Make You Mine /// Eleventh Lie: Broken Lovers
Title: Make You Mine
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: Romance, AU
Rating: PG-13 and up.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: The first impression counts and Kazuya's first impression of Jin is not the best. However, Jin is determined to get to know Kazuya - and Kazuya makes up a few lies, which suddenly become huge... And then, the tide is turning.
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I've been living in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
Okay, again.... faster than you can say Amafurae Tanmaina!!! XD Oh Jin... what are you doing?
Please enjoy it :) ♥
Previous Chapters:
First Lie: Who am I?
Second Lie: Find Me
Third Lie: Exposed
Fourth Lie: On Repeat
Fifth Lie: More of You
Sixth Lie: Not My Fault
Seventh Lie: Out of Reach
Eighth Lie: Leaving You
Ninth Lie: Hold On
Tenth Lie: Secret
Eleventh Lie: Broken Lovers
Jin caught a last glimpse of Kazuya who still just stared unbelievingly and kneeled down in front of his daughter.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
“I had a bad dream”, she said and let him lift her up. Jin pressed her close, as if he was holding on to her, not the other way around. He wanted to take her and hide her from Kazuya - from everything that would happen from now on.
She pressed her cheek to his and gave Kazuya a smile, a cheeky grin that looked amazingly similar to her father’s. Her hair was short and had the same dark brunette colour as Jin’s; it curled up at the tips, over her ears. Her eyes were big in that small, delicate face with a pouty little mouth and chubby, rose cheeks. Her eyes, Kazuya thought, as they scanned him thoroughly, were the same as Jin’s.
“Do you like chocolate, too?”
Jin turned her away from Kazuya’s view. “You’re not getting any chocolate, Natsuki”, he said automatically, as she often tried this. Bad luck that she had also had that craving for chocolate tonight. “You’ll go back to bed now.”
“But we have a visitor, Papa”, she argued.
“He didn’t come to see you”, Jin mumbled and without giving Kazuya any further attention, he went up the stairs to bring his daughter to bed.
Kazuya kept standing at the door, staring after them, unable to move let alone say a word.
Jin’s daughter, it screamed in his head. There wasn’t just a wife, there was a daughter - an innocent, sweet child - involved, too.
He heard steps and that brought him back to reality, where he was still standing in Jin’s house, still intruding in his family’s home.
Kazuya couldn’t grasp a single thought, not one of the million things that ran through his mind.
A wife, a wife who probably didn’t know, what her husband did to her. His daughter looked just so much like him. Jin had acted so affectionate towards her.
I don’t have much of a choice but to love you.
That one sentence came back over and over again. Kazuya could hear it so clearly, could remember the feeling, the shiver that had run through him, that had filled him with so much happiness.
It had all turned and had sent him directly to hell.
He had been nothing but a cheap toy for Jin.
Kazuya started shaking in anger.
Jin came back down and stopped far from him, burying his hands in his pockets. “You’re still here?”
Kazuya stared at him; still in disbelief. He took an insecure step forward, then, he was in front of Jin within the fraction of a second.
His hand fisted, he aimed a blow and Jin couldn’t even prepare, before it hit him and Kazuya grabbed Jin’s collar to strike a second time.
“You can’t be serious”, Kazuya mumbled, as he let go, stepping back. Now, that he had put all his strength into those punches, he suddenly felt empty and it reflected in his broken posture. “How dare you?”
Jin ran the back of his hand over his lips, saw some traces of blood and looked at the floor. “Are you finished?”
Kazuya took a deep breath and raised his head, glaring at Jin. “Oh no, I am not finished with you. You’ll regret this, Jin. You will definitely regret.”
Jin’s face was indifferent, as he nodded. “Okay, so you can leave now”, he said, his voice freezing cold.
“I’m not leaving like this.” Kazuya shook his head. “You can’t just send me away like that. Not after, what has happened.”
“I told you that I lied about being in love and all that. It was easier to make you give in that way.” Jin shrugged and didn’t care for the blood collecting in the corner of his mouth. “I don’t feel anything special for you in particular.”
Silence stretched for a moment; then, Kazuya slowly shoved the ring from his finger and dropped it in front of Jin. He turned without another word and left the house, closing the door quietly.
Jin kept standing in his spot and stared at the ring lying to his feet. The sound of it dropping still echoed in his ears, breaking the awful silence.
He turned and even now that he was all alone, his face didn’t show a single reaction.
Jin couldn’t afford to react.
He just couldn’t.
Kazuya dropped his bag and bent down to let Vanilla crawl from his arms.
He sighed and looked through his flat. Everything was cleaned up and tidy, a thin layer of dust covered the furniture.
It looked like Kazuya had been on holiday and now, finally came home.
Just that it didn’t feel like that at all.
He would start looking for a new flat soon. By now, he could afford something better than this, so he would make use of that and find a place a lot safer than this.
Staying here somehow made Kazuya feel very uneasy, as he couldn’t forget what happened here and he surely didn’t want it to happen again. He needed a place, where no one could access so easily.
Staying at that hotel suite had been a good option, as the only one who had had access there was Jin and Kazuya hadn’t minded that at all. Kazuya had felt safe there, because no one could have come there, no one could have intruded his privacy, he hadn’t felt like being watched for the first in a long time.
He had felt safe, because only Jin could have found him there.
Kazuya had trusted Jin.
