Author:
kitmerlot1213Recipient:
carryokeeTitle: The Caper on 5th and Japip
Pairings/Characters: Steve and Danny, OMCs
Summary: Danny’s always wanted to write a hardboiled detective novel.
Rating: R for swearing
Content: AU; noir mystery of the hardboiled variety
Warnings: There is violence, but nothing too graphic
Word Count: 2558
Disclaimer: All Hawaii Five-0 characters herein are the property of CBS. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters engaging in sexual activity are 16 years or older.
Author's Notes: I’d like to thank M for the wonderful beta work and there were quite a few film noir films that helped inspire me with the dialogue in this fic, most notably The Killers and Out of the Past.
The heat and humidity beat down on the occupants of the bungalow like a prize fighter out for blood. The neon sign above The Hawaiian Eye blinked on and off like a….
“So you’re still sticking with ‘The Hawaiian Eye’?” Steve asked.
Danny looked up from his laptop and shrugged his shoulders. “I thought it was a catchy title for a private detective firm. Or maybe ‘5th St. Investigations.’”. He was sitting on the couch in his editor’s office, reading from his latest manuscript and he rolled his eyes at Steve’s derisive tone. “You’ve got a better suggestion?”
“Yes,” Steve nodded, “I’ve got a better name than that.” He paused for dramatic effect. “How about ‘Joseph Kelly, P.I.’?”
Joe Kelly was many things-private eye, war hero, grieving son-but he was no killer. And he was going to be damned if some chump with a badge was going to railroad him into taking the fall.
Will Stevens glared back just as fiercely. He was new to the Honolulu Police Department but he wasn’t new to the racket and his gut was screaming that Kelly knew more of the story than he was saying.
Joe finally broke the staring match. “I swear to Christ, Stevens, one more crack, and I’m gonna slug ya. I don’t give a tinker’s damn how many stripes you’ve got on your sleeve. ”
Will just cracked a smile. “And you’ll get smacked in the chops for your trouble, you got me?” He shook his head and lowered his voice a notch. “You gotta understand that nobody gets past the evidence. Not nobody and not no how. So what you need to figure out, boy-o, is who dropped a dime on you.”
Danny stared at Steve. “You’re serious? ‘Joseph Kelly, P.I.’?” He couldn’t hold back his own snort of derision. “You think that’s better than ‘The Hawaiian Eye’?”
He didn’t pause for breath to let Steve talk. “Why don’t we just call it ‘The Acme Detective Agency’ and be done with it!”
But before Steve could even begin to defend his suggestion, Danny continued to speak. “I remember the day I first walked into Five-O Publishing.”
He gamefully ignored Steve’s muttered, “Here we go again” and Danny went on talking as though he’d never been interrupted. “There’s a reason I’m the writer and you’re editor in this relationship.”
Danny paused to stare pointedly at his friend. “And I think your choice in detective agency names just proved why.”
The whirling of the ceiling fan was the only sound in the room until Joe cleared his throat nervously, causing Will to look up from his study of Bruno O’Bannon’s file. He could see how wound up his tall friend was and he smiled gently. “You my friend could use a drink.”
Will opened the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out a bottle of Bushmills, and when Joe saw the bottle, he laughed delightedly. “Ah yes, single malt. You’re too good to me, Will.”
Will was in the middle of pouring when he froze at Joe’s words, but he quickly shook off his surprise. “Blended whiskey is crap, my friend.” He peered over the rim of his glass as he tried to speak nonchalantly. “’Sides, you’re worth it.”
Joe ducked his head in embarrassment before he spoke again. “This whole thing’s getting too big, Will,” he said quietly. “I’m just trying to make a living here.”
Will reached over to clasp Joe’s hand in his. “We’re going to figure out who’s behind the frame up, Joe.” He could feel Joe’s fingers tighten around his. “Nobody’s going to make a mug out of you.”
“Okay I know when my suggestions are no longer welcome.” Steve pretended annoyance and Danny just grinned knowingly but Steve surprised him again when he suddenly leaned forward and placed his hand on Danny’s arm. “Are you still worried about backlash?”
Danny shook his head. “No, not since Chin talked to me. He really helped to ease my concerns.”
Chin was the owner of Five-0 Publishing and he prided himself on knowing all of his staff personally. He also encouraged the authors to bring any concerns to him and he was often instrumental in fixing any potential problems.
It had been Chin who first suggested Danny to use a pen name when he brought his newest book idea to the publishing house. “A pen name would be your best bet because most of the publishing world knows you as a children’s book author.”
