"Yazmin, rum goes with coke, right? That's a thing, rum and coke ( Read more... )

"I mean, it's not like you'd be the first person. It's something people do, right?"
"But is it something Jaime does?"
"You'd just have to do it and then it'd be something you do."
"Ooh, that's a good point."
"Well, I am your brain. I'm just telling you what you want to hear ( Read more... )

What does it mean when a cat leaves a dead mouse on your doorstep? The neighbor's cat and I haven't always gotten along (he urinates in my bushes, I honk at him when I pull into my driveway), but I never knew he thought enough about me to go out of his way to leave me a personal message. When I spotted the mouse, I looked up and half-expected to ( Read more... )

"I got you an early Christmas present."
"Work gloves! Neat!"
"I didn't know your size, so I had to guess. Try them on."
*puts on gloves, holds them up like a surgeon*
"Well, do they fit?"
"They fit like a--I was about to say something really dumb. Um, they fit well."

I haven't posted since this happened. I don't know, man. Some trees are really ( Read more... )

"Are you guys gonna watch 12 Days a Slave?"
"Actually, I think it's called 12 Years a Slave"Oh...that's much worse ( Read more... )

( Excerpts from imaginary novels. )

Same deal with Jay-Z. Some people can get away with just calling him Jay, but I feel like I have to call him Shawn Carter.

Just because I feel like I should have them written down somewhere, ( these are some of the most awkward moments of my life. )

( Pictures. )

There's a street in my neighborhood named Arrowwood, but the 'd' is almost scratched off so it looks like Arrowwoo, and every time I see it I laugh because it looks like they finally started letting dogs name streets.

This is my favorite rule in baseball (with the possible exception of the beer rule7.08(i): "Any runner is out when, after he has ( Read more... )

I get a phone call ( Read more... )