Sighing, Kazuya went over to the couch and dropped down, staring blankly at the floor. He had trusted Jin; enough to open up to him, to let him into that mess his life had turned into and enough to sleep with Jin.
Kazuya closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair.
If he had thought his life had been a mess, then, it was completely fucked up now.
Why did he always have to meet the wrong people? First, Ueda and now, he had fallen for Jin. He had been emotionally abused in both relationships, had been deceived and dumped.
What was wrong that he attracted guys like them? Guys who would just hurt him in the end, who wouldn’t ever be serious about him.
Or too serious, Kazuya thought and shivered.
He pulled the notice from his pocket and read it again, looked at his finger, where he had worn the ring.
That harassment was over now, for sure. They were over, he and Jin, so there was no reason to keep the threat up.
Whoever had been after Kazuya for being in a relationship with Jin could rest assured.
Kazuya’s head shot up, as the doorbell rang. He put down the notice and got up, walking over, to have a look through the spy first.
Opening the door, he put on a smile.
“Yuri said she saw you coming home”, Nakamaru explained, as he stepped in. “So, I had to check on you.”
Kazuya closed the door again and followed his friend inside.
Nakamaru greeted Vanilla with some gentle strokes and sat down on the couch. “I thought you wanted to move out.”
Kazuya shrugged and sat down, too. “I will. I’m looking for a place.”
With a frown, Nakamaru eyed it suspiciously. “What happened?”
It was late and Kazuya didn’t think he could talk about what had happened today. He had gone back straight to the hotel to pick up his things and leave there, before Jin would come in the morning and get a chance to meet him alone in the suite.
“It’s a long story”, Kazuya just said.
“Well, I have time”, Nakamaru said and leaned back.
Kazuya shook his head. “I can’t tell. There are too many things that have to stay a secret.”
“It’s about Akanishi, isn’t it?”
He kept silent.
“You had something going on with him, right? I thought so, when I saw you together on Christmas.” Nakamaru frowned, as he remembered. “I thought that eventually you might fall for him, when you first told me about him.”
Kazuya shook his head. Just thinking about Christmas built up the urge to cry again. Everything had been so perfect on Christmas. The confession, the humble words, the ring.
“We already broke up again.”
Nakamaru tilted his head. “Well, that was a short affair.”
Kazuya nodded, even though he hated to degrade his relationship with Jin to an affair. “Yeah, it just didn’t work.”
“And you’ll still keep working for him?”
Kazuya pressed his lips together, before he nodded his head again.
“Oh”, Nakamaru made and leaned forward again to look at Kazuya’s face. “You seriously like that guy.”
Kazuya just shrugged.
“You’re in love”, Nakamaru murmured and leaned back again. “That’s, of course, pretty awkward.”
“Could we not talk about this any more? I broke up with him and I prefer not thinking about that guy at the moment.”
Nakamaru shrugged and got up. “Yeah, sure. Sorry”, he said and approached the door.
“Really, thanks for your concern”, Kazuya murmured, as he followed. “But I don’t want to talk about it at the moment.”
“Sure, I can understand.” Nakamaru opened the door. “You can come over to talk anytime. Yuri’s always happy to have a guest.”
Kazuya smiled and nodded. “Thanks.”
After Nakamaru had left, Kazuya slid the notice into a drawer and closed it again, quietly looking out of the window next to his bed. He closed the curtains and went back to the living room to do the same.
Kazuya knew that he had a sleepless night ahead.
Not only Kazuya had spent a sleepless night.
Jin felt tired and had a headache, when he came to the hotel the next morning. He knew he couldn’t just go on like nothing had ever happened, so he directly went up the manager’s suite to confront Kazuya.
He had to make clear that whatever was between them was over now and that the only relationship between them now was as colleagues. And that Kazuya wouldn’t spill anything of what he knew.
Jin knew Kazuya was gone the moment, he stepped out of the lift.
A window was open and it was rather cold, the kitchenette had been cleaned, all lights were turned off. Jin stepped into the living room and found the carpet hoovered, the glass table cleaned off all dust, the cushions perfectly arranged. The bedroom didn’t look any different. The king size bed was neatly made. Jin lifted the covers lightly and saw the sheets had been changed. The cupboards and drawers were empty.
Everything was gone; Kazuya hadn’t left a single trace of ever having lived here.
Jin pouted his lips slightly and went back down, where he ran into Hagiwara. She looked a little shocked, as she noticed the bruise in the corner of his mouth.
“Which girl made up the manager’s suite”, he asked. “And when?”
She shrugged, before he leaned in to talk quietly. “Kamenashi-san came yesterday night and cleaned the whole suite alone. He rejected any help, as he said, he lived there for so long and it’s not our job to tidy up after him.”
Jin took a deep breath. “Sounds like him.”
“I guess he finally found a flat”, she said and moved on.
Jin frowned. He didn’t think that was the case. As far as he knew, Kazuya hadn’t been searching actively for a new flat. Why should he have? He had been fine up there for the time being.
Where Jin always could have found him.
He sighed and rubbed his hand over his forehead.
He had to learn to control those feelings. It had been so, so damn long since he had last fallen in love. Jin couldn’t handle that; it was too much for him.
Falling in love, for him, meant investing all his heart and he had started to do exactly that. He now had to learn to control it - or rather turn it off completely.
Jin turned and in that moment, saw Kazuya who stood just a few meters and watched him.
