Last night was fun - we went out with Aileen, Yael, Dana, Idan and 2 or 3 more of his friends. It felt so good to be dancing and getting out al my frustrations, but I still found myself wishing that I was dancing and grinding with Doron and not Idan or any other guy for that matter. Tonight I spent a lot ftime on the computer preparing a PowerPoint ( Read more... )

I can't seem to let this idea of Doron and me as a couple. My brain and my heart are just not working in cooperation with eachother. Half of the time (when my brain is in control and I'm sane for several moments), I tell myself that it's over - that it's never going to happen again and I'll be okay. The other half of the time I tell myself that ( Read more... )

I met up with Dana today for lunch and before we went for sushi, she had to stop by David's place and pick up the rest of her stuff. She didn't want to see him, so I went up and got it from him. It was like looking in the mirror. I felt so sorry for him because I know almost exactly what he's going through and how hard it is - how bleak and ( Read more... )

Night of May 20, 2008 ( Read more... )

Saturday, 19/4 - Erev Passover

Today, I'm going to do my best to help mom and not pine over Doron. It will be really hard considering how just a week ago, we were talking about him coming over for dessert. I was SO looking forward to him coming over because it would have been nice after such a long night with a whole bunch of strangers to be with ( Read more... )

15-4-08 - Day 1 - Morning
I feel empty. Deflated. Devoid of all life. I want to cry, but there are no more tears left. My chest hurts and ahces which is the only reminder I have that there was once a heart there. It continues to beat, but I wish it would just stop - it hurts too much. I AM NUMB! I AM NOT REAL! These things don't really happen to ( Read more... )

This is probably one of the hardest things ever!

This sucks.

I hate it.

I want to talk to him.
I want to see him.
I want to (make) love (to) him.
I want to hug him, and feel his arms around me squeezing me so hard that I can't breathe.
I want to kiss him until I either run out of breath, or my lips fall off.
I want to hear his stupid long stories which ( Read more... )

So, on Friday night after work, I took a shirut to Netanya, because I wasn't going to wait until 2am for the Shirut to Haifa to fill up so we could go ( Read more... )

So, things at work are good. The main secretary in my office, who I was sure hated my when I first came in, just 'adjusted' my hours today so that it wouldn't look like I come in late all the time (which I do). She changed like 6 days of my work, so that I got an extra 3 hours of work. I've been opening up to her a bit, and we're having fun now in ( Read more... )

So, here's the deal... Doron is coming back next friday to Israel. I'm not gonna meet him at the airport, (though it would be kind of tempting to do that without him knowing :P) and I'm gonna wait till Saturday night! During the day on Saturday one of his best friend's has a one-day hike/surprise party, so I told him that he should go and be with ( Read more... )