[Fic] Done with Feeling /// Oneshot (Part III) /// Kamen Sequel /// FINAL
banner by naomi0211 ♥♥♥
Title: Done with Feeling
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG
Warning: Uchi.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: Once, they promised to move on, after everything that had happened between them, but suddenly, moving on seems hard to do. At least, when it's about moving on together.
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I've been living in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
A/N#2: Kamen (仮面) is Japanese for Mask.
A/N#3: This is a sequel to Kamen.
Okay. I wanted to update Open Door first, but it just won't work out, so I rather finished this first. I really don't have much to say, there's just not much I could say. It looks like an ending!
And this time, for real :)
So, I just want to say Thank You to everyone who read along and who attempts to probably start reading it now and everyone who left me lovely comments.
Thank you ♥
Please enjoy reading :)
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“You could stay for a while longer, you know.”
Jin shook his head smiled at his friend. “No, it’s fine, I’m going home for today.”
“We could go out party”, was the next offer.
“I don’t really feel like partying tonight.” Jin checked his watch and noticed it was almost midnight. Finally, this day would be over. “But thanks, man.”
He took off and left the studio he’s been working in for the past hours. Work always was distracting and Jin enjoyed it; loved how it could put his mind at ease.
But now, he wanted to go home and just get a good share of sleep. He finally felt free again, because he had done the right thing for once.
It felt right and it felt as if he could move on now. They both could, because with what he’d done, he had given Kazuya his acceptance and that they both were free of each other.
With a light sigh, a relieved smile, Jin opened the door to his apartment and stumbled, as someone pushed his back. He held up himself at the wall and turned in just the right moment to recognise Kazuya, before he was pressed with his back to the wall and a pair of angry lips found his.
Jin didn’t even think of protesting. He let Kazuya press against him and take over control. The kiss was angry and heated, but Jin couldn’t say he minded it.
“Stop”, Kazuya murmured and pulled back slightly.
Jin knew that didn’t apply for him and that Kazuya was rather trying to stop himself, so he just decided to take it from Kazuya and tilted his head, changed the angle and pulled Kazuya in again, burying his hand in the soft brunette hair.
The kiss got softer, smooth and tender and they both sighed, holding on to each other, until Kazuya pulled back and repeated his “Stop.”
This time it did apply for Jin, so he obeyed and let go of Kazuya. Just to be pushed again.
“Damn, Kazuya, stop that”, he complained and held Kazuya’s shoulders. “It hurts.”
“I just really have that desire to push you and kick you and just beat you up.”
“You would lose”, Jin commented. “I’m stronger.”
“Don’t be so sure. “ Kazuya gave him a determined look. “I’m really angry right now.”
“Shouldn’t you be at your parents’ place, anyway? Having dinner and introducing your new boyfriend?”
Kazuya couldn’t raise his hands to reach Jin, so he kicked him with his foot. “I haven’t once introduced you as anything more than a friend. So, why would I?!”
Jin growled and pushed Kazuya away to walk to the door and close it. His neighbours didn’t have to listen. “How would I know? I recently had problems understanding your actions.”
Kazuya just dashed off and disappeared into another room.
Jin rolled his eyes. He really didn’t know what he had done wrong this time. He followed Kazuya, checking the living room and the kitchen. “Why are you mad anyway”, he asked on his way to the bed room.
Kazuya kneeled in front of his dresser and had opened one of the draws. It took Jin a few moments to realise, then he hurried over and snatched the box from Kazuya’s hands.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“That’s what this is about Jin. I know”, Kazuya answered and got up, looking down at Jin. “I know where you put your little treasures. I know where you hide presents for birthdays and Christmas, I know where you put money and I know where you hide what you don’t want me to find. I’d find it anyway, because I know you.”
Jin slowly got up, too; the box securely in his arms, so that Kazuya couldn’t just take it from him.
“I’ve practically lived here, Jin and I know every single angle of this place.” Kazuya buried a hand in his pocket and got out the key and the blue charm. He threw both to the bed and glared at Jin. “I gave you a chance to actually tell me what you want.”
“And I did, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, you can write me a cheesy song with those words, Jin”, Kazuya said dryly. “I would prefer you being honest and mean the words you’re saying.”
“I really just want...”
“No, Jin”, Kazuya interrupted him. “You had your chance and you messed up. Now, it’s my turn to tell you what I want.”