Chin smiled slightly before continuing. “And you are definitely venturing into a whole other genre.”
Joe looked impassively back at the boxer. "So the plan was for you to take a dive in the eighth round, and you’d walk away with one thousand clams for your trouble. Five hundred bucks before the fight and another five hundred after you've taken the dive?"
Nick Mandrake nodded his head, but before Will or Joe could ask another question, Black Jack Kelly and his thugs busted into the locker room.
"Fancy meeting you here, Joe," Black Jack said amiably. "And you’re here with your friend the copper.” He glanced away before he spoke again. “How’s tricks?"
Joe inclined his head politely, but kept his eye on Nick. "Just swell, Pops, but I'm kind of in the middle of something."
But before Joe could even finish his thought, Black Jack's thugs had grabbed Nick, pinned him to the ground, and tied his arms behind his back.
They’d also pulled out a couple of .38 Specials and aimed them at Will.
Black Jack began to pace in front of the immobilized man, and ignored his fuming son.
"Now I bet you’re wondering who put us wise?” Not expecting an answer, Black Jack kept right on talking. “A little birdy told me that a boxer ratted to Muscles Malloy that an ambush was coming. And I asked myself, 'what boxer would be stupid enough to cross me?' "
He turned and fixed Nick with a dead eye. "Then I remembered the no account rat bastard boxer my boy was dealing with, and I knew I had my squealer!"
Before Joe or Will could utter a shout, Black Jack had grabbed the rope and yanked it backward, dislocating both of Nick’s shoulders.
When his daughter Grace was seven years old, Danny started writing a series of children’s books called The Adventures of Gracie Gumshoe. He’d based the main character on his own beloved daughter and the stories chronicled Gracie’s adventures as she solved crimes in her neighborhood and school. The books were wildly popular and his daughter had gotten a kick out of being partially famous.
But she was eleven now and all of a sudden it wasn’t cool to be the muse for kids’ books
He had a hard time letting Gracie’s adventures go because writing the books had kept him sane when his divorce from Rachel was going on. Truthfully, it was hanging out with Steve that had helped him the most because the man was physically incapable of letting him wallow.
Danny had relied heavily on the stories to keep him close to his daughter and Steve had understood that and encouraged him to continue working on the manuscripts during the entire six months divorce process. It wasn’t until after the settlement was signed that Danny realized that he’d written an entire book and outlined three more.
But that was many years ago and he could finally admit to himself that he was now free to work on his secret project.
Ever since the first time he’d seen the Charlie Chan mystery The House Without a Key, Danny had wanted to write a hardboiled detective novel.
He wanted to have his novel filled with characters who hang out in gin mills and slept off their three day drunks in flophouses. He wanted to write about a flim flam man named Moe Byrd and have him say to the coppers interrogating him that “this bird don’t sing.”
Danny wanted the cop in his story to have to grill a suspect named Walter “The Walnut” Baines and have the cop reluctantly admit that “he’ll never crack.”
He could picture exactly what his hero would look like: tall, just over six foot, good looking but world weary. He’d have dark hair and changeable blue green eyes and a disarming smile that could melt the ladies and make the men swallow hard.
Joe was a war hero who came back from the battle in the Pacific a colder and angrier man. But he still felt the need to right the wrongs of the world so he became a private eye. Joe could still fight the good fight against all manners of evil while also avenging the death of his beloved mother but he wouldn’t be constrained by police procedure.
It wasn’t until he saw the cover art for the first novel that Danny realized that his detective bore an uncanny resemblance to his friend and editor Steve McGarrett.
Danny valiantly tried to ignore the implications that his fictional hero was actually his friend Steve in disguise, so he decided to concentrate on his other characters.
He gave Joe a complicated history with his dad, bootlegger Black Jack Kelly who was from The Bowery and a hell of a lot meaner than Joe could ever be. He gave Joe a suitable nemesis in Bruno O’Bannon and he even tried to give Joe a love interest in the shape of Candy Gray, but she didn’t quite pan out.
Instead, Danny had Joe quite unexpectedly falling for his partner, snarky homicide detective Will Stevens.
Will and Joe stared at each other as the clock on the wall in Joe’s office kept ticking louder and louder.
“Dammit Joe, why do you got to be so screwy?”
Joe crossed the room and Will suddenly found himself trapped between the wall and Joe’s body. Joe leaned in and Will held his breath as Joe ran the back of his finger across Will’s jaw, his knuckle barely brushing his skin as it ran against the stubble.
