Maintaining the Distance, Part 2/9
Title: Maintaining the Distance 2/9
Characters: Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri, Kono Kalakaua/Adam Noshimuri; also featuring Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly.
Rating: M
Beta: The always generous siluria, who probably doesn't know how much she helps me! Thanks, babe!
Word Count:This part: 2,369 words of 16,162 for the total fic.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, haven't a hope in hell of any of this story being canon.
Warnings: Angst by the bucketload, an emotionally challenged Steve, and a little unable-to-resist-each-other cheating in one chapter, so if that kind of thing isn't to your taste, you may not want to read any further. Also be aware that there is no real Happy Ever After here, although my muses tell me a third instalment should be written. It has been started but is not progressing very quickly.
Summary: Adam is back in town, and Steve finds out that Kono and Adam are now together. He's not sure how he feels about that considering what Adam and Steve were to each other last time Adam was in town.
Author's Notes: This is the very late sequel to Blinking Against the Distance, about a short-lived relationship between Steve and Adam that happened around the time Adam's father was missing, presumed dead.
In this chapter: Steve tries not to think about Adam and Kono, but when he has an unexpected visitor, things do not go as planned.
Previous Parts: Part One
Can also be found here on AO3
It was easy. All Steve had to do was concentrate on work and not think about Adam and Kono. And as long as Adam didn't show up at Five-0 there was nothing to distract him from the plan. He knew Adam had been released by HPD - Kono had told them that much - but he'd purposely not asked anything further about his movements, sure that it was the road to nowhere good.
Two nights later, Steve was sprawled on his couch, watching some mindless action movie when there was a knock at the front door. Drawing his brows together in question as to who it could be, Steve got up to answer it.
The last person Steve had expected to see was facing him across the threshold.
Adam.
He must have gaped a little too long; Adam cleared his throat, smiling awkwardly. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"
"Uh… is that a good idea? Where's Kono?" Steve looked over Adam's shoulder like there was a possibility she might be waiting for Adam in his car, but of course there was no sign of her.
"Kono's at her place, Steve. Please can I come in? I should explain things to you."
"You don't owe me any explanations, Adam."
Adam dropped his eyes for a moment, as if embarrassed by Steve's words. Looking back up again, he gave Steve an apologetic look. "I wanted to tell you, but… it didn't seem wise."
Something inside Steve tightened and he knew he couldn't turn Adam away. He still wasn't convinced it was sensible for the man to be here, but he nodded, gesturing him inside. Giving the street a quick scan, he shut the door and followed Adam inside and shut the door.
The next to last thing Steve expected was for Adam to turn and wrap his arms around him, meeting Steve's lips with a sureness that was completely at odds with his previous manner. Stiffening, Steve pushed Adam away. "What the hell? I didn't let you in here for this! I can't… do this. You're Kono's boyfriend now."
"Steve…" Adam looked stricken. "I'm sorry. I thought I was over you; that what we had was in the past, but seeing you… I can't help it. I still have feelings for you."
Steve shook his head, unable to speak, standing still mere feet from the man that just a few days earlier he'd thought he would never see again. In his head, he didn't want to hurt Kono; Adam was her boyfriend now, and Steve had no claim over him. In his heart, however, it was a totally different matter.
Adam studied Steve's eyes a little longer and then looked away. "Right. You're right, I shouldn't have come. I should go."
Much as Steve told himself he needed to agree with Adam's words, he couldn't make himself do it. His control slipping, he reached out a hand, stopping Adam from stepping away. "Don't leave."
The touch seemed to galvanise Adam into motion, and he swung around, pulling Steve into his arms again. They clung to each other for several seconds, Steve aware that if they moved out of the embrace, he was likely to do something he regretted. He buried his nose in Adam's neck, inhaling his achingly familiar scent and closing his eyes to remember how intimate they'd been before Adam left for Japan.
After several long minutes that, conversely, felt far too short a time, he was able to move out of Adam's arms. Rubbing a hand through his hair, he took several deep breaths to center himself as he stepped away.
"How did you…" he started, then remembering his manners, offered, "Can I get you a drink? Maybe we could go into the kitchen?"