Frowning, Jin followed Kazuya’s look to the small box in his arms.
“I want my key.”
Jin just stared at him.
“I won’t say I’ve never been this mad at you, because I have been”, Kazuya went on. “Writing such nonsense, you really have guts. How do you even dare? Did you try to provoke me?” Now, Kazuya apparently got back into his rage and gave Jin’s shoulder a push. “How dare you saying you want me to be happy? That my happiness is most important to you?”
Jin shrugged and opened his mouth, a bit too puzzled to actually answer.
“And then, you blurt out how you wouldn’t ever hurt me? What did you think? Saying ‘Sorry, but I don’t have room for you in my life right now’ wasn’t hurting? That I haven’t ever been hurt, when you couldn’t see me as your lover, but only as the rival in your job? You did hurt me, idiot!”
Now, Jin finally shot back. “You’ve hurt me enough, too.”
“And I did apologise and never said rubbish like I’d never hurt you.” Kazuya glared at Jin.
“Yeah, whatever.” Jin didn’t know what to say. “Sorry.”
Kazuya managed a laugh and crossed his arms. “You don’t think you’re off the hook now, do you?”
“Why do you want the key?” Jin decided he should get straight to the point.
“You may think you can give me a damn charm for happiness, give your key back and tell me to be happy with anyone else”, Kazuya answered, “but it won’t be that easy.”
“What the ...”, Jin started, but got cut off again.
“You dare to tell me you want me to be happy, when you are at fault that I am not?” Kazuya pushed Jin again, so that he stumbled against his drawer.
“I am not the one who decided to move on with someone else, Kazuya”, Jin reminded him in a quiet voice. He was too confused with this to actually get angry.
“I can move on, Jin. And I can be happy, because I have a great job and love what I’m doing and have someone, who actually loves me.” Kazuya lifted his hands, but let them sink again, searching for words. “I can be happy that way, but it won’t ever be complete.”
Jin stared in disbelief. “Are you serious?”
Kazuya sighed and just reached out his hand to get the box. But Jin pulled away and tried to push Kazuya back, so they both stumbled and fell to his bed. It made a rattling sound, when the box hit the floor and its contents sprawled over the carpet.
Jin didn’t move, as Kazuya kept quiet and just buried his face at Jin’s shoulder. “If you’re serious about what you want, then do something for it. Do something to make me happy.”
“You said it wasn’t enough if I’d say I want you.” Jin stared at the ceiling.
“You wanted me all along”, Kazuya murmured. His anger had calmed down and now, just his despair was left. “But do you have room for me now? Do you want to make room for me?”
Jin hesitated. “No.”
Kazuya pressed his lips together and sat up. “Then don’t ask me to be happy.”
Jin looked at him. “You made your decision. You have to become happy that way now.”
“Did you just listen to what I’ve said?” Kazuya grabbed the key with the blue charm for happiness, as he saw it lying next to him on the bed.
“I did. That doesn’t change the fact that you shouldn’t be here. We can’t just kiss, we can’t be like this”, Jin reminded him. “You’re in a relationship.”
Kazuya just shook his head.
“Kazuya”, Jin said and sat up, reaching out a hand to pat his thigh. “You were right, when you said you couldn’t wait for me forever. You had to move on.”
Kazuya batted Jin’s hand away. “But after all, you were the one who was right from the beginning”, he said quietly. “No matter how long we’d be separated and wouldn’t have contact, it won’t change any of my feelings.”
Jin lowered his eyes. “You broke up.”
“He did.”
Jin stayed silent and just got to the floor to collect the items of the box. He put them back in and closed it properly.
“And you think, now, you can just come back like this?”
Kazuya observed him and slowly shook his head.
“I gave back my key, Kazuya and I gave you my well wishes. What else do you want?” Jin gave him an expectant look.
“That’s arrogant.” Kazuya smiled slightly. “I told you want I want.”
“It was quite hard for me to accept you could turn to someone else that easily.”
“It was quite hard for me, too, to accept that I wasn’t that important after all. You gave up on me for your job, Jin.”
“I meant what I wrote”, Jin murmured. “You are most important, no matter what. Breaking up seemed like the right decision. I didn’t want you to feel lonely.”
Kazuya nodded. “Then, don’t blame me for trying to kill that feeling by turning to someone else. Because I was lonely.”
Jin had known that; he had understood it right away, but he had expected Kazuya to turn back to Jin instead of to someone else.
