[Fic] Done with Feeling /// Oneshot (Part II) /// Kamen Sequel

[green_feelings]

banner by naomi0211  ♥♥♥

Title: Done with Feeling
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre:  Angst, Romance
Rating: PG
Warning: Uchi.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: Once, they promised to move on, after everything that had happened between them, but suddenly, moving on seems hard to do. At least, when it's about moving on together.
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I've been living in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
A/N#2: Kamen (仮面) is Japanese for Mask.
A/N#3: This is a sequel to Kamen.

First of all: I HATE LJ.
This second part is actually shorter than the first part, but LJ suddenly says my entry was too large? Eh... sure. However, I had to part this into two posts. Sorry for the inconvenience.
I'm pretty pissed with it right now. Hate it

Okay. I wanted to update Open Door first, but it just won't work out, so I rather finished this first. I really don't have much to say, there's just not much I could say. It looks like an ending!
And this time, for real :)

So, I just want to say Thank You to everyone who read along and who attempts to probably start reading it now and everyone who left me lovely comments.
Thank you ♥

Please enjoy reading :)

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Jin just looked puzzled for a moment, returned Kazuya’s stare, then he lowered his head and put a hand to his nape. A small laugh escaped his lips.

“What I want?”

Kazuya just crossed his arms. “Well, I suppose you have something you would want.”

Jin still didn’t look up. “And I suppose it’s not enough if I’d say I want you.”

For a moment, Kazuya hesitated. “No, that’s not enough.”

“Then, I don’t know what I want”, Jin simply said.

“I thought so.”

Jin shrugged. “You, on the other hand, seem to be very confident in what you want.”

Kazuya just stared at him, waited for Jin to take action. But different from what he’d usually acted like, Jin just stood there, his head lowered and not doing anything to make Kazuya see his point.

He probably didn’t even have a point, Kazuya thought and that thought made him even sadder.

Jin didn’t fight, at all. He simply acknowledged the facts he was confronted with.

“Jin, listen...”

Now, he looked up and that look alone made Kazuya stop talking. He just shook his head and buried his hands in his pockets, as he walked to the door.

“You know, Kazuya”, Jin said, “I may not know what I want, but I pretty much know what I don’t want.”

Kazuya kept quiet to that. He knew he couldn’t hold Jin back anymore; he didn’t have any right to.

“I really don’t want you to explain anything. I don’t want to hear your reasons. And I really don’t want to see your face”, Jin added, “when you’re looking like that.”

Kazuya frowned at that, his eyes asking for what Jin was talking about.

Jin shrugged. “I told you. You look unhappy.”

Staying, Kazuya let Jin leave like that, didn’t bother to reply or to even try making him stay.

There was no point, no reason and no right for him.

Confident in what he wanted, Kazuya thought and got to one of the chairs, sitting down. He wasn‘t confident, either. He had just made a decision to move on from that state of being so completely useless and insecure.

Happiness was something he was far away of, something he wouldn’t find that easily anymore. Not with how Kazuya felt right now.

How could Jin even expect him to be?

For a moment, Kazuya almost let that thought cross his mind, that thought of who was at fault for his dissatisfaction and unhappiness, but then, he pushed it away, didn’t let take over.

Jin wasn’t at fault alone. And Kazuya didn’t have any right to be unhappy.

He had moved on and he was on his way to find another kind of happiness. Even if he felt that it wasn’t enough, it had to be and Kazuya had to learn to live that way.

After all, this was what they both had decided for and as long as Jin wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted, Kazuya had to move on his own path.

And that meant, without Jin.

Kazuya woke up to the high beeping sound of his alarm.

He curled up beneath his blankets and left his eyes shut, trying to escape the sound and fall back to sleep.

He wasn’t really awake and when arms came around him and pulled him close, he smiled slightly. A hand took his and laced their fingers and Kazuya nuzzled close, sighed in pleasure.

“I’d rather spend the day in bed with you, Jin”, he murmured sleepily.

The body next to him became stiff and Kazuya realised what he had just said. His eyes flew open; his face buried in the crook of a neck. He kept quiet, too, then, they both slowly withdrew from each other and Kazuya crawled back a bit to sit up.

He bit his lip, as he looked at Uchi.

“That was pretty definite”, Uchi commented, his look rather confused than hurt.

“I didn’t mean to”, Kazuya murmured. “I was...”

“Still sleeping”, Uchi finished it for him. “When is that going to end?”

Never, Kazuya thought, but couldn’t say it. “It’s just because I am used to it being that way. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Uchi looked at the sheets, slowly shook his head. “It’s the first time you actually said it, but I did notice how you were kind of terrified each time you woke up next to me.”

“Uchi...”

“You feel like you’re waking up to the next person, don’t you?”

“It’s just unfamiliar. I’ll get used to it.” Kazuya shrugged.

Uchi pulled a face, before he got up. “That’s not what it should be like.”

Kazuya knew it wasn’t. He was hurting Uchi with his behaviour. “I’m sorry. Really. I just...”

“I get it”, Uchi said and reached out for his clothes. “You just still love him.”

There was no way Kazuya could deny that. “You’ve known that all along.”

“I didn’t think it would be that hard to make you forget, though.”

“It’s nothing I could just simply forget”, Kazuya murmured and he knew it wasn’t what he should say, but it was the truth.