Adam nodded, his brown eyes shining with held-back emotion as he shoved his hands into his pockets like he was frightened he couldn't control his need to touch Steve. "Coffee would be good."
Steve returned the nod and retreated into the kitchen, leaving Adam to follow at his own speed.
Puttering about with the coffee machine, Steve took his time getting it set up and then pulled cups and other items out of cupboards and drawers while Adam cautiously found a seat at the table and watched him.
Neither spoke until everything was laid out and the only sound was the soft spluttering of the brewing coffee.
"So, you and Kono?" Steve said at the same time Adam offered, "I didn't mean-"
Another awkward silence followed where they both gestured for the other to go ahead.
Steve shook his head and Adam took a breath, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. "I do care about her, Steve, and I have no intention of hurting her, but I needed to talk to you again."
"You know we can't-"
"I know, I know."
Steve swallowed hard, pushing his emotions down. He'd thought he had them under control, squeezed into the box labelled 'The past: Adam', but having the man here with him, alone, was too much to keep it so tamped down.
He tried again. "I want to be happy for you, but I can't help thinking… what if…" He paused, licking his lips and trying not to focus on the love he swore he saw in Adam's eyes.
"What if we can't help ourselves? What if I see some other guy that interests me? Steve, there are no other men. Not for me. You… you probably won't understand this, but I've always liked women. Men - I won't say there haven't been men - but you're the only one… I ever felt anything like this for."
Steve was shocked and it probably showed on his face. "You can't mean that."
Adam's handsome face shone with the very thing he was describing - whether it was true that Steve was the only man or not - there was no mistaking this much depth of feeling. Either that or he was a very good actor.
"You know I do," Adam said, the words low and laced with certainty.
Steve shut his eyes for a moment, his heart thudding hard inside his chest. Opening them again, he studied Adam's deep brown eyes until he felt a welling of his own and had to break his gaze.
Blinking hard, he looked down at the cup on the table in front of him. "I don't think this is helping either of us, but… I'm glad you came." He managed to meet Adam's eyes again.
"You can't tell me you're not still in love with me either, can you? I had to know."
Steve shook his head, letting his eyes drop away once more. "I don't know what to say. I can't believe… you're with Kono. I don't want you to be."
"For her sake or yours?"
Steve's eyes flicked upward. "She shouldn't be involved with you. But…" His words caught; he wanted to say it, but he knew it wasn't wise. There was no way for them to pick up where they left off without involving others - most of all Kono, who trusted him; trusted them both.
"I understand why you'd say that about her, but I'm doing what I can, " Adam said. "I don't want things to continue under my leadership as they did under my father's. I'm finding ways to legitimise the business, but it's going to take time." He took a breath, his eyes never leaving Steve's face. "But what?"
"I don't want to think of you together," Steve let out in a low whoosh of breath. "It kills me to think of you with someone else."
Unexpectedly, Adam smiled - that incredible, open, loving smile that Steve had tried so very hard not to remember over the last few months - and Steve asked, "What?"
"I know I shouldn't be so happy to hear that, but I am. I want to be with you, Steve."
"You can't ask tell me that. I won't do it. Not when she's with you."
Adam reached out a hand, touching Steve's across the table. Steve felt the electricity between them and held still, letting Adam cover his hand completely. "Say the word and I'll leave her."
"I can't ask you to do that if you love her."
"I thought I did, but…" He squeezed Steve's hand lightly and tilted his head to one side. "Seeing you, the feeling is as powerful as it ever was and… it's never been quite that strong with her."
Steve pulled his hand away and stood up. "This is pointless. We can't… no matter what you do with your father's business… there's no way for Kono not to find out if you and I…"
"No, there isn't. But it's not your problem alone. I should be the one who tells her."
Turning back towards Adam to look at him in surprise, Steve opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.
Adam stood up too, and came towards him. "Even if you don't want me back, I'm going to tell her. It's the right thing to do."
"But what if she-"
"Leaves me? Perhaps that's the way it should be."
"She'll hate me."
