Dave ( Read more... )

So, I dreamed about him last night... This time we were in San Francisco--Berkeley actually--instead of NYC, so I was showing him around. I was trying to take him to some restaurant I really liked and then Fat Apple's for dessert and we were going to go on BART, but he went down into the station platform area and for some reason* I didn't. I was ( Read more... )

I met David six months ago on vacation while I was looking for a hookup. We instantly clicked, same interests, values, opinions, sense of humor. Our conversation that first night was so great that I wasn't even sure we'd ever make it back to the hotel room and more miraculously, I didn't even care. After that, we spent the whole week talking and ( Read more... )

I've made the goal to get back into running next week. Tuesday. Bought new headphones and everything. Now I just need to unearth my running gear ( Read more... )

Random things with Dejan keep popping up and I can just feel the anger boiling up inside of me. It is kind of surprising how much anger is in there. There is still so much shit I want to say to him, but I don't think I ever will. It isn't nice and I think probably around 50% of the motivation to even say is that I want to make him hurt, too. I don' ( Read more... )

Feeling some weird things right now. I feel like I'm always feelings some weird things lately. I'm just sititng here, naked, thinking about David. Waiting for David. I'm just sitting here thinking about him and waiting for him to come back so that I can hear his answer about what he's decided he wants to do. I feel pretty certain that he's going to ( Read more... )

I think I need to start writing again. There is a lot to say and I've been going through all of my things in the move and some of the things that I have really been appreciating the most are old journal entries. No matter how much they make me cringe, I am extremely grateful to have them ( Read more... )

Today is my birthday and it's been pretty good so far. (I mean, as good I could expect to be while I have a cold, am about to start my period, am a couple of days away from a big move with a bunch of people over at the house who I don't like, and with my father in the hospital...) Overall, it's been surprisingly OK given the circumstances. I'm ( Read more... )

Dear David-
My heart is aching tonight because I can't be with you. All I want in this moment is to lie in bed in your arms and watch La La Land while you stroke my hair. I hate that this picture of us can never actually come to fruition. I miss you. This hurts.

It's been a week of this now, and I'm just tired. I so badly do't want to live in my life anymore. I don't want to die, per se, but I desperately don't want to be here or do any of this anymore. I keep trying to sit down and write something, but I write two sentences and then I get distracted. It's hard to stay in the moment. I don't want to stay ( Read more... )