More than a Feeling /// Kamen Sequel /// Part 1 (Oneshot)
banner by naomi0211 ♥
Title: Kamen //Can you look right through me?//
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: Romance. Angst, Fluff
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: Feelings are like masks we put on to convey our inner depth. But sometimes it turns out we use those masks to hide our real feelings...
How well can Jin read Kazuya's feelings; and in return, how much does Kazuya really understand Jin? After being together for so long, things start to change, and feelings start to disappear behind masks...
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I've been living in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
A/N#2: Kamen (仮面) is Japanese for Mask.
A/N#3: This is a sequel story to Kamen, Another Feeling and Forgotten Feelings.
It's not entirely needed to have read those, but I'd still recomment it.
The only part you really should have read before reading this, is the short Akame drabble in this post.
Thank you :)
Okay, after all the bad news here lately I just wanted to finally get something up again. I've been missing Kamen, it still feels incomplete to me, so I decided to write one last sequel story.
This part is rather short, so please treat it as something like a teaser.
I just had to get something up already, because if I know there are people waiting for the rest, it motivates me to write~ I'm so lazy lately! Sorry.
Please enjoy it ♥
-----Starts right after this.------
June 20th, 03:46pm, received message from Jin
Hey. I expected you to write a message today. You didn’t write for a few days. Everything went well today. Everyone loved the Lovejuice mix. Are you busy?
June 21st, 04:27pm, received message from Jin
Okay, you seem to be very busy. Just wanted to say that the second one went smoothly, too. I think about you. Email me, if you can.
June 21st, 08:56pm, received message from Jin
Going to bed now. We were partying all night, I am wasted. Why don’t you answer?
June 23rd, 00:32am, received message from Jin
My day just started and I am thinking of you. I have something to talk about. Are you asleep already?
June 23th, 03:14pm, received message from Jin
Kazuya, is this still your number? We need to talk.
June 24th, 04:23pm, received message from Jin
Are you still alive? I have something important to discuss.
June 25th, 03:47am, received message from Jin
What’s wrong? Why don’t you answer? I talked to Yamapi today and he said you’re all fine, not sick, not dead. Why don’t you answer? We really have to talk soon.
June 25th, 04:14am, received message from Jin
I’ll be calling as soon as it’s 6 in the morning.
June 25th, 06:19am, received message from Jin
Pick up! We need to talk.
June 25th, 06:34am, received message from Jin
Damn it, Kazuya, just answer my calls. What’s going on?
June 26th, 03:46pm, received message from Jin
I miss you, seriously. Why don’t you answer?
Kazuya looked at the folder with received messages in his cellphone and sighed, as he deleted them all at once.
He hadn’t contacted Jin in almost two weeks now and he knew the older one was growing angry at him for that. After all, that wasn’t how Kazuya was supposed to treat his boyfriend.
He hadn’t even asked for how Jin’s solo concerts had gone; hadn’t wished him luck for them for even once.
He seriously avoided Jin.
But, for a good reason.
“What’s wrong?”
Kazuya looked up at that, smiled slightly as Nakamaru peeked over his shoulder.
“I just deleted a few messages.”
Nakamaru nodded and rose again, putting his bag to the chair next to Kazuya. “Reminds me, did Jin contact you?”
Kazuya tensed slightly, before he glanced at Nakamaru. “Why?”
“He didn’t contact us. Tatsuya said he wrote Jin a mail, but he didn’t receive an answer.”
Kazuya turned again, shut his mobile phone and put it to his bag. It made a vibrating sound, small and quiet, so that only he heard it and he knew it was the next message, a desperate try from Jin to get through to Kazuya.
He got up and looked into the mirror across from him, saw his face looking tired and exhausted.
Kazuya hadn’t slept well lately. Beside that, he received messages in the middle of the night at times. And each time, he’d lay awake, struggling with himself.
Fighting with his own needs and wants, when he held himself back from calling Jin back, answering those mails.
He didn’t want to talk.
Kazuya didn’t think he’d be able to stand it.
“No”, he answered then, slowly. “I haven’t heard of him either.”
June 26th, 03:50pm, received message from Jin
I’ll come home tomorrow. I don’t know what’s wrong, why you don’t answer. I’ll come straight to your place. So, make sure to be there. I want to see you, Kazuya. I am serious, I really need to see you.
Love you.
Jin knew Kazuya wasn’t home, when he locked up the door.
It was quiet and dark, tidy as always. Jin wrinkled his nose at the smell; Kazuya had put up perfumed candles again.
He never picked those fruity fresh scents, but rather heavy ones like vanilla, honey and cinnamon. But Jin liked it, since it just was what reminded him of Kazuya.