Adam shook his head, the soft smile back in place. "She adores you. She won't hate you. Me, perhaps."
"She doesn't adore me."
"It's pointless arguing about this, Steve. It's not like we've done anything while Kono and I are still…" he swallowed, his smile faltering. "You have no idea how much I want to, though."
"I think I've got a pretty good idea," Steve half-laughed. "You should leave now, though, or I might not let you go."
Adam laughed along with him lightly, reaching out a hand to stroke at Steve's bare arm. "I'll talk to her, I promise."
The touch on his arm was torture. Steve wanted to respond to it, but he held himself rigidly and nodded. "I know. I can't make you any promises until you have though.; Yyou understand that, don't you?"
Adam nodded, dropping his hand away at last and turning to head for the front door.
Steve followed several steps behind so that he wouldn't be tempted to do anything more. At the door, Adam turned and moved so swiftly it was too hard for Steve to react properly; he pulled Steve in and kissed him hard.
Stunned at first, Steve kept still, but as the touch of Adam's lips began to warm him, he opened his mouth, molding himself into the place in Adam's arms that he fitted perfectly, and kissed back. Within seconds they were moving against each other, breathing heavily as it became evident how aroused they both were. Steve pushed Adam backwards until he hit the back of the front door, his hands already seeking out Adam's belt.
Adam, for his part, already had Steve's t-shirt untucked and was running his hands up and down Steve's flanks, when Steve's brain came back on line and he pulled away, taking two large steps backward to stare at his ex, chest heaving and cock achingly hard.
"We said we wouldn't do this," he got out, his voice hoarse.
"I know." Adam looked debauched, his pants half undone and the bulge in them impressive enough that Steve almost went on his knees in front of him. "I should definitely go."
"You should," Steve told him, swallowing.
There was a silent pause wherein they looked at each other, both still breathing heavily.
And then they were both in motion again.
They met in the middle, stripping clothing in seconds.
The floor was as good a place as any in the end.
~//~
Twenty minutes later, Steve lay on his back on his living room floor, heart thudding with exertion and endorphins flooding his brain. Adam was sprawled over him, heart beating in counterpoint with Steve's as he kissed softly at Steve's neck, sending frissons of aftershocks through him.
"We shouldn't have done that," Steve whispered, though he couldn't be anything but glad that they had.
"No, we shouldn't," Adam agreed, moving away enough to slide onto his side, pressing against Steve's body, and putting an elbow under his head to support it so he could look down at Steve's face. "But I'm not completely sorry." He frowned, his pain evident. "I'm still going to talk to her. This doesn't change that - except to make it more urgent - because… I know that being with you is what I want."
Adam's free hand caressed Steve's chest slowly, and Steve reached his own to cup Adam's face. He couldn't find any words, so he pulled Adam in, kissing him again lightly. Adam responded as gently - all urgency gone now they'd sated their immediate desire. The kiss lasted several minutes,; a soft slow caress of lips and tongues.
Finally, Adam eased away, giving Steve a regretful look before glancing around them at their scattered clothing. "I really should go this time."
Steve sat up too, wincing at the stickiness on his body and nodding without speaking as he watched Adam gather his clothing and begin to dress.
At the door, Adam looked back at Steve, who had stood to retrieve his pants and was now pulling them on. "I'm sorry, Steve,; I shouldn't have forced you into this."
Looking up from where he was pulling up his sweatpants, Steve shook his head. "You didn't force me; I should have had more control."
Adam huffed lightly, as if amused. "You and that control you pride yourself on. Not that I'm any better. I thought I could just come here and talk to you, but the whole time… all I could think about was getting you naked and touching you like we'd done before."
"It was-"
"It was good. So damned good. Just looking at you now… I want to do it again."
Steve felt too guilty to repeat the same words, although they had already gone through his mind. "You'd better leave before I take you up on that."
Adam nodded once more and left, the door clicking firmly into place behind him.
Steve touched the mingled stickiness of their foolish behaviour on his chest, looking guiltily at his damp fingertips for a moment before heading up the stairs towards the bathroom, leaving the rest of his clothing where it lay on the floor.
