( Read more... )

I want to get fucked up ( Read more... )

Ever since I made my journal friends-only, I've gotten all fuzzy-headed regarding lj lists and boundaries and methods ( Read more... )

So this morning, Kelly stated that I feel like a worthless, no-good loser who doesn't deserve to have anything better than this. I immediately burst into tears because she's right. And I'm proving myself right (that that is all, in fact, true) by my actions today. Today, I will probably not be clean. Anyone surprised? Thought not. I already ( Read more... )

So - this can't be good. I am considering, very seriously, purchasing myself a bottle of vodka today. Because nothing cures addiction like addiction, and damnit I need a cure. Nevermind that I don't know the meaning of "moderation" (and ugh, how I loooooooooooathe that admission), or that my Year As A Drunk proved to be both bumiliating and ( Read more... )

I just got this email from my mom, and I had to post it because it made me cry:

Hi Dooz ( Read more... )

I don't even know what to write this morning. I feel blank and completely lacking in hope or purpose. I went to my folks' house for the weekend, and while it was nice, it was also pretty blank. I slept almost the entire time, which is weird. I went so long being awake all the time, then I started using again and started sleeping all the time. ( Read more... )

Okay, the time has come to lock this sucker up. I have too many suspicions about who may have access to this (my list has quadrupled in the past 4 days, and I'm no longer comfortable with the idea that they can read it). I rely on this journal way too much for venting, and I can't afford (emotionally/mentally) to censor it. It ruins the whole ( Read more... )

Back from the doctor, and I'm apparently as healthy as a horse. Not sure how I feel about that (stupid ED side, I mean ( Read more... )

I made it all the way to 4:30am this time. Much better. And I kept my food to 500 cals. This is a definite improvement, but still ( Read more... )