going on.
But no matter how often he tried, Kazuya would not pick up his phone and with that, Jin started to worry.
He knew, Kazuya was doing well; if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be on TV every day and Jin wouldn’t hear from others what Kazuya was doing. But then again, something had to be wrong; something must have happened, since Kazuya usually called him.
Deciding that it couldn’t go on like that, Jin didn’t go home that night, but waited at Kazuya’s instead.
Of course, he could have taken the freedom Kazuya gave him with this. He could have gone out, have fun and just wait until Kazuya would think it was time again to turn to Jin again.
But he wasn’t someone Kazuya could just turn to when he felt like he wanted to. They were in a relationship after all, and Kazuya seemed to mix up things there.
Jin would tell him how exactly things between them were working tonight.
His waiting and plans were in vain, though.
Pretty late, when Jin had already dozed off, he woke up from the sound of the door opening. He made out Kazuya’s moves by the way they sounded, but they suddenly stopped.
He knew, Kazuya must have noticed Jin was there. His key was lying in its usual spot at the small table in the corridor. He had put on the slippers Kazuya had bought him, had replaced them with his boots. His coat was placed to the wardrobe next to the door.
It was pretty unlikely Kazuya wouldn’t notice.
Jin waited for him to move on and come in to face him, but as he heard Kazuya move again, it didn’t sound as if he’d make his way in.
Instead, after a few moments, he heard the door going again, closing; and frowning, Jin waited for a moment.
The corridor was empty, when he rushed over. There was no trace of Kazuya; everything was like he had found it when Jin had come in.
Gripping his phone, he dialled Kazuya’s number again, rushed out of the apartment.
This time, Kazuya picked up, but didn’t say anything.
“Are you insane?” Jin’s voice sounded harsh, reflecting his anger.
Kazuya didn’t answer.
“What is this about, Kazuya?”
“I’ll sleep over at my parent’s tonight.”
“What? Why?” Jin was confused.
It took Kazuya a moment. “I haven’t been home to see them for a while.”
“You left when you noticed I was at yours.” Jin stopped, as he couldn’t find Kazuya in the hallway of the building and turned.
“You are at my place?”
“Don’t fuck with me, Kazuya”, Jin growled.
“Sorry, Jin. I wasn’t home all day; I didn’t know you’d wait there.” Kazuya’s voice was gentle, but there was something in it, Jin couldn’t quite estimate.
“What is this about, Kazuya; don’t fool around.”
“I don’t”, Kazuya answered and took another break. “I’ll see you sometime soon.”
Jin frowned and closed the door of Kazuya’s apartment behind himself again, as Kazuya just hung up like that.
What had that been about? What was going on? Jin couldn’t figure what had happened that Kazuya avoided him like that.
He wanted to know, follow Kazuya, but he somehow sensed that wouldn’t be a good idea at all.
Hadn’t they just figured that they needed to be honest with each other? That they had to make some changing in the way of handling each other?
Jin really put some effort into it, so how came Kazuya suddenly acted that way? Kazuya had wanted them to go on after all, so why was he pulling away now?
Confused, Jin tried to figure what to do, but felt too trapped with his own feelings to act now.
Instead, he looked at the key, at the charm that was attached to it, lying on the small table and sighed.
He’d stay the night. Kazuya would probably come back and everything would turn out as less worrisome as Jin thought it was.
But Kazuya didn’t; he stayed away all night and Jin woke up in Kazuya’s bed all alone the next morning.
When he came home in the morning, he frowned at the smell in the air. It smelled of his shampoo and coffee.
He went into his bed room, found everything as he had left it. His bed was neatly made; his bathroom was clean, only the smell of his shampoo was filling the air. His kitchen was clean as well, but someone had made coffee.
Jin frowned deeper, as he sat down at the table and stared at the blank papers for notes he had put there.
Usually, Kazuya left him messages when he’d been here.
He really didn’t get why Kazuya would lie to him like that; why he didn’t spend the night with Jin, lied to him about staying at his parents’ place and then secretly spend the night in Jin’s bed.
What the hell was going on?
Kazuya and Uchi didn’t talk as they left the building together.
They were the last ones to leave and Kazuya felt uncomfortable of being all alone with Uchi like this.