~//~
Part Three
Characters: Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri, Kono Kalakaua/Adam Noshimuri; also featuring Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly.
Rating: M
Beta: The always generous siluria, who probably doesn't know how much she helps me! Thanks, babe!
Word Count:This part: 2,369 words of 16,162 for the total fic.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, haven't a hope in hell of any of this story being canon.
Warnings: Angst by the bucketload, an emotionally challenged Steve, and a little unable-to-resist-each-other cheating in one chapter, so if that kind of thing isn't to your taste, you may not want to read any further. Also be aware that there is no real Happy Ever After here, although my muses tell me a third instalment should be written. It has been started but is not progressing very quickly.
Summary: Adam is back in town, and Steve finds out that Kono and Adam are now together. He's not sure how he feels about that considering what Adam and Steve were to each other last time Adam was in town.
Author's Notes: This is the very late sequel to Blinking Against the Distance, about a short-lived relationship between Steve and Adam that happened around the time Adam's father was missing, presumed dead.
In this chapter: Steve tries not to think about Adam and Kono, but when he has an unexpected visitor, things do not go as planned.
Previous Parts: Part One
Can also be found here on AO3
It was easy. All Steve had to do was concentrate on work and not think about Adam and Kono. And as long as Adam didn't show up at Five-0 there was nothing to distract him from the plan. He knew Adam had been released by HPD - Kono had told them that much - but he'd purposely not asked anything further about his movements, sure that it was the road to nowhere good.
Two nights later, Steve was sprawled on his couch, watching some mindless action movie when there was a knock at the front door. Drawing his brows together in question as to who it could be, Steve got up to answer it.
The last person Steve had expected to see was facing him across the threshold.
Adam.
He must have gaped a little too long; Adam cleared his throat, smiling awkwardly. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"
"Uh… is that a good idea? Where's Kono?" Steve looked over Adam's shoulder like there was a possibility she might be waiting for Adam in his car, but of course there was no sign of her.
"Kono's at her place, Steve. Please can I come in? I should explain things to you."
"You don't owe me any explanations, Adam."
Adam dropped his eyes for a moment, as if embarrassed by Steve's words. Looking back up again, he gave Steve an apologetic look. "I wanted to tell you, but… it didn't seem wise."
Something inside Steve tightened and he knew he couldn't turn Adam away. He still wasn't convinced it was sensible for the man to be here, but he nodded, gesturing him inside. Giving the street a quick scan, he shut the door and followed Adam inside and shut the door.
The next to last thing Steve expected was for Adam to turn and wrap his arms around him, meeting Steve's lips with a sureness that was completely at odds with his previous manner. Stiffening, Steve pushed Adam away. "What the hell? I didn't let you in here for this! I can't… do this. You're Kono's boyfriend now."
"Steve…" Adam looked stricken. "I'm sorry. I thought I was over you; that what we had was in the past, but seeing you… I can't help it. I still have feelings for you."
Steve shook his head, unable to speak, standing still mere feet from the man that just a few days earlier he'd thought he would never see again. In his head, he didn't want to hurt Kono; Adam was her boyfriend now, and Steve had no claim over him. In his heart, however, it was a totally different matter.
Adam studied Steve's eyes a little longer and then looked away. "Right. You're right, I shouldn't have come. I should go."
Much as Steve told himself he needed to agree with Adam's words, he couldn't make himself do it. His control slipping, he reached out a hand, stopping Adam from stepping away. "Don't leave."
The touch seemed to galvanise Adam into motion, and he swung around, pulling Steve into his arms again. They clung to each other for several seconds, Steve aware that if they moved out of the embrace, he was likely to do something he regretted. He buried his nose in Adam's neck, inhaling his achingly familiar scent and closing his eyes to remember how intimate they'd been before Adam left for Japan.
After several long minutes that, conversely, felt far too short a time, he was able to move out of Adam's arms. Rubbing a hand through his hair, he took several deep breaths to center himself as he stepped away.
"How did you…" he started, then remembering his manners, offered, "Can I get you a drink? Maybe we could go into the kitchen?"