He put down his suitcase and bags, before he flipped open his mobile phone. It wasn’t late. Kazuya probably just was still working.
They had the concerts, after all.
Jin frowned slightly and then closed the door, standing in the dark hallway, before he switched on the light and put his key to the cupboard and pressed the first number in his quickdial.
He was surprised it actually rang.
But Jin was even more surprised, when someone picked up.
“Jin, I haven’t heard of you since you left!”
He took a deep breath and sighed, closing his eyes. “Koki”, Jin calmly said then. “Why are you answering Kazuya’s phone?”
“Ah, he’s with the manager right now and left his things. They talk something through. You could think we held the same performance in the same venue yesterday night, but you know for Kamenashi Kazuya there isn’t anything like perfection.”
Jin waited for Koki to stop his short monologue. Indeed, for Kazuya Kamenashi, perfection didn’t exist.
But it still had been fine so far.
“You have a concert tonight”, Jin asked instead.
“The last one, before we get a break.” Koki sounded as cheerful as ever.
“Where are you guys?”
“Osaka, Jin. Oh, oh, Kame-chan!“ Koki apparently held his hand over the speaker of the phone, but Jin could still hear his muffled voice. “You wouldn’t believe it, but Jin called.”
Jin rolled his eyes and sat down on Kazuya’s sofa, leaning back and waiting.
“Yes, sure, he wouldn’t have called your number, if he didn’t want to talk to you.”
Jin slightly chuckled at that, then there was a rustle and a short silence.
“Jin.”
“How come you think I wouldn’t want to talk to you?”
“Well…” Kazuya didn’t answer.
“I think it was pretty obvious I wanted to talk to you”, Jin just continued. “After all, I called you more than a hundred times and sent you a million mails.”
“That’s a lie”, Kazuya only answered.
“Okay, half a million.”
“Ten thousand.”
“A houndred thousand.”
“Fifty thousand.”
“Oh, come on now, Kazuya, that’s not the point”, Jin sighed. “I sent you a lot of mails and you didn’t answer a single one.”
“That’s a lie again”, Kazuya said after a moment.
“You stopped answering my calls and mails suddenly”, Jin corrected himself upon that, trying to keep his calm.
Kazuya sighed and Jin couldn’t see it, but he knew Kazuya bit his lip in that moment. He always did. “Jin…”
“Look, Kazuya, we really need to talk. There are things…”
“Jin”, Kazuya said again, with more force this time.
“What?”
“I don’t have time. The concert starts.”
“But…”, Jin started.
“I can’t talk now”, Kazuya repeated and hesitated for a moment. “You should get some sleep.”
“I had a long trip”, Jin confirmed that.
“I know. And you’re at my place, just as promised?”
“So you did read my mails after all”, Jin noticed and pouted his lips, frowned deeply. “Why didn’t you answer?”
Kazuya kept silent for a second, a bit too long for Jin to buy his cheerfulness, as he said then: “Your stuff is still in the closet it’s always been in. You can sleep on my side of the bed, I washed your sheets.”
“Kazuya…”
“We’ll talk tomorrow, Jin. Sleep well”, he only added, before he cut the connection.
Jin sighed and threw the mobile to his side; it landed on one of the cushions. He leaned his head back and looked up to the ceiling of the room. From the board over the fireplace he could hear the ticking of a clock.
What was going one here?
He felt like he had lived through this before. Kazuya had been like this once before. It was simply annoying and nerve-wracking to be treated that way.
And Kazuya was aware of that, Jin was certain. Kazuya had done the exact same thing before and it only hurt that Kazuya did it to him again.
Not contacting Jin, ignoring Jin, being so damn cold.
Jin got up from the sofa and decided to just do as he had been told. A whole night in Kazuya’s bed would probably do him good.
It hurt, Jin thought and undressed, before he found one of his shirts tugged beneath Kazuya’s blankets.
Apparently, Kazuya still wore Jin’s clothes to sleep in.
It just hurt even more this way, because he knew something had happened. Something that made Kazuya draw away from Jin.
And still, as he crawled into bed and closed his eyes, Jin felt a warmth taking over him. The fabric felt soft, smelled of something fresh and just of Kazuya. The silent room, even though it was completely dark, felt so familiar.
It was a good warmth, a good feeling, even if it had a bittersweet aftertaste.
Jin cuddled up beneath the blanket, feeling secure and relaxed, while his heart was only longing for one more thing at that moment.
Only Kazuya was missing to make the feeling of being home complete.
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Continues HERE
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Thanks again for all the lovely words and encouragements you left. I was very happy for them and that everyone respects my decisions.
Thank you so very much for reading, the next part is coming as soon as possible :)
I leave it open until I put up the next part. Then, I'll friends-lock it. So, you are welcome to add this journal.
♥