“Did you sleep with him?” He hadn’t actually wanted to ask it, but Jin couldn’t hold it back.
Kazuya just lowered his head and bit his lip.
“Great”, Jin murmured. “I guess I need to puke.”
“Jin...”, Kazuya started, but trailed off, because he didn’t know what to say.
“You’re ahead of me now in number of people you had sex with”, Jin pointed out, as if it was some kind of competition.
“That’s not funny, Jin.” Kazuya ran a hand over his face.
“It definitely isn’t.” Jin shuddered and put the box back to its place. “Well, this is probably the moment I should tell you about the two or three girls I had something going on with.”
Kazuya raised his head in shock, but he saw Jin was bluffing the moment their eyes met. “You’re lying.”
Jin shrugged. “I’m not. I just kissed them, though.”
Kazuya nodded, didn’t know what to say to that. “Alright.”
“Is it?” Jin observed him.
“Well, I don’t have much of a right to say it wasn’t.”
“That’s true”, Jin agreed and took a step forward. He sat down next to Kazuya on his bed and sighed. “We’re completely fucked up.”
Kazuya turned his head to Jin.
“But talking honestly is a good start to sort out this mess.”
Jin reached out his hand and took the key from Kazuya’s hand. He didn’t say a word and just removed the blue charm from it, before he attached it to the key to his flat that was already carrying the red charm.
Kazuya silently watched him.
“You didn’t want to say it even once”, Jin said, while he fumbled with the key and the charms.
“What?” Kazuya shifted on the bed, watched Jin’s hands.
“That you would wait.” As he was done, Jin let the key disappear in his fist and looked at Kazuya. “You didn’t want to say you would wait for me, so I decided I wouldn’t make you.”
Kazuya stared at him. “I didn’t want to make you feel bound to any promises we made. That job is what you’ve always wanted.”
Jin smiled slightly. “We’re both so noble, only thinking about the other one.”
Kazuya smiled slightly at the sarcastic remark and shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t want to be a burden for you, Jin.”
It kept silent between them for a while. “You know, to put it simple, you can’t do anything to make me feel like I wasn’t bound.”
Kazuya nodded and looked down again.
“But that’s what it’s supposed to be like between lovers, isn’t it?” Jin reached out again and this time, Kazuya didn’t bat away his hand. “I’ll always feel bound to you, Kazuya.”
“Do I get what I want?” Kazuya smiled slightly.
Jin shrugged. “I don’t want you to feel lonely, but some things just can’t be helped. You’ll have to get through that. I’ll compensate for it, whenever I can.”
“You don’t really want me to give you whiny calls about how I miss you, when you’re not here”, Kazuya commented.
“No, but it’s nice to know you actually do and care.” Jin opened his fist and held up the key with its both charms attached for Kazuya.
Kazuya reached out frowned, as Jin pulled it away.
“I want you to make a promise, Kazuya.”
It was obvious and Kazuya smiled slightly. He took the key that Jin had put next to himself and then got up to get out the box again. Carefully, he took the red and gold charm that had been left in the box and attached it to the key to his own flat.
“I will wait”, Kazuya said calmly and held out the key for Jin.
Jin accepted it and let Kazuya take the key to his apartment.
Moving on, Kazuya thought, as he looked at it in his hand. He could either move on with lies and take whatever he could get.
Or he could take down all his masks and let that one person honestly see what he really felt.
Jin got up and framed his face, gently kissed Kazuya. “Now, things feel in order again”, he said with a smile, “because we both got what we’ve wanted.”
Kazuya nodded and leaned closer. He kept silent for a long while, before he pulled back and looked at Jin and gave him a smile.
“It’s rather easy”, Kazuya noticed and made Jin laugh.
It was all rather easy, to say what he honestly wanted, to see everything Jin wanted and to sort it out and make it work.
It was easy to see that all that mattered was them being exactly like this. Together.
When they took off every remaining mask.
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I guess, with this I can honestly say this time, it IS over.
I don't ever want to destroy their happiness again and I think they had enough drama. I was thinking about an Epilogue, but for now, it's okay this way. If I'll ever decide for one, it may follow as a happy fluffy drabble to this :)
But with this, Kamen has its Happy Ending and I really hope everyone of you liked it and enjoyed it and won't forget about it so soon ♥
Thank you for reading!
Much Love,
Shai♥