Adam nodded, his brown eyes shining with held-back emotion as he shoved his hands into his pockets like he was frightened he couldn't control his need to touch Steve. "Coffee would be good."
Steve returned the nod and retreated into the kitchen, leaving Adam to follow at his own speed.
Puttering about with the coffee machine, Steve took his time getting it set up and then pulled cups and other items out of cupboards and drawers while Adam cautiously found a seat at the table and watched him.
Neither spoke until everything was laid out and the only sound was the soft spluttering of the brewing coffee.
"So, you and Kono?" Steve said at the same time Adam offered, "I didn't mean-"
Another awkward silence followed where they both gestured for the other to go ahead.
Steve shook his head and Adam took a breath, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. "I do care about her, Steve, and I have no intention of hurting her, but I needed to talk to you again."
"You know we can't-"
"I know, I know."
Steve swallowed hard, pushing his emotions down. He'd thought he had them under control, squeezed into the box labelled 'The past: Adam', but having the man here with him, alone, was too much to keep it so tamped down.
He tried again. "I want to be happy for you, but I can't help thinking… what if…" He paused, licking his lips and trying not to focus on the love he swore he saw in Adam's eyes.
"What if we can't help ourselves? What if I see some other guy that interests me? Steve, there are no other men. Not for me. You… you probably won't understand this, but I've always liked women. Men - I won't say there haven't been men - but you're the only one… I ever felt anything like this for."
Steve was shocked and it probably showed on his face. "You can't mean that."
Adam's handsome face shone with the very thing he was describing - whether it was true that Steve was the only man or not - there was no mistaking this much depth of feeling. Either that or he was a very good actor.
"You know I do," Adam said, the words low and laced with certainty.
Steve shut his eyes for a moment, his heart thudding hard inside his chest. Opening them again, he studied Adam's deep brown eyes until he felt a welling of his own and had to break his gaze.
Blinking hard, he looked down at the cup on the table in front of him. "I don't think this is helping either of us, but… I'm glad you came." He managed to meet Adam's eyes again.
"You can't tell me you're not still in love with me either, can you? I had to know."
Steve shook his head, letting his eyes drop away once more. "I don't know what to say. I can't believe… you're with Kono. I don't want you to be."
"For her sake or yours?"
Steve's eyes flicked upward. "She shouldn't be involved with you. But…" His words caught; he wanted to say it, but he knew it wasn't wise. There was no way for them to pick up where they left off without involving others - most of all Kono, who trusted him; trusted them both.
"I understand why you'd say that about her, but I'm doing what I can, " Adam said. "I don't want things to continue under my leadership as they did under my father's. I'm finding ways to legitimise the business, but it's going to take time." He took a breath, his eyes never leaving Steve's face. "But what?"
"I don't want to think of you together," Steve let out in a low whoosh of breath. "It kills me to think of you with someone else."
Unexpectedly, Adam smiled - that incredible, open, loving smile that Steve had tried so very hard not to remember over the last few months - and Steve asked, "What?"
"I know I shouldn't be so happy to hear that, but I am. I want to be with you, Steve."
"You can't ask tell me that. I won't do it. Not when she's with you."
Adam reached out a hand, touching Steve's across the table. Steve felt the electricity between them and held still, letting Adam cover his hand completely. "Say the word and I'll leave her."
"I can't ask you to do that if you love her."
"I thought I did, but…" He squeezed Steve's hand lightly and tilted his head to one side. "Seeing you, the feeling is as powerful as it ever was and… it's never been quite that strong with her."
Steve pulled his hand away and stood up. "This is pointless. We can't… no matter what you do with your father's business… there's no way for Kono not to find out if you and I…"
"No, there isn't. But it's not your problem alone. I should be the one who tells her."
Turning back towards Adam to look at him in surprise, Steve opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.
Adam stood up too, and came towards him. "Even if you don't want me back, I'm going to tell her. It's the right thing to do."
"But what if she-"
"Leaves me? Perhaps that's the way it should be."
"She'll hate me."
Adam shook his head, the soft smile back in place. "She adores you. She won't hate you. Me, perhaps."