But nothing had happened, and now they were both parting without a word to get to their cars.
Kazuya put his bag to the back seat and then opened the driver’s door, getting into his car. He turned on the radio first, hummed along to the song, as he started the car.
But it just didn’t. Kazuya frowned and tried it again, but the engine was just making strange sounds.
Cursing, Kazuya pulled out the key and tried again, but nothing changed. The car just wouldn’t start.
Pulling out his phone, he saw Uchi throwing him a questioning look from the other side of the car park and Kazuya avoided looking back. He called a towing service and told them the situation.
It was already dark outside and quite late, but they said they’d be there in about ten minutes.
As he hung up, he saw Uchi standing next to his car, so he opened the door again and got out.
“What’s wrong?”, Uchi asked.
“It doesn’t start. I don’t know.” Kazuya shrugged a shoulder.
“Is someone coming to pick you up?”
Kazuya shook his head. “I called a towing service. They’ll be here in about ten minutes.”
Uchi nodded, hesitated. “I’ll wait with you.”
“It’s fine, you don’t have to.”
“Who knows; they probably can’t solve the problem here and really need to tow it.” Uchi looked at the car. “You’ll need someone to bring you home then.”
“I could call someone.” Kazuya forced a smile.
“I am here, anyway. You don’t need to trouble someone else just because of this.”
Giving in, Kazuya stopped arguing. “Let’s wait what they’ll say.”
In silence, they kept waiting, until someone came and had a look at the car. As expected, they said they’d have to take it with them and Kazuya sighed, but filled in the forms, as he was asked to.
Uchi patiently waited all the while and Kazuya bowed to him, apologizing for the trouble.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry”, Uchi said in a friendly tone and Kazuya knew that it was real; no fake at all. Uchi really cared for him a lot.
It didn’t make him feel any better, though.
It would take a bit longer until they could take the car with them, was what the motor mechanic told Kazuya, so he decided to lay down his pride and call Jin.
The older one wouldn’t be amused to find Kazuya hadn’t tried to reach him in a situation like this and instead had relied on Uchi.
“Excuse me”, Kazuya said and turned away, going over to a quieter spot. He dialled in Jin’s number and waited for him to pick up, but he just got the answering machine.
Kazuya tried again, and again, but it always had the same outcome.
So, trying a last time, he decided to leave a message.
“Listen, Jin, I had some problems with my car and I am stuck here at the studios at the moment. I’m not sure if the trains are still running, but…” He hesitated. “Uchi offered me to take me home, but I thought you could probably come and pick me up.” He swallowed thickly, knowing this must have sounded so strange after he had ignored Jin for so long now. “I’m sorry. Don’t worry about this. I… I…” Noticing that he stumbled, Kazuya cleared his throat. “Forget about it. Take care.”
He hung up and let go of a frustrated moan. It probably hadn’t been the greatest idea ever to call up Jin, but he couldn’t change it back now.
Listening to that message, Jin had to notice something was more than just wrong; that something had happened.
Kazuya went back and wondered if he should try to reach someone else, instead of taking Uchi’s offer. Koki would definitely come and get him; there was no question about that.
Jin would be here with no delay as well, Kazuya was aware of that; but he couldn’t reach Jin.
However, he’d have to wait until those people could take the car with them, and apparently that would take some more time.
“Why don’t we go back in for the time being and get a coffee, until they are done?” Uchi suggested.
Kazuya nodded. “That’s probably best.”
They went back inside and Uchi sat down at a table in the entrance hall, while Kazuya got them some coffee from the automat.
“You couldn’t reach Jin?”, Uchi asked.
Kazuya threw him a look, as he sat down and placed a plastic cup in front of Uchi. “I left him a message.”
“Do you think he’s coming to get you?”
“Why wouldn’t he?” Kazuya frowned. “Really; I don’t see why you dislike Jin that much; or why you would distrust him as much as you do.”
Uchi shrugged his shoulders, blowing over the hot drink. “He’s obviously not caring enough for you.”
Kazuya decided not to discuss that once again. “Well, if you think so.”
Uchi kept silent, as well.
They both looked out of the window, watching the few people checking Kazuya’s car and preparing it to tow it.