Everything crumbled in that moment. Kazuya looked just as exhausted as he did and Jin could bet that those red eyes did not just result from a sleepless night.
“Morning”, Kazuya said coolly and walked on.
“Kazuya”, Jin said and was surprised at how weak his voice sounded. “I need to talk to you.”
Kazuya stopped and hesitated before he turned. “I don’t really want to talk to you.”
“It’ll just be a few minutes.” Jin went ahead to reception and locked up the back office. He heard Kazuya followed and let him go in first. Closing the door behind himself, he tried to think of what to say, but suddenly, his mind was completely blank.
“If you want me to quit, I…”
“No”, Jin interrupted. “No. This is not about your job. I think we can pretty much work without having to see each other much.” He cleared his throat. “I just want to make sure of one thing.”
Kazuya nodded. “I won’t run around telling stories of your private life. Nothing that happened between us will leak and you should know that - it’s nothing to make sure of.”
Jin rubbed his head again. Why was it pounding so badly? “I just don’t want you to do anything stupid, just because you’re angry.”
“Angry doesn’t even nearly get close to what I am.” Kazuya crossed his arms, as he leaned against the table. “But, well, my fault. I should have trusted my gut feeling and never had let you come any closer to me.”
For a moment, Jin didn’t say anything, then, he shrugged. He had to keep up the act. Keep it up, until it wouldn’t be an act anymore. “You should have known better. After all, you have bad luck with guys. Try looking for a girlfriend?”
Kazuya raised a brow and he felt how he was close to losing his temper again. “I guess I don’t take any love advice from a man who cheats on his wife on a daily basis.”
“Take one thing from me then, Kazuya”, Jin said and opened the door again. “Don’t just trust anyone.”
He turned and walked off. If he’d lock himself in his office all day, he could probably survive it and wouldn’t have to see Kazuya anymore today. He wouldn’t be able to take that.
Jin took some paper work from reception and went directly to the lift. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, didn’t want to see a single person. He just wanted to get away, lock himself up and be alone for the rest of the week. He wanted to sit in silence and have no one talk to him, so he could figure out the mess he was stuck in. Figure it out and try to forget Kazuya, try to forget his face, his scent, his skin. Jin just wanted to forget it all.
And suffer.
Kazuya looked up, as someone knocked the door to the office.
It had been a week and he and Jin managed quite well to avoid each other. They only talked about work-related things and mostly just then, when other people were around. Also, they had divided parts a long time ago, so both of them just took on their tasks and responsibilities. Nothing in the hotel had changed, the business had not suffered a bit from what had happened between them.
“Come in”, Kazuya said and turned in his chair.
He usually worked in the back office alone. He had often worked with Jin together here. Upstairs, Jin had an office to himself. Now, Jin was in his office and Kazuya mainly used this. Sometimes, he found himself staring at Jin’s empty desk across from his and remembered how they used to tease each other or would just send each other meaningful looks.
It had felt so natural and intimate that it was hard for Kazuya to believe that at least from Jin it had been nothing but an act.
The door opened and Yamashita came in.
Kazuya frowned, as he barely ever saw Yamashita outside the bar. He didn’t really come to other parts of the hotel, let alone to one of the offices.
“Are you busy?”
Kazuya shook his head. “Not really. Is there something you need?”
Yamashita shrugged. “Jin’s not really talking to me and I thought I’d try you.”
“I see.” Kazuya dropped his pen and pointed at the chair across. The one Jin had always sat in.
Yamashita took the seat and kept silent for a moment longer, before he said: “He told me you guys broke up.”
Kazuya nodded. “And I’d say it was mutual.”
“You found out about his wife, didn’t you?”
Hesitating, Kazuya took the pen again to keep his fingers busy. “You could have warned me, you know.”
Yamashita bit his lip. “Jin’s my friend, but I don’t understand everything he does. I don’t mess with his affairs.”
“You’ve been friends for a long time”, Kazuya agreed. “But didn’t we become friends, too?”
“Actually”, Yamashita said and leaned his arms onto the desk, “I was hoping he would come clean with you.”
Kazuya frowned slightly.
“We did become friends and I had the feeling that, the more I got to know you, you would do him good. Talking to him, I thought he would fall in love with you.”
Kazuya managed a laugh. “Well, he didn’t. He said he did, but obviously, he didn’t.”
Yamashita nodded. Then, he looked up at Kazuya and laced his fingers. “Don’t you think he put quite some much effort, if he really just wanted to get you laid?”
For a moment, Kazuya just stared at him. “I have no idea what to believe, to be true”, he said then. “I believed him, but he crushed it all. Even if he didn’t mean it, he can’t take it back and he can’t make things undone. But”, Kazuya said and sighed. “I am pretty sure he meant it and really never really felt anything for me.”
Yamashita fell silent and nodded. Then, he leaned back again. “Did you hear what I talked about with Ryo?”
Kazuya raised his look to him and he knew he had given himself away already with only that. So, he answered honestly: “I wanted to ask you for Jin’s parent’s address, when I saw you guys talking at the bar. I heard most of it.”
“So, you went to confront Jin.”
Kazuya nodded. “I came to his house and confronted him, but we got interrupted by his daughter.” He buried his face in his hands. “His daughter. I can’t believe it.”
Yamashita nodded. “She is his everything.”
“He wouldn’t sleep around like that behind her mother’s back, if he really loved her that much.”