Will tried to swallow past the sudden dryness in his throat, but he couldn’t seem to.
Joe’s finger tips brushed delicately across Will’s cheek, and he started to tilt his head to look Joe in the eye when Joe’s secretary, Jackie Jordan burst into the room.
“Sorry to be such a Nutsy Fagan, Boss, but Black Jack’s been arrested.”
Danny had worried that Steve would laugh at the idea of his writing a noir detective story but his friend had been supportive from the beginning.
“This is damn inventive Danny!” Steve had enthused. “How much have you planned out? Will Bruno O’Bannon be a recurring villain? Will Joe and Black Jack settle their difference? And what about Will?”
Danny had laughingly interrupted Steve’s stream of questions. “Slow down, I’m still at the outlining stages.” He shyly nodded to the pages in Steve’s hand. “I wanted to know what you thought first before I continued.”
“Do me a favor Pops, shut up and sit down!”
Black Jack looked surprised at his son’s words. “Now, Joey, take it easy…”
But Joe interrupted him. “You need to stop pulling these hair-brained stunts and just clam up. The cops got eyes on you and they won’t stop until you’re in the slammer.”
Black Jack sneered at his son’s words. “Nobody with any sense is going to squeal on your old man. Especially not some two bit punk like Shep Venuti.” He made a fist of his left hand for emphasis, the bruises still visible. “’Sides, he had a knuckle sandwich coming his way since before the War.”
He shook his head when Joe tried to speak again. “You don’t got to worry until I tell you to.” Black Jack smiled slightly when he saw Joe roll his eyes. "Now all I want out of you is when I get to officially meet this Detective Stevens.”
He grinned when he saw Joe’s face. “Word on the street is that you and this flatfoot are pretty tight.” It wasn’t until Joe nodded that Black Jack got serious. “Bring him around the house for dinner some time. I’d like to meet him when there aren’t any heaters being waived around.”
He couldn’t resist teasing Joe just a little more. “I need to make sure he’s good enough for my boy.”
Danny had also worried that no one at Five-0 would want Joe Kelly getting together with Will Stevens but he’d been surprised again at how much excitement his story was bringing to the publishers.
Steve had nodded encouragingly at Danny. “It’s the 21st century and a story featuring a homosexual romance is just as bankable as a heterosexual one. In fact your novel may be starting a new genre. Neo noir slash.”
Joe and Will stood over the fallen body of Eddie Fong, Chinatown’s most disreputable fortuneteller. He’d been shot twice and from the bruises on his body, worked over plenty.
Will nodded at Joe. “So this is where you take me on our first date? A murder scene?”
Despite their bleak surroundings, Joe smiled warmly down at Will. “Don’t sweat it, we’ll get back to Madame Wu’s and finish our evening.” He lowered his voice before he spoke again. “The storefront on Japip Street where Eddie did his ‘readings’ was ransacked and he was seen talking to O’Bannon right before the shooting…”
Will interrupted him before he could finish, “and you wanted first crack at checking his rooms.”
It wasn’t until his second novel hit the best seller’s list at the number five spot that Danny realized that he might have a popular new series on his hands.
Five-0 Publishing was celebrating Danny’s success in one of his favorite pubs in Oahu called Gordon’s Brewery. He smiled when he saw Steve pouring out glasses of Bushmills Irish Whiskey and he realized that his friends were as genuinely excited for his success as he was. Of course on the publishing end of things, Chin and Steve would be thrilled that the books were selling as well as they were.
No, it was more along the lines that they were happy that Danny was letting go of his past, and that he was finally accepting that Grace was growing up and that it was time for him to look towards the future.
The neo noir slash novels were his new life and he was embracing it.
Steve was leaning against the bar when Danny pulled up the stool next to his. “Buy you a drink?”
Steve snorted in amusement. “Such a big spender Williams, I don’t know how you can afford it.” He tilted his head in a considering manner. “You playing the ponies?”
Danny laughingly shook his head. “This book writing racket’s been pretty good to me.”
The two friends looked at each other and snickered simultaneously. Danny held up his miraculously refilled shot glass. “To Five-0 for taking a chance on me in the first place.”
Steve raised his own glass. “To Gracie Gumshoe, Joe Kelly and Will Stevens, may they live forever.”
Chin quietly watched his two friends, and wondered to himself how long it would be before Joe Kelly and Will Stevens would get together in real life.
All he knew was that he wouldn’t miss it for the world.