Take what you like and leave the rest behindshadowd1November 25 2003, 23:09:43 UTC
With all the things you’ve been through this year, and all that you've lost, it’s no wonder there might be a hole. The question I have for you is how do you define yourself now??
When you were with your husband, you defined yourself as a wife. You have two wonderful daughters, who define you as a mother. In your relationship with Shawn you define yourself as a “significant enabler.” You had someone who defined you as a best friend. But those roles are now either gone or changing.
You’re now divorced and single. Your daughters don’t depend on you quite the same way as I’m sure they have in the past. You say that your relationship with Shawn is “in a rut.” And you feel your best friend “betrayed” you (which I grok because I had someone do the same to me earlier this year as well, and it really hurt, and still hurts ::sigh::).
You seem to have been the caregiver your whole life, and while I know you enjoy that role, who are you when you are alone and have no one to take care of but yourself?
Re: Take what you like and leave the rest behindgreenmansdreamNovember 26 2003, 19:41:05 UTC
Who am I seems to be the outstanding question. One of my friends here at the complex encouraged me to write a book in the beginning of the whole divorce process. As I had/have planned on remaking myself, she thought it might be an interesting way to help others who are trying to remake themselves. Kind of a book about giving yourself permission to be something other than what has come to be "expected". As to the question of Who I am, I am still in the process of answering that one. I know how I view myself and how I am viewed by others but philosophically how you view yourself is no more valid than assigning an name to yourself. The Label "Laura" doesn't define the "am" it merely calls to mind the image. And truly, most people never really define for themselves who they are. They just stumble through life existing on perceptions of who they are and who they think they should be.
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When you were with your husband, you defined yourself as a wife. You have two wonderful daughters, who define you as a mother. In your relationship with Shawn you define yourself as a “significant enabler.” You had someone who defined you as a best friend. But those roles are now either gone or changing.
You’re now divorced and single. Your daughters don’t depend on you quite the same way as I’m sure they have in the past. You say that your relationship with Shawn is “in a rut.” And you feel your best friend “betrayed” you (which I grok because I had someone do the same to me earlier this year as well, and it really hurt, and still hurts ::sigh::).
You seem to have been the caregiver your whole life, and while I know you enjoy that role, who are you when you are alone and have no one to take care of but yourself?
Who are you?
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As to the question of Who I am, I am still in the process of answering that one. I know how I view myself and how I am viewed by others but philosophically how you view yourself is no more valid than assigning an name to yourself. The Label "Laura" doesn't define the "am" it merely calls to mind the image. And truly, most people never really define for themselves who they are. They just stumble through life existing on perceptions of who they are and who they think they should be.
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