"She doesn't adore me."
"It's pointless arguing about this, Steve. It's not like we've done anything while Kono and I are still…" he swallowed, his smile faltering. "You have no idea how much I want to, though."
"I think I've got a pretty good idea," Steve half-laughed. "You should leave now, though, or I might not let you go."
Adam laughed along with him lightly, reaching out a hand to stroke at Steve's bare arm. "I'll talk to her, I promise."
The touch on his arm was torture. Steve wanted to respond to it, but he held himself rigidly and nodded. "I know. I can't make you any promises until you have though.; Yyou understand that, don't you?"
Adam nodded, dropping his hand away at last and turning to head for the front door.
Steve followed several steps behind so that he wouldn't be tempted to do anything more. At the door, Adam turned and moved so swiftly it was too hard for Steve to react properly; he pulled Steve in and kissed him hard.
Stunned at first, Steve kept still, but as the touch of Adam's lips began to warm him, he opened his mouth, molding himself into the place in Adam's arms that he fitted perfectly, and kissed back. Within seconds they were moving against each other, breathing heavily as it became evident how aroused they both were. Steve pushed Adam backwards until he hit the back of the front door, his hands already seeking out Adam's belt.
Adam, for his part, already had Steve's t-shirt untucked and was running his hands up and down Steve's flanks, when Steve's brain came back on line and he pulled away, taking two large steps backward to stare at his ex, chest heaving and cock achingly hard.
"We said we wouldn't do this," he got out, his voice hoarse.
"I know." Adam looked debauched, his pants half undone and the bulge in them impressive enough that Steve almost went on his knees in front of him. "I should definitely go."
"You should," Steve told him, swallowing.
There was a silent pause wherein they looked at each other, both still breathing heavily.
And then they were both in motion again.
They met in the middle, stripping clothing in seconds.
The floor was as good a place as any in the end.
~//~
Twenty minutes later, Steve lay on his back on his living room floor, heart thudding with exertion and endorphins flooding his brain. Adam was sprawled over him, heart beating in counterpoint with Steve's as he kissed softly at Steve's neck, sending frissons of aftershocks through him.
"We shouldn't have done that," Steve whispered, though he couldn't be anything but glad that they had.
"No, we shouldn't," Adam agreed, moving away enough to slide onto his side, pressing against Steve's body, and putting an elbow under his head to support it so he could look down at Steve's face. "But I'm not completely sorry." He frowned, his pain evident. "I'm still going to talk to her. This doesn't change that - except to make it more urgent - because… I know that being with you is what I want."
Adam's free hand caressed Steve's chest slowly, and Steve reached his own to cup Adam's face. He couldn't find any words, so he pulled Adam in, kissing him again lightly. Adam responded as gently - all urgency gone now they'd sated their immediate desire. The kiss lasted several minutes,; a soft slow caress of lips and tongues.
Finally, Adam eased away, giving Steve a regretful look before glancing around them at their scattered clothing. "I really should go this time."
Steve sat up too, wincing at the stickiness on his body and nodding without speaking as he watched Adam gather his clothing and begin to dress.
At the door, Adam looked back at Steve, who had stood to retrieve his pants and was now pulling them on. "I'm sorry, Steve,; I shouldn't have forced you into this."
Looking up from where he was pulling up his sweatpants, Steve shook his head. "You didn't force me; I should have had more control."
Adam huffed lightly, as if amused. "You and that control you pride yourself on. Not that I'm any better. I thought I could just come here and talk to you, but the whole time… all I could think about was getting you naked and touching you like we'd done before."
"It was-"
"It was good. So damned good. Just looking at you now… I want to do it again."
Steve felt too guilty to repeat the same words, although they had already gone through his mind. "You'd better leave before I take you up on that."
Adam nodded once more and left, the door clicking firmly into place behind him.
Steve touched the mingled stickiness of their foolish behaviour on his chest, looking guiltily at his damp fingertips for a moment before heading up the stairs towards the bathroom, leaving the rest of his clothing where it lay on the floor.
~//~
Part Three