“I can understand you’re angry, Kame, but …”
“No”, Kazuya said and got up. “No excuses. I was serious about him and I know I have a history of being untruthful, but I don’t want to hear his reasons.” He shook his head. “I made sure to come clean with him, before I said I love you and before I slept with him. It’s the worst feeling to realize he said it to me, slept with me, made all those promises, while I was just an affair for him. While at home, his wife and daughter were waiting for him.”
Agony was crawling up his throat again and Kazuya took a deep breath, trying to suppress it.
Yamashita looked at him; sympathy in his eyes. “You really love him, don’t you?”
“Enough to hate him forever, for doing that to me”, Kazuya admitted. Then, he ran a hand through his hair. “Why is everyone trying to talk about it? I just don’t want to think about everything that happened, let alone talk it through with anyone.”
Yamashita. “I can pretty much understand that.” He got up. “It’s your decision and if I were you, I wouldn’t decide any different. Jin is trouble, after all. You’re completely right.”
Kazuya didn’t answer, he just shrugged.
“But, Kame”, Yamashita said and gave him a stern look. “Just because you’re right, doesn’t mean Jin’s wrong.”
It was a pain, Jin thought and looked at Kazuya.
More than a week, almost two - and nothing had changed. Kazuya was as cold as ever around him and everything between them felt just awkward.
Jin would have liked to go over and pin Kazuya to that wall to kiss his minds out. However, he didn’t have a right to do that and Kazuya would probably answer it with biting off Jin’s tongue.
At this point, Jin was sure that Kazuya was capable of everything to hurt him.
Kazuya noticed Jin’s look and returned it with a cold stare, before he turned his head back to the guy speaking at the front.
They were in one of the huge meeting rooms, listening to the presentation of the sales department. They planned to integrate a mall with a few stores in the hotel.
When the meeting finished, Kazuya started talking to one of the guys and Jin had to leave, without having the chance to approach Kazuya just once more.
It was better this way. Jin told himself. What would he say or do, however, should he get the chance to get to be alone with Kazuya for a moment? After all, Jin would just mess it up by doing something utterly inappropriate like kissing Kazuya or touching him.
The urge to touch him, to get close to Kazuya and just drown in that feeling once again was so huge, so urgent that it scared Jin.
He spent another hour in his office, making a few calls, checking on a few things.
He called Koki to hear how things in Osaka were going and invited him to come to Tokyo for a few days.
“What’s wrong”, Koki asked. “You sound a little off.”
“I’m fine”, Jin lied. “But I thought it was a lot funnier, when you were still here.”
“Isn’t Kame-chan keeping you good company?”
“He’s…” Jin bit his lip, looking for words.
“You did the usual with him, I suppose”, Koki guessed. “And now, he isn’t talking to you anymore.”
“Something like that”, Jin admitted.
Koki sighed, but his voice sounded cheerful. “I told you, you guys should not start anything. You don’t fit together.”
Jin stared blankly at his desk, before he put on his usual sarcasm and answered: “We fit in bed, you know.”
“In bed”, Koki just commented, “everyone fits you, Jin.”
Jin managed a laugh and they kept talking about shallow topics, before he hung up. Talking to Koki always did him well, even though Koki had no clue of his private life, either. He didn’t know any of Jin’s secret and even if he probably assumed something, Koki never asked.
Jin got p and checked his watch. It was almost midnight; by now, Kazuya had surely gone home. So, Jin could get some of his folders and materials from the back office at reception.
He walked down, enjoying the silence in the hotel. Most guests were in bed and those who were out, would only come back in a few hours, shaking up the silence.
Jin raised his hand to the girl at reception and walked into the back office.
A small light was still on and it was quite warm in the room.
Jin stopped in the doorway and stared at Kazuya who sat at his desk, his body bent over it, his head put to his arms.
He was asleep.
Jin quietly closed the door and went over. He watched Kazuya for a moment, before he took Kazuya’s jacket and gently put it over his shoulders.
“Fool”, Jin murmured. “You’re still afraid of your own home.” He got onto his knees and watched Kazuya’s face for a moment, before he reached out his hand and softly stroked the hair from Kazuya’s face.
Jin kept in that position for a moment longer, ran his fingers through Kazuya’s hair and watched him sleeping.
“He’s wrong”, he said then, lowly and quiet. “No one fits me as well as you do.” He drew his fingers over Kazuya’s face, gently stroking each line with them. “No one ever made me feel attached to them, but you.”
It was tempting, Jin thought. To stay here and watch Kazuya’s sleep was just really tempting, but it was late and he couldn’t stay all night.
He had to be home, had to be there in the morning, when Natsuki would wake up.
Jin got up again and gave Kazuya a last longing look, before he took the material from his desk and silently walked out the room.
As the door had closed with a soft click, Kazuya’s eyes flew open and he sat up. His heart beat raced, his skin tingled and his breath had been caught in his throat.
What had that just been?
Had Jin been serious? Had it just been a confession that Jin did love Kazuya and all the cold words had been an act?
Why was Jin acting so affectionate, when he thought Kazuya would sleep and couldn’t notice his caresses?
Kazuya stared at the door, confused and shaken up.
What the hell was going on?