“Why? What’s so special about him?” Uchi pulled over a shirt. “What’s so special about your relationship that can’t be built with anyone else?”

Kazuya stared at him for a moment, watched him getting dressed. “I wonder”, he said then.

“Yeah, me, too.” Obviously, Uchi was enraged, but Kazuya couldn’t hold it against him.

“You know”, Kazuya said and got up now, too, “it’s nice you want to help me forget, but I don’t think there’s any way I ever would.”

It was about what he wanted, Kazuya remembered. “I don’t want to forget.”

“But you have to”, Uchi argued. “In order to move on and be happy again, you should forget about him and what you had.”

He should let Uchi go, let him off of this. Kazuya wasn’t doing him any good and he thought Uchi had figured that much himself.

“I don’t think this is working out, Kame”, Uchi said.

Kazuya just nodded.

“I’ve been chasing you for so long and I really was convinced we’d be a good match, but we aren’t, if you can’t accept that Akanishi won’t come back. If you don’t accept that you guys are over.”

“We won’t”, Kazuya said and only realised it himself in that moment. “We may part, but we won’t ever be over.”

Uchi looked at him for a few seconds, just tried to give Kazuya a chance to take that back and to at least try put up a fight for him. But Kazuya didn’t.

“Then don’t part in the first place”, he just added.

Kazuya wished it was that easy, but he didn’t dare saying anything. He knew this was his fault and he was the one who had used Uchi and was causing him all this pain.

He followed Uchi out of the bed room and watched him getting into his shoes, picking up the bag he had brought.

The silver key was left at the shoe cabin, where Uchi had put it the night before.

“Uchi...”, Kazuya started.

“I rather don’t want to hear your apologies. I know you never meant to harm me and all that stuff. I know you, Kame. You don’t do that on purpose.”

It was a bit funny, Kazuya thought, how Uchi said that, because Jin had told him otherwise so often by now.

“This is not working and it won’t ever be”, Uchi said and sighed. “Not with me and not with anyone else. I should have known and yet, I took the risk.”

Kazuya gave him an apologetic look, but he didn’t know what to say.

“I did it on my own accord, so don’t apologise.”

Kazuya knew he shouldn’t accept it that way, but talking back would not do them any good. So he just quietly watched Uchi, as he opened the door.

“You should enjoy your birthday today, Kame”, Uchi added, as he stepped out.

Kazuya managed a weak laugh. He didn’t think he’d enjoy this day much. “Yeah, thanks.”

Uchi turned and closed the door and Kazuya once again remained alone with his thoughts.

He decided to just get ready for work and leave early, get his job done and then retreat to his family, letting his parents and his brothers distract him from his confused state of mind.

He really didn’t know what to do with himself. There was no right direction to turn to now.

It felt, Kazuya thought as he climbed the steps to the door of his parents’ home later that night, like he had lost everything.

“Kazuya”, his mother greeted him and embraced him, as she had opened the door. “Happy Birthday.”

He smiled and held up flowers. “Thanks, mom.”

She happily took them and told him to come inside, before she hurried back to the kitchen.

Kazuya took off his shoes and made his way into the living room, where the table was laid up and his father sat in an arm chair watching some sports programme.

He greeted him a happy birthday, too, hugged him tightly and Kazuya felt at least a bit at ease, as he sat down on the sofa and his brothers came in. He could forget about his worries, while playing with his niece and when his mother got in all of his favourite meals.

“Can I stay here tonight?” Kazuya had waited, until they had finished dinner to ask. He knew he was always welcome, but he tried to not often sleep over. That would be too easy and he wasn’t a child anymore.

But for once, just for tonight, he didn’t want to return to his empty flat and think of how much he missed Jin, how much he hurt Uchi or how he didn’t know what to do next.

“Of course, dear”, his mother replied. “I can make you...” She lost track of what she was saying and touched her head. “I forgot to tell you.”

“What?” Kazuya blinked.

“Akanishi-kun has dropped by earlier today.”

Kazuya had taken a napkin to clean off his niece’s face, but now, he stopped and turned his face to his mother again. “What”, he just repeated.

“He thought you’d be here and I offered him to have a cup of coffee and wait, but he said he couldn’t. You are always so busy, right? Isn’t it tiring for him to work in America now, too?” She looked a bit worried, but then shook her head. “I’m losing track of what I was saying.”

“What did he want?”

“Obviously, he wanted to give you something for your birthday”, she replied. “I put it to the desk in your room.”

Kazuya didn’t wait for anymore explanation and just got up to rush to his room.

He closed the door behind himself and picked up the small package from the desk. As soon as he held it in his hands, his heart beat raced up.

It was small and wrapped in just some ordinary red paper, but Kazuya could tell from its shape and its weight what exactly was inside.

His heart quivered. Jin had finally decided; he was finally giving it back.

Kazuya ripped it open and let the silver key with the charm attached fall to his palm.

And he stared, while his heart beat slowed down and his breathing went back to normal.

It was the key to Kazuya’s flat, the one he had handed to Jin. The charm had the shape of theirs, but it was gold and blue and read the character for Happiness.

Kazuya stared at his for a little longer, before he opened the short notice, Jin had put beneath the present.

I think what I really want is you to know that you are most important. I want you to be happy.

Slowly, Kazuya sat down on his bed and stared from the note to the key and back.

It wasn’t the right key; it wasn’t the right charm.

And this wasn’t the right answer.  
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CONTINUES HERE