WARNING: Beverage may contain horrible groin burns.

[mmmrorschach]

What does it mean when a cat leaves a dead mouse on your doorstep? The neighbor's cat and I haven't always gotten along (he urinates in my bushes, I honk at him when I pull into my driveway), but I never knew he thought enough about me to go out of his way to leave me a personal message. When I spotted the mouse, I looked up and half-expected to

Comments

[mmmrorschach]

The really scary part is that I'm only assuming it was the cat. It could have been a warlock who performed some sort of elaborate ritual on my doorstep. Or maybe the mouse traveled a very long distance and had something very important to say, but collapsed before he reached the doorbell.

Somebody, somewhere, is keeping track of all these literallys you're using, and someday they're going to call in all those debts. Figuratively.

[waitingonsunday]

Aww, it's a sign of affection. A creepy, violent sign of affection. It's his idea of a gift

[mmmrorschach]

It is? Oh, good. I guess I have this negative preconception about cats, because if a dog had trotted up to my door and left me a dead bird, I wouldn't have maliciously questioned his motives. Like, "I'm on to you, dog."

Hurm, I wonder what the cat thought when I looked around suspiciously, swept the mouse off the doorstep with my foot, and then kicked some leaves over it. But maybe it was meant as a friendly gesture because one time I needed to pour some cooking grease into a can, but didn't want to make a mess inside, so I did it on my back step. I walked back inside to put away the pan and forgot about the can outside. The next morning I found the small can of grease tipped over and my back step smelled like cat urine. He probably thought I left it out for him and that we were secret buddies.

[theiform]

Someone probably said this, but cats leave dead things as gifts, so actually you're not on its kitty hit list.

I don't mind, personally, when people use 'literally' emphatically--to me it means that whatever word they're emphasizing is normally used as a hyperbole. I like that they're taking notice of how often we exaggerate and trying to point out that what they're saying isn't isn't one of those times. But maybe that's just me.

Congrats on the monkey butler; charming little fellow!

[mmmrorschach]

Now I feel like jerk. I'm going to retroactively turn all the times I honked at him into friendly honks.

"it means that whatever word they're emphasizing is normally used as a hyperbole" Oh no, that makes too much sense! Now you're making me question one of my pet peeves. It's like the time I said I didn't understand why it was lame to wear a band's t-shrit to one of their concerts. I said it was just like wearing a team's jersey to one of their games, but then someone told me, "Except that when you go to a concert, the band isn't competing against anyone." "Oh...Ohhhhhh."

[theiform]

You were just looking out for his safety. You didn't want to run him over. It was an act of kindness.

I didn't mean to make you question it! It can peeve you, I just thought I'd offer another perspective.
Does someone really have to be competing for you to want to show your support for them?

[mmmrorschach]

Exactly! Of course! And all those times he urinated it my bushes, it was only to mark his territory and keep other cats away. He wanted me all to himself.

The thing is I'm already showing them support by attending their concert. Wearing the shirt at the same time can be perceived, I guess, as redundant? But then again, I'm the type of guy who doesn't mind when people clap at the end of a movie. They're not clapping for anyone present, but they're still showing their appreciation. What I'm trying so say is that there's no consistency to my logic.

[katieoutside]

Just stopping by to give you the award for "Best entry on my friends list this week".

It's very prestigious, I'm sure of it.

[mmmrorschach]

*fist pump and high knee kick* Er, I mean, "Excellent."

[grrgoyl]

As I read this, I thought, "Monkey butler. Is this is a thing I should know about? Does he mean an actual monkey? I need to get out of the house more, clearly." Then I clicked on the picture and wondered how there could be a second of doubt about buying such a fabulous item. An item that would lend any living space a certain "je ne sais quoi."

Unless of course the choice was butler OR useful, much-needed coat, but I can see that ship has sailed.

[mmmrorschach]

Now that you mention it, monkey butler does sound like it could be a not-very-descriptive name for a weird household gadget. I think a "monkey butler" would be a device that helps you perfectly align the part in your hair.

"It's too late now," is definitely one of my favorite dismissive phrases to use. "Shouldn't you have spent that money on a jacket?" "It's too late now." "Why don't you make something of yourself?" "It's too late now."