-------------------------------------------
Thanks so much for reading. ♥
By the way~~~ "to hoover" is a typical British thing I guess. I just couldn't use the American "vacuum cleaner". That sounds so off in my ears O.o Sorry! ... eh, random XD
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: Romance, AU
Rating: PG-13 and up.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: The first impression counts and Kazuya's first impression of Jin is not the best. However, Jin is determined to get to know Kazuya - and Kazuya makes up a few lies, which suddenly become huge... And then, the tide is turning.
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I've been living in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
Okay, again.... faster than you can say Amafurae Tanmaina!!! XD Oh Jin... what are you doing?
Please enjoy it :) ♥
Previous Chapters:
First Lie: Who am I?
Second Lie: Find Me
Third Lie: Exposed
Fourth Lie: On Repeat
Fifth Lie: More of You
Sixth Lie: Not My Fault
Seventh Lie: Out of Reach
Eighth Lie: Leaving You
Ninth Lie: Hold On
Tenth Lie: Secret
Eleventh Lie: Broken Lovers
Jin caught a last glimpse of Kazuya who still just stared unbelievingly and kneeled down in front of his daughter.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
“I had a bad dream”, she said and let him lift her up. Jin pressed her close, as if he was holding on to her, not the other way around. He wanted to take her and hide her from Kazuya - from everything that would happen from now on.
She pressed her cheek to his and gave Kazuya a smile, a cheeky grin that looked amazingly similar to her father’s. Her hair was short and had the same dark brunette colour as Jin’s; it curled up at the tips, over her ears. Her eyes were big in that small, delicate face with a pouty little mouth and chubby, rose cheeks. Her eyes, Kazuya thought, as they scanned him thoroughly, were the same as Jin’s.
“Do you like chocolate, too?”
Jin turned her away from Kazuya’s view. “You’re not getting any chocolate, Natsuki”, he said automatically, as she often tried this. Bad luck that she had also had that craving for chocolate tonight. “You’ll go back to bed now.”
“But we have a visitor, Papa”, she argued.
“He didn’t come to see you”, Jin mumbled and without giving Kazuya any further attention, he went up the stairs to bring his daughter to bed.
Kazuya kept standing at the door, staring after them, unable to move let alone say a word.
Jin’s daughter, it screamed in his head. There wasn’t just a wife, there was a daughter - an innocent, sweet child - involved, too.
He heard steps and that brought him back to reality, where he was still standing in Jin’s house, still intruding in his family’s home.
Kazuya couldn’t grasp a single thought, not one of the million things that ran through his mind.
A wife, a wife who probably didn’t know, what her husband did to her. His daughter looked just so much like him. Jin had acted so affectionate towards her.
I don’t have much of a choice but to love you.
That one sentence came back over and over again. Kazuya could hear it so clearly, could remember the feeling, the shiver that had run through him, that had filled him with so much happiness.
It had all turned and had sent him directly to hell.
He had been nothing but a cheap toy for Jin.
Kazuya started shaking in anger.
Jin came back down and stopped far from him, burying his hands in his pockets. “You’re still here?”
Kazuya stared at him; still in disbelief. He took an insecure step forward, then, he was in front of Jin within the fraction of a second.
His hand fisted, he aimed a blow and Jin couldn’t even prepare, before it hit him and Kazuya grabbed Jin’s collar to strike a second time.
“You can’t be serious”, Kazuya mumbled, as he let go, stepping back. Now, that he had put all his strength into those punches, he suddenly felt empty and it reflected in his broken posture. “How dare you?”
Jin ran the back of his hand over his lips, saw some traces of blood and looked at the floor. “Are you finished?”
Kazuya took a deep breath and raised his head, glaring at Jin. “Oh no, I am not finished with you. You’ll regret this, Jin. You will definitely regret.”
Jin’s face was indifferent, as he nodded. “Okay, so you can leave now”, he said, his voice freezing cold.
“I’m not leaving like this.” Kazuya shook his head. “You can’t just send me away like that. Not after, what has happened.”
“I told you that I lied about being in love and all that. It was easier to make you give in that way.” Jin shrugged and didn’t care for the blood collecting in the corner of his mouth. “I don’t feel anything special for you in particular.”
Silence stretched for a moment; then, Kazuya slowly shoved the ring from his finger and dropped it in front of Jin. He turned without another word and left the house, closing the door quietly.
Jin kept standing in his spot and stared at the ring lying to his feet. The sound of it dropping still echoed in his ears, breaking the awful silence.
He turned and even now that he was all alone, his face didn’t show a single reaction.
Jin couldn’t afford to react.
He just couldn’t.
Kazuya dropped his bag and bent down to let Vanilla crawl from his arms.
He sighed and looked through his flat. Everything was cleaned up and tidy, a thin layer of dust covered the furniture.
It looked like Kazuya had been on holiday and now, finally came home.
Just that it didn’t feel like that at all.
He would start looking for a new flat soon. By now, he could afford something better than this, so he would make use of that and find a place a lot safer than this.
Staying here somehow made Kazuya feel very uneasy, as he couldn’t forget what happened here and he surely didn’t want it to happen again. He needed a place, where no one could access so easily.
Staying at that hotel suite had been a good option, as the only one who had had access there was Jin and Kazuya hadn’t minded that at all. Kazuya had felt safe there, because no one could have come there, no one could have intruded his privacy, he hadn’t felt like being watched for the first in a long time.
He had felt safe, because only Jin could have found him there.
Kazuya had trusted Jin.
