Happy birthday, Jaime! I hope the day treats you well. I'm kicking myself because I bought you a present last Christmas and then it didn't arrive until I was out of town and then I didn't want to send it because I thought it would probably smell like cigarette smoke from sitting around the house I live in with two smokers for a week and then I fretted about it so long that it was way past Christmas and then it seemed weird to send it and I briefly considered that it might be funny to just box it and leave it on your doorstep with a card when I was in Dallas in March, only not really, because that would probably be weird and scary, I think I might be weirded out if a random Internet friend did something like that, plus, my friends would have to drive me, which might be inconvenient for them because they actually live in Plano and then, too, they'd bear witness to me being a weird Internet friend, so then I decided I was just going to send a new one around your birthday and every time I came across the original present I said to it/
( ... )
First of all, this is probably the funniest comment I've ever gotten.
Number two, whenever someone gets me a gift, I feel a vindictive compulsion to get them something back. Sort of like "Get me a gift, will ya? Well, two can play that game." So if I got a mystery package on my doorstep, I would have to walk around with this, like, directionless vengeance all the time. Or if I found out who gave it to me, I would probably tie their gift to a brick and throw it through their window. So you saved yourself that.
But anyways, thanks for the gift I didn't even know I got! Now I can sit back and contemplate all my other riches I'm not aware of.
Oh, and one time I got a text message from a number I didn't recognize, and all it said was, "good morning mother fucker", and I was only on edge for one entire day, so I think I'm pretty good at handling creepy situations.
I think I've only ever read one Tom Robbins book, but I can't tell you which one it was. All his books have goofy titles that I can never keep straight. It might have been the cowgirl one.
Haha, I don't really think of it as an obligation. More of a...motive.
At first I tried to read those as part of the same narrative, and I was very confused. Then I read them again and think that each one is a gem. The burrito is particularly tragic. But now if you tell me that they ARE all part of the same story, I'm going to be confused all over again.
Happy two days late birthday! I did remember, but then I forgot that I had remembered by the time I was near a computer again. Your birthday letter & package is in the works. Turns out teaching is more time-consuming than I anticipated, and gift-getting is hard when the only stores in the vicinity sell groceries, orthodox jewish clothing, and hardware (not in the same store). But the point is, I didn't forget! Hope you enjoyed your birthday, and the matured, refined cluelessness that comes with it.
Haha, they were indeed meant to be separate. But now that you mention it, if read as a single narrative, the transition from the first one to the second one is especially jarring. What are they doing to this poor guy? I did sort of try to tie them all together with the last one, but that was kind of just a throwaway joke.
And thanks, Hannah! I'm actually doing most of the celebrating tomorrow, so your birthday wishes arrived in plenty of time to do good. I meant to send you a message on your birthday, too, but I had already mailed you your letter and it would have felt weird to me having two happy birthday wishes pending. Sort of like when I'm eating breakfast and making my lunch at the same time.
I found all of these excerpts quite interesting. When you can make someone feel emotion from just a sentence or two... well, that's pretty awesome.
Anyway, Happy Birthday. I have found that 27 isn't all that much different than 26, but I guess I've still got 3 1/2 months to change that. But I probably won't. Hope you have more luck with your 27.
Thanks! I honestly couldn't tell whether they had enough context to make them interesting instead of just odd.
Yeah, I think late 20's are often the first extended period of consistency in someone's life. Sometimes adding variety feels like it's a lot of extra work. Having the option of consistency is very nice, though.
And I don't normally partake of burritos! (It's the tortilla. Hard Taco Shell person all the way.) Maybe this is an omen and your post was sent here to warn me that I should never eat burritos ever, lest my ribs crack open. If that's the case then I thank you greatly, good sir.
(It's okay. Say you used it ironically. Then you can be a hipster and go to secret hipster clubs. Tell me what life is like on the other side.)
Well, I only had to jab a taco shell shard into an empty tooth slot ONCE before I began wrapping myself in the comfort of a soft tortilla. And I don't mean to take credit for saving your life, buuut...I do what I can.
(*throws scarf over his shoulder and puts on sunglasses* "It's very bright.")
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Number two, whenever someone gets me a gift, I feel a vindictive compulsion to get them something back. Sort of like "Get me a gift, will ya? Well, two can play that game." So if I got a mystery package on my doorstep, I would have to walk around with this, like, directionless vengeance all the time. Or if I found out who gave it to me, I would probably tie their gift to a brick and throw it through their window. So you saved yourself that.
But anyways, thanks for the gift I didn't even know I got! Now I can sit back and contemplate all my other riches I'm not aware of.
Oh, and one time I got a text message from a number I didn't recognize, and all it said was, "good morning mother fucker", and I was only on edge for one entire day, so I think I'm pretty good at handling creepy situations.
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LOL "You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38x6kWB-xD4
Happy birthday, you big lug :)
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Haha, I don't really think of it as an obligation. More of a...motive.
And thanks!
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Happy two days late birthday! I did remember, but then I forgot that I had remembered by the time I was near a computer again. Your birthday letter & package is in the works. Turns out teaching is more time-consuming than I anticipated, and gift-getting is hard when the only stores in the vicinity sell groceries, orthodox jewish clothing, and hardware (not in the same store). But the point is, I didn't forget! Hope you enjoyed your birthday, and the matured, refined cluelessness that comes with it.
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And thanks, Hannah! I'm actually doing most of the celebrating tomorrow, so your birthday wishes arrived in plenty of time to do good. I meant to send you a message on your birthday, too, but I had already mailed you your letter and it would have felt weird to me having two happy birthday wishes pending. Sort of like when I'm eating breakfast and making my lunch at the same time.
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Anyway, Happy Birthday. I have found that 27 isn't all that much different than 26, but I guess I've still got 3 1/2 months to change that. But I probably won't. Hope you have more luck with your 27.
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Yeah, I think late 20's are often the first extended period of consistency in someone's life. Sometimes adding variety feels like it's a lot of extra work. Having the option of consistency is very nice, though.
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Oh. My fucking. God. You killed me, right here. This line.
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(I don't normally like using the acronym RIP. It seems like something that only belongs on Halloween lawn decorations.)
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(It's okay. Say you used it ironically. Then you can be a hipster and go to secret hipster clubs. Tell me what life is like on the other side.)
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(*throws scarf over his shoulder and puts on sunglasses* "It's very bright.")
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