Some days I want to feel in love ( Read more... )

Spent two days in the hospital. Blood sugar was so high that they kept me there to shoot me up with insulin. And I had to let somebody cut up my privates. Not fun!!! (a painful story I will not go into ( Read more... )

188 pounds, and I feel great. All my sisters have moved out, and now the house is quiet. I like it! Battle of the bulge won, and work is . . . well it's good for now. I just need something to want badly and things would be perfect. Maybe I'll go out, actually try talking to somebody. It only takes one step to jump off the cliff, but sometimes ( Read more... )

I cried a little bit this morning. Mourned the things that never were. Silent streaks of emptiness. A smile, mocking yet true, curls through the empty tears. For even pain, however brief, is better then the hollow years. Acceptance of the way things are, enrages what is left of pride ( Read more... )

Bottom,
start climbing back
or fade . . .

Face the music and try to climb.

So many stupid stupid choices though.

Step
fall
plummet
crash
stand
step

Dim
dark
Eyes
shut
Numb

Escape
run
dance
live

Words
voice
lost

need
new

Done

For the last year I have been very unsocial. I rarely hang out with my friends, talking to people seems more chore then anything else. I'd say that I remember this guy, but I don't remember ever being this antisocial ( Read more... )

Long time, no post. I feel happily numb, or maybe a better term would be contently depressed. Happiness, for me, has always been in the effort of trying for something. And these days I seem to be trying for nothing. I was writing for awhile, and that was great. But I hit a wall inside myself, and I can't seem to self-motivate to crash through ( Read more... )

The battle of the bulge is proceeding well, down to 204 as of my last weigh in. only 14 pounds till I hit 190. Should be easy to hit by the birthday marker. I can fit into my old clothes again. I'm going to just head fuzz, I found I can't stand it longer then that. And I'm making plans for checking out getting an auto loan and once again ( Read more... )

I can't remember half of this years Halloween Party. And it seems that while I thought I had made an ass of myself, I had actually done worse then I thought I was capable of, even while drunk. Groping girl's asses and otherwise being a creep. And to think I was feeling bad about barfing on my friends carpet. This makes me feel much much worse ( Read more... )