Sighing, Kazuya went over to the couch and dropped down, staring blankly at the floor. He had trusted Jin; enough to open up to him, to let him into that mess his life had turned into and enough to sleep with Jin.
Kazuya closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair.
If he had thought his life had been a mess, then, it was completely fucked up now.
Why did he always have to meet the wrong people? First, Ueda and now, he had fallen for Jin. He had been emotionally abused in both relationships, had been deceived and dumped.
What was wrong that he attracted guys like them? Guys who would just hurt him in the end, who wouldn’t ever be serious about him.
Or too serious, Kazuya thought and shivered.
He pulled the notice from his pocket and read it again, looked at his finger, where he had worn the ring.
That harassment was over now, for sure. They were over, he and Jin, so there was no reason to keep the threat up.
Whoever had been after Kazuya for being in a relationship with Jin could rest assured.
Kazuya’s head shot up, as the doorbell rang. He put down the notice and got up, walking over, to have a look through the spy first.
Opening the door, he put on a smile.
“Yuri said she saw you coming home”, Nakamaru explained, as he stepped in. “So, I had to check on you.”
Kazuya closed the door again and followed his friend inside.
Nakamaru greeted Vanilla with some gentle strokes and sat down on the couch. “I thought you wanted to move out.”
Kazuya shrugged and sat down, too. “I will. I’m looking for a place.”
With a frown, Nakamaru eyed it suspiciously. “What happened?”
It was late and Kazuya didn’t think he could talk about what had happened today. He had gone back straight to the hotel to pick up his things and leave there, before Jin would come in the morning and get a chance to meet him alone in the suite.
“It’s a long story”, Kazuya just said.
“Well, I have time”, Nakamaru said and leaned back.
Kazuya shook his head. “I can’t tell. There are too many things that have to stay a secret.”
“It’s about Akanishi, isn’t it?”
He kept silent.
“You had something going on with him, right? I thought so, when I saw you together on Christmas.” Nakamaru frowned, as he remembered. “I thought that eventually you might fall for him, when you first told me about him.”
Kazuya shook his head. Just thinking about Christmas built up the urge to cry again. Everything had been so perfect on Christmas. The confession, the humble words, the ring.
“We already broke up again.”
Nakamaru tilted his head. “Well, that was a short affair.”
Kazuya nodded, even though he hated to degrade his relationship with Jin to an affair. “Yeah, it just didn’t work.”
“And you’ll still keep working for him?”
Kazuya pressed his lips together, before he nodded his head again.
“Oh”, Nakamaru made and leaned forward again to look at Kazuya’s face. “You seriously like that guy.”
Kazuya just shrugged.
“You’re in love”, Nakamaru murmured and leaned back again. “That’s, of course, pretty awkward.”
“Could we not talk about this any more? I broke up with him and I prefer not thinking about that guy at the moment.”
Nakamaru shrugged and got up. “Yeah, sure. Sorry”, he said and approached the door.
“Really, thanks for your concern”, Kazuya murmured, as he followed. “But I don’t want to talk about it at the moment.”
“Sure, I can understand.” Nakamaru opened the door. “You can come over to talk anytime. Yuri’s always happy to have a guest.”
Kazuya smiled and nodded. “Thanks.”
After Nakamaru had left, Kazuya slid the notice into a drawer and closed it again, quietly looking out of the window next to his bed. He closed the curtains and went back to the living room to do the same.
Kazuya knew that he had a sleepless night ahead.
Not only Kazuya had spent a sleepless night.
Jin felt tired and had a headache, when he came to the hotel the next morning. He knew he couldn’t just go on like nothing had ever happened, so he directly went up the manager’s suite to confront Kazuya.
He had to make clear that whatever was between them was over now and that the only relationship between them now was as colleagues. And that Kazuya wouldn’t spill anything of what he knew.
Jin knew Kazuya was gone the moment, he stepped out of the lift.
A window was open and it was rather cold, the kitchenette had been cleaned, all lights were turned off. Jin stepped into the living room and found the carpet hoovered, the glass table cleaned off all dust, the cushions perfectly arranged. The bedroom didn’t look any different. The king size bed was neatly made. Jin lifted the covers lightly and saw the sheets had been changed. The cupboards and drawers were empty.
Everything was gone; Kazuya hadn’t left a single trace of ever having lived here.
Jin pouted his lips slightly and went back down, where he ran into Hagiwara. She looked a little shocked, as she noticed the bruise in the corner of his mouth.
“Which girl made up the manager’s suite”, he asked. “And when?”
She shrugged, before he leaned in to talk quietly. “Kamenashi-san came yesterday night and cleaned the whole suite alone. He rejected any help, as he said, he lived there for so long and it’s not our job to tidy up after him.”
Jin took a deep breath. “Sounds like him.”
“I guess he finally found a flat”, she said and moved on.
Jin frowned. He didn’t think that was the case. As far as he knew, Kazuya hadn’t been searching actively for a new flat. Why should he have? He had been fine up there for the time being.
Where Jin always could have found him.
He sighed and rubbed his hand over his forehead.
He had to learn to control those feelings. It had been so, so damn long since he had last fallen in love. Jin couldn’t handle that; it was too much for him.
Falling in love, for him, meant investing all his heart and he had started to do exactly that. He now had to learn to control it - or rather turn it off completely.
Jin turned and in that moment, saw Kazuya who stood just a few meters and watched him.
Everything crumbled in that moment. Kazuya looked just as exhausted as he did and Jin could bet that those red eyes did not just result from a sleepless night.
“Morning”, Kazuya said coolly and walked on.
“Kazuya”, Jin said and was surprised at how weak his voice sounded. “I need to talk to you.”
Kazuya stopped and hesitated before he turned. “I don’t really want to talk to you.”
“It’ll just be a few minutes.” Jin went ahead to reception and locked up the back office. He heard Kazuya followed and let him go in first. Closing the door behind himself, he tried to think of what to say, but suddenly, his mind was completely blank.
“If you want me to quit, I…”
“No”, Jin interrupted. “No. This is not about your job. I think we can pretty much work without having to see each other much.” He cleared his throat. “I just want to make sure of one thing.”
Kazuya nodded. “I won’t run around telling stories of your private life. Nothing that happened between us will leak and you should know that - it’s nothing to make sure of.”
Jin rubbed his head again. Why was it pounding so badly? “I just don’t want you to do anything stupid, just because you’re angry.”
“Angry doesn’t even nearly get close to what I am.” Kazuya crossed his arms, as he leaned against the table. “But, well, my fault. I should have trusted my gut feeling and never had let you come any closer to me.”
For a moment, Jin didn’t say anything, then, he shrugged. He had to keep up the act. Keep it up, until it wouldn’t be an act anymore. “You should have known better. After all, you have bad luck with guys. Try looking for a girlfriend?”
Kazuya raised a brow and he felt how he was close to losing his temper again. “I guess I don’t take any love advice from a man who cheats on his wife on a daily basis.”
“Take one thing from me then, Kazuya”, Jin said and opened the door again. “Don’t just trust anyone.”
He turned and walked off. If he’d lock himself in his office all day, he could probably survive it and wouldn’t have to see Kazuya anymore today. He wouldn’t be able to take that.
Jin took some paper work from reception and went directly to the lift. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, didn’t want to see a single person. He just wanted to get away, lock himself up and be alone for the rest of the week. He wanted to sit in silence and have no one talk to him, so he could figure out the mess he was stuck in. Figure it out and try to forget Kazuya, try to forget his face, his scent, his skin. Jin just wanted to forget it all.
And suffer.
Kazuya looked up, as someone knocked the door to the office.
It had been a week and he and Jin managed quite well to avoid each other. They only talked about work-related things and mostly just then, when other people were around. Also, they had divided parts a long time ago, so both of them just took on their tasks and responsibilities. Nothing in the hotel had changed, the business had not suffered a bit from what had happened between them.
“Come in”, Kazuya said and turned in his chair.
He usually worked in the back office alone. He had often worked with Jin together here. Upstairs, Jin had an office to himself. Now, Jin was in his office and Kazuya mainly used this. Sometimes, he found himself staring at Jin’s empty desk across from his and remembered how they used to tease each other or would just send each other meaningful looks.
It had felt so natural and intimate that it was hard for Kazuya to believe that at least from Jin it had been nothing but an act.
The door opened and Yamashita came in.
Kazuya frowned, as he barely ever saw Yamashita outside the bar. He didn’t really come to other parts of the hotel, let alone to one of the offices.
“Are you busy?”
Kazuya shook his head. “Not really. Is there something you need?”
Yamashita shrugged. “Jin’s not really talking to me and I thought I’d try you.”
“I see.” Kazuya dropped his pen and pointed at the chair across. The one Jin had always sat in.
Yamashita took the seat and kept silent for a moment longer, before he said: “He told me you guys broke up.”
Kazuya nodded. “And I’d say it was mutual.”
“You found out about his wife, didn’t you?”
Hesitating, Kazuya took the pen again to keep his fingers busy. “You could have warned me, you know.”
Yamashita bit his lip. “Jin’s my friend, but I don’t understand everything he does. I don’t mess with his affairs.”
“You’ve been friends for a long time”, Kazuya agreed. “But didn’t we become friends, too?”
“Actually”, Yamashita said and leaned his arms onto the desk, “I was hoping he would come clean with you.”
Kazuya frowned slightly.
“We did become friends and I had the feeling that, the more I got to know you, you would do him good. Talking to him, I thought he would fall in love with you.”
Kazuya managed a laugh. “Well, he didn’t. He said he did, but obviously, he didn’t.”
Yamashita nodded. Then, he looked up at Kazuya and laced his fingers. “Don’t you think he put quite some much effort, if he really just wanted to get you laid?”
For a moment, Kazuya just stared at him. “I have no idea what to believe, to be true”, he said then. “I believed him, but he crushed it all. Even if he didn’t mean it, he can’t take it back and he can’t make things undone. But”, Kazuya said and sighed. “I am pretty sure he meant it and really never really felt anything for me.”
Yamashita fell silent and nodded. Then, he leaned back again. “Did you hear what I talked about with Ryo?”
Kazuya raised his look to him and he knew he had given himself away already with only that. So, he answered honestly: “I wanted to ask you for Jin’s parent’s address, when I saw you guys talking at the bar. I heard most of it.”
“So, you went to confront Jin.”
Kazuya nodded. “I came to his house and confronted him, but we got interrupted by his daughter.” He buried his face in his hands. “His daughter. I can’t believe it.”
Yamashita nodded. “She is his everything.”
“He wouldn’t sleep around like that behind her mother’s back, if he really loved her that much.”
“I can understand you’re angry, Kame, but …”
“No”, Kazuya said and got up. “No excuses. I was serious about him and I know I have a history of being untruthful, but I don’t want to hear his reasons.” He shook his head. “I made sure to come clean with him, before I said I love you and before I slept with him. It’s the worst feeling to realize he said it to me, slept with me, made all those promises, while I was just an affair for him. While at home, his wife and daughter were waiting for him.”
Agony was crawling up his throat again and Kazuya took a deep breath, trying to suppress it.
Yamashita looked at him; sympathy in his eyes. “You really love him, don’t you?”
“Enough to hate him forever, for doing that to me”, Kazuya admitted. Then, he ran a hand through his hair. “Why is everyone trying to talk about it? I just don’t want to think about everything that happened, let alone talk it through with anyone.”
Yamashita. “I can pretty much understand that.” He got up. “It’s your decision and if I were you, I wouldn’t decide any different. Jin is trouble, after all. You’re completely right.”
Kazuya didn’t answer, he just shrugged.
“But, Kame”, Yamashita said and gave him a stern look. “Just because you’re right, doesn’t mean Jin’s wrong.”
It was a pain, Jin thought and looked at Kazuya.
More than a week, almost two - and nothing had changed. Kazuya was as cold as ever around him and everything between them felt just awkward.
Jin would have liked to go over and pin Kazuya to that wall to kiss his minds out. However, he didn’t have a right to do that and Kazuya would probably answer it with biting off Jin’s tongue.
At this point, Jin was sure that Kazuya was capable of everything to hurt him.
Kazuya noticed Jin’s look and returned it with a cold stare, before he turned his head back to the guy speaking at the front.
They were in one of the huge meeting rooms, listening to the presentation of the sales department. They planned to integrate a mall with a few stores in the hotel.
When the meeting finished, Kazuya started talking to one of the guys and Jin had to leave, without having the chance to approach Kazuya just once more.
It was better this way. Jin told himself. What would he say or do, however, should he get the chance to get to be alone with Kazuya for a moment? After all, Jin would just mess it up by doing something utterly inappropriate like kissing Kazuya or touching him.
The urge to touch him, to get close to Kazuya and just drown in that feeling once again was so huge, so urgent that it scared Jin.
He spent another hour in his office, making a few calls, checking on a few things.
He called Koki to hear how things in Osaka were going and invited him to come to Tokyo for a few days.
“What’s wrong”, Koki asked. “You sound a little off.”
“I’m fine”, Jin lied. “But I thought it was a lot funnier, when you were still here.”
“Isn’t Kame-chan keeping you good company?”
“He’s…” Jin bit his lip, looking for words.
“You did the usual with him, I suppose”, Koki guessed. “And now, he isn’t talking to you anymore.”
“Something like that”, Jin admitted.
Koki sighed, but his voice sounded cheerful. “I told you, you guys should not start anything. You don’t fit together.”
Jin stared blankly at his desk, before he put on his usual sarcasm and answered: “We fit in bed, you know.”
“In bed”, Koki just commented, “everyone fits you, Jin.”
Jin managed a laugh and they kept talking about shallow topics, before he hung up. Talking to Koki always did him well, even though Koki had no clue of his private life, either. He didn’t know any of Jin’s secret and even if he probably assumed something, Koki never asked.
Jin got p and checked his watch. It was almost midnight; by now, Kazuya had surely gone home. So, Jin could get some of his folders and materials from the back office at reception.
He walked down, enjoying the silence in the hotel. Most guests were in bed and those who were out, would only come back in a few hours, shaking up the silence.
Jin raised his hand to the girl at reception and walked into the back office.
A small light was still on and it was quite warm in the room.
Jin stopped in the doorway and stared at Kazuya who sat at his desk, his body bent over it, his head put to his arms.
He was asleep.
Jin quietly closed the door and went over. He watched Kazuya for a moment, before he took Kazuya’s jacket and gently put it over his shoulders.
“Fool”, Jin murmured. “You’re still afraid of your own home.” He got onto his knees and watched Kazuya’s face for a moment, before he reached out his hand and softly stroked the hair from Kazuya’s face.
Jin kept in that position for a moment longer, ran his fingers through Kazuya’s hair and watched him sleeping.
“He’s wrong”, he said then, lowly and quiet. “No one fits me as well as you do.” He drew his fingers over Kazuya’s face, gently stroking each line with them. “No one ever made me feel attached to them, but you.”
It was tempting, Jin thought. To stay here and watch Kazuya’s sleep was just really tempting, but it was late and he couldn’t stay all night.
He had to be home, had to be there in the morning, when Natsuki would wake up.
Jin got up again and gave Kazuya a last longing look, before he took the material from his desk and silently walked out the room.
As the door had closed with a soft click, Kazuya’s eyes flew open and he sat up. His heart beat raced, his skin tingled and his breath had been caught in his throat.
What had that just been?
Had Jin been serious? Had it just been a confession that Jin did love Kazuya and all the cold words had been an act?
Why was Jin acting so affectionate, when he thought Kazuya would sleep and couldn’t notice his caresses?
Kazuya stared at the door, confused and shaken up.
What the hell was going on?
-------------------------------------------
Thanks so much for reading. ♥
By the way~~~ "to hoover" is a typical British thing I guess. I just couldn't use the American "vacuum cleaner". That sounds so off in my ears O.o Sorry! ... eh, random XD