Ending 2012 With a Medical Bang

[grrgoyl]

You know how I hate getting my oil changed because they always find $500 of other stuff to do? Well, this happened to me when I tried to establish with a primary care doctor. She heard about my gallstones three years ago and sent me for an ultrasound to check up on them

Comments

[mmmrorschach]

I'm sort of terrified at the thought of anything going through my bellybutton. Like it's more vulnerable because it's a preexisting hole.

"They're persistent, but not THAT persistent!" I had fun imagining a grizzled, twenty year old spermatozoon hiding out in a cave in your uterus, eating canned beans and sleeping on a soiled mattress, occasionally peeking its head out and trying to build up the courage to finally make run at it.

I bet they have a whole drawer filled with "Robin's Egg Sized Gallstones" they they just hand out to anyone who asks for one.

But I'm glad to hear it went well. This is the perfect time to throw your head back and laugh at the insufficient obstacles life throws in your way.

[grrgoyl]

I never thought of it as a hole. I would think as a guy you'd be more sensitive about another orifice, but I read a lot of slash fic so that's never far from my mind.

OMG Jaime, you're so lucky my incisions are almost all healed, because if not they would have busted open at your image. (I added cigarette butts surrounding the "soiled mattress.") If there was one little guy waiting for his chance, he probably wouldn't have many obstacles because I don't use birth control and there would be literally no other competition. In which case imagine what kind of third-rate child that would produce, because doesn't biology set up obstacles so only the strongest and hardiest are victorious?

I would have liked to have least seen it. Now I'm starting to suspect it was a lie to explain the enormous jagged incision left above my bellybutton.

Frank and I are laughing long and hard. IS THAT THE BEST YOU GOT, LIFE??

[mmmrorschach]

I hope you're not doubting the fortitude of a spermatozoon who survived (yes, survived) twenty years in exile? That kid would be a monster of ability and strength. It would not know when to stop. It would rocket out of the womb and just keep going. It wouldn't even understand that it was already free. It would break out of the hospital, escape the city, flee the country. It would hijack a rocket ship and leave Earth. Having been imprisoned in the womb for so long, it would travel the stars and never stop until it reached the blinding white center of the galaxy, finally certain that it was about to escape life before birth.

Aaaaaand I took that too far.

[grrgoyl]

I...have no response to that.

[ms_hecubus]

It's funny how different people react to opiates. My sister falls asleep as soon as they kick in. I get energetic and find my mood elevated. I've never experienced the constipation that many people do either. So, yeah, I can understand how they could be addicting because for me they're fun. ;D

I'm glad you're feeling better so soon and I hope you continue to improve rapidly! *sending you many dreams of Alan Rickman to aid in your recovery*

[grrgoyl]

See, Vicodin knocks me out instantly. I told my surgeon that, but for some odd reason she insisted on Percocet. That first night, after one and a half pills wasn't even touching my pain, I took the last Vicodin I had left from my ER visit and it delivered, thank god. In the future I know to only accept Vicodin.

Okay, this is weird. Last night, before reading your comment, I had a dream that me and Alan were at your house. You had written a really hot slash fic, and I wanted to comment on it, but I was like, "I won't comment on her LJ. I'll just write something in the notebook she used to write the story." Then I felt weird digging around in your stuff looking for the notebook so gave up. Alan was just there being adorable, which he often does in my dreams. GET OUT OF MY HEAD! WITCH!

[ms_hecubus]

That's awesome! I can totally think of worse things than you and Alan rummaging through my house. :D

[lizzieloudotcom]

Wait, what? No candystrippers anymore? When did that happen? 20 years ago?

Maybe there is an old candystripper sleeping in the back of the boiler room in the basement of the hospital just waiting to be needed again. She is confused and sad and can't imagine how those pee samples get to the lab without her. She tried to keep her area clean and cigarette-butt free for a long time, but then about 9.5 years ago her enthusiasm started to wane. She's not feeling quite so chipper these days, and her uniform is bit unkempt, but she's ready to help!

(Apologies for any problematic postage. LJ doesn't like me today.)

(Also, I saw Mario Kart at my video store, so when you have your abs back, let's try to play again!)

[grrgoyl]

You so funny, Bear. But I know you work somewhere medical and know perfectly well there are no candystripers (unless Seattle is VERY retro....) Still, your forgotten striper is almost as funny as Jaime's rogue spermatazoon hanging out in my dry, dusty uterus (see above).

Problematic postage: Fixed.

Yes! Cool! I will let you know! Still easing back into basketball, which doesn't involve very strenuous/radical movement.

[lizzieloudotcom]

I like the new pic of you in your surgical bonnet, but... Bear? How come there's a paw print and some sort of animal hospital logo on your gown? Is your insurance so crappy that you had to have your gall bladder removed by a vet?

[grrgoyl]

I noticed it at the time. In fact, we have a similar, dog-sized thing at the hospital, also called a Bair Hugger. Tery and I think it's just the company logo, because of the synonym "Bair/Bear."