Kazuya leaned back with a sigh, as his mobile started to vibrate. He frowned and opened the text message.
Jin had only written a short keep waiting and Kazuya couldn’t help, but smile over that. After all, Jin wouldn’t make it too easy for Uchi to get through to Kazuya.
One of the men came in and smiled. “We’re ready to leave; you just need to sign this.”
Kazuya nodded and took out a pen to sign the form. “Thanks so very much” He bowed.
The man bowed as well. “You’re welcome. We’ll contact you as soon as we know what exactly is wrong.”
Kazuya looked after him and saw Uchi getting up as well. The younger one finished his coffee and nodded at him.
“We’ll better leave, as well.”
Kazuya returned the smile, feeling much calmer and relaxed about it now. “It’s okay. I am sorry I made you wait for so long.”
“I don’t mind it, really.” Uchi got his bag and took out his keys. “Let’s go then.”
“Someone’s going to pick me up, Uchi, that’s what I meant.”
Frowning, Uchi tilted his head to the side. “But I said I would take you home, so you didn’t need to ask someone else.”
Kazuya sat again and shook his head. “You don’t have to. Thank you for keeping me company, though.”
Uchi’s expression changed and he made a step closer, looked down at Kazuya. “Why won’t you at least give me a chance?”
“There’s no need. I don’t want to risk what I have once again”, Kazuya answered.
“So that means, you would want to try, but you’re just too afraid.”
Kazuya frowned. “Not at all. I am happy the way it is now. Stop pushing me like that, Uchi.”
Biting his lip, Uchi came even closer and leaned in; putting his hands to the armrests of the chair Kazuya was sitting in.
“You’re lying.”
“I am not”, the older one said calmly. “Would you please step back?”
“I told you what I am feeling for you and you first gave me hopes and then pushed me away like that?” Uchi shook his head. “That’s cruel, Kazuya.”
Kazuya gave him a pitiful look. “I am sorry about that, Uchi. I can’t return your feelings; please understand that.”
“Stop being that nice when rejecting me”, Uchi murmured, but didn’t step back. He kept staying as close as he was.
“Uchi…”
“I just ask you to listen to what I have to say. You will see then that you’re not as happy with the situation you’re in as you think you were.”
“I would love to listen to that, as well.”
An arm came to lean between Uchi and Kazuya and Jin gave Uchi a cold look. Kazuya pressed his lips together, Uchi kept up to Jin’s eyes.
“Unfortunately, we don’t have the time.” Jin’s voice was low and gentle, but freezing cold.
Uchi remained where he was. “You don’t deserve him.”
The corners of Jin’s mouth slightly moved up. “And still, he picked me over you. Stop that childish behaviour, Uchi.”
“You probably think…”
“What?”, Jin interrupted, but didn’t force Uchi back. “I think what? That I am good for Kazuya? I am, and as long as he thinks the same, you better shut up.”
“Jin…”, Kazuya started.
“You better keep quiet, as well. You just started this whole mess.”
“You don’t have to let him talk to you like that”, Uchi immediately said.
“I guess, I can differ between what he really means and what not pretty well”, Kazuya answered and looked from Jin to Uchi. “He’s not angry at me, but at you.”
“You stay at his side, huh?” Uchi gave him a sad look.
Kazuya nodded. “I’m sorry for what happened, though.”
Glancing at Jin once more, Uchi gave in and rose, stepped back from Kazuya. “Well, I guess my tries are in vain then.”
Jin pulled back as well, so that Kazuya could get up. “Apparently. You really could have noticed that some time earlier. Or did he do anything to make you think, he actually wanted…”
Kazuya put a hand to Jin’s arm to stop him and just shook his head. “Let’s go.”
Throwing him a look, Jin went ahead and Kazuya slightly bowed to Uchi, trying to ignore the pity he felt for him. He knew he was the last one to help Uchi now. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
With that, he turned and followed Jin out of the building.
“He looked so hurt”, Kazuya mumbled, as he caught up.
“Don’t feel pity for him, Kazuya”, Jin answered. “You make it worse with that.”
“But…”
“You’ve made your decision, didn’t you?” Jin looked at him, and felt his heart dropping, as Kazuya bit his lip and avoided Jin’s eyes.
He decided it was best to not discuss that here and opened his car, waited until Kazuya got to the passenger’s side and into it. Jin got in then, as well, and started the car, not talking anymore.
“Thanks, Jin”, Kazuya murmured then, as they were on their way.
“You needed me”, the older one answered.
Kazuya didn’t answer. He knew Jin was busy enough, but still he could always rely on him. That feeling was quite reassuring and made him feel even worse, when he thought about what had happened.
“We’ll go to your place; it’s closer. And I’ll stay tonight.”
Kazuya didn’t argue. He was still uncomfortable with the situation, with Jin, and he knew where this would lead to. He just hoped he would really wake up next to Jin tomorrow morning.
But most likely, Jin would leave as soon as he’d find out what was going on.
They didn’t talk anymore, until they came to the apartment building and Jin parked his car. They both got out of it and made their way into the building and to the lift.
Kazuya stood next to Jin and stared at the doors, Jin was looking at the floor. He didn’t move or do anything, as Kazuya reached out his hand a bit to take Jin’s.
Swallowing, Kazuya forced himself to hold Jin’s hand, to not pull away again, only because Jin didn’t return the touch.
His own hand was cold and Jin’s was, as well. It didn’t make Kazuya feel any more assured.
They stepped out of the lift and went to Kazuya’s door and Jin was the one getting out a key, and even though he could have, he didn’t pull away his hand from Kazuya’s grip, as he locked up the door.
He opened up and walked in first. Kazuya followed and let go now, to close the door and get undressed from his coat and his shoes.
Jin did the same, went ahead to the living room.
Kazuya remained in the corridor and gathered his courage; then he followed Jin.
“Don’t you want to ask?”
Jin raised his look to Kazuya, as he sat down. He didn’t say a word, just looked at Kazuya with an indifferent look.
“Come on, Jin, don’t be like that”, Kazuya said and got over.
“Are you telling me?” Jin’s voice was quiet. “You didn’t talk to me for about two weeks, after all.”
Kazuya pressed his lips together and leaned over Jin, pressed his lips to Jin’s. He slid onto the older one’s lap and framed his face, as he kissed Jin. His lips were demanding, taking; the kiss hard and forceful, but Jin didn’t return it.
Kazuya groaned and bit Jin’s bottom lip; probably too hard in his despair. “Come on, Jin. Kiss me”, he murmured and changed the angle.
Still, Jin held back. He had to force himself; the way Kazuya kissed him hurt, felt more like biting, but he let him.
“Jin”, Kazuya whined. “Why won’t you kiss me?” He tugged Jin’s lip with his teeth. “Take control”, he hissed and Jin frowned. “Take me back.”
Now, Jin pushed him away and saw the desperate look in Kazuya’s eyes. “It’s enough now, Kazuya.” That take me back set off too many different feelings in him; convinced him his suspicion had been true.
“Jin…”
“I know that look. I know that behaviour”, Jin said and brushed a thumb over his lip, saw the trace of blood on his skin. “You’ve been like that the night you came from Osaka; and the night you sneaked into my room.”
“You’re bleeding”, Kazuya noticed and leaned in, kissed the bruise. “I’m sorry.” His lips were gentle this time. “I am so sorry, Jin.”
Jin still didn’t return any of Kazuya’s moves. “What did you do?”
Kazuya shook his head and put it to Jin’s shoulder, held on to him. “You will make me leave, if I tell you.”
Jin sighed. “It’s your apartment. I can’t possibly make you leave.”
“I don’t want you to leave me, either.”
Jin waited for a moment, his heart felt heavy. He knew something had happened and that he most likely wouldn’t like it. “We’ve just been through that farce, Kazuya, so just tell me already.”
Kazuya raised his head, looked at Jin. “Promise that you’ll listen and won’t walk out on me without listening to the end.”
“Just spill it already.”
“Jin”, Kazuya said with a serious expression. “Promise it.”
“I probably can’t”, Jin answered.
Kazuya swallowed thickly and looked down. “I thought so.”
To reassure him, Jin lifted his hands and held Kazuya’s waist. “Come on now. Saying those things, you really scare me. Why would I have to take you back…?”
Kazuya nodded and looked up again, clenched his fingers into Jin’s arms. “I didn’t mean to…”, Kazuya started. “I really didn’t intend to. It just… happened.”
Jin felt his heart dropping down to his knees. He was sure, it did. He had known something like this would happen, if Kazuya was to spend so much time with Uchi. “You slept with him, didn’t you?”
Kazuya’s head flew up and he stared at Jin, unbelieving, for a moment. Then he quickly shook his head and framed Jin’s face again. “Oh God, don’t think that. Don’t think I’d ever do that.”
Jin let go of his breath, he had held in unconsciously. “What did you do then?”
“I didn’t do anything, Jin”, Kazuya said quickly. “I was just sleeping. I really just was asleep, as he kissed me.”
Jin looked at him for a moment; then palmed his face with one hand. “You didn’t ignore me; shut me out of your life for two weeks because Uchi kissed you while you were asleep?”
“I…” Kazuya swallowed thickly. “I kissed him back.”
Jin looked up. “In your sleep?”
Kazuya nodded. “I dreamed it was you, somehow. But as I started to kiss him back, I noticed it wasn’t you and I woke up and pushed him away, but still…”
Jin stared at him. “You automatically returned it in your sleep?”
Kazuya bit his lip. “I am sorry. I wasn’t aware of it. I didn’t mean to…”
“That was just a reflex, Kazuya.”
The younger one blinked, his look confused. “What?”
“You just do that”, Jin answered and shrugged a shoulder, looking away from Kazuya’s face. “It’s probably a bit like I’ve trained you on this.”
Kazuya tilted his head. “What?”
“You didn’t always do that, but I kiss you quite often when you’re asleep, actually. So… well, some time ago, after we’ve been together for a while, you started to return my kisses even in your sleep.” Jin seemed quite uncomfortable, having to tell Kazuya that.
“You kiss me while I am sleeping?”
“Whatever”, Jin said and tried to get back to the original topic, “you shouldn’t blame yourself for that.”
“You won’t walk out on me because of it?” Kazuya put his arms around Jin’s neck.
“I should; just because you treated me so awfully for the past weeks.”
Kazuya managed a smile. “I thought you’d get mad again.”
“I am not amused; that’s for sure.” Jin looked at Kazuya again. “I wouldn’t have been as nice as I was earlier today, if I had known this sooner.”
“You weren’t nice, Jin.”
“I didn’t beat him, did I?”, Jin asked.
Laughing slightly, Kazuya leaned in and closed his eyes, waiting for Jin to take the initiative.
Jin gave in and brushed his lips to Kazuya’s, took a kiss. Kazuya sighed, pulled Jin closer, deeper into the kiss.
“I missed this”, Kazuya said at Jin’s lips, kissed him again.
“I don’t remember holding you back from kissing me.”
“I’m sorry.” The younger one pouted a bit. “I thought you’d get really mad again.”
“You are not the one I am mad at.” Jin came to stand from the couch, pulled Kazuya with him. “Didn’t you notice that yourself?”
Kazuya nodded quickly, followed Jin to the bedroom. “As long as you meant what you said to Uchi today.”
Jin didn’t turn to Kazuya. “It’s worse enough I had to say that. He’s really upsetting me.”
Kazuya grinned to himself and approached Jin from behind, looping his arms around Jin’s waist. Jin was so uncomfortable with letting anyone see his true feelings, so Kazuya knew he had quite some privilege to see Jin like this.
“Only because he’s more straight-forward than you are.”
Jin turned to him and narrowed his eyes. “Ah, and you like that, don’t you?”
“Well, he doesn’t hesitate to show me his feelings for me”, Kazuya answered with a grin and poked out his tongue to Jin, as the older one pulled him closer.
“You can go and have him, if you’re so taken with him”, Jin answered and raised a brow.
“Hmm”, Kazuya made and pretended to think about it. Then he leaned in and placed a kiss to Jin’s neck.
“I guess I’d rather stay with the guy secretly kissing me while I’m sleeping.”
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I keep it open for me to still continue writing for this Fanfiction... The Drama hasn't started yet and well... Who knows what is coming and what is going to be worth writing yet another feeling? We'll see ♥
Thanks so very much for taking your time to read. I hope you liked it and once again, wish you a very lovely Christmas